What does gay marriage mean to you?

[JamesSavik]

What does gay marriage mean to you?

 

When... If gay marriage comes to pass, what would it mean to you?

 

Is this a game changer? Or is gay marriage in the absence of protections against discrimination problematic?

[Menorain]

To me, gay marriage is about equal rights.

 

It annoys me when those against gay marriage start talking crap about how it's unnatural. I mean, marriage isn't a green light to procreate, is it? I always thought that marriage was perceived as the ultimate expression of love. Why wouldn't a committed gay couple wanna get married? These 'civil unions', while a step in the right direction, aren't what we're looking for. All the same rights as marriage, but it's not called marriage? Then why not call it marriage? Because it's different from marriage. These different terms and laws that are specific to gay couples only reinforce the view that we are different and less than the straight citizen. Something else I was thinking about was that I feel like the world views straight couples as more important than gay couples. Know what I mean? It's like the opportunity of gay marriage immediately gives the relationship that stamp of verification of 'yeah, we've made this commitment and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together'. Of course there is also the issue of gay couples having all the same legal rights as straight couples, which is probably the most important thing about the gay marriage struggle.

 

Either way, the judge's ruling of pop 8 as unconstitutional is certainly a step forward in the fight for equality.

[Nephylim]

What does straight marriage mean to you? Marriage is marriage. It's the ritual by which one person creates a (theoretically) permanent relationship by declaring intent to one another. Legal marriage is a marriage recognised by the state.

 

I didn't have one of those for five years after I married my ex and we only went through a civil ceremony then becuse of the stupid laws regarding children.

 

Wherever you are gays can marry... they just can't marry legally which I personally think is the least important part HOWEVER I apprecaite that is because I have the choice.

 

Civil Partnerships have been legal here for some time now and I have experience of how important that is to the people who are now able to enter into them and I also understand how insulting it is that they are still different to the marriage available to heterosexuals.

 

 

[Bondwriter]

The right to make a citizen. Civil union doesn't recognize this. My sister married a guy from the US, she lives and works there, after they lived for a few years in France when they first married 13 years ago. Though they underwent annoying administrative procedures in both countries to get the needed papers to live there, they have a stable situation and they may even choose where they want to live. They have no children, by the way, which doesn't jeopardize their situation.

 

One of my friends and possible house mate is from South America (he might move in, but financial/ family situation makes it seem unlikely, but well, this is another issue). Regardless of the nature of the relationship (we're friends, not committed lovers), it's not even theoretically possible to envision a long-term relationship. The civil union we have here won't give me the same rights my sister has.

 

Of course, a broader, non-partisan coalition to gain anti-discrimation laws could be a plus for all US citizens. They exist at state levels, when I was a TA in Iowa we used the Iowa Civil Rights Act to get full health insurance coverage for same-sex partners.

 

The "Iowa Civil Rights Act of 1965" prohibits discrimination in the areas of employment, housing, credit, public accommodations and education. Discrimination, or different treatment, is illegal if based on race, color, creed, national origin, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, pregnancy, physical disability, mental disability, retaliation (because of filing a previous discrimination complaint, participating in an investigation of a discrimination complaint, or having opposed discriminatory conduct), age (in employment and credit), familial status (in housing and credit) or marital status (in credit).

 

[meowsan]

gay marriage?! hell yeah!

 

free buffet dinner with better food, better music netter after party and more hunks to set traps for!!!!

 

also ... wedding cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[viv]

Believe it or not, there is a whole debate going on over on my 14 year old daughter's facebook about whether it's right or wrong. I've had to explain things like separation of church and state, civil rights, tolerance, etc., but to me... gay marriage being legal means that finally ALL people (in our country) will have the SAME rights regarding marriage, as it should be. It also means, that all the people who feed their souls by preaching hate and acting as a bigot will either double their efforts, or redirect them toward some other minority, sadly. I really hope that people can stop exploiting innocent children, stop using religion or their definition of marriage, and just stop and THINK. I know that's anew idea, but amazing things can happen when you do that. Preaching to the choir here, I know.

[corvus]

It is something of a game changer, imo.

