' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[Emi GS]

I think I might offer a few 'tweaks' to make it perfect - which is what I think you want most of all

 

I never felt myself again,

not until that very moment.

There you come and there you go;

through the void of my heart.

The feeling of cold

that [[moment, time, instant, meeting, etc - your choice]] began to summon.

Is this the spring’s wind,

or just that I am alone!? [[or, make "Is this..." in the first line "Was this..." so the verb tenses agree]]

Thank you for looking after it. I have check all you suggestions and made these little changes and explanations...

 

 

3rd Line: There you came and there you gone;

 

Explanation: I don't wanna ruin the rhyming a-b-a-b-c-d-c-d, of the poem.

 

 

6th Line: is this really necessary to include those, because it was the 'cold' that began to summon. Do we really have add a time related word??? **Think about this**

 

 

7th Line: Was is fine as you suggested.

 

 

8th Line: "or I am just alone!?" how about this.

[AC Benus]

Thank you for looking after it. I have check all you suggestions and made these little changes and explanations...

 

 

3rd Line: There you came and there you gone;

 

Explanation: I don't wanna ruin the rhyming a-b-a-b-c-d-c-d, of the poem.

 

 

6th Line: is this really necessary to include those, because it was the 'cold' that began to summon. Do we really have add a time related word??? **Think about this**

 

 

7th Line: Was is fine as you suggested.

 

 

8th Line: "or I am just alone!?" how about this.

Okay. We'll have a convo about rhymes later on

 

For the grammar, it should be 'go' or 'went,' but that's up to you. The line starting with 'that' needs something for that 'that' word to modify. You could make it 'that cold'; I was only guessing on the time implication.   

Edited February 16, 2016 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

In the One Hundred and Fifty-Five Sonnets by AC, sonnet no. 6 is inspired by the story of Ganymede.

 

Quite by accident this morning I heard a Schubert song on the radio on a text by Goethe, neither the song nor the poem were known to me.

The poem seems free verse.

 

Here are the link to the Wiki-page with the original German text and the translation, and a link to the Schubert song:

 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganymed_(Goethe)

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqtsv2tQDIc

Very, very interesting, Peter. The Wiki page was most helpful in placing the poem in the context of the one written just before, but I do not think I've ever encountered a poem where Spring and 'Mother Nature' are presented in masculine form. It's quite interesting that Goethe would do that, as all aspects of Zeus is as a sky-god, even 'seducing' the boy in the guise of an eagle. Very interesting, and it reminded me right away of another Goethe poem turned into Lied – Mozart’s Das Veilchen, K.476

 

For my opera, A Marriage Below Zero, I worked up a performance translation. I am not a vain person, but this was hard work, and I am really proud of my version of the song, as it works (to my ears) a treat to the music and Goethe's words. Listen and read along and see what you think.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7AUclm14UA

 

ELSIE:

A vi’let in the meadow grew,

Humble and by all ignored;

She was a dear violet.

A young shepherdess comes along 

With happy foot and merry soul

She comes, she comes,

Skipping along with song.

 

“Ah!” thought the vi’let, “Only if

I were Nature’s most lovely bloom,

If only for a moment,

Until that dear girl had me plucked

And in her bosom had me pressed,

Ah if, Ah if,

For a few moments long.”

 

Ah! Alas now! The maiden comes

And does not that dear vi’let see –

She treads upon the vi’let

Who sinks and dies, and yet she says:

“If die I must, at least I die

For her, for her

Here by her step I die!”

 

Poor little vi’let!

She was a dear violet!

Edited February 16, 2016 by AC Benus

[Mikiesboy]

Very, very interesting, Peter. The Wiki page was most helpful in placing the poem in the context of the one written just before, but I do not think I've ever encountered a poem where Spring and 'Mother Nature' are presented in masculine form. It's quite interesting that Goethe would do that, as all aspects of Zeus is as a sky-god, even 'seducing' the boy in the guise of an eagle. Very interesting, and it reminded me right away of another Goethe poem turned into Lied – Mozart’s Das Veilchen, K.476

 

For my opera, A Marriage Below Zero, I worked up a performance translation. I am not a vain person, but this was hard work, and I am really proud of my version of the song, as it works (to my ears) a treat to the music and Goethe's words. Listen and read along and see what you think.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7AUclm14UA

 

ELSIE:

A vi’let in the meadow grew,

Humble and by all ignored;

She was a dear violet.

