What Is Gay Life Like Where You Live?

[Wicked Witch]

Gay life .... well.... I live in a town of 15,000 a stone throw from the state capital of 200,000 people and we barely have a straight social life.

 

There is one (straight) brothel in the capital city called the Gentleman's Club and a sex shop I've seen advertised on late night TV but I have absolutely no clue where the hell it is supposedly located even knowing the street from the advert. There are all of 3 nightclubs, none of which are LGBTIA. We don't have gay pride parades, and the states single Uni has a LGBTIA alliance but that's about it for them. All private middle to high schools are affiliated to some christian denomination or other and several are presently being sued for kicking out LGBTIA students, while most of the public schools are in extremely homophobic low socioeconomic areas. I do know there is a 'database' of gay friendly tourist locations promoted by the local tourism council, and I recall a website mentioning community group holds friendly (non-sexual) get togethers for the LGBTIA community once a month.

[Xtro]

Perhaps the general mindset is that, with the state capital being so close, there's no need for any Gay Friendly organisational support. And a Pride march can be sometimes considered 'intimidating' to those on the 'outside.' (Which is sometime where the more flamboyant members of our tribe can be a little too 'stereotypical' - even for those of us in the same club.)

 

I think you need to turn your expectations around a little. Have you thought about becoming a gay activist and working to build up a successful gay support structure? In a town of 15,000 you're not going to be the only gay man, believe me - so maybe it's time to start taking the initiative.

 

And if it's any consolation, the UK Government didn't de-criminalise Homosexuality until 1967. The first UK/London based Pride 'Marches' didn't happen until 1970/1972. In other words, it didn't happen overnight.

 

As it is, Pride these days has become a business venture, rather than a show of solidarity and support - so in some respects it's not all Wine & Roses:-

 

"In late 2012, a group of individuals from within the LGBTQ community formed London LGBT+ Community Pride, a registered community interest company, and the company organised the Pride in London festival and parade in 2013. The organisation has been awarded a contract to organise Pride in London for five years by the Greater London Authority, together with funding of £500,000 over five years."

 

But, if you really want to make a difference, and see a change in the situation around you, then you have to do something yourself.

 

It's either that, or move to another part of the country, alas.

[Graeme]

Xtro, based on the information supplied, I can guess which city Wicked Witch lives near. If it's the one I'm think of, I've worked there and it's a pretty conservative area. It's one of the last states to decriminalise homosexuality, but it's also one of the first to introduce a same-sex relationship registry. That state is still evolving and it's certainly got liberal parts, but it doesn't have a strong gay community (I looked when I was working there a few years ago).

 

That doesn't mean there aren't other gays. I know of someone who lived in that area who used to be active here at GA a few years ago, though I haven't seen him online recently. But getting in touch with other gay guys, especially gay guys of a similar age, is tricky.

[Timothy M.]

I live in Copenhagen. Need I say more ? 

 

But I'm too old and boring to go to clubs and places. So I just live vicariously via the report from young gay nephews etc. And via the internet of course

[Wicked Witch]

I live near Hobart, capital of Tasmania. And we only decriminalized homosexuality in 1998 after the United Nations intervened. Actually Tasmania is bizarre in that we're the only state in Australia that recognises foreign and interstate gay civil unions and marriages but we don't actually allow them within our own state. We've even elected several gay and lesbian senators, yet a petition of 10,000 people scuttled attempts to get us gay marriage (10,000 is something like 5% of the state population, so a massive number.) A state of contradictions. 

 

re: not needing due to state capital. What I described above is about the state capital. My town is pretty much considered a satellite of the capital, so I guess I'm used to talking about the two in one. Heh sorry for confusion.

 

Tbh all the sex shops, hookup locations and nightclubs aren't my scene, but it'd be nice if we had more of a LGBT community.

Edited July 12, 2014 by Wicked Witch

[Graeme]

I guessed correctly

 

Despite being very liberal in some respects (as Wicked Witch mentions), Tasmania is very conservative in others. It's an odd mix. Hobart is very sedate -- not a vibrant city that's open all hours. Indeed, it largely shuts down at night (apart from the casino and a few other isolated places). Of course, I've largely been there during the week (for work) and flying home to Melbourne for the weekend, but I don't believe the weekends are much different. It doesn't matter if you're gay or straight -- there's not a lot happening....