 

Like what Nephylim said, the question is more of what is 'marriage' rather than 'gay marriage.' Marriage as a legal matter independent from religious matters is, of course, correct, but there's no escaping all the connotations and history of that word -- echoes of family, alliances, recognition, etc. There's a huge difference in saying 'I'm a husband' rather than 'I'm a partner,' even if the legal rights are the same.

 

[MikeL]

When gay marriage is fully legal throughout the US...and I think it will be sooner rather than later...it will change things for everyone.

 

Gays will receive the greatest benefit, including some benefits many have not considered. Marriage will provide gays with a personal status they've not had before. I'm not talking about the legal staus and its attendant benefits. I'm talking about a whole new way to view their relationship. Many gay relationships are short-lived because there is no purpose to remaining together. Marriage will provide a purpose to keep a gay couple together. If they are sincere when making their marriage vows, they will build a partnership with their spouse where each of them complements the other. They will work together to reach their shared goals and aspirations. And they will be surprised to see just how much happiness they derive from those accomplishments.

 

What I hope to see (and guess it will take too long to accumulate the statistics in my lifetime) is that gay marrieds have a lower divorce rate than heterosexuals. There's where all of society starts to benefit.

[methodwriter85]

If they are sincere when making their marriage vows, they will build a partnership with their spouse where each of them complements the other. They will work together to reach their shared goals and aspirations. And they will be surprised to see just how much happiness they derive from those accomplishments

 

The lesbian couple who led the fight for gay marriage in Massachusetts got divorced. Sometimes I think people got to look long and hard for what they're fighting for...

[Conner]

gay marriage?! hell yeah!

 

free buffet dinner with better food, better music netter after party and more hunks to set traps for!!!!

 

also ... wedding cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Dude, you get my vote!!!

[Conner]

...and on a more serious note.

 

Frankly, I don't thinks gays will have any easier a time with marriage than straights do. For me, though, it's about equality. It's also about moving towards normalcy.

[Trebs]

It's also to prevent the Sharon Kowalskistories of the future - being able to travel and definitively tell the hospital how my unconsious husband needs to be treated...

[Former Member]

Besides a bit of obvious, it's been legal for years in my home country so I'm used to thinking about it... BUT, marriage in general in that country, Germany is not a high percentage thing for people to do, gay or straight. Maybe because in some ways people associate "marriage" with religion still, and a lot of people also don't actively do that either.

 

In some ways, even there, however, it seems to be a higher priority for some GLBT people, perhaps because they want to make a "solid, visible", point-out-able relationship to evidence their commitment. Affirmation.

 

I think it's important for it be legal and open for anyone who wants it. Sometimes there are other circumstances where it really can be important regarding assets, insurance, loans, health care etc. and relatives who might try to interfere with the widowed (-er) partner if their life love passes away. So pragmatically it can be vital.

 

Myself personally, whether it's with a man or a woman, I have no desire to attached to anyone in that way. Love to me doesn't equal marriage, a civil partnership, a ring, or any other such thing. It's a symbol for someone else which my heart has already told me and needs nothing from anyone. Just the same.... for those who want it and want to the dream of it, it should be their choice.

[Tipdin]

Gays gaining the right to marry means the end to many legal hassles. If gay people are afforded the same rights as straight people when they get married, it would mean that we can file joint taxes, inherit from one another, and a host of other legal issues are removed from the Worry List.

 

It seems so simple. Give gay people the same rights that straight people get when marrying. We keep claiming that American treats its people equally under the law, however, every honest American knows that's not true.

 

I shouldn't have to fight my partner's family for his half of the house we own. The money that we made and invested together should not AUTOMATICALLY go to his siblings - siblings that haven't had any relationship with us for decades. But in this state, even with a will, stipulations are not necessarily followed. My partner and I have gone through all sorts of red tape trying to insure and ensure that the surviving partner does not have to fight for what it rightfully theirs.

 

For straight couples in this state, a surviving partner automatically inherits everything. No question. But investments that are in my partner's name do not automatically become mine, nor do investments that BOTH names are on. (In some situations it is possible to have right of survivorship, but not in all cases.)

 

It's simple. Give me what my siblings got, what my cousins got, what my parent's got, what most of my friends got. Equality. I am not asking for anything extra or unusual.