A young shepherdess comes along 

With happy foot and merry soul

She comes, she comes,

Skipping along with song.

 

“Ah!” thought the vi’let, “Only if

I were Nature’s most lovely bloom,

If only for a moment,

Until that dear girl had me plucked

And in her bosom had me pressed,

Ah if, Ah if,

For a few moments long.”

 

Ah! Alas now! The maiden comes

And does not that dear vi’let see –

She treads upon the vi’let

Who sinks and dies, and yet she says:

“If die I must, at least I die

For her, for her

Here by her step I die!”

 

Poor little vi’let!

She was a dear violet!

AC this was terrific. Thank you for sharing it. 

[Emi GS]

I think I might offer a few 'tweaks' to make it perfect - which is what I think you want most of all

 

I never felt myself again,

not until that very moment.

There you come and there you go;

through the void of my heart.

The feeling of cold

that [[moment, time, instant, meeting, etc - your choice]] began to summon.

Is this the spring’s wind,

or just that I am alone!? [[or, make "Is this..." in the first line "Was this..." so the verb tenses agree]]

I never felt myself again,

not until that very moment.

There you come and there you go;

through the void of my heart.

The feeling of cold,

that began to summon.

Was this the spring’s wind,

or I am just alone!?

[Emi GS]

Very, very interesting, Peter. The Wiki page was most helpful in placing the poem in the context of the one written just before, but I do not think I've ever encountered a poem where Spring and 'Mother Nature' are presented in masculine form. It's quite interesting that Goethe would do that, as all aspects of Zeus is as a sky-god, even 'seducing' the boy in the guise of an eagle. Very interesting, and it reminded me right away of another Goethe poem turned into Lied – Mozart’s Das Veilchen, K.476

 

For my opera, A Marriage Below Zero, I worked up a performance translation. I am not a vain person, but this was hard work, and I am really proud of my version of the song, as it works (to my ears) a treat to the music and Goethe's words. Listen and read along and see what you think.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7AUclm14UA

 

ELSIE:

A vi’let in the meadow grew,

Humble and by all ignored;

She was a dear violet.

A young shepherdess comes along

With happy foot and merry soul

She comes, she comes,

Skipping along with song.

 

“Ah!” thought the vi’let, “Only if

I were Nature’s most lovely bloom,

If only for a moment,

Until that dear girl had me plucked

And in her bosom had me pressed,

Ah if, Ah if,

For a few moments long.”

 

Ah! Alas now! The maiden comes

And does not that dear vi’let see –

She treads upon the vi’let

Who sinks and dies, and yet she says:

“If die I must, at least I die

For her, for her

Here by her step I die!”

 

Poor little vi’let!

She was a dear violet!

Its Nice song Ben, I loved it. And it remembers me of a story/tale/folksong 'Mirror mirror on the wall..'

[Emi GS]

Guys I published My Tanka. Made little changes. I hope you people will check on and say something...

 

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/the-eminent-mgk/m_p_mgk/3

[J.HunterDunn]

Very, very interesting, Peter. The Wiki page was most helpful in placing the poem in the context of the one written just before, but I do not think I've ever encountered a poem where Spring and 'Mother Nature' are presented in masculine form. It's quite interesting that Goethe would do that, as all aspects of Zeus is as a sky-god, even 'seducing' the boy in the guise of an eagle. Very interesting, and it reminded me right away of another Goethe poem turned into Lied – Mozart’s Das Veilchen, K.476

 

For my opera, A Marriage Below Zero, I worked up a performance translation. I am not a vain person, but this was hard work, and I am really proud of my version of the song, as it works (to my ears) a treat to the music and Goethe's words. Listen and read along and see what you think.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7AUclm14UA

 

ELSIE:

A vi’let in the meadow grew,

Humble and by all ignored;

She was a dear violet.

