W_L Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 The topic and question is basically why don't gay or straight relationship seem to last? I am a romantic and would love to be with some one from 20 to 100, but it seems like those types of relationship do not flourish in our world. What is the reasoning behind it?
Dion Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 People are too self-centered. There isn't enough will-to-please left in the world.
JamesSavik Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 because people are, as a whole, worthless and weak. Not to mention spoiled and self-absorbed. Oh and don't forget: out for #1 not caring who else gets hurt as long as they get what they want.
LongGone Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 People, as a rule, are self-centered. I know I am often. I just need to find someone compatible with that because I'd love to be happy forever. I have nobody. Ever. Blech.
Duncan Ryder Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 The topic and question is basically why don't gay or straight relationship seem to last? I am a romantic and would love to be with some one from 20 to 100, but it seems like those types of relationship do not flourish in our world. What is the reasoning behind it? Um...some do.
Aeroplane Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think its because things get misinterpreted and misunderstandings happen. Currently arguing with my other half (as in, right now on msn ). I dont know if it'll last the week.
kitten Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Some 'romantic' relationships fail because not everyone is suited to be in one and not everyone really wants to be in one. However, society tends to treat such people as somehow defective, or at best worthy of pity, and thereby pressurises them into entering into relationships. Such a relationship will eventually fail. Kit
Zeoanne Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 (edited) I can only talk for my own experiences. I'm on my 3rd husband, unfortunately. 1st husband, who gave me three wonderful kids now 27, 27 & 24 left me for an EX-hooker. If you can figure that one you are more than welcome to comment on it... UGH! and YUCK!! We lasted 7 yrs. (I call him Sperm Provider #1) Second husband, after the 5th year he turned to cocaine and heavy drinking, stole from me which hurt me deeply since he blamed it on my twin boys (later on I found out it was him who did it) Also lated 7 yrs. Present husband who gave me the most beautiful daughter now 8 yrs old. Little did I know he was a pathological liar. Needless to say, you can't believe a word he says and I'm stuck in the marriage. So, all in all, the question you ask is quite hard to answer since everyone has a different reason to NOT remain together. I've always being a "Betty Crocker" housewife. You know, always taking care of the house, making the perfect dinners, doing laundry, raising the perfect children, etc. etc. etc. I feel I'm stuck in a situation I have no control of. Happyness? I know nothing about it. I'm stuck in a very small town where jobs are scarse and not worth a dime since they don't pay much at all. So.... again, I'm stuck with no light at the end of the tunnel.......We've been living in separte rooms for quite a few years now. Happiness...... what is that? Needless to say, I don't believe in straight men. Too much pain has been inflicted in my heart..... Ohhh, the stories I could tell you!!! By the way, if for some miracle I can liberate myself from husband #3, I have already promise myself he will be the last!!! Edited February 23, 2009 by Rush
Duncan Ryder Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Even good relationships can be difficult. You both have to want it and be willing to put it first, and even then there will be rough times. Still..love and respect and commitment will get you through if it's what you both want. I think too many people can't see past the rough spots, want it perfect and easy all the time. Then they start to see possiblity as what they can be with someone else, the whole grass is always greener thing. And some people are in love with that whole idea of being in love, that new rush, that in the beginning thing. For me, I believe the mature relationship gets better and stronger over time if you are both committed to it. Making that commitment means that the exploration of possiblity is about being the best person you can be with the person you have chosen and are committed to. Maybe I'm an incurable romantic...but I've been with my partner since I was 19... I believe that if it's what you really want, and you're willing to work for it with a partner equally committed, it is possible.
SRevol Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Because people are selfish and just want "flawless" people who fit perfect , real love is seeing a flawed person as flawless because you love him/her as she/he is
NaperVic Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 My opinion is that people get into relationships too soon, before really knowing the other person, and probably more important, before knowing themselves well enough. I think we'd all have better success if we were more intune with our own wants & needs. And communicating those to any potential mates. Then again, we'd probably only gain that knowledge by trying out relationships to learn what our likes and dislikes are. So maybe it's not such a bad thing for relationships to end when either party realizes it's not 'right'.
