Porcupines - 7. Chapter 7 - Ron

Chapter 7 - Ron

“I’m gonna need another drink if I’m going to tell you about Ron,” Dylan said. Just like Ron had always done, Chuck was up at the bar getting him another drink. ‘Just like Ron,’ Dylan thought. ‘Am I making a horrible mistake?’

Dylan remembered Ron so acutely; he could see his face in his mind’s eye. It was like it happened just a few weeks ago instead of almost two years ago. He wondered if he could get through this right now, but it just couldn’t wait. It had to be said, now rather than later.

Chuck returned from the bar and handed Dylan his drink. The guard looked pensively, concerned at Dylan’s troubled face. Dylan shook his head and gave the other man a brave smile.

“Let me tell you about Ron. The first time I heard his name…” and Dylan began his tale.

********************************

“You won’t believe what a goddamn shit-kicker this guy is Dylan,” Isaac said the night before Sarah’s party. “He actually has a farmer’s tan and wears Brut aftershave. I mean really, Brut.”

I was only half listening to Isaac ramble on about his latest sexual conquest. Isaac was hilarious though. He was always full of himself, but also good at talking about his exploits. It was fun listening to him. I hadn’t had a boyfriend since college or even dated much. I was trying to get my bearings in the larger gay world and Isaac was a fount of information. I had gone on a few dates with a handful of guys, but never anything serious, not in a while. Isaac told me to just roll with it. Gay men weren’t like straight people. Gay people didn’t have those kinds of hang ups.

Having just graduated from college and now outside of the sheltered world of academia, I continued working at Sweet Nora’s. It was pretty good money and it gave me a chance to look for a full time job as a researcher, hopefully for a think tank or school. In the meantime, it was a paying gig and my old buddy, Isaac, was giving me new insights on a scene I didn’t really comprehend.

“This dude, Ronnie, isn’t too bright. But, he’s got a body that won’t quit. I met him at the gym and it was lust at first sight, let me tell you. We went to the juice bar and from there to my apartment. Gawd, he was so good.” Isaac was just getting started. The sex sounded almost impossible. They had done it all over the apartment, from the way Isaac told it. I had never done anything outside a bed and on one occasion the shower. Isaac had described all kinds of odd things like “getting pile-driven in the kitchen.” I thought that sounded unsanitary.

“I’m bringing him to Sarah’s party. I thought I could get him good and liquored up and we could have a threesome,” Isaac said looking at me expectantly. I just smiled. I didn’t think I wanted to have sex with Isaac. It would, well complicate things, and I needed my job at Nora’s. I signed a year lease and having a threeway with my boss’ nephew set off alarms in my head.

I decided to go to the party by myself the next night. I figured if it got too crazy I could just leave without worrying about other people. I had a drink and chatted with the hunky, all too straight, bartender Kenny drooling over him for a bit. I helped Sarah in the kitchen with some food but mostly people were just getting drunk and being silly. Lots of photos were taken of people acting like asses and lots of kissing and grabbing. I was about ready to leave when Isaac showed up fashionably late.

“Dylan, you’re not leaving already are you?” Isaac asked giving me a kiss on the cheek I offered him I wasn’t going to give him any wrong ideas about US.

“I thought I’d make an early night of it. I gotta open tomorrow.”

“The restaurant doesn’t open until 11 am you lightweight. It’s not even 10:30 at night. Here, let me introduce you to that guy I was telling you about.” Isaac looked behind him and grabbed someone’s arm forcefully. “Ronnie, this is my good friend Dylan. He likes rough boys like you,” Isaac pushed someone, a strawberry blonde guy into me. I had to put out my hands to keep Ronnie from falling all over me.

“Wow, let’s get acquainted but I’m not ready to go down on him,” I joked to Isaac. Isaac just winked one of his pretty green eyes at him and headed over towards Sarah and Emily, her roommate. Ronnie was left standing next to me.

“Hi,” Ronnie said unnecessarily. “Can I get you a beer?”

“Have one, thanks,” I replied. He was really hot looking but we just looked at each other for a minute. “What do you do for a living?” I asked the handsome guy awkwardly.

“I work construction in the summer. I do some factory work in the winter,” Ronnie said looking around him at all the people. “This is a pretty rocking party.”

“Yeah, Sarah knows a lot of people I guess.”

“Where are you from?” Ronnie asked with a smile that started changing my mind about leaving.

“I grew up in Edina,” I said softly.

“Rich kid huh?” Ronnie said but he didn’t make it sound insulting or offensive. He said it matter of fact.

“Kind of. I’m not rich. My parents are doing okay,” I said to explain my own position.

“That’s really cool. My parents don’t have much but I’d still want to do it on my own. I wanna make my own way,” Ronnie said looking right at me. The rest of the party seemed to fade away. It was just me and Ronnie talking. The others were just background noise. We were alone and somehow it felt like we were already together.

