Porcupines - 29. Chapter 29 - The Talk

Chapter 29 - The Talk

“First of all, almost everything Chuck told you about The Vow is a fraud perpetuated by my grandmother.” Dylan just looked at Chuck’s sister, his mouth wide open. He’d just gotten settled on the balcony of Kelli’s apartment with a wine spritzer and a plate of cheeses, meats, and crackers. That was the last thing he was expecting to come out of her mouth.

“Do you mean Chuck lied to me about this vow thing?” Dylan said feeling a bit numb.

“No. Chuck told you exactly what our Nanna told him. He believes what she said and nobody in our family has told him otherwise. I hope you’ll do the same,” Kelli said taking a sip of her drink. She had a sheen of sweat on her forehead and even though late August in Minnesota can be scorching hot, Dylan thought this was the sweat of panic, not the sweat of being overheated.

“I guess I’m confused,” Dylan said and actually scratched his head. “Why would your Nanna tell Chuck this lie?”

“Because, she wanted to make sure he didn’t die.”

Dylan was uncomfortable. He’d been imagining all kinds of things but this was getting quite weird. Of course, when Chuck told him about The Vow he thought it sounded kind of odd to begin with. It seems their grandmother was some kind of psychotic game player or something. Now Chuck’s sister was talking about his death. He felt his own face begin to grow moist.

“Let me start from the beginning. I want to make sure you understand it all, okay?” Kelli said. “Trust me; you’ll get it when I’ve finished explaining it.”

“Okay,” Dylan said and took another drink. He was wishing for something stronger than this watered down wine. Yeah this was too freaky. This was making him uncomfortable.

“Since you two are practically living together, I’m sure you’ve noticed Chuck can be sorta moody.”

“Moody?” Dylan said spitting out the word. “I’d say Chuck is about the most even keeled man I’ve ever met.”

Kelli was now the one that looked surprised. She shook her head and scrunched her face. “Really? That is remarkable. I wonder…”

“What do you mean he’s moody?” Dylan demanded. This wasn’t going well Kelli could see. Maybe she shouldn’t have done this. Hell, the cat was out of the proverbial bag now and the bell couldn’t be unrung so she might as well continue.

“I was just shocked to hear you say that because my brother has severe bipolar disorder. He rarely goes more than a week without getting a little depressed or panicky.”

Dylan was the one making a face now. It was like she was talking about someone else and not his boyfriend. “He’s bipolar? Really?” Dylan was thrown for a loop. “What exactly happens to him?”

Kelli collected her thoughts carefully. “Chuck has trouble with his emotions. Sometimes he gets really excited and runs around starting all kinds of projects but never really doing any of them. He just flits from one thing to another. Other times, he gets really down, sad, and don’t want to do anything. Anyway, it’s not his fault. It’s a medical condition.”

“Don’t they have drugs for that now?” Dylan asked. He was really nervous about this. It sounded a bit overwhelming.

“Yeah, they do. But, meds haven’t worked too well for Chuck. Talk therapy didn’t really help. Chuck has struggled since he was a teen with depression and manic behaviors. In fact, that’s why Nanna made The Vow. She worried Chuck would get into a relationship, get depressed, and his partner wouldn’t know what to do. She made up The Vow so we could keep tabs on him and make sure his boyfriend would have our support.”

Dylan tried to get his head around this, but it wasn’t really a bad thing. Apparently Nanna wanted to make sure Chuck’s family was an integral part of his life and any partner he had. It was still kind of strange. He looked up at Kelli, he wasn’t sure how he felt at this moment.

“Here’s what I know from the very beginning,” Kelli said. “It will explain why Nanna did what she did.”

******************************

Over ten years ago and in a farm house outside Brewster Minnesota…

“Is everyone all comfy?” Nanna said putting drinks and snacks on the old farm kitchen table. Kelli and her parents were the only ones in the big room. Chuck had been sent to a friend’s house to play. Nanna insisted the three of them meet with her alone.

“Mom, what is this about?” Glen Green said.

“We’re gonna have a little chat and no one’s leaving until I get my way,” Nanna said finally settling in a chair.