Former Member Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Even good relationships can be difficult. You both have to want it and be willing to put it first, and even then there will be rough times. Still..love and respect and commitment will get you through if it's what you both want. I think too many people can't see past the rough spots, want it perfect and easy all the time. Then they start to see possiblity as what they can be with someone else, the whole grass is always greener thing. And some people are in love with that whole idea of being in love, that new rush, that in the beginning thing. For me, I believe the mature relationship gets better and stronger over time if you are both committed to it. Making that commitment means that the exploration of possiblity is about being the best person you can be with the person you have chosen and are committed to. Maybe I'm an incurable romantic...but I've been with my partner since I was 19... I believe that if it's what you really want, and you're willing to work for it with a partner equally committed, it is possible. Well put. That's the type of relationship I hope for.
dkstories Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Relationships are very, very hard work. Trebs and I have been together now for 3 1/2 years, and this is definitely my longest relationship. Along the way there have been many, many ups and downs, but we made it through them because we were able to be honest with each other and to communicate about the bad as well as the good. We still have to do that, and we make sure we keep up the communication. If we've gone more than a week without talking about things that bother us, one of us will make sure we do sit down and talk, even if it is just to say "it's been a good week." We have both been lucky because we want to make our relationship work, and we are able to communicate well with each other. Just as importantly we have a life together, and yet we find time to do things for ourselves without the other involved. We have friends that are his, friends that are mine, and friends that are ours. It's a balancing act, but it's worth all the effort.
KJames Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Relationships are very, very hard work. Trebs and I have been together now for 3 1/2 years, and this is definitely my longest relationship. Along the way there have been many, many ups and downs, but we made it through them because we were able to be honest with each other and to communicate about the bad as well as the good. We still have to do that, and we make sure we keep up the communication. If we've gone more than a week without talking about things that bother us, one of us will make sure we do sit down and talk, even if it is just to say "it's been a good week." We have both been lucky because we want to make our relationship work, and we are able to communicate well with each other. Just as importantly we have a life together, and yet we find time to do things for ourselves without the other involved. We have friends that are his, friends that are mine, and friends that are ours. It's a balancing act, but it's worth all the effort. You guys are in for a great ride through life...Rob & I have been together for almost 18 1/2 years now. There are days where we work ourselves to exhaustion, and days where we never get out of bed are scarce--but they do happen, still . Two great things that we decided to do early in our relationship, even if we're mad at each other, no matter whether it's a trivial or major stressor, was promise each other that we would never go to bed angry with each other, and tell each other that we still loved the other. That's been happening either on the phone before I moved in, or every day since I moved in with him, January 11, 1992. For those of you who think relationships don't last, one of our acquaintances from our former bowling league has been with his partner for about 65 years now...
W_L Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Amazing insights guys, some are simple and others more in depth. The guys with good working relationships highlight communication, which everyone understands and has heard from the best experts in the field. However, there is also another point that is interesting in common about the responses of successful partners and relationships, a desire to keep the relationship by both partners. The bad relationships seem to be based on image issues, character flaws, or incomplete desires from the beginning. On this point, Rush I hope you can liberate yourself one day and find some one willing to work with you on the relationship. The key seems to be beyond communication or balance; it appears that both partner must be willing to work with one another through their relationships. The relationship core is one built on mutual sacrifice and mutual exchange. The old dynamic of a relationship is basically gone; we are not working on the aims for a nuclear family model, anymore. With that idea gone and the rise of individualism, people can choose and move around in their relationships. Then, what motivates people to work on relationships if they know there are a million other choices out there? Everyone thinks it's a buyers market, so why keep working on something old, when you can exchange for a newer better model. You guys in the relationships gave me an insight that relationships that work are mutually connected. You guys made your choice with your partner, so the two partners want to make it work even when there are other options.
