' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[Parker Owens]

Tim, I know what you mean.

 

I have staggered into Prompt 5. That's where I rest now.  But counting works for me, the math guy. Rhyming? Ummm, well, I have to work at that. Metaphor? Analogy? Simile? These are still on some other planet. And isn't this the place to be enthusiastic?

 

Thanks to AC and all of you who contribute.

[Mikiesboy]

Tim, I know what you mean.

 

I have staggered into Prompt 5. That's where I rest now.  But counting works for me, the math guy. Rhyming? Ummm, well, I have to work at that. Metaphor? Analogy? Simile? These are still on some other planet. And isn't this the place to be enthusiastic?

 

Thanks to AC and all of you who contribute.

Oh couplets ... a joy yes... i hate counting syllables .. i use a counter sometimes.. im so bad at it...lol

[Puppilull]

I'll just say ghazal and ballade... LOL

 

Just kidding! I've learned so much from doing these prompts and I think it has help my other writing on that I actually think about my writing in a more technical and thought through way.

 

To me the trick is to do it for yourself. Sure, if people read and like it's wonderful, but this poetry thing I do just for me.

[Parker Owens]

Oh couplets ... a joy yes... i hate counting syllables .. i use a counter sometimes.. im so bad at it...lol

A counter? Color me clueless...like one of those things I saw umpires use to count balls and strikes? Or an abacus?  I use my fingers, I confess. My problems is that I can't count up to "x."

[Mikiesboy]

A counter? Color me clueless...like one of those things I saw umpires use to count balls and strikes? Or an abacus?  I use my fingers, I confess. My problems is that I can't count up to "x."

syllable counter   my fav one.  i over count usually .. so this helps me ... 

I'll just say ghazal and ballade... LOL

 

Just kidding! I've learned so much from doing these prompts and I think it has help my other writing on that I actually think about my writing in a more technical and thought through way.

 

To me the trick is to do it for yourself. Sure, if people read and like it's wonderful, but this poetry thing I do just for me.

oh those are scary words Pup!!  they make me wanna cry... 

[Aditus]

Thank you, Parker and Peter!

[AC Benus]

Hey AC and Poet Society!

 

I've just uploaded a translation of a poem I wrote in Spanish a long time ago. I'd loe some feedback on it!

 

You can find it here: 

 

Thanks in advance!

I'm sorry it took me a while, Roberto, but I left a review on Popol Vuh.

 

AND I forgot to comment on the title! A great book of Maya scripture dealing with creation, cosmology, and lineage....Hmmmmmm? That is a fascinating title for this poem. Perhaps the poet's desire to be re-created is reflected here...  

[AC Benus]

 

Oh! I just read this poem, it's really creative!

 

I liked it a lot; it's not easy to do. You may get a kick out of my review. 

[AC Benus]

I came across a poetic form that I’d never heard of before, a cinquain. According to Young Writers UK [https://www.youngwriters.co.uk]  a cinquain poem consists of five unrhymed lines. Each line has a set number of syllables see below:

 

Line 1: 2 syllables

Line 2: 4 

Line 3: 6 syllables

Line 4: 8 syllables

Line 5: 2 syllables

 

With our earlier interest in haiku and tanka I thought this might be a form to explore.

This is fascinating, Dugh. It's new to me, so do you know offhand if there is a particular subject this type of poem is good for?

[AC Benus]

I think

it might be nice

to attempt composing

my own cinquain. But I might not

succeed.

Nice! very smooth

[AC Benus]

tim, did Roberto draw your avatar? It's amazing!

I agree. It's really nice!

[AC Benus]

 

Since I'm snowed in, I thought a winter haiku or 2 would be appropriate..  

 

Thoughts, critique, have at it..  

 

Gray clouds blanket sky

Snowflakes chase each other down

Cold delight on tongue

 

Icy wind blows by

Snow pillows gently flutter

Each a kiss so soft

 

 

I love that these were written 'real-time,' with the snow falling around you. And I agree with the comments on how wonderful the snowflake on tongue is - who would not feel like a kid again...? 