A young shepherdess comes along 

With happy foot and merry soul

She comes, she comes,

Skipping along with song.

 

“Ah!” thought the vi’let, “Only if

I were Nature’s most lovely bloom,

If only for a moment,

Until that dear girl had me plucked

And in her bosom had me pressed,

Ah if, Ah if,

For a few moments long.”

 

Ah! Alas now! The maiden comes

And does not that dear vi’let see –

She treads upon the vi’let

Who sinks and dies, and yet she says:

“If die I must, at least I die

For her, for her

Here by her step I die!”

 

Poor little vi’let!

She was a dear violet!

 

I did sing Das Veilchen as a boy. Only found out today, though, that the last two lines are not Goethe's, but were added bij Mozart

[Parker Owens]

I did sing Das Veilchen as a boy. Only found out today, though, that the last two lines are not Goethe's, but were added bij Mozart

 

Very, very interesting, Peter. The Wiki page was most helpful in placing the poem in the context of the one written just before, but I do not think I've ever encountered a poem where Spring and 'Mother Nature' are presented in masculine form. It's quite interesting that Goethe would do that, as all aspects of Zeus is as a sky-god, even 'seducing' the boy in the guise of an eagle. Very interesting, and it reminded me right away of another Goethe poem turned into Lied – Mozart’s Das Veilchen, K.476

 

For my opera, A Marriage Below Zero, I worked up a performance translation. I am not a vain person, but this was hard work, and I am really proud of my version of the song, as it works (to my ears) a treat to the music and Goethe's words. Listen and read along and see what you think.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7AUclm14UA

 

ELSIE:

A vi’let in the meadow grew,

Humble and by all ignored;

She was a dear violet.

A young shepherdess comes along 

With happy foot and merry soul

She comes, she comes,

Skipping along with song.

 

“Ah!” thought the vi’let, “Only if

I were Nature’s most lovely bloom,

If only for a moment,

Until that dear girl had me plucked

And in her bosom had me pressed,

Ah if, Ah if,

For a few moments long.”

 

Ah! Alas now! The maiden comes

And does not that dear vi’let see –

She treads upon the vi’let

Who sinks and dies, and yet she says:

“If die I must, at least I die

For her, for her

Here by her step I die!”

 

Poor little vi’let!

She was a dear violet!

 

I am in awe of the both of you!  And yes, AC, I can see the fruits of your hard work paid off handsomely!

[AC Benus]

AC this was terrific. Thank you for sharing it. 

Thank you, Tim!

Its Nice song Ben, I loved it. And it remembers me of a story/tale/folksong 'Mirror mirror on the wall..'

Thank you, Emi!

I did sing Das Veilchen as a boy. Only found out today, though, that the last two lines are not Goethe's, but were added bij Mozart

Yes, Mozart was a poet who knew what he needed to conclude his song. I think they're great additions. Awesome to hear you sang this not so long ago    

I am in awe of the both of you!  And yes, AC, I can see the fruits of your hard work paid off handsomely!

Thank you, Parker!

Edited February 18, 2016 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

All right, I'm working on a poem. Any thought on this one...?

 

 

The flame of joy burns fuel that cannot last,

Or so the poets of old would have said,

Yet the happy tallow dipped in their past

Can make humour flow as if never dead. 

A stage of fools, is what our dear Bard lent,

And though it was for a short time's traffic,

The live action of now with the past blent

To make the long-cold both lively and quick.

Of no light matter is "The Winter's Tale,"

Where hubris is bane to the wrecking heart,

But even so, the laughs did not seem stale

Shining on the sorrow in which we start.

That light of being a human alive,

Can all dead emotions gamely revive.   

  

 

 

Thoughts on seeing "The Winter's Tale" today

[Mikiesboy]

I liked the

 

All right, I'm working on a poem. Any thought on this one...?

 

 

The flame of joy burns fuel that cannot last,

Or so the poets of old would have said,

Yet the happy tallow dipped in their past

Can make humour flow as if never dead. 