FrenchCanadian Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I know it's not exactly the original question, but if we look back in time, we could see that years back there was more and more relationship that lasted for a longer period of time,,, Why, I'd say that in our days, both partner tends to have their career and it occupies a good part of their live. Therefore they don't have time for each other and from time to time it drift them apart as they yield to achieve at higher level. Also I'd say that there's lack of communication in a relationship.
writeincode Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 The topic and question is basically why don't gay or straight relationship seem to last? I am a romantic and would love to be with some one from 20 to 100, but it seems like those types of relationship do not flourish in our world. What is the reasoning behind it? Some do. You just need to go through a series of people until you find the right person at the right time for both of you.
JamesSavik Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think that many relationships fail because of unrealistic expectations. Women are taught that Prince Charming or Mr. Right is out there waiting for them. Str8 men are looking for a hard drinking oversexed supermodel with no self respect. Gay men are looking for Peter Perfect. Anything less, they are just passing the time with and will discard when Mr/Miss. Right comes along.
Meeko Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think that many relationships fail because of unrealistic expectations. Women are taught that Prince Charming or Mr. Right is out there waiting for them. Str8 men are looking for a hard drinking oversexed supermodel with no self respect. Gay men are looking for Peter Perfect. Anything less, they are just passing the time with and will discard when Mr/Miss. Right comes along. Sad to say, but I think James got it right on the money. That's just how it is now, it seems.
LongGone Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 There's a simple, FAR more pessimistic answer. I call it "realistic": People Suck.
Zeoanne Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 The guys with good working relationships highlight communication, which everyone understands and has heard from the best experts in the field. However, there is also another point that is interesting in common about the responses of successful partners and relationships, a desire to keep the relationship by both partners. The bad relationships seem to be based on image issues, character flaws, or incomplete desires from the beginning. On this point, Rush I hope you can liberate yourself one day and find some one willing to work with you on the relationship. I forgot to mention, it's quite hard to keep the communication channels open when you feel like you're talking to yourself. I mean, we can tell each other funny stories and carry a convo. but when it comes to serious issues it's quite frustrating when you see your partner get up and leave you with the words in your mouth. I've tried many times and things get better for a couple of weeks but then after that, same-o same-o. Sorry, I'm whining. Thank you for putting up with me
SRevol Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 hahahaha sorry to say this but Listen to us, we sound like Carrie Bradshaw and her friends, hehe But i agree, a reationship requires a lot of work and tought n_n and the three C
AFriendlyFace Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think its because things get misinterpreted and misunderstandings happen. Currently arguing with my other half (as in, right now on msn ). I dont know if it'll last the week. I hope you can work it out Some 'romantic' relationships fail because not everyone is suited to be in one and not everyone really wants to be in one. However, society tends to treat such people as somehow defective, or at best worthy of pity, and thereby pressurises them into entering into relationships. Such a relationship will eventually fail. I completely agree! Eventually I want to be in a serious, long-term relationship, and if the right thing comes along I'm willing and ready, but for now I'm quite happy being by myself or dating casually. I've had my share of exes and I have to say that the general emotion I most often felt when the relationships ended was relief. Obviously, I took this to mean that either the relationships weren't right and/or I simply wasn't ready or wasn't really wanting it. I think entering a relationship you don't really want is a terrible mistake. I can only talk for my own experiences. I'm on my 3rd husband, unfortunately. 