 

Wonderful!

Cinquain? *pricks up ears*

 

Again

we have something

inspiring to play and

to tinker with until the words

fit in.

 

 

How's that?

That's great! I like it a lot. It's like Tim say, we have a new toy!

[Emi GS]

Hello fellow poets...

 

This is my first entry here and definitely don't know how to introduce myself. As of somebody know me already, I'll directly will go to the business.

 

I had recently written a Monoku(one-line Haiku). And I need suggestions and help relating to perfect it...

 

I'm just as the true love sets out of my life as winter sun

 

What do You think guys!!!???

[AC Benus]

 

Def, I really like your haikus (it's one of my favourite styles too) and since it's snowing here too, I find them both very appropirate. I was thinking about the thing AC talked about earlier in the thread. That haikus in Japanese are sort of flowing over the lines. I thought about the first one and perhaps this could be a try in that direction? 

 

Just a wild thought... 

 

Gray clouds blanket sky

As snowflakes chase each other

To delight my tongue

 

BTW, who hasn't stood outside trying to catch a snowflake on their tongue? Such a playful image and I don't think I'll ever outgrow that! 

 

...I love this forum...

[Mikiesboy]

Hmmm never heard of monoku.   Found this on Poetry Soup: Monoku

[AC Benus]

 

I like RhymeBrain myself...

 

any comment on this couplet exercise?

 

Pictures write in detailed painted fiction,

speaking with the artist's subtle diction.

Paramount the pencil fingered writer

sketching shadows where the light was brighter

when the sun was pouring in the dormer;

colored cold although the room felt warmer.

Scattered spattered brushtrokes cannot capture

songs of pleasured silken summer rapture;

neither does the canvas make betrayal

hearing those once joined in bitter quarrel.

 

Random thoughts....no period after 'diction' - Make the next word a verb, like surmounting, so then you have a 5-lined sentence.

 

I think you want to slow the reader down, so do this line with commas, thus:

Scattered, splattered, brushstrokes cannot capture

 

I have a hard time with the final rhyme. The reason is that the natural vowel sound to begin a rhyme in betrayal is Ay-al; with quarrel it is Ar-el. A better rhyme for betrayal is assail; better one for quarrel is snarl, lol. 

 

I have a humble little blog post on rhyming...I should find the link... Ah! here it is          

Edited January 28, 2016 by AC Benus

[Emi GS]

Hmmm never heard of monoku. Found this on Poetry Soup: Monoku

A lot of good stuff there... Thank You for sharing Tim2...

 

And Now what do you think about Mine???

[Mikiesboy]

Hello fellow poets...

This is my first entry here and definitely don't know how to introduce myself. As of somebody know me already, I'll directly will go to the business.

I had recently written a Monoku(one-line Haiku). And I need suggestions and help relating to perfect it... I'm just as the true love sets out of my life as winter sun

What do You think guys!!!???

Had to understand the form first Emi, before I could say what I thought. But I'm not sure I get it. Sets is like the sun going down, yeah? So I can see it as, My true love sets out of my life as a winter sun. But I'm afraid I don't understand the 'I'm just as'.

 

Anyone else?

[Aditus]

Had to understand the form first Emi, before I could say what I thought. But I'm not sure I get it. Sets is like the sun going down, yeah? So I can see it as, My true love sets out of my life as a winter sun. But I'm afraid I don't understand the 'I'm just as'.

 

Anyone else?

'I'm just' meant as 'I'm barely existing' ?  

 

I'm barely existing as (now that) my true love sets out of my life as winter sun??????

[Mikiesboy]

'I'm just' meant as 'I'm barely existing' ?

 

I'm barely existing as (now that) my true love sets out of my life as winter sun??????

Yeah that works Adi, thanks!

