' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[AC Benus]

Nice Rubaiyat you have had here for us. Its Nice and creative...

 

But if I am not wrong, Rubaiyat should perform 10 syllables in each line of stanza. You should look at the form once and for expertise help contact Ben(AC Benus)...

Emi, in Arabic and Farsi, I believe the line lengths are indeed 10 syllables, but Robert Frost (and others) used the form with a lyric length of 8 beats per line. He did so in his well-known poem, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. In the poetry prompt for this form I said the poets could choose any line length they like, as long as they're consistent throughout      

 

It's a good comment though!

Edited February 29, 2016 by AC Benus

[Emi GS]

Emi, in Arabic and Farsi, I believe the line lengths are indeed 10 syllables, but Robert Frost (and others) used the form with a lyric length of 8 beats per line. He did so in his well-known poem, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. In the poetry prompt for this form I said the poets could choose any line length they like, as long as they're consistent throughout      

It's a good comment though!

Oops!!! I happen to forgot about the beats. Now I get the actual sense of some poems I had checked.

 

Thank You Ben, thats why I suggested for expertise advise...

[Mikiesboy]

Oops!!! I happen to forgot about the beats. Now I get the actual sense of some poems I had checked.

Thank You Ben, thats why I suggested for expertise advise...

I like 10 syllables for the rubaiyat personally but that's just me ...

[Parker Owens]

Whereas Frost must have been creeping into my mind as I wrote...

[Emi GS]

I like 10 syllables for the rubaiyat personally but that's just me ...

Plus me too...

[Mikiesboy]

Whereas Frost must have been creeping into my mind as I wrote...

Yeah, I liked yours, Parker I think I'm too long winded...

[Emi GS]

Whereas Frost must have been creeping into my mind as I wrote...

I Love Music too Parker, and you beats beets my dancing nerves...

[Parker Owens]

@ Tim: I doubt you're too long winded. You had a wider and broader subject to write about than I did.

@ Emi: My poor abused muse. One day she'll wake up, and I'll write again...

[Mikiesboy]

@ Tim: I doubt you're too long winded. You had a wider and broader subject to write about than I did.

@ Emi: My poor abused muse. One day she'll wake up, and I'll write again...

No seriously, i really talk too much and take a long time to say things.. i regularly trip over my trecherous tongue... 

[Emi GS]

@ Tim: I doubt you're too long winded. You had a wider and broader subject to write about than I did.

@ Emi: My poor abused muse. One day she'll wake up, and I'll write again...

Oh!!! I see... Is Frost your pet!!!??? Right!!!

[Parker Owens]

Here is a sonnet I worked on between grading sets of papers. Comments would be welcome, as I am unsure about the middle stanza...

 

Perhaps I'm something like a geode man;

all grey without and crystallized within.

But I know not what the geologic plan

was metamorphosed here in Adam's sin.

 

You touch my pebbled skin as if to weigh

the chance of hidden gems or treasure fair.

You will not see my facets hid from day

or yet if salted slime lies waiting there.

 

Nor you nor I can tell if beauty bright

or twisted nature's horror will surprise,

or yet still worse, a dull and ruined blight

on God's creation here awaits your eyes.

 

What lies beneath my surface you may know

when I am broken open at a blow.

[Puppilull]

Here is a sonnet I worked on between grading sets of papers. Comments would be welcome, as I am unsure about the middle stanza...

 

Perhaps I'm something like a geode man;

all grey without and crystallized within.

But I know not what the geologic plan

was metamorphosed here in Adam's sin.

 

You touch my pebbled skin as if to weigh

the chance of hidden gems or treasure fair.

You will not see my facets hid from day

or yet if salted slime lies waiting there.

 

Nor you nor I can tell if beauty bright

or twisted nature's horror will surprise,

or yet still worse, a dull and ruined blight

on God's creation here awaits your eyes.

 

What lies beneath my surface you may know

when I am broken open at a blow.

Since I misread facets for faucet, the salted slime took on an... interesting meaning. LOL

 

That aside, I think those two words left me a bit 'Huh?' since it went from poetic to reality very suddenly, if you understand what I mean.

 

I love the image of love cracking a person open to reveal the treasures within. So often we grow from love and suddenly shine brighter than before.

[Aditus]

Here is a sonnet I worked on between grading sets of papers. Comments would be welcome, as I am unsure about the middle stanza...

 

Perhaps I'm something like a geode man;

all grey without and crystallized within.

But I know not what the geologic plan

was metamorphosed here in Adam's sin.

 

You touch my pebbled skin as if to weigh

the chance of hidden gems or treasure fair.

You will not see my facets hid from day

or yet if salted slime lies waiting there.

 

Nor you nor I can tell if beauty bright

or twisted nature's horror will surprise,

or yet still worse, a dull and ruined blight

on God's creation here awaits your eyes.

 

What lies beneath my surface you may know

when I am broken open at a blow.

The 'without' definitely makes me stumble, but I guess that was the intention behind choosing the word. The third and fourth line of the first stanza are great. I can see you wanted something ugly and chose 'salted slime' , still...it feels weird. I understand the couplet as a dare.