“Not trying to cock block me are you Dylan,” Isaac said coming into our space. “Ronnie, beer is over there. Why don’t you get me some wings too,” he ordered.

Like a good boy, Ronnie headed to the kitchen. I was feeling uncomfortable with Isaac. He seemed even more selfish than usual.

“See what I mean. Dumb as a bedpost. Hung like a stallion though. My Gawd, I’m still sore from last night. That guy is all man. Never thought I’d meet a stud like him,” Isaac said. To me, it sounded like Ronnie was more of an object d’sex than another person to his blond friend. That didn’t stop Isaac’s color commentary though.

Ronnie returned and handed Isaac a plate of wings. He had also gotten a beer for himself and his date. “Where are the napkins?” Isaac asked. Ronnie practically ran to the kitchen.

“You should be nicer to him,” I said warily. “He seems really cool.”

“Yeah, hunky, dumb, and really cool with whatever. Just how I like ‘em. Speaking of, there’s Jamie. I haven’t seen him in a while. Can you keep my boytoy busy for a few minutes? I want to catch up with my Latino palomino.”

Before I could agree, Isaac was gone. When Ronnie returned with the napkins, he smiled but looked around. “Where did he go?” Ronnie asked.

“I have no idea Ronnie, but I wouldn’t be picking out the china pattern any time soon. Isaac is a very friendly guy.”

“My name is Ron,” he said looking at me. “I keep telling Isaac my name is Ron but he keeps calling me Ronnie.”

“Ron, sorry. Isaac is a great guy but he’s not really boyfriend material. He’s more like the kind that cheats with someone’s boyfriend.” I commented, “but you didn’t hear that from me.”

“Okay,” Ron said but obviously wasn’t listening and was looking frantically around the room. “I really should find Isaac.”

“Just stick around and talk with me. Isaac will be around soon enough,” I said.

“No, I should find him. I worry about his drinking sometimes,” Ron said and headed toward the back hall.

“He’s gonna get his heart broke,” I said to no one in particular.

Ten minutes later, a shout arose from the back hallway. The crowd turned to see what was going on. I knew Ron found Isaac. This wouldn’t be good.

“You motherfucker,” he heard a booming voice call out. A few seconds later, Ron was barreling through the throng of partiers his freckled face red with anger. Isaac burst out of the crowd, pleading with him.

“Ronnie, let me explain. Ronnie! It was just a friendly kiss,” Isaac was also red-faced, his slender neck was flushed. He was out of breath and his hair was messed up. “It’s not what you think,” he called after the furious construction worker.

Ron turned a few feet away from me and yelled at Isaac. “Now I know why your ASSHOLE is like fucking a goddamn mud puddle,” he was beet red and fuming.

Ron turned toward me. “You were right. He’s not a keeper. I don’t need to catch the clap from a whore like him. We’ve haven’t been here ten minutes and I find him climbing on some other guy.”

And with that, Ron hung his head and barreled towards the front door.

I paused for only a moment and then went after Ron. I told myself it was because he didn’t know anyone else. I’d been the only person he’d talked to at the party. According to Isaac, he was new in town and I felt bad for him. Isaac had disappeared again. I rushed toward the front door.

I stepped outside and Ron was sitting on the front stoop. He was smoking a cigarette and holding his face in his hands. I’ll never forget that night. I sat next to him and he was heaving with sobs. I put my arm around him and he cried on my shoulder.

“How could I be so stupid,” he said. “Thinking a cute, smart guy like him would settle for the likes of me.” Ron said looking up at me. He was so vulnerable. So genuine. I could feel his despair coming off him in waves as he cried. I took his face in my hands and kissed his cheeks. I was trying to make him feel better but he seemed to cry even harder.

“What is wrong with me?” he asked. “Am I such a loser he can treat me like his bitch?”

“No,” I told him and made him look into my eyes. “Isaac is the loser. You are a beautiful, special man who deserves to be treated like a prince.” I don’t know why I said that. I didn’t know him from the mailman really. But, I learned I was right very quickly in fact.

“I better just go,” he said standing up and shaking his arms. “I gotta get outta here now.”

“Can I come with you?” I asked him.

“You don’t have to,” he said but looked me in the eyes again. His eyes were such a beautiful light blue. They pierced me and took my breath away. I wanted to make him feel better.

“I want to,” I said and took his hand. We walked to my car. He got in the passenger seat and we drove to a bar.

************************

Dylan stopped telling his tale for a minute looking up at Chuck. Dylan shuddered from his memories and Chuck grasped his hand with both of his.

Dylan said softly, “We were together from then on. It was rocky at times but we spent every minute we could together. I’d found my soul mate, the one person in the world that could understand me, care for me, truly love me.”

