Jump to content
RIP - Comicality

Saying the Last Good Bye to Dad

Myr

Entry posted by Myr in Life

1,458 views

Last Saturday morning, about ten minutes after arriving at my destination on campus my mother called my cell phone. I could barely make out what she was saying. The gist of it was that dad had a massive heart attack and collapsed in the driveway. She told me she was getting on the ambulance and hung up.

It took me almost 15 minutes to trudge across campus through the snow to my car. I was going as quick as I could without falling on the ice. I drove to my house and grabbed my meds and some clothes. Before jumping back in my car, I called my uncle to get the hospital they took him to. I jumped back in the car and drove to the next city over. The normally 70 minute drive was nearly 2 hours. The Thruway was covered in snow and it was snowing the whole drive.

I arrived at the hospital and when I checked in at the security desk, the guard basically said "Oh. Come with me."

We went through a maze of hallways. As soon as I came around the corner my wailed "he's gone". I think that sound she made will hunt my nightmares for years. Dad went just like his father did. Grandpa died at work at age 51. He just dropped and was gone. Dad was 67 and a couple weeks and he he just dropped and was gone too. They tried in the ambulance to bring him back. But he was gone when he hit the driveway. The last time I talked to him was his birthday. My last words to him were "I love you dad." His last words to me were "I love you." So, though I wasn't there when he went, he knew how much I loved him and I knew how much he loved me.

I'm an only child and this week has been hell on earth. For those of you that have siblings, you probably never give much thought to it, but at the end of the day when everyone goes home, there is only you and your mom. Mom had dad for 38 years. They still acted like teenagers when they went out. Nothing can fill that hole and trying to hold it together for mom has been the hardest thing I've ever done.

I've got a lot of stuff to do ahead of me, but I wanted to write this to talk about dad. And because dad was a funny guy I want to leave this on something upbeat, because that's what he'd want.

When I was 24, the first father's day after coming out, I played golf with my father/son golf tournament. While sitting in the golf cart waiting for all the people to play, my father kept pointing at the various sons and going "What about that one? His ass sticks out. do you like that one?" as we passed various guys, he kept doing this. finally he points to a kid,maybe 15, and says, "what about him?"

"DAD!! Sure, when he's a few years older and not jailbait!"

"Bah, if there's grass on the field, it's ready to mow."

I smacked his arm.

Did any of your dads point out guys to you after coming out?

Bye Dad. I'll love you forever.

  • Like 13

18 Comments

Recommended Comments

  • Site Administrator
Cia
  • Site Administrator

:hug: Because I haven't been able to give you enough this week. And my dad has never pointed out men/women, but when I was 18 and called to say I was getting married, he asked when I was going to have kids. Then, when I had my first at 22, he started asking me about my plans for birth control while sitting down next to me as I nursed my first kid. Personal stuff doesn't really freak him out much. He was a single dad of two girls, though his twin brother lived with us, for 7 years until my sister was 11 and I was 9, and even had the sex talk with me growing up. He was never perfect, still isn't, but he does love me and isn't afraid to say it.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
  • Site Administrator
Valkyrie
  • Site Administrator

I'm sorry for your loss, Myr.  :hug:  It sounds like your dad was a great guy. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Gene Splicer PHD

Haha, yeah. I worked with my dad for a while before he died, and before we split off to start a new company, I worked for him at an IT staffing company, where I was totally in the closet. They had a Christmas party, and one of our staffers was a cute, young gay dude. He brought his boyfriend to the party (that's how we found out his orientation).

 

My dad comes up to me at some point and said "so, xxx is cute, you keep looking at him." I said yeah, but I was really just admiring the balls it took for him to bring his partner to this party.

 

My dad said "bullshit, you want to do him." I was appalled. I said (a) get out of my business, and ( B) he's got a partner.

 

He said "well, there's your challenge then", and walked away. We never spoke of it again, except for when this guy quit and got a new job, and my dad made a comment that I'd missed my chance.

 

Sorry for your loss, Myr, go be with your mom and take care of business. It's gonna suck for a while, and you'll never really get over it. But you'll remember him always and, when you dream of him, give a little nod and say "hi dad" when you wake up. Cause that's when he'll pay you a visit.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Kitt

Silly things will remind you of dad at the oddest times. It may rip you up at first but it does get better!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
WestcliffWriter

Sorry to hear of your sad loss Myr, 67 is no age, and as I sat reading your blog entry it took my back to my own mother's death in 2006, I was 24. Its very hard to lose a parent when you are relatively young. My mother just like your father died pretty quick, except mine died of a brain hemorrhage and not a heart attack. Also like you, the last words we said to each other was "I love you" because for my mum, it was her 41st birthday celebration. I waited until she went to bed and left her and my step dad's house by Taxi with my partner. Basically between then and the morning a blood vessel burst in her head and she never woke up again.

 

Your sad event brings home so many memories and although each situation is different, I truly know how you feel at this moment. 

 

Much love and Hugz. Look after yourself and be strong for your mum.

 

Matt :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Dabeagle

I lost my father to cancer in 2003. AS an only child, I know exactly what you mean except that I watched him wither. We had some good conversations, then, though.

 

My father was the master of embarrassing my mother. As a child I guess I was kind of dumb. I recall when I found out my father knew all the swear words I did, and be shocked, thinking I had this big secret. It was funny.

 

We were in Elyria, Ohio on our way to New York to live. We'd gone down a one way street in a 24 foot U-Haul with a car attached to the back. If you tried to back up, the car wanted to jackknife. So we wind to the end of this street, and it's a dead end. My father throws the truck in park, says 'Fuck' and climbs out of the cab. I turn to my mom and said, at 12 years old, "I didn't know dad knew that word.'

 

Unimpressed my mother said, a bit sourly, 'He knows a lot of words.'

 

Later, he took me to my first gay bar. I'm so sorry for your loss, Myr.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Renee Stevens

I know I've given you a lot of these over the last week, but I can't help but give you another one. :hug:  Hearing you talk about your dad this last week, there's no doubt in my mind that he knew how much you loved him. He sounded like a wonderful man. You know where I am if you need me. :hug:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
joann414

I feel the love and fondness in your post Myr.  Your Dad sounds like a memory to be treasured and that breathes love into your day.  Hugs and much sympathy for your loss.

 

Jo ann

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Krista

Sorry for your loss, Myr. That golf cart story, so insignificant over the span of the years you shared.. but it is a good example of the unconditional love and acceptance he had for you. Sometimes it is difficult for fathers to show their love and acceptance of their children, your father did. I can't imagine the loss you feel now, but I don't doubt he loved you completely. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Palantir

Sad for you, Myr.

Losing someone who's been part of your whole life is like being hit with a permanent black hole - so much stuff you've almost taken for granted is just gone.

I hope your sadness can be buffered by the treasures of good memories.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Autumn Dream

I'm so sorry for your loss, Myr. I know you must be getting that a lot, but I hope each condolence helps you feel better knowing that others are wishing you well. I wish you all the best getting through this hard time, and I hope that your mother is able to move on too. Hugs. :hug:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
A.J.

:hug: Been giving you hugs all week, but there are more where those came from.  I feel honored that several of us have been able to talk with you and help celebrate his life with you this last week.  While his loss is immense, he lives on in the hearts and minds of so many people that his life touched in 67 years.  As you told me a few days ago, your father could walk into a room and raise everyone's spirits.  He knew how to make people laugh and his life's legacy includes you.  You built and shared GA with all of us.  Your site has touched countless lives and given hope to people struggling with their sexuality.  You too have made this world a better place.  Like father, like son.

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..