Do you kiss your friends?

[AFriendlyFace]

Hey everyone,

 

Robbie's hugging thread in The Lounge, reminded me that I wanted to start this topic awhile back.

 

I'm sure we're all familiar with they quick embrace and peck on the cheek (sometimes both cheeks) that you often see portrayed on television/movies/etc. In my experience with seeing it on the media it's usually done by society women or out gay men (often older).

 

However, I've noticed it becoming an increasingly popular phenomenon in my own social circle. I have two friends that seem to expect a peck on the cheek/neck whenever we greet each other or say goodbye. It's not a regular theme with my closest friends and we've already established a "hug" culture that usually doesn't extend to kissing. However, I notice it seems to be on the rise with new people I've only just met. We've spent one evening together (not as a date) and suddenly they're kissing me as we say goodnight.

 

I tend to be a pretty affectionate person, and unless it's inappropriate to do so, I wouldn't withhold it from someone. However, the "let's kiss!" thing usually takes me off guard. It's just not something I'm used to doing with friends, especially casual friends, and often it's resulted in an awkward half kiss/half hug thing where we each had something else in mind. On more than one occasion I've ended up with my nose buried in someone's throat as they suddenly turned to facilitate the expected kiss which I didn't realize I was supposed to be giving.

 

So what are your thoughts on this?

 

Have you experienced this yourself?

 

Do you think it is on the rise?

 

What about the "kissing culture" occasionally displayed in the gay media, such as on Queer As Folk for example, in which friends kiss each other, on the lips, in what seems to be a fairly sexual manner and their boyfriends aren't expected to react? (this is, in my mind, completely separate from the other, above mentioned occurrence, but I find it fascinating as well, and it's somewhat related so I figured I'd throw it in).

 

 

Take care all and have an awesome day!

-Kevin

 

 

BTW, my response to this poll was "Yes, if they look like they want/expect a kiss". I'm extremely unlikely to initiate kissing anyone for non-dating/sexual/romantic reasons, but I'm willing to go along with it, if I know it's coming and if it doesn't seem inappropriate.

Edited January 29, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Hylas]

Nope. Not even in the cheeks.

[old bob]

U had a russian greadmother, and there it is usual to kiss friends on the cheeks and hug when you meet them, guys or gals. So I do ! .

[Former Member]

Hmmmmm how close are the friendships in the question lol jk.

I usually hug alot of my female friends when i hang out with them. Thats cuz they reach in to hug me first. My friends who are guys i shake hands with i dont hug or kiss them(sadly they are straight). Hmmm ive only hugged a few male friends but that was cuz i was crying & upset and they put there arms on me so i hugged them. LOL. Kissing my friends does not happen when you become my friend i dont want any sexual contact(though its only sexual if you or they think it is). My friends who are girls try kissing me and im like "I like men back off!" At new years i had every single female friend try and kiss me for new years. And 1 male friend tried too as a joke and i leaned in to kiss back and he pulled away last second. BOY did i freak him out lol. LOL writing this has made me realize i need to seriously make some new friends. lol

[Caipirinha]

I voted Yes if it's somebody I'm close with.

 

However in my case it has far less to do with me being gay than it does with me being Italian. It's very customary in Italian culture to kiss someone on the cheek when saying hello or goodbye, male or female. In fact it's actually a bit rude not to. (As an aside my generation of Italian-Americans tend to make a lot of jokes about making 'The Rounds' at family parties. When you go to an Italian family party the better part of your first half hour there is spent going around the room making sure to say hello to everyone, which includes kisses for damn near everyone.)

 

Obviously we are in America and not Italy, but it's one custom that seems to have integrated fairly easily in my circle of friends. I grew up in a very affectionate family where hugging, touching, hanging on each other is completely normal and for whatever reason that just seemed to spill over into how I interact with my friends and my friends seemed to just take it in stride.

 

Now granted it definitely isn't a blanket system. I have certain friends who are to a degree uncomfortable with it, and obviously I respect that. A lot of straight male friends will hug but get weirded out by a kiss. For some even a hug is a lot, so a hand shake is as physical as it ever gets. Even certain female friends I have, mostly those who are in relationships with less-than-understanding boyfriends, tend to shy away from hello/goodbye kisses (sometimes even hugs) even if they are completely harmless and platonic. And conversely some of my female friends damn near make out with me when I see them and my best friend's boy friend, who is as heterosexual as I have ever met, actually pouts if I kiss her goodbye and not him.

 

I really think it just boils down to being close enough to the person to know how comfortable they are with physical affection. If it's something your not comfortable with I'm not going to force it on you or force it out of you. As for myself I'm just as comfortable shaking your hand as I am full on kissing you.

[darkfoxprime]

I don't think it's "weird", but I'm definitely uncomfortable with the idea of kissing friends. I'm not even that comfortable kissing my parents. My kisses are reserved for my OTL.

[Menzoberranzen]

No...I can't say that I routinely kiss my friends and if an acquaintance tried to kiss me, I'd be a little annoyed. I lived in France for a year, where a common greeting was a kiss on each cheek, but unless I'm visiting a place where it's customary, I don't see the need. I'm a pretty demonstrative person, and I generally greet girls (and some guys) with a hug, but kissing seems a little over the top to me.