A stage of fools, is what our dear Bard lent,

And though it was for a short time's traffic,

The live action of now with the past blent

To make the long-cold both lively and quick.

Of no light matter is "The Winter's Tale,"

Where hubris is bane to the wrecking heart,

But even so, the laughs did not seem stale

Shining on the sorrow in which we start.

That light of being a human alive,

Can all dead emotions gamely revive.   

  

 

 

Thoughts on seeing "The Winter's Tale" today

Well i like it, but i dont understand this line.... I'm not sure what I'm not getting... 

Where hubris is bane to the wrecking heart,  

 

So hubris means like a great or excessive amount of pride

Bane means ruin or destruction

Wrecking means the same right? The act of ruining something

[Emi GS]

All right, I'm working on a poem. Any thought on this one...?

 

The flame of joy burns fuel that cannot last,

Or so the poets of old would have said,

Yet the happy tallow dipped in their past

Can make humour flow as if never dead.

A stage of fools, is what our dear Bard lent,

And though it was for a short time's traffic,

The live action of now with the past blent

To make the long-cold both lively and quick.

Of no light matter is "The Winter's Tale,"

Where hubris is bane to the wrecking heart,

But even so, the laughs did not seem stale

Shining on the sorrow in which we start.

That light of being a human alive,

Can all dead emotions gamely revive.

 

Thoughts on seeing "The Winter's Tale" today

As a reader I will just say, indeed a great poem of how we change with the pack while some cannot be changed. The feelings that won't change with the person, but the environment can... Ok I blathered as my knowledge goes, now coming to the actual thought, it is a nice scenario of feeling that has been shown in here...

 

I liked the

Well i like it, but i dont understand this line.... I'm not sure what I'm not getting...

Where hubris is bane to the wrecking heart,

So hubris means like a great or excessive amount of pride

Bane means ruin or destruction

Wrecking means the same right? The act of ruining something

Yeah, you are pretty much correct my friend. And what I thought on this:

 

~ Hubris as you said is a great pride.

~ Bane that give the meaning a reason to something that happened. It may destruction and something else. Or here in this poem its just a reason.

~ Wreck, yeah it is same. Destroying or spoiling or damaging something.

 

Finally what I understand is:

 

A great pride(that comes from evolution) is the reason for the damaging heart(or a feeling of liveliness)...

[Parker Owens]

All right, I'm working on a poem. Any thought on this one...?

 

 

The flame of joy burns fuel that cannot last,

Or so the poets of old would have said,

Yet the happy tallow dipped in their past

Can make humour flow as if never dead. 

A stage of fools, is what our dear Bard lent,

And though it was for a short time's traffic,

The live action of now with the past blent

To make the long-cold both lively and quick.

Of no light matter is "The Winter's Tale,"

Where hubris is bane to the wrecking heart,

But even so, the laughs did not seem stale

Shining on the sorrow in which we start.

That light of being a human alive,

Can all dead emotions gamely revive.   

  

 

 

Thoughts on seeing "The Winter's Tale" today

A second and third reading only enriched my delight in this response to Winter's Tale. The hubris - the pride - and the wrecking heart refer to the tragically stupid behavior of one of the play's central characters. The line is perfect as a summary, if you ask me. My hat is off to you for this!

[Parker Owens]

AC prompted me to work in a longer metric form. Here is the result; I am grateful for AC's encouragement and help. Comments would be welcome.

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/16

[Emi GS]

AC prompted me to work in a longer metric form. Here is the result; I am grateful for AC's encouragement and help. Comments would be welcome.

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/16

Fantastic poem Parker... I Liked it. And I am saying, I am just a reader. Ask the experienced ones to suggest on that...

[AC Benus]

AC prompted me to work in a longer metric form. Here is the result; I am grateful for AC's encouragement and help. Comments would be welcome.

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/16

Great work and great poem, Parker. I left a review for you  

[AC Benus]

I liked the

 

Well i like it, but i dont understand this line.... I'm not sure what I'm not getting... 

