What No One Sees by craftingmom

[craftingmom]

Hey there!  It was just suggested to me by a reader that it might be nice to start a story thread about What No One Sees.  I know the story is almost done now, but this might also be a good place to share thoughts about, not only the story, but abuse in general.  

 

There has been a lot of emotional response about the story, especially about the lack of action on both Avery's part as well as Matt's and the rest of the town (teachers, sheriff, etc).  I do understand why people may think it odd for Avery not to have confided in Matt yet; and yes, he's beginning to trust Matt, but he's also lived in fear for 6 years--he's known Matt, as a friend, for only a couple weeks (they only went to the mall about two weeks ago (and a couple days) and Avery spent one of those weeks with Delgasio.  He's afraid of losing Matt if he tells him, it's the fear of punishment, but also the fear of shame and humiliation that keeps Avery back--it's not necessarily logical to those of us who haven't grown up in abusive situations; an abuse victim isn't always thinking logically.  I guess if we all acted logically there wouldn't be the horrors of abuse at all.  

 

As for Matt (and Erin) not yet connecting the dots,  again, I'd just have to say that they've only known him closely a short time, and Avery isn't telling them anything.  So while we (as readers) think all the signs are obvious--heck why didn't Matt go running to the cops when he saw those bruises under his braces?  Why did he believe the lie Avery told him about the 911 call?--the reality is that most people don't go running to the police with accusations without a lot of evidence--which Matt doesn't have yet, he doesn't even have strong suspicions because Avery explains everything away so far--more like that nigling in the back of his head.  Again, Matt's really only been with Avery just over a week (two on the generous side), he hasn't had time to see a real pattern yet.  I suppose if everyone in the town compared notes on Avery, they might come to the conclusion that he's being abused.  But part of the point I guess I was getting at with this story is that many people see a little something that triggers a 'hmm, I wonder why?' moment, but many are unlikely to act on it without more evidence, and when the victim themselves is denying it, then it makes it doubly hard to prove anything. 

 

Yes, this story is a bit of an exaggeration of most abusive situations.  Most are not quite this bad, but still any abuse--mental, verbal, physical or sexual--is unacceptable.  Sometimes, like with my mom and dad, it's more of a constant berating or belittling of the person.  I hate that my mom puts up with it, but she does, as victims of abuse often do.  They may not see it as abuse, the abuser may constantly apologize and draw them back in, or , like in Avery's case, the abuser has just asserted so much control and fear over the victim that they feel like, "this is it".  It takes a lot of trust and a lot of courage to get out of an abusive situation.  I guess I just hoped to showcase one kid's struggles, his hopelessness, his fear and shame, at feeling stuck.  

 

There are so many stories out there of kids who are abused for years and then we hear about how they killed their abuser on the news--they reached a breaking point, where they felt there was no way out but violence as well.  Our goal in society is to find these kids (or adults) before they are so broken that they feel they have no other options-- to catch it and stop it well before it goes on for years, slowing breaking them down.

 

So, that's my ramble for now.  Hopefully, it's not preachy--just wanted to share my feelings about it.   And if you have any questions/suggestions about the story (or anything else) please feel free to ask!

 

(and thanks Cazpedroso for the idea to start this thread!) 

 

 

[LitLover]

We have to remember as well (With regard to Avery's story) he was very young when the abuse started. Children have an innate instinct that adults are believed over children. He knows his dad is respected. Heck, people in town compliment him in front of Avery for being such "good dad". I could not imagine being a child, with seemingly nowhere to go and not knowing who to trust. He couldn't even tell a teacher that he was sad about his mom before they called his dad. I'd be scared to take the chance to trust someone with my secret too just in case they said something to his father. Blaming him for not talking to someone in town is unrealistic. He is getting to trust Matt and i think he was on his way to telling him everything. That in itself was amazing, since he did know Matt for only a couple of weeks.

 

With regard to abuse in general. The point of abuse is exerting power and dominance over another person, whether it be verbal, emotional or physical. I have known people in abusive relationships and the abuser always seems to make the abused person feel like they deserve the abuse, "asked for it" and have nowhere to go. One woman I know continually went back bacause she felt like no one else could ever love her another was scared that there was no where she could hide where he wouldn't find her. Her family tried to get her out several times but she kept returning. We were all upset when she went back and people didn't understand, but in the end her fears were justified when he broke into the house one night and shot two friends who were staying with her. Imagine being a child being abused with those feelings. Worse yet, you are being hurt by the person who is supposed to be your safe haven. You can't judge people for not leaving if your are not in their shoes.

 

Ok rant over. Thank you for creating the forum. I agree. It's a good place for your readers to purge and discuss some of the feelings created by reading avery's story.

Edited January 18, 2015 by LitLover

[Timothy M.]

Just wanted to tell you I think the story is completely believable on the aspect of Avery not telling or trusting anyone with his secret. We've had a couple of cases come to light here in the past few years, and one of them had the father whore his kid out to other men.

I'm sorry about not leaving reviews, but I find it hard to think of something to say when faced with all this anguish. But I read faithfully, and I'm so grateful you post every day, or the suspense would kill me.

[Caz Pedroso]

I read this after Craftingmom’s interview with Cia. Although it is a very sad story in many places, I do believe it a story that needs to be told.

 

People often think that the person being abused should have just left. As the other's have said the person being abused could be too scared to tell anyone or they may believe the behavior is completely normal.

 

I had a best friend from the age of four, to everyone around her she was a lovely girl, shy and very naive but always friendly. She had a mild learning difficulty and it made her very trusting of everyone.

 

It wasn’t till we were seventeen that I found out what her father had been doing to her and her little sister. She didn’t realize what was happening was wrong, her parents (yes her mum knew what was happening but was too weak to stand up to the father  ) had refused permission for the school to teach her sex education when we were ten like the other kids. So she was never told that what her father was doing wasn’t normal for fathers and daughters.

 

The publicity about abuse wasn’t around then (this was over twenty years ago) but I often wondered why the teachers didn’t realize anything was wrong. Looking back now I can see all the signs were there (hindsight as they say is twenty-twenty) and when I first found out I was furious at the teachers that were meant to look after us and keep us safe and they hadn't noticed.

 

But this story shows the lengths some people will go to to hide what is happening out of shame and fear, or in my friends case because they honestly don't know anything is wrong.

 

Thank you Craftingmom for sharing this story and bringing this topic to us all.

 

I looked up some things on the internet and found these links

 

Helplines for people in the Uk. http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help

 

Helplines for people in the US http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/helplinesUS.htm

[Dabeagle]

I read Craftingmom's previous foray into something with some similarities, All In. While it was a good story and presented well with difficult themes, I found it hard to read and even more difficult to praise the hard work because of the content. The best I could say was that the story reminded me of how I felt - how a lot of people felt - after movies like 'Training Day' and 'Brokeback Mountain' where you watched a really good movie, but couldn't watch it again.

 

Even though I am curious, I know reading this will drop me down a rabbit hole.