 

Menzo

[Benji]

No...I can't say that I routinely kiss my friends and if an acquaintance tried to kiss me, I'd be a little annoyed. I lived in France for a year, where a common greeting was a kiss on each cheek, but unless I'm visiting a place where it's customary, I don't see the need. I'm a pretty demonstrative person, and I generally greet girls (and some guys) with a hug, but kissing seems a little over the top to me.

 

Menzo

 

 

..........Routinely with close friends yes, I guess it is just the way you were raised.

[TalonRider]

It's all in the way you are brought up. My family isn't the touchy, feely type. My oldest sisters two kid's were brought up to at least hug relatives good-bye.

[Tiger]

I chose, "No, but I'd like to start." Actually, I will only kiss a certain kind of friend with and would like one to kiss.

[FrenchCanadian]

Actually I do, but only with people that I know that I'm good friend with, meaning not someone that is just an acquaintance. Either that or a nice hug.

 

It's not really deemed inappropriate here, just a sign of affection.

[rknapp]

When I greet someone I always have then initiate the greeting, which ranges from saying, "Hello," to kissing. 80% of the time it is, "Hello." 9% is a handshake in some form. Most of that final 1% is hugging since I hug two people as a greeting... my longtime friend Laura (who gets upset when she doesn't get a hug) and a recent acquaintances, Alex, who applauds my hugging abilities compared to my other gay friends... oddly enough.

 

Kissing has happened only a few times in the past 21 years, most of which occured when meeting the extended family of a relative who I related to only through marriage, such as my Aunt's sister. I'm pretty sure it has happened a couple of times with some of my female friends at school in the past couple of years only because I could faintly feel peck of sorts at my neck after they put their head near that area in a hug (hard for them to do since I'm significantly taller than they are. I have never kissed a man, intimately or otherwise.

 

 

As rule, I do whatever the other person does. If they wave, I wave. If they nod their head, I nod my head. If they stick out their hand, I shake it. If they hold out their arms, I hug them. If I feel them turning their head towards me in the hug or I see them pucker their lips as we embrace, then I give them a peck on the cheek. I never initiate because then I don't feel awkward if they had something else in mind.

[Krista]

I always do.. guy, girl.. I'm close to my friends so it's something we've done for years.. I don't insist on it though, it's just something we do after one of us leaves. A simple kiss on the cheek or lips and such.

 

 

Krista

[BeaStKid]

it's a hug from me...i've kissed my two best friends (girls) while saying goodbye, but never my male friends. Hugs are quite common...

 

BeaStKid

[Razor]

I'm not in France... and thus la bise is not really a common thing... maybe extremely close family members, like my mom. Other than that, nuh uh. Kisses are reserved for those people who I especially like in a likey like way.

 

However, HUGS FOR EVERYONE!

[YaP]

i voted "yes, if its someone i am close with".

I do kiss my close female friends, but only my close gay male friends *lol*.. the str8 ones usually don't appreciate it really.. with the str8 male friends its usually a hug (and i really like hugs )

Edited January 30, 2008 by YaP

[Former Member]

I voted yes, but really its only my relatives that this happens with, and even then mostly only the female ones.

[AFriendlyFace]

My kisses are reserved for my OTL.

What's an OTL?

[Menzoberranzen]

What's an OTL?

 

I almost shudder to spell it out, but it's One True Love.

[writeincode]

I chose only when they look like they're expecting it. I ALWAYS end up in those really awkward half hug, half kiss situations where no-one knows what's happening (well at least i don't) and you either don't know how long its meant to go on for or how many kisses are customary- one, two or three...

 

And then it's this awkward after-grapple goodbye and a walk off. So I'd prefer if kissing didn't happen but I'll go along with it to avoid awkwardness rather than outright refuse.

 

kissing friends on the lips seems weird to me.

[Bondwriter]

As Menzo stated, it's customary here. It used to be only with people of the other gender or relatives, but since the late 80s early 90s, it's required with all friends that are reasonably close.

 

Do we spread the flu faster this way?

[Jack Frost]

In Quebec, it's often customary to give some "bises" for "female to female" and "male to female" friends and relatives. Just a pec on each side of the cheek will do enough.

 

Euh if you can read French...it's there: http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baiser#Baiser_sur_la_joue

 

"Baiser sur la joue" - "Kissing on the cheek"

 

No English version for it. Sorry. :s

 

I don't do it very often because usually I forget, but they understand since I'm not from here. It's from a French influence and probably almost recent (as in a few decades old now).

[Hylas]

We call it beso here (spanish for 'kiss'). It used to be a very common custom inherited from the Spanish. But it's dying out now with the influx of American values and culture. Usually, the ones who do it are socialites and/or came from rich mestizo families, hence it has acquired a stigma of being something only 'plastic' people do.

 

Hugs are also quite uncommon here, since it's impolite to assume that just because you want a hug doesn't mean you have to force someone to give it to you. LOL

 

I sure wish hugs were more common though.

[Fishwings]

Yes, to catch my friends off guard and freak them out.

[Square]

Deleted

Edited November 21, 2011 by Square