Dylan’s eyes were wet with tears as he remembered, but he wasn’t crying. He was remembering the past and it was a past that had continued to live with him. He choked a little on the words.

“Ron did everything to make me feel special. He would do whatever it took to make me laugh and smile. I miss him so,” Dylan said. “We had almost a year together and it was like a dream. Ron made me so happy.”

Chuck moved even closer. He didn’t want Dylan to hurt, but he needed to know what happened. He couldn’t ask. Dylan looked at him and understanding passed between them.

“Isaac and others thought Ron was stupid because he’d never been to college. Ron didn’t know about history or literature or even basic science. But he was a mathematical genius. Not complex equations math, but practical, useful math. He could look at a room and figure the amount of square footage of drywall it needed. He could tell you the dimensions of a roof in a matter of seconds. He could gauge the strength of a metal fastener like a screw or a nail. The guy was brilliant, almost a savant when it came to building things. He loved it. He was good at it. In the end, it killed him,” Dylan finished.

Dylan could still hear Ron’s voice in his head. He could still feel the terror he’d felt that horrible night. Those emotions and sounds came rushing back to him. Could he continue without breaking down? He had to. He had to get this out of him because it was poisoning his life day in and day out. If he and Chuck had any chance, he needed to rid himself of these feelings. Dylan looked back up at Chuck and relived that night…Ron’s last words to him.

*******************************

“Dylan. Ray called me and they got a job building townhouses on East Lake. He asked me to be the foreman!” Ron said to me on the phone. I couldn’t believe it. I knew he wanted this so badly but I was afraid they wouldn’t give him the chance. Now Ron could prove he was ready to take this next step in his career.

“Ron, this is just what I’ve been telling you would happen. I knew when they saw how quickly and efficiently you got the job done, they’d want you to be the foreman. You get a raise too, right?” Dylan said, excited Ron was finally getting recognized.

“Yep. I’m taking you out tonight babe. Wherever you wanna go. It’s on me. Steak, shrimp, that raw fish stuff you like. Whatever you want tonight is yours,” Ron gushed.

I was so happy. Ron was taking me out. This was a pretty special occasion. We didn’t go out together very often. We hardly ever had the chance.

“I’m taking you onwards and upwards,” he said. “But first, I gotta go do the estimate for the materials. I’ll pick you up around seven. Make sure you’re dressed up because we’re going to Murray’s tonight.”

He didn’t show up at seven, or eight, or even nine o’clock. I was getting frantic and called the construction office. I called the police. No one would talk to me. I even called his apartment but, that was a mistake.

Finally, about midnight, his boss called me back. Ron was in the basement area and writing down some figures. He was alone. Someone had piled up a bunch of rebar in the basement and it hadn’t been secured. They found him under some of the steel rods. It had crushed him so badly, they couldn’t reconstruct his face at the funeral home. The only thing that held me together was what the medical examiner’s report said. He had been killed instantly. Ron didn’t suffer.

*********************

Dylan told this last part without tears and unemotionally. It was like he was reading from a book instead of remembering the events of a year ago. Chuck didn’t know what to say or do at first. Dylan looked so, well empty, like the life had drained out of him. He put his arm around Dylan. To lose someone you love was hard but so young and so tragically was heartbreaking. No wonder Dylan was so vulnerable.

Dylan continued, “He wanted to take me out and celebrate his success. He never got to do that. It has driven me crazy ever since then his wish couldn’t be fulfilled. Just one more night and we would have been so happy.”

“Sounds like YOU made him happy. He got to share his success with you. You gave him his gift,” Chuck said. “You were proud of him.”

Dylan looked up in surprise. “I never thought of it that way,” he said chewing his bottom lip.

“Who cares what anyone else thinks? Ron got to hear it from the one he loved. He got his wish.”

Dylan looked at Chuck. He really looked at him for a few moments. Chuck squirmed under his scrutiny but didn’t move away. “You’re right,” Dylan said. “He got to share it with me.”

Chuck watched as Dylan had struggled with the story. He didn’t know how you dealt with the death of a lover but Dylan had. No wonder he’d been having such a bad year. Chuck knew how much the end of a relationship hurt. Losing a relationship to death must be so much worse. It was like Dylan and Ron’s future together had been stolen. It was as though life had cheated him. He was surprised Dylan was doing as well as he was.

Ron sounded like the perfect guy. Could he really be that perfect?

Chuck doubted he could replace Ron but he’d do everything he could to try. He hugged Dylan even more closely.

Dylan melted into Chuck’s embrace. He’d told him the truth about Ron, but not all of it. Not now. It was too soon. He couldn’t tell that part, not yet. The wound was too raw even after a year of struggling with it.

It was a mistake that Dylan couldn’t know would haunt him vividly.