Thanks for the new word: geode 

I'm in a hurry can you tell? lol

[Parker Owens]

@ Puppi - geodes are rocks, which when broken open, may display fantastic crystals. Their geometric structures have many angled faces like a diamond...facets. Faucets! LOL indeed. (LMAO) Anyway, it kind of fit the metaphor.

 

@Adi - yes, 'salted slime' was odd, but I wanted to find some way of expressing the occasional terrible disappointment one experiences when one opens something rotten - in this instance, a badly formed geode. Or an egg, I suppose.

 

@both of you - thanks for your comments; I can see some of this works, and some of it is, well...salty...slimy...er....

[Puppilull]

I have actually seen geodes at our Museum of Natural History. One of my favorite displays (girls and glittery things, you know...). Another image to use to stay in the ground so to speak would be fool's gold, but that is kind of obvious and not as offputting as a rotten egg. A streak of sulphur in the rock...? 

[Parker Owens]

Oh, that's good. Clearly, some geologic research is in order...

[Emi GS]

Here is a sonnet I worked on between grading sets of papers. Comments would be welcome, as I am unsure about the middle stanza...

 

Perhaps I'm something like a geode man;

all grey without and crystallized within.

But I know not what the geologic plan

was metamorphosed here in Adam's sin.

 

You touch my pebbled skin as if to weigh

the chance of hidden gems or treasure fair.

You will not see my facets hid from day

or yet if salted slime lies waiting there.

 

Nor you nor I can tell if beauty bright

or twisted nature's horror will surprise,

or yet still worse, a dull and ruined blight

on God's creation here awaits your eyes.

 

What lies beneath my surface you may know

when I am broken open at a blow.

Its a nice sonnet Parker. I kinda got off with the 'blow', sorry for that.

 

And the line 'nature's horror will surprise' was my fantastic part, even though it sounds corny. As you said some parts are very good, and some salty, slimy but its good. Love just make everything Good...

 

Thank You for sharing with us...

[Mikiesboy]

Here is a sonnet I worked on between grading sets of papers. Comments would be welcome, as I am unsure about the middle stanza...

 

Perhaps I'm something like a geode man;

all grey without and crystallized within.

But I know not what the geologic plan

was metamorphosed here in Adam's sin.

 

You touch my pebbled skin as if to weigh

the chance of hidden gems or treasure fair.

You will not see my facets hid from day

or yet if salted slime lies waiting there.

 

Nor you nor I can tell if beauty bright

or twisted nature's horror will surprise,

or yet still worse, a dull and ruined blight

on God's creation here awaits your eyes.

 

What lies beneath my surface you may know

when I am broken open at a blow.

Funny ... i was just looking at a recipe for making homemade edible geodes the other day ... 

 

so this worked for me as it is... even salted slime because at some point the insides were liquid

[Parker Owens]

@Emi...it can be taken darkly or not...and I did wonder about the, um...blow part. Thought I might get some blowback on that.

@Tim...edible geodes? Really? And how does the salted slime work other than as a mineral surprise?

[Mikiesboy]

@Emi...it can be taken darkly or not...and I did wonder about the, um...blow part. Thought I might get some blowback on that.

@Tim...edible geodes? Really? And how does the salted slime work other than as a mineral surprise?

[Doctor Oger]

Parker, could you just put the poem out so I can like it?

[Parker Owens]

@ Doc: I could do that. No objections to salted slime,  then?

@ Tim: Oh. my. Goodness. Words failed me....and that's saying something...

[Emi GS]

I tried to write a Ruba'i in Omar Khayyum's style and wanted to dedicate that to my Friend Clochette on her birth day. But the rhyming was lack.

 

So I want to work on that and publish as soon as I can. Until then...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/blog/621/entry-16104-happy-birth-day-fairy-tail/

[AC Benus]

Here is a sonnet I worked on between grading sets of papers. Comments would be welcome, as I am unsure about the middle stanza...

 

Perhaps I'm something like a geode man;

all grey without and crystallized within.

But I know not what the geologic plan

was metamorphosed here in Adam's sin.

 

You touch my pebbled skin as if to weigh

the chance of hidden gems or treasure fair.

You will not see my facets hid from day

or yet if salted slime lies waiting there.

 

Nor you nor I can tell if beauty bright

or twisted nature's horror will surprise,

or yet still worse, a dull and ruined blight

on God's creation here awaits your eyes.

 

What lies beneath my surface you may know

when I am broken open at a blow.

It's a strong concept for a Sonnet, and I think you've handled it successfully.

 

In the first quatrain, I was a bit hampered by the phrase 'know not what the geologic plan… .' Did you consider it as 'know not how the geologic plan was metamorphosed here in Adam's sin' ? That might be a bit smoother to read, and not change the meaning.

 

With the 'salted slime,' I see lots of folks noted that, and it's good to know I'm not alone. To be honest, when I read it – as in cracking open a hollow stone – my mind instantly went to different phenomena completely. This one, in fact: http://paranormal.about.com/od/earthmysteries/a/aa011704.htm

 

It would be like finding a prince or a toad inside of the soul of you.

 

Great poem; look forward to seeing more of your Sonnets!         

Edited March 8, 2016 by AC Benus

[Parker Owens]

Yes, I see that how works far better than what.  That I should miss such a thing...augh.  Salted slime just stood in for some nasty geological surprise...I'm a little troubled I couldn't think of something better...