Edited August 7, 2010 by Tipdin

[JamesSavik]

In some ways, even there, however, it seems to be a higher priority for some GLBT people, perhaps because they want to make a "solid, visible", point-out-able relationship to evidence their commitment. Affirmation.

 

Bingo.

 

I think that gay marriage is so important for some gay people because for generations we've been told that our relationships are immoral and have no worth.

 

Having that official state sanctioned piece of paper probably means more to us than str8s because they take it for granted.

[ricky]

It is more than making a public statement. It you have a partner, even where civil unions are permitted and your partner is injured. You are not considered family and can not make decisions regarding care. You may not even have access to them.

 

And if you have adopted a child or brought one from a previous relationship, your partner can not tend to the child if you die or become incapacitated. Even if you have been with them for some time and are viewed by the child as another parent. It becomes traumatic to you and devastating to the child.

 

If your lover dies, you may not even be able to go to the funeral. And all your joint belongings become subject to question and estate ownership. And if your name is not on the lease and your lover dies you can be left homeless literally on the street with NO possessions.

 

Marriage permits discounts on motor vehicle insurance as well. And in the U.S. Taxes are much lower for married couples. Discrimination is much easier when the couple is not married. Some states even have co-habitation laws that prohibit it if you are not married. It was a law designed to keep people from defrauding Social Security but it hits gays square in the face.

 

Marriage allows you to be considered as adoptive parents. You have the right to raise a loving family.

 

There are so many areas that it touches that many do not think about. So many protections. So many possibilities to live equally as comfortable with your lives as any hetero couples.

 

I think one of the best stories that argues the point gallantly is by Altimexis

http://altimexis.gayauthors.org/Naptown/Naptown21-SummerInternship/index.htm

 

All of his writings touch on it but this tale and the last one, "Till Death Do us Part" presents some of the best arguments for it I have read yet to date.

[Krista]

Heh, there was this one guy saying, "they're trying to take my marriage," over and over to me when I told him that I supported Gay Marriage. I told him that "they" aren't taking anything "they" just want their own marriage. It goes along with the affirmation thing, people want to have the same rights, sure, but when socially the strongest and highest level of love falls on being able to marry that one person you love.. I hate that we don't allow that for people. So he thought that if our country legalized gay marriage it took away or diminished his marriage. I had to practice a lot of patience with him... especially since he was on his third wife after throwing away two marriages.

[Forty-Two]

I have a lot of problems with marriage in general and think the world would be better off with a lot less of the strings that are attached to marriage.

 

Having said that, I definitely believe in equal rights for all so of course gay marriage should be legal everywhere. But for me personally, it's not "a game changer," it has very little to do with anything I strive for.

[Benji]

...and on a more serious note.

 

Frankly, I don't thinks gays will have any easier a time with marriage than straights do. For me, though, it's about equality. It's also about moving towards normalcy.

 

...............Yes you are correct there, it comes down to equal rights. Which are not acknowledged by all the states, if one partner should fall ill in a vacationing state, the other may have no recourse. Marriage solves everything, some 1,300 benefits come with it without expensive wills and other documents needed drawn up. The fight for equality is for the ones that want to get married and enjoy the rights afforded to other tax-paying people. The distinction is all over equality, not over the choice of getting married.

Edited August 9, 2010 by Benji

[Graeme]

What does gay marriage mean to you?

 

When... If gay marriage comes to pass, what would it mean to you?

 

Is this a game changer? Or is gay marriage in the absence of protections against discrimination problematic?

Since I won't be taking advantage of gay marriage, my perspective, while similar to a few people's comments about, is about what it would have meant to me if it had been available before I got married.

 

The main thing, I think, is that it would have told me that I'm not weird, I'm not strange, I'm not odd, that I'm normal. Some people may think that's strange, but I grew up in a culture which was neither strongly nor overtly homophobic, but there were enough subtle comments that I felt that I needed to keep my sexuality hidden. If there was a public indication, such as allowing marriage, that society thought my sexuality was okay, I may have found the courage to have come out as a teenager, or young adult, and not have to wait until I was forty before I finally accepted myself.

 

So gay marriage is a step that society needs to take along the path to saying that being gay is just another facet of a person, and no more significant that whether they are left or right handed.

 

That's what it means to me.