1st husband, who gave me three wonderful kids now 27, 27 & 24 left me for an EX-hooker. If you can figure that one you are more than welcome to comment on it... UGH! and YUCK!! We lasted 7 yrs. (I call him Sperm Provider #1) Second husband, after the 5th year he turned to cocaine and heavy drinking, stole from me which hurt me deeply since he blamed it on my twin boys (later on I found out it was him who did it) Also lated 7 yrs. Present husband who gave me the most beautiful daughter now 8 yrs old. Little did I know he was a pathological liar. Needless to say, you can't believe a word he says and I'm stuck in the marriage. So, all in all, the question you ask is quite hard to answer since everyone has a different reason to NOT remain together. I've always being a "Betty Crocker" housewife. You know, always taking care of the house, making the perfect dinners, doing laundry, raising the perfect children, etc. etc. etc. I feel I'm stuck in a situation I have no control of. Happyness? I know nothing about it. I'm stuck in a very small town where jobs are scarse and not worth a dime since they don't pay much at all. So.... again, I'm stuck with no light at the end of the tunnel.......We've been living in separte rooms for quite a few years now. Happiness...... what is that? Needless to say, I don't believe in straight men. Too much pain has been inflicted in my heart..... Ohhh, the stories I could tell you!!! By the way, if for some miracle I can liberate myself from husband #3, I have already promise myself he will be the last!!! I'm so sorry to hear that Take care and good luck! Even good relationships can be difficult. You both have to want it and be willing to put it first, and even then there will be rough times. Still..love and respect and commitment will get you through if it's what you both want. I think too many people can't see past the rough spots, want it perfect and easy all the time. Then they start to see possiblity as what they can be with someone else, the whole grass is always greener thing. And some people are in love with that whole idea of being in love, that new rush, that in the beginning thing. For me, I believe the mature relationship gets better and stronger over time if you are both committed to it. Making that commitment means that the exploration of possiblity is about being the best person you can be with the person you have chosen and are committed to. Maybe I'm an incurable romantic...but I've been with my partner since I was 19... I believe that if it's what you really want, and you're willing to work for it with a partner equally committed, it is possible. That is really inspiring! Good for you guys My opinion is that people get into relationships too soon, before really knowing the other person, and probably more important, before knowing themselves well enough. I think we'd all have better success if we were more intune with our own wants & needs. And communicating those to any potential mates. Then again, we'd probably only gain that knowledge by trying out relationships to learn what our likes and dislikes are. So maybe it's not such a bad thing for relationships to end when either party realizes it's not 'right'. I think Vic brings up an excellent point! I don't think the success of a relationship can necessarily be measured by longevity alone. A five year relationship that is very happy, brings both the people what they need, and allows them to grow into stronger, healthier, better-adjusted people, is much better than a twenty year relationship that sucks the life out of each partner and leaves them jaded and bitter. We have both been lucky because we want to make our relationship work, and we are able to communicate well with each other. Just as importantly we have a life together, and yet we find time to do things for ourselves without the other involved. We have friends that are his, friends that are mine, and friends that are ours. It's a balancing act, but it's worth all the effort. well said, Dan! That definitely sounds like the key to a healthy, happy relationship to me. You guys are in for a great ride through life...Rob & I have been together for almost 18 1/2 years now. There are days where we work ourselves to exhaustion, and days where we never get out of bed are scarce--but they do happen, still . Two great things that we decided to do early in our relationship, even if we're mad at each other, no matter whether it's a trivial or major stressor, was promise each other that we would never go to bed angry with each other, and tell each other that we still loved the other. That's been happening either on the phone before I moved in, or every day since I moved in with him, January 11, 1992. For those of you who think relationships don't last, one of our acquaintances from our former bowling league has been with his partner for about 65 years now... That's awesome! I'm so glad for you guys Take care all, -Kevin
JamesSavik Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I was just thinking- the last two generations: 60-79, 80-2000 were the first two generations with extremely high divorce rates. At least half of all people now come from a divorced family. This has GOT to be a big influence on how realtionships function- or dysfunction. If you learn growing up that relationships are temporary and that people are disposable, the answer to this riddle is obvious.
Thirdeye Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I was just thinking- the last two generations: 60-79, 80-2000 were the first two generations with extremely high divorce rates. At least half of all people now come from a divorced family. This has GOT to be a big influence on how realtionships function- or dysfunction. If you learn growing up that relationships are temporary and that people are disposable, the answer to this riddle is obvious. I think the big difference isn't really people in general, its the way people and mainly woman look at relationships. Before the 60's pretty much stayed together no matter what once they were married. It was taboo to be divorced for females, and the way society was, a lot of times abuse and cheating were over looked.
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