Emi GS Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Emi, what does 'rived sole mean...? I think that's where I need your help... 'rived ~ Arrived == I cut it into two syllables(Ar'rived), but I wanted one. Can I use it like that or do I you have any suggestions??? Anybody??? 1 Link to comment
Emi GS Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Emi, thank you for your touching words. I appreciate them; and thank you for all of your feedback too Oh!!! Thank You so much Ben... Thank you, Emi, for a lovely set of comments. Reading it again now, I wonder if you (or any one of our Live-Poets) think I should change the tense of the first two lines to match the last two…? Thus: Like a song that weaves itself into a soul Like a glance that sets into a mood these are the abstract thoughts that express what I feel Maybe that's a more comfortable read…? I have to learn what you are trying to say. But the changed one is good too... 1 Link to comment
Mikiesboy Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Ok as I planned I had re-written the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyum style... You came to me, Love, from a nameless pole, brought the joy, brought the zeal; never 'rived sole. Never stopped kissing me, nor to bliss me. Oh! God's delightful angel; clasp my soul. What do you think about it guys... Here's a suggestion for you. You came to me, Love, from a nameless pole, brought the joy, and the zeal; you made me whole Never stopped kissing me, nor to bliss me. Oh! God's delightful angel; clasp my soul. 3 Link to comment
AC Benus Posted March 13, 2016 Author Share Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) Here's a suggestion for you. You came to me, Love, from a nameless pole, brought the joy, and the zeal; you made me whole Never stopped kissing me, nor to bliss me. Oh! God's delightful angel; clasp my soul. otta 'likes' but I think the 'whole' clears up things nicely and will let you keep your rhymes Edited March 13, 2016 by AC Benus 2 Link to comment
Emi GS Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Here's a suggestion for you. You came to me, Love, from a nameless pole, brought the joy, and the zeal; you made me whole Never stopped kissing me, nor to bliss me. Oh! God's delightful angel; clasp my soul. Yeah, that would be great help. I am definitely gonna consider... Thanks... otta 'likes' but I think the 'whole' clears up things nicely and will let you keep your rhymes Whatever Big Guy says... 3 Link to comment
Drew Espinosa Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Okay, I finally have a poem for AC's Poetry Prompt 4 Write four equal lines of poetry, in regular meter, about preparing your favorite food. This was actually a challenge because the closest I get to cooking is placing a hot-pocket in the microwave However, I decided to write up a poem based on a looser interpretation of the prompt. What this means is that instead of a poem about preparing pie, it'll be about pi (yes yes, it's cheesy, but do you expect different from the Pi Boy? ) So, here goes: Poetry Prompt 4- Pi Recipe Around, around, we go, Across from here to there, And count the steps for each. At last, divide these two. -If y'all need me to clarify on what the lines mean, I'll be happy to 5 Link to comment
Drew Espinosa Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Thank you, Emi, for a lovely set of comments. Reading it again now, I wonder if you (or any one of our Live-Poets) think I should change the tense of the first two lines to match the last two…? Thus: Like a song that weaves itself into a soul Like a glance that sets into a mood these are the abstract thoughts that express what I feel Maybe that's a more comfortable read…? I really like this one, I really liked how you changed the tenses of the first two lines, it flows really nicely! 2 Link to comment
AC Benus Posted March 14, 2016 Author Share Posted March 14, 2016 I really like this one, I really liked how you changed the tenses of the first two lines, it flows really nicely! Thank you, Drew! Okay, I finally have a poem for AC's Poetry Prompt 4 This was actually a challenge because the closest I get to cooking is placing a hot-pocket in the microwave However, I decided to write up a poem based on a looser interpretation of the prompt. What this means is that instead of a poem about preparing pie, it'll be about pi (yes yes, it's cheesy, but do you expect different from the Pi Boy? ) So, here goes: Poetry Prompt 4- Pi Recipe Around, around, we go, Across from here to there, And count the steps for each. At last, divide these two. -If y'all need me to clarify on what the lines mean, I'll be happy to I'm sure Parker will be over the moon over another math poem! I'll let him explain the lines to us; that could be fun 2 Link to comment
Drew Espinosa Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Thank you, Drew! I'm sure Parker will be over the moon over another math poem! I'll let him explain the lines to us; that could be fun Parker and I are the resident math nerds of GA! 2 Link to comment
Parker Owens Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Okay, I finally have a poem for AC's Poetry Prompt 4 This was actually a challenge because the closest I get to cooking is placing a hot-pocket in the microwave However, I decided to write up a poem based on a looser interpretation of the prompt. What this means is that instead of a poem about preparing pie, it'll be about pi (yes yes, it's cheesy, but do you expect different from the Pi Boy? ) So, here goes: Poetry Prompt 4- Pi Recipe Around, around, we go, Across from here to there, And count the steps for each. At last, divide these two. -If y'all need me to clarify on what the lines mean, I'll be happy to Awesome! Calculating Pi in verse! I am astounded and unworthy! The best compliment I can think to pay you is to post your poem with attribution on my classroom door. Excellent work, Drew! 2 Link to comment
Parker Owens Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Thank you, Drew! I'm sure Parker will be over the moon over another math poem! I'll let him explain the lines to us; that could be fun Translation: Round and Round we go...the circumference of a circle.... Across from here to there....find the diameter... and count the steps for each...measure each of these.... At last, divide these two.....find their ratio, which will be pi, or 3.14159, or Drew. 3 Link to comment