[Xtro]

There wasn't much happening around us until we started up a support group. I appreciate that the climate (social) is probably different, but until someone makes the first move to do something, then nothing is going to get changed.

[zaf89]

We have a couple of "gayborhoods" in my city, with some gay bars/clubs and bookstores. We also have a pride festival every summer, an AIDS walk, and a major university with a lot of gay groups and events. But I live in the largest city, by far, in my state. If you drive 45 minutes or so in any direction, you're in the middle of nowhere. 

[raydeayon1]

I guess you can say my town is in the middle. We have one gay club that i don't really like going to, its just not my kind of scene. We do have a LGBT organization but I've never been there. I guess if i really needed to, i could drive up to Milwaukee (about a 30 mile drive). Milwaukee has a better atmosphere than here, more open to the LGBT community. So yeah not much where i live at but at lease its close to me.

[VLM]

It's awesome... People around here doesn't care if you are gay or not... Just in about a 5 km range from where I live there is three gay clubs... All the restaurants and catering places do care for their gay people and does not have a problem organising events for us... Even the churches are accepting gay people, or should I say, those that I know of... But in a round cap, our region are very accepting towards gays

[VLM]

It's awesome... People around here doesn't care if you are gay or not... Just in about a 5 km range from where I live there is three gay clubs... All the restaurants and catering places do care for their gay people and does not have a problem organising events for us... Even the churches are accepting gay people, or should I say, those that I know of... But in a round cap, our region are very accepting towards gays

O and as I was reading most of the comments, schools in the are also accept us... People around here are sweet and caring, so I must say if you take our province in hand, with both large cities, then you can say every one just adores us, we normally hold the largest gay March in RSA every year

[Sympathia]

Malmö - Copenhagen area, rainbows everywhere! Even stumbled into a male fetish club!

[mickey1952]

I live in a small town (8700) in a fairly rural area, so a gay culture is pretty nonexistent here, but that's the way I like it. I lived in large cities until the last ten years and loved the gay lifestyle for many of those years. But I chose to move to the country because I was tired of the city life and yearned for something quieter and slower. I have several gay friends anywhere from a few minutes to within an hour or so of me so I'm not a gay hermit. And there's always Iowa City an hour from here, the Quad Cities an hour and a half, or Des Moines two hours away. But now that I'm a little older I prefer sitting on my porch in the evening with a glass of iced tea, or strolling the few blocks to the town square or the Dairy Queen. Many people in town know of my "open secret" orientation, and couldn't care less, even in rural southeastern Iowa.

 

And the town I'm soon retiring to in Arizona is only 40,000, and fairly conservative. At my age, I just don't care about the bars and nightlife anymore.

[Canuk]

Darwin is a weird city. 140,000 people at a stretch. Agrarian socialist government (ie weird sort of conservative) very macho culture, but this individualism extends to a remarkable acceptance of gay society. A "straight friendly" night club with the unambiguous name of Throb. Publicised drinks for "gay men and their friends" Thursdays at what is otherwise a very conservative pub "The Cav" ( aka the Cavanagh Hotel) and a remarkable number of gay men and women spread in quite senior positions in and out of government. All in all one of the weirder but friendly places I have lived for quite a while.

[Northerner]

Stockholm 

 

Ok, it's smaller than London or NYC but there's a little bit of everything, a few gayborhoods and the place is very tolerant. Basically no one will interfere with your life as long as you don't. Oh, the people are really cute! There's a certain luxury being able to grab a towel, hit some cliffs or the sea and snuggle without anyone being visibly upset.

 

Sometimes I wish the nightlife was more brazen or wilder, but that's not my usual scene. Everything's done in tasteful moderation in the nightlife, the wild stuff happens in people's homes.

Edited August 5, 2014 by Northerner

[Rockette]

It's nonexistent here!  We have some bars, but they are mostly just drag bars.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good drag bar, but they only have a few nights that are "gay" nights.  It's the strangest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[Ashi]

Okay, I accidentally came across this place on Google Map called Steamworks (I was looking for a photo lab that could still print film optically), and it looks like a place Matt might enjoy....  Gym plus bathhouse.  They have a website (which includes many locations even one in Toronto), but be forewarned, some photos might contain nudity. 

