Novella: Memories of Lost Love

[Nephylim]

Just for Paya so I can see his awesome notes

 

Feel free to comment guys... build me up or tear me down... it's all good to me

[paya]

Just for Paya so I can see his awesome notes

 

Feel free to comment guys... build me up or tear me down... it's all good to me

 

[Nephylim]

now I feel like a VIP

 

 

I have to admit that this story was absolutely my favourite!

 

Here are my notes I took after reading it:

 

Memoriesof Forgotten Love

 

1. <LI value="1">

Hook. I was hooked from the beginning till the end. Though I'd cut it short after Luke and Noah have sex in Noah's room or after Noah defies his father. The overall drama with the kidnapping wasn't necessary, it makes an impression of being added just to make the story

[Conner]

Where exactly is the story? No link.

[wildone]

Conner, hopefully this helps...

 

Memories of Lost Love

 

 

Now onto the story..

 

I too really enjoyed this story. The characters I felt an instant attraction to and dare I say I could relate to Noah as well. Being recently through my own trials and tribulations of rehab for a lengthy period of time, I felt you did an excellent job of representing what emotions and factors drives someone through this situation.

 

I will admit that I had a feeling of the overall storyline early on in the story, especially concerning certain family members of Noah's. What I didn't really expect was the ending and how Noah could actually relate to what Luke had felt over the past year.

 

In some ways I was a bit disappointed with the ending, but the more I thought about it, the more satisfied I was with it. I think you cut it off at the right point of the story and leaves a bit to the imagination of the reader on what will happen in the future of Luke and Noah.

 

Bravo Nephylim .

 

Great job and thank you for sharing.

 

Steve

[Nephylim]

Where exactly is the story? No link.

 

Hehe.... silly me. I forgot to say that it was my Novella... Well it was late and I was slightly *cough* drunk at the time

 

Conner, hopefully this helps...

 

Memories of Lost Love

 

 

Now onto the story..

 

I too really enjoyed this story. The characters I felt an instant attraction to and dare I say I could relate to Noah as well. Being recently through my own trials and tribulations of rehab for a lengthy period of time, I felt you did an excellent job of representing what emotions and factors drives someone through this situation.

 

 

Steve

 

 

Thank you so much for that... it is the best comment I could have hoped for. I read somewhere during my research that of all the films and literature which deal with coma patients only a handful have ever depicted a realistic picture and I wanted to do that. It isn't about just waking up and being all back to normal immediatly and that's what I wanted to show. I'm glad i got it right

 

Thank you for saving my bacon with the link and for taking the time both to read and review. Glad to see you back

[TalonRider]

Another way of getting to it and the others is, to go to the top of the page, click stories, then click Contests. That will get you to all of them.

[Libby Drew]

Sorry for the late reply, Neph.

 

For the record, I totally missed the stairs thing. Paya's got a keen eye for detail, that's for sure.

 

I enjoyed this story very much, particularly how it opened. I read recently that a story should begin as close to the climax as possible, and I think this was the perfect example of why that rule exists. There was immediate tension and I was drawn in right away, asking what happened? and why? Great beginning!

 

Mystery is my favorite genre, and even though I figured things out pretty early on, that didn't decrease the pleasure of the read. Mostly because I got to travel along with Noah and the rest as the truth came to light.

 

Great work! Thanks for taking the time to craft and share this story.

[Nephylim]

Awesome. (sorry that's my word for everything good at the moment ). Thanks so much for the comments and I am so glad you liked it. It really enjoyed writing it, and am so glad that people have enjoyed reading it. I am especially proud that an awesome author like yourself has something nice to say about my work.

[Libby Drew]

That's very sweet of you to say. Honestly, though, this site is full of talent and inspiration, and I'm just happy to be a part of it. (And I really had every intention of replying sooner, but the flu hit and took down the kids in one swoop. I fee like I'm surfacing from a fugue state. :wacko: )

 

Thanks again for sharing.

[Nephylim]

Congratulations darling. You sooooo deserved to win

 

 

I am wildly excited about coming second to you... you are such an awesome writer and I feel privileged.

[Nephylim]

Ooops... did I get confused.... I thought I was posting on the thread about your novella... see what excitement does for you

[Libby Drew]

Congratulations darling. You sooooo deserved to win

 

 

I am wildly excited about coming second to you... you are such an awesome writer and I feel privileged.

 

 

Wait, what? I did? You did?

 

Awesome! And no, the privilege was all mine. Truly. Congratulations back atcha, and to everyone who was involved.

 

Now I have to go find where you saw the results.

 

EDIT: Found em!

[Altimexis]

Nephylim,

 

Congratulations on coming in 2nd! Yours was actually my favorite by far - the story was a compelling read. I agree with some of the comments here - the ending did not come together as well as I would have liked - I found it hard to believe that the father would go to such extreme lengths to cover up nearly killing his son and to nearly kill his son's boyfriend, and then just throw in the towel and set them up in their own apartment - but then guilt is a strong motivator. This is a minor complaint - the story was wonderful. My editor thought your story was the best one, too, next to mine (he's perhaps a bit biased). A couple final critiques if I may - both my editor and I found the use of punctuation to be slightly out of place and distracting - in fact, my editor told me he'd have liked to take a stab at editing your work, which is quite a complement coming from him. Secondly, the switch from past to present tense and the sentence announcing that switch takes the reader outside of the story. There are better ways to handle such a transition within a story without resorting to addressing the reader directly. Again, these are very minor complaints.

 

You are a very talented author - a diamond in the rough who's writing is excellent and on the verge of being outstanding. Hopefully with this win, Myr will see fit to make you a Promising Author at least, and I hope to see you fully hosted in the near future.

[Nephylim]

That was an awesome compliment. Thank you. I thoroughly enjoyed your novella too.... it taught me a lot about something I knew nothing about.

 

Praise coming from you is praise indeed.

 

I accept your criticism absolutely. I am a bit of a punctuation whore, I admit and acknowledge it. I tend to 'see' my stories, living them for the time I am reading. They flow and tell themselves so I tend to type fast and just 'splurge' the story onto the page with the result that sometimes the structure gets very complex and I am by no means a grammar expert.

 

I suppose the same thing applies to my habit of directly addressing my readers... because I am telling a story I sometimes get caught up and tell it directly. I have taken on board what you said and will keep it in mind in the future.

 

I have always been very much a loner with regards to my work, to the extent that until I started posting my work here no one had ever read it let alone edited it. Everything so far... apart from my most recent work has been self written, seft beta'd and self edited.

 

I now have Rush on board as a friend and editor and it is a new and awesome experience. Hopefully it will help my work get better, as will the constructive criticism of awesome writers like yourself.

 

Thank you for reading, thank you even more for commenting honestly and I am soooo pleased you liked it.