Where hubris is bane to the wrecking heart,  

 

So hubris means like a great or excessive amount of pride

Bane means ruin or destruction

Wrecking means the same right? The act of ruining something

Thank you, Tim! I wanted to reply to you last night, but I was curious to see if other comments would come in.

 

You singled out the line I most felt and wanted to be the 'challenge' in this poem. The way you have read it certainly is a possibility, but the play is all about misreading a moment, so I was hoping to subconsciously bring that to bear in the reader.

 

Thanks again for supporting me and my work. I appreciate it a great deal.

[AC Benus]

As a reader I will just say, indeed a great poem of how we change with the pack while some cannot be changed. The feelings that won't change with the person, but the environment can... Ok I blathered as my knowledge goes, now coming to the actual thought, it is a nice scenario of feeling that has been shown in here...

 

 

Yeah, you are pretty much correct my friend. And what I thought on this:

 

~ Hubris as you said is a great pride.

~ Bane that give the meaning a reason to something that happened. It may destruction and something else. Or here in this poem its just a reason.

~ Wreck, yeah it is same. Destroying or spoiling or damaging something.

 

Finally what I understand is:

 

A great pride(that comes from evolution) is the reason for the damaging heart(or a feeling of liveliness)...

Thank you, Emi! I love these comments and appreciate the support. Great interpretation 

[Emi GS]

AC prompted me to work in a longer metric form. Here is the result; I am grateful for AC's encouragement and help. Comments would be welcome.

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/16

Finally I have read it several time to get the strength to post a Review. Thank you for poem Parker...

[AC Benus]

A second and third reading only enriched my delight in this response to Winter's Tale. The hubris - the pride - and the wrecking heart refer to the tragically stupid behavior of one of the play's central characters. The line is perfect as a summary, if you ask me. My hat is off to you for this!

Thank you for your support, Parker! I how you delved into the line in question and came up with the reading I was hoping would come through. Thanks, buddy    

[Mikiesboy]

I wrote a longer Rubaiyat... you can read it here. If you have a mind to, that is!!  Thanks to AC for pointing out what was bugging me, that I just couldn't see... 

[Parker Owens]

So I tried a Rubayat, but I couldn't get inspired...the result is on the Rubayat forum, or just below...

 

I gave my muse a little shake

in fervent hope she might awake.

Instead, she groaned, "Oh, go to hell!

Just let me sleep, for goodness sake!"

 

I tried again, I blush to tell;

her face was red, I thought she'd yell.

Not so: this time she slapped my face!

It hurt - she really rang my bell.

 

You'd think by now I'd learned my place;

but no, my muse I would embrace.

She roughly pushed me to the side,

and pulled the covers up in haste.

 

By now, my muse had hurt my pride.

"I'll write my own damn verse!" I cried.

I never thought I'd undertake

to write without her at my side.

[Emi GS]

I wrote a longer Rubaiyat... you can read it here. If you have a mind to, that is!! Thanks to AC for pointing out what was bugging me, that I just couldn't see...

 

Read and Reviewed. Such a nice Rubaiyat, Tim2. You have done well...

[Emi GS]

So I tried a Rubayat, but I couldn't get inspired...the result is on the Rubayat forum, or just below...

 

I gave my muse a little shake

in fervent hope she might awake.

Instead, she groaned, "Oh, go to hell!

Just let me sleep, for goodness sake!"

 

I tried again, I blush to tell;

her face was red, I thought she'd yell.

Not so: this time she slapped my face!

It hurt - she really rang my bell.

 

You'd think by now I'd learned my place;

but no, my muse I would embrace.

She roughly pushed me to the side,

and pulled the covers up in haste.

 

By now, my muse had hurt my pride.

"I'll write my own damn verse!" I cried.

I never thought I'd undertake

to write without her at my side.

Nice Rubaiyat you have had here for us. Its Nice and creative...

 

But if I am not wrong, Rubaiyat should perform 10 syllables in each line of stanza. You should look at the form once and for expertise help contact Ben(AC Benus)...