[ricky]

Since I won't be taking advantage of gay marriage, my perspective, while similar to a few people's comments about, is about what it would have meant to me if it had been available before I got married.

 

The main thing, I think, is that it would have told me that I'm not weird, I'm not strange, I'm not odd, that I'm normal. Some people may think that's strange, but I grew up in a culture which was neither strongly nor overtly homophobic, but there were enough subtle comments that I felt that I needed to keep my sexuality hidden. If there was a public indication, such as allowing marriage, that society thought my sexuality was okay, I may have found the courage to have come out as a teenager, or young adult, and not have to wait until I was forty before I finally accepted myself.

 

So gay marriage is a step that society needs to take along the path to saying that being gay is just another facet of a person, and no more significant that whether they are left or right handed.

 

That's what it means to me.

 

Not into long range planning? What about your next life?

 

Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. But error on the side of caution and next time you may not find as understanding of a wife. They are not that common you know. I know of two, yours and mine.

 

And what if one of your youngsters has picked up that magic gay combination of genes from his loving dad?

 

In short, time to step up the legacy fight. So many of us missed out on a lot of life we didn't need to. Darn few are as lucky as we are in that respect. Now that we know we are not alone, we are not as terrorized as we once were. Time to collectively kick political butt and take names on all continents. I mean, we still have people being stoned to death for being gay. Evan Iran succumbs to international pressures of the press.

 

Those are my thoughts.

Cheers,

Ricky

[Sagar]

In many countries including mine the concept of gay marriage is just a replica of the heterosexual stereotypes, only replacing the lady with another guy. I heard many of my 'gay' friends asking a gay couple, 'who

[Former Member]

In many countries including mine the concept of gay marriage is just a replica of the heterosexual stereotypes, only replacing the lady with another guy. I heard many of my 'gay' friends asking a gay couple, 'who's the husband and who's the wife?'

 

 

Oh that question pisses me off, but I know something it is innocently asked...in that they don't mean it as offense. In the same way some people ask that of gay couples in general. As if automatically a gay relationship is simply a replacement of "male/female" relationships.

[wildone]

So saw something today and I thought of posting it to this topic because of it.

 

Today I was in the big city and was in a sporting good store. There was people in line in front of me and I happened to have my interest piqued by a couple of guys that were probably in their late 30's, both tall, both fit, and talking and looking each others in the eyes.

 

All of a sudden everyone heard a small child screaming 'Dads' and a little guy about 2-3 years old with blond curls everywhere come running up to the store and basically leap up into one of the guys arms. The guy, assuming his Dad asked what was wrong and with a full pout on his face the kid said Lisa said a bad word. At the same time, a maybe 12 year old girl appeared and the other guy asked her to come over and grabbed her hand.

 

The people in front of the four of them had moved up and I realized the guy who was holding the girl's hand put his other hand on the small of the back of the guy trying to hug the little guy to death. They moved up and the salesgirl said, "I was wondering who these kids belonged to" in a friendly way as if joking. Both guys said they're ours together, and looked at each other and started smiling. Then the one guy holding the girl's hand said 'But some days we wish they weren't" with a smile and got a "Daaaaaaaaaad" from their daughter.

 

It was very obvious that the two were a couple and the boy and girl were both of theirs. It was also at this time I noticed the identical bands on each guys ring finger.

 

I also looked at the reaction of the other people in line and noticed that everyone was smiling and there wasn't any looks of disgust,

 

This is what I see the allowing of gay marriage. It WILL change attitudes, it WILL change perspectives, i WILL give all of us the opportunity to be a couple in public.

 

Yes there will be those who don't want it, but eventually they will be looked upon by the rest of society as racists are today after 60 years of progression of attitudes.

 

I have hope for the future

[ricky]

So saw something today and I thought of posting it to this topic because of it.

 

....

 

Yes there will be those who don't want it, but eventually they will be looked upon by the rest of society as racists are today after 60 years of progression of attitudes.

 

I have hope for the future

 

Thanks Wildone for sharing this beautiful moment. The pains they must have had to go through for that situation to occur is beyond imagination. But it shows that happiness is possible.

 

My hope for them is that it continues a lifetime. And for you? May you find that happiness also.

 

After all, you deserve to be happy.