poll Would You Have a Bromance Though No Sex Will Ever Be Involved?

[Ashi]

Please explain why in the comment section.

Edited May 14, 2018 by Ashi

[Brayon]

I'm notorious for "catching the feels" for straight guys. I've had a couple of very deep relationships with straight guys, that would qualify as Bromances. We've done things together like sharing a shower at a hotel because we overslept and needed to GTFO, seen each other naked, but no sex of any kind, between us. 

[FormerMember4]

I wouldn’t. I get attached easily. Not fair to either of you if you develop feelings. That’s not to say you can’t be friends. Just keep some distance and boundaries.

[MacGreg]

I can't really imagine it. I have close friends who are straight, and I don't expect or want anything sexual from them. However, when it comes to a "bromance" situation, where, as you defined it, me and the guy are bonded in every way except below the waist, the physical would happen eventually. As a dominant person, it just would. So I won't say that I coudn't be in a bromance situation as you described - I just don't think it would stay 100% platonic.

[Aceinthehole]

I have a bromance with my best friend from high school. We know everything about each other and have had some extremely personal conversations. Our bromance was what gave me the strength to come out to him, and with his support eventually come out to the rest of my friends and family. He's one of the most important people in my life.

 

I've only caught feelings for one straight friend and it was extremely difficult. However, the bond I share with my best friend was well worth the risk. 

 

Then again I'm the type of person who can easily separate an intimate and non-intimate friendship. 

 

[Ashi]

As my usual practice, I'll say something once the poll ends....  But I'll have to admit Bromance is confusing to me.

[JayT]

I totally have a bromance with my friend Ryan....we share almost everything, but he's totally and completely 100% straight 

[Mikiesboy]

i don't think so.  i simply don't have friends that are that remotely close to me... straight or gay.  if i did happen to meet someone like that i fairly sure my Husband would have issue with that kind of closeness. 

[MichaelS36]

I have close friends. I have a husband,  if I didn't I'd have lover(s), not interested in bromances. 

[TetRefine]

I have a three-way bromance with two of my old roommates from college. One of them is bi, and the other one is the gayest straight man I've ever known. 

 

I also have a good friend of mine who is gay who, in the most accurate way, can only be described as my Saturday night soulmate. We go out to the clubs and parties a lot, and for some reason we just totally click. We actually are two very different types of people, but what we really bond over is our care-free, live it for the moment attitude that we fully embrace. I can tell him anything I've done, am doing, or want to do without any fear he will judge me or put me down, and he the same with me. We've gotten up to some wild things in the time we've been friends, but I know I can always trust him and count on him. We often get mistaken for boyfriends when we go out dancing together, because we dance so intimately with each other. To us, it's not necessarily intimate but rather just the level of comfort we feel around each other. It's never gotten sexual and it never will. Neither one of us wants that. Andrew Holleran once wrote that "The friend you danced with, when you had no lover, was the most important person in your life." While both of us have significant others, in certain ways we are the most important people in each other's gay lives. It's hard to describe the kind of bond we have over the lifestyle we live, but to me it is very much an intimate one in it's own unique way. 

Edited May 17, 2018 by TetRefine

[Former Member]

Yes, my relationship with my ex-boyfriend (from nearly 30 years ago) shifted into a kind of bromance whenever he wasn’t married (two different guys) and I’m convinced that many people we used to see at Frameline LGBTQ film festival every year thought we were an old married couple.  ;–)

 

If that doesn’t count, my best friend and I have been very close off and on for nearly as long as my ex. We’ve usually been closer when my ex has drifted away, as now. There was a point when he proposed dating (by groping my crotch with his foot while we were in a hot tub). I mulled it over for a bit and decided I didn’t want to risk losing him as a best friend, turning him down.  ;–)

 

I feel like I’m too much of a mess emotionally to be dating anyone. I miss cuddling and kissing more than anything else. But no one deserves to be dragged down by my clinical depression and general anxiety. Until I can resolve my issues, I’m content to remain single.  ;–)

[Ashi]

Okay, it's response time!  (*eagerly opens mail bag*)

 

On 5/13/2018 at 4:32 PM, BHopper2 said:

I'm notorious for "catching the feels" for straight guys. I've had a couple of very deep relationships with straight guys, that would qualify as Bromances. We've done things together like sharing a shower at a hotel because we overslept and needed to GTFO, seen each other naked, but no sex of any kind, between us. 

 

My gaydar never works that well, so I've been getting the wrong signals all the time....  Anywayz, I would never get as far as you did though.  