 

You won't spot a nerd like me in a place like that though, but thank you for asking.

[Menace]

My gay life is non-existent.  The city I live in does have gay clubs, bars, stores that are listed as gay owned and probably the rest of your list (not sure about bath houses..., but I never checked).  I read it was the gay hub before SF took over, then receeded afer SF took over as the gay hub of the area, but now I do see a little resurgence.  It has a gay video bar in downtown, not sure what that is....  I never really like going to downtown after dark.  The few gay people I knew back in one of my old jobs prefer to go to SF (or the City, as most people here prefer to call it).  SJ is just more of a bedroom society....  But you can always go to SF for fun activities.  There are gay parades and festivals in SF, too.  And AIDS walk and Bay-to-Breakers that are not gay specific athletic events, but certainly of interest to some.  And then there is Folsom Street Fair and Baker Beach....

 

I'm pretty sure there are bath-houses LOL. And yes, it's pretty fun at SF (birth city) but it's mostly driven by bedroom scenes so.

 

 

From where I am, it's pretty dull during the sunlight. However, when the sun goes down, the people come out. There's a few gay bars here and there and it's usually crowded. Downtown is really crowded at night anyways because there's where the bars are located. I'm not sure about bath houses around here though.  There's also gay parade and gay pride day during sometime at June.  oh ya, there's also Lavender District which is the "gay" part of the city but it's only like a street not a whole neighborhood. But the neighborhood where I live, there's a lot of gay residents here.  (saw some random rainbow flags lol)

Edited August 11, 2014 by Menace

[joann414]

Not exactly existent, not exactly frowned upon, certainly not accepted.  More or less blissful ignorance or redneck entertainment.  The ignorance is humorous.  Someone put a gay flag sticker on a rowdy redneck's truck and he thinks one of his nieces or nephews got it from somewhere and put it on there.  Doesn't even know what it is.  Of course a lot of men boast things like, "he better not touch me if he knows what's good for him."  Then of course he doesn't know his kid brother is gay and lives in Alabama.  So no, not anything to speak of.

[TetRefine]

Okay, I accidentally came across this place on Google Map called Steamworks (I was looking for a photo lab that could still print film optically), and it looks like a place Matt might enjoy....  Gym plus bathhouse.  They have a website (which includes many locations even one in Toronto), but be forewarned, some photos might contain nudity. 

 

You won't spot a nerd like me in a place like that though, but thank you for asking.

 

I've heard of Steamworks. They are a bathhouse chain (which I didn't know existed). But bathhouses in the US have basically become a place for old guys to hang out and hook up. Young guys pretty much stay away from them now and stick to Grindr, Jack'd, and clubs/bars. I've never been to a bathhouse before, and based off what I've heard from other guys my age I probably won't. 

[pmdacey]

We live in Portland, Oregon where being gay is basically a non-issue.  That is, if you stay near the city center.  Things change drastically the further you move away from the downtown core.  There are clubs, bars, bathhouses, sex/video shops, etc., etc.  We have settled into our roles as an old gay couple so we don't frequent a lot of the gay businesses very often because we are not interested in getting drunk or having anonymous sex (anymore).  We live in the Old Town area of Portland and there is a brand new gay bar just around the corner.  There are three other gay clubs within a few blocks.  We usually frequent Scandals Bar which is in what used to be Vaseline Alley (SW Stark Street) and the heart of the gay community here, but it has spread through out the city over the last ten years.

[Mikelaing74]

Darren and I live in Ayr, Scotland. The closest 'gay' venues for us is 30 miles away in Glasgow. There are a few bars, I believe there is a sauna and a few other bits and pieces. However we do have an annual pride march in Glasgow which is usually fun.

[myself_i_must_remake]

vacuous.

 

there are few gays, few places to find gays, and scarcity makes us alternately nasty and needy.

[Andy78]

There is a bar in Central London that hubby and I go to sometimes when we are out in the West End.  It's called (rather unimaginatively) GAY

 

 

The place gets very mixed reviews though, which is shame because we've always enjoyed it there.

 

Though pretty much every other door on Old Compton Street is a gay bar of some description.  Since the Prince Edward Theatre is just round the corner, Old Compton Street does do a lot of trade.

Edited August 30, 2014 by Andy78