 

So Emi, it works, your monoku, but I'm not a fan of the form. Too small for my poor brain. But I think you need to be clever to write them effectively.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Mikiesboy

[dughlas]

This is fascinating, Dugh. It's new to me, so do you know offhand if there is a particular subject this type of poem is good for?

 

 

Nice! very smooth

 

Actually Parker's and Adi's pieces are close to the only example I've seen. My own thought is any subject you might address in haiku would work but so too any glimpse or snippet of life is fair game. The thing that struck me is that it should have the same smooth flow in English that haiku does in Japanese. I liked it for that reason and I am far more comfortable counting syllables rather than rhyming ... 

Edited January 28, 2016 by dughlas

[Emi GS]

Had to understand the form first Emi, before I could say what I thought. But I'm not sure I get it. Sets is like the sun going down, yeah? So I can see it as, My true love sets out of my life as a winter sun. But I'm afraid I don't understand the 'I'm just as'.

Anyone else?

'I'm just' meant as 'I'm barely existing' ?

I'm barely existing as (now that) my true love sets out of my life as winter sun??????

As Haiku is a form which we have show others what we see. So here the situation is "someone left me alone and walking towards west, and I can see the sun is setting in front of me"

 

So I mingled up those two and wrote this Monoku. Its been too tough for me to write even though they are all simple words.

 

I agree with you Tim2, Monoku is too difficult to understand easily. And thank you for the explanation Adi...

[Parker Owens]

Random thoughts....no period after 'diction' - Make the next word a verb, like surmounting, so then you have a 5-lined sentence.

 

I think you want to slow the reader down, so do this line with commas, thus:

Scattered, splattered, brushstrokes cannot capture

 

I have a hard time with the final rhyme. The reason is that the natural vowel sound to begin a rhyme in betrayal is Ay-al; with quarrel it is Ar-el. A better rhyme for betrayal is assail; better one for quarrel is snarl, lol. 

 

I have a humble little blog post on rhyming...I should find the link... Ah! here it is          

 Well, AC gave me a fair bit to think about.  Here is a revised version...but as he suggests, the last two lines - the last couplet - gave me fits. I suggest two substitutes at the very bottom. Any thoughts?

 

Pictures write in detailed painted fiction,

speaking with the artist's subtle diction

like unto the pencil fingered writer

sketching shadows where the light was brighter

when the sun was pouring in the dormer;

colored cold although the room felt warmer.

Scattered, spattered, brushtrokes cannot capture

songs of pleasured silken summer rapture;

neither does the canvas make betrayal

hearing those once joined in bitter quarrel.

 

neither has the canvas explanation / why the lovers are in litigation

neither does the canvas ever mention  / hearing those once joined in deep dissension.

[Mikiesboy]

 Well, AC gave me a fair bit to think about.  Here is a revised version...but as he suggests, the last two lines - the last couplet - gave me fits. I suggest two substitutes at the very bottom. Any thoughts?

 

Pictures write in detailed painted fiction,

speaking with the artist's subtle diction

like unto the pencil fingered writer

sketching shadows where the light was brighter

when the sun was pouring in the dormer;

colored cold although the room felt warmer.

Scattered, spattered, brushtrokes cannot capture

songs of pleasured silken summer rapture;

neither does the canvas make betrayal

hearing those once joined in bitter quarrel.

 

neither has the canvas explanation / why the lovers are in litigation

neither does the canvas ever mention  / hearing those once joined in deep dissension.

Hmmm ... i like em both... but if i have to pick.. the first one

[AC Benus]

neither does the canvas make betrayal

hearing those once joined in bitter quarrel.

 

neither has the canvas explanation / why the lovers are in litigation

neither does the canvas ever mention  / hearing those once joined in deep dissension.

Parker, I think the new options are introducing a note of whimsy that may hurt the otherwise noble tone of your poem. Betrayal is a strong word; did you consider a reworking of the last line using some of these rhymes ?

 

I like the strength of quarrel too, but besides ensnarl/unsnarl, there may not be many suitable options.      

Edited January 29, 2016 by AC Benus