Drew Espinosa Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Awesome! Calculating Pi in verse! I am astounded and unworthy! The best compliment I can think to pay you is to post your poem with attribution on my classroom door. Excellent work, Drew! I'm flattered you'd want to use my poem Thanks Parker! Translation: Round and Round we go...the circumference of a circle.... Across from here to there....find the diameter... and count the steps for each...measure each of these.... At last, divide these two.....find their ratio, which will be pi, or 3.14159, or Drew. Yep! Oh, and I love the change you made! I used Around, around, we go and you used Round and round we go. Yours only has five syllables, but if we combined both versions... Around and round we go, it'd work! 2 Link to comment
Parker Owens Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 (edited) Ah, you are a genius, Drew. Now the poem about calculating the value of e is left as an exercise for the student... Edited March 14, 2016 by Parker Owens 2 Link to comment
Emi GS Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 (edited) Okay, I finally have a poem for AC's Poetry Prompt 4 This was actually a challenge because the closest I get to cooking is placing a hot-pocket in the microwave However, I decided to write up a poem based on a looser interpretation of the prompt. What this means is that instead of a poem about preparing pie, it'll be about pi (yes yes, it's cheesy, but do you expect different from the Pi Boy? ) So, here goes: Poetry Prompt 4- Pi Recipe Around, around, we go, Across from here to there, And count the steps for each. At last, divide these two. -If y'all need me to clarify on what the lines mean, I'll be happy to Translation: Round and Round we go...the circumference of a circle.... Across from here to there....find the diameter... and count the steps for each...measure each of these.... At last, divide these two.....find their ratio, which will be pi, or 3.14159, or Drew. That been a great poem Drew. And I Liked the way you mixed the cooking with math. LoL I was flattered. And my first thought was: Math Geeks... Sorry, I can't resist... But guys, it was Lovely poem and explanation... Edited March 14, 2016 by The Eminent MGK 3 Link to comment
Drew Espinosa Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Guys, I wanna bring your attention to Skinny's poem: The Love with no Pattern. 2 Link to comment
Parker Owens Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Guys, I wanna bring your attention to Skinny's poem: The Love with no Pattern. Loved it! 1 Link to comment
Emi GS Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Guys, I wanna bring your attention to Skinny's poem: The Love with no Pattern. A wonderful gift that one could get. Such a wonderful poem, Drew. Thank You for sharing... 1 Link to comment
dughlas Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Guys, I wanna bring your attention to Skinny's poem: The Love with no Pattern. Thank you for pointing this out. I would have missed it and that would have been a shame because it's good. 2 Link to comment
Popular Post Emi GS Posted March 17, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted March 17, 2016 Hey Guys another Tanka written on the unexpected rain two days back. I hope you guys like it. As well as the suggestions are welcome... Can smell dusty wind, as the cool breeze sets its mood. Lightening streaks flash, as thunders playing the band; for the rain to rock this world. How is it??? 7 Link to comment
Parker Owens Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 I like the image of thunder playing in a band! We so often think of it the other way around - the thunder of music and speakers and concert noise. Great idea. 2 Link to comment
AC Benus Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 (edited) Hey Guys another Tanka written on the unexpected rain two days back. I hope you guys like it. As well as the suggestions are welcome... Can smell dusty wind, as the cool breeze sets its mood. Lightening streaks flash, as thunders playing the band; for the rain to rock this world. How is it??? I agree with Parker. I think it's a great image, and the form is good too. One small note - and I sometimes make the same mistake (just ask Lisa, my editor) - but you want the word to be 'lightning.' Lightening means to make lighter... Edited March 17, 2016 by AC Benus 1 Link to comment
Mikiesboy Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Hey Guys another Tanka written on the unexpected rain two days back. I hope you guys like it. As well as the suggestions are welcome... Can smell dusty wind, as the cool breeze sets its mood. Lightening streaks flash, as thunders playing the band; for the rain to rock this world. How is it??? Emi.. it is wonderful. Just fix the word lightening as AC pointed out .. but otherwise it is terrific!!! 2 Link to comment
Emi GS Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 (edited) I like the image of thunder playing in a band! We so often think of it the other way around - the thunder of music and speakers and concert noise. Great idea. I am glad you liked it. And definitely the lightning and thunders have been a disco for me from my childhood... I agree with Parker. I think it's a great image, and the form is good too. One small note - and I sometimes make the same mistake (just ask Lisa, my editor) - but you want the word to be 'lightning.' Lightening means to make lighter... Yeah, I do some times too. Anyway thank you for the observation. Will do it... Emi.. it is wonderful. Just fix the word lightening as AC pointed out .. but otherwise it is terrific!!!Thank You Tim2... Can smell dusty wind, as the cool breeze sets its mood. Lightning streaks will flash, as thunders playing the band; for the rain to rock this world.Done!!! Edited March 18, 2016 by The Eminent MGK 2 Link to comment
AC Benus Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 It's nice to see Alex posting poems again! I hope you all have a chance to check them out Alex's Little Book of Poems 1 Link to comment
Emi GS Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 It's nice to see Alex posting poems again! I hope you all have a chance to check them out Alex's Little Book of Poems I've Read and Reviewed latest three. And they are good... I'll be reading the rest soon... 1 Link to comment
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