“Mom, you always get your way but I still don’t know why we are doing this,” her son said.

“Phyllis, what is this about?” Molly Green said. Kelli thought her mother and father were being really suspicious. It wasn’t like Nanna was going to say anything that special. Boy, was she wrong. This conversation changed her life, forever.

“You know your son’s bipolar and that is never gonna change,” Nanna got started. “I found out something else and we’re gonna hash that out tonight.”

“What did you find out?” Molly asked.

“Chuck’s gay,” Nanna said. “I had figured as much but he’s admitted it to me and we’re gonna figure out how to save him.”

“My son isn’t gay,” Glen growled. “There’s nothing to talk about. This is ridiculous,” he said and started to get up.

“Glen, sit your ass down on that chair this instant,” Nanna yelled. Kelli had never heard her grandmother talk like that. She’d even swore, kind of.

“I’m not gonna talk about Chuck being a queer,” Glen warned. Kelli saw her mother had started crying. She took her hand. “It’s okay mommy.”

“He’s queer as a three dollar bill so get used to it,” Nanna said taking a sip of coffee. “And we’re gonna save him.”

“Are you talking about getting him help?” Molly said through her sobs.

“Nope. We’re gonna help him. We’re gonna make sure that boy is alright,” Nanna said firmly. Kelli saw her grandmother eye her parents with a special look. She wasn’t going to take this lying down. Nanna had some kind of plan. Nanna always had some kind of plan.

“This is ridiculous. The boy is only fifteen years old. There’s no way he could know such a thing,” Glen said a little too loudly. Nanna just shook her head.

“Are you that dense?” she said to her son. “Did you like girls at fifteen?”

“Of course,” Glen said but he had his stubborn face on. “That’s different.”

“No it’s not. You liked girls at fifteen. Molly you liked boys at fifteen. It didn’t change did it?”

Her parents shook their heads. Molly looked like she wanted to melt away. Kelli held her hand tightly but her mother took it from her.

“Kelli shouldn’t be here for this, this kind of talk,” her mother said.

“Course she should. Kelli’s his sister. She’ll probably be the one who saves him. He’ll be willing to talk to his sister while he’ll be scared of the two of you,” Nanna said taking a piece of home baked bread and spreading butter on it.

“Mother, I’m not having this discussion about Chuck’s confusion right now,” Glen said standing up. “He’s just curious or something. It’s just a stage. It’ll pass.”

“Nope,” Nanna said. “Sit down Glen Robert Green or I’ll chase you down.” That time Nanna hadn’t gotten loud. She said it almost quietly. Kelli was feeling kind of scared. She didn’t think she wanted to discuss this either.

“We’ll get him help,” Molly said. “Maybe someone from church…”

“You’ll do no such thing. There is nothing they can do either. Now let’s get serious about how we handle this,” Nanna said. Kelli’s dad stood up but didn’t leave the room.

“He can just ignore the feelings. He can put all that into his work or something,” her dad said but wouldn’t look up.

“So, you’d deny your son the touch of a lover’s hand?” Nanna asked and Kelli saw a very powerful gleam in her grandmother’s eye. She wasn’t done, not by half.

“I’m not gonna hear about perverted things like men being lovers,” her father grunted.

“I’m not talking about gay people. I’m talking about any person’s right to feel the touch of a lover’s hand. I had your father’s for forty odd years and you’ve had Molly’s for almost twenty. Would you deny your son that pleasure?” Nanna asked and was getting, hell, demanding her son look at her. He glanced up and didn’t say anything.

“I’m sure this is all a misunderstanding. We should just pretend he never told you that and move on,” Molly said wiping her tears. “Chuck will be fine. Let’s not make something out of nothing.”

“Okay,” Nanna said with a sigh. “Then let’s start planning his funeral.” She reached down and grabbed some brochures. Sure enough, Kelli could see they were from the two undertakers in town. Kelli started to cry herself.

“Why is Chuck gonna die?” she asked.

“Chuck’s not going to die,” her mother turned to her and held her.

“Mother, you’ve gone too far,” Glen raged. “You’re scaring your granddaughter.”

Nanna just sat for a moment looking down at the table. Through her tears, Kelli could see she was turning red. Her hands were trembling. They were palm side down on the table’s surface but still quivering. Finally Nanna looked up and defiance beamed from her eyes. She lifted her hands and brought them down on the table with a crash.

“I WILL NOT GO TO CHUCK’S FUNERAL.”

The three of them just looked at her. “I will not go to another one of my grandkids funeral. Not when I can stop it,” Nanna said in a whisper. Kelli then remembered two years ago her cousin, Brady, had killed himself with pills. Papa had been alive then and she could see how Nanna almost fell to pieces at the grave site.

“Mother,” Glen said quietly. “You’ve gotten yourself all worked up. Chuck’s not going to die.”

“Really?” Nanna said looking intently at her son. There was something else Kelli could see hidden in there. “I think you’re wrong.”

She got up from the table and went to get a big notebook. It was one of those three ring binder things and when she opened it up, there were lots of graphs and charts and small writing.

“I think you’re wrong because gay children sometimes kill themselves. I know bipolar people do too. I also found that bipolar gay children are ten times more likely to kill themselves. So, Mr. Smartypants. Perhaps you’d like to look at the odds of that boy surviving.”

“Mother?” Glen almost whined but also looked like he might throw up. She’d never seen her father look so vulnerable.

“Let’s say he doesn’t kill himself right away. Let’s say he runs off because he tells us he’s gay and you get mad at him. Or, even worse, he runs off because he’s scared of what his family thinks. Your son will go and he’ll meet someone. He’ll maybe fall in love. Then the poor dear will have one of his episodes. If he’s really lucky, and I mean really lucky, that other man will take care of him. But, maybe it will be too hard and that man leaves him. Then what will a heartbroken Chuck do when an episode hits?”

Nanna pushed the book across the table at her son. “Read some of this stuff and get off your high horse. I’m not willing to take that chance. I’m gonna be there for him and by God so are you.”

Kelli’s dad looked at the book like it was radioactive. Her mother’s tears had stopped and she also looked at the book. Molly looked more curious. Glen crossed his arms.

“That’s all just nonsense,” he said. “We don’t even know Chuck’s gay.”

“Well, live in denial if you want but you’ll be planning your son’s funeral either now or in the near future. That is pretty certain. I’d rather make sure he’s okay and has his loving family’s support. God knows that boy’s already been through enough. Do you want him to deal with being gay all alone and scared too?”

Kelli wiped her eyes again. She stood up and took a corner of the cover of the binder and pulled it closer to her. “I’m going to read this Nanna. I don’t want Chuck to feel he’s all alone.”

Nanna sat back and beamed at her granddaughter. “Thank God someone has the good sense to see why I’m worried. You take that with you but don’t let your brother see it. We can’t have him thinking this is inevitable or something. You’ll help me then?”

Kelli nodded. She knew how bad her brother could get. If he was alone in the world, he couldn’t take it. She just knew it. Nanna was right. Her parents were wrong.

“So mother, what is this plan you have dreamt up?” Glen said nodding to his mother. At that point, Kelli looked up and her grandmother got a wide smile on her face. Sure enough. Just like she’d said, she was getting her way. Her dad had been right about that. In the end, both her parents listened as Nanna explained what they were going to do to protect Chuck in the future. Kelli couldn’t remember her mom or dad ever saying another thing about Chuck’s being gay. Not ever.

***********************************

Kelli had watched as she told the story, Dylan’s eyes had filled with tears. He was flushed and had listened without comment. She was glad. Kelli was so proud of her Nanna and her concern for Chuck’s safety. What was more important right now was Dylan’s reaction. Would he run for the hills, especially since he didn’t know about Chuck’s affliction? The sweat dripped from her scalp and ran down her temple as she waited.

“Your Nanna is something special. She did all this to make sure Chuck was okay?”

“Yeah,” Kelli said trying to see how Dylan was taking this. “What do you think?”

“I think I picked the right boyfriend’s family,” he choked out. “How bad does he get?”

No doubt about it, Dylan was moved but also petrified. Would he be able to handle Chuck’s “episodes?” What if it got to be too much? Would he cut and run?

“It can get bad but the whole point of this talk is to reassure you. My parents, Nanna, and I will do whatever we can to help. The reason for The Talk is to let you know we’re there for you when Chuck has problems.”

“I’m a little overwhelmed,” Dylan admitted. “I just didn’t expect this.”

“I know it’s a bit much to take in but he’s worth it,” Kelli said quickly. She hoped he wasn’t second guessing their relationship. Chuck was so happy and so, well, healthy. It shocked her Chuck hadn’t shown any signs of depression in the last month. Would this push Dylan away? She wiped away more sweat.

“Are you here because of Chuck? I mean, are you following him around?” Dylan asked.

“No. He’s here because of me. If he wanted to move, I suppose I’d consider following him if need be. I think of it this way. If my lovely brother had epilepsy or was in a wheelchair, would I sacrifice to help take care of him? Of course I would. The fact it’s bipolar disorder is no different, at least to me,” Kelli said. “He’s a very special guy who I love being around regardless.”

Dylan nodded thoughtfully. Kelli made complete sense. “I know what you mean. I love him too and would, or I should say, will do whatever I can to make him happy.”

Kelli breathed. That was what she wanted to hear. Dylan wasn’t scared of Chuck’s issues. She was relieved. “I’m glad. I really like you and I know my brother worships the ground you walk on.”

Dylan grinned. “I guess I feel the same about him. I hope I can be there for him, I think forever.”

“Now you know why Nanna was so desperate to make sure that guy is okay,” Kelli said.

“I do see why.” Dylan was floored by the story and Kelli and Nanna’s efforts. It had scared him to hear about the depth of Chuck’s problems but the man made him so happy. He had been living a life of scattered events until they met. Now he was living a life that moved forward and had meaning. Chuck did that for him. He could deal with Chuck’s illness. His own life was so much better with him in it.

“Now, let’s get a nice cover story for you to tell my brother. I don’t want him to feel we are waiting for him to have an episode.”

“No. I don’t want that either,” Dylan agreed quickly.

The rest of their visit was about happy, childhood stories of Chuck, Nanna, and Kelli. After such a heavy burden, it felt good to laugh about the adventures of his boyfriend as a child. He also found out more about their grandmother. She was really a remarkable woman.

**************************

“How were drinks with Kelli?” Chuck asked while throwing two chicken breasts in the fry pan.

“Good. We had a nice chat. Did you know my brother and your sister are getting Brandon and Susie together for a play date?” Dylan said eating a sliver of green pepper.

“No, that’s nice. I hope they have fun playing?”

“Are you talking about our Kellies or the kids,” Dylan teased.

“What are you talking about?” Chuck asked with a grin.

“I think your sister is sweet on my brother.”

“Oh no, I’ll tell Kelli to back the hell off,” Chuck said. “I don’t want her fawning over your brother.”

“Don’t worry about my Kelly. He can take care of himself,” Dylan said. He watched Chuck work and thought about what Kelli told him. He seemed so together. Was Kelli overreacting? It didn’t sound like it from their conversation but his boyfriend was so calm and cool. Maybe Chuck was better? His fear eased. His heart filled with joy at Chuck’s playfulness as he threw a grape into Dylan’s mouth.

After dinner, Dylan sidled up to Chuck and whispered in his ear. Chuck nodded and smirked lasciviously. Dylan wasn’t usually one to initiate being on top but tonight he seemed especially randy. After Dylan rocked his world, Chuck’s breathing finally settled down. Dylan had been so dominate and commanding. It had felt really good. What had prompted that?

Dylan had never felt so in control. He didn’t know he had that in him. He’d made Chuck scream out which was something that had never happened before to him. Dylan thought he liked the idea of taking care of his boyfriend. This was something he could get used to.

He felt like those pieces of his broken past didn’t mean as much anymore. At least, he hoped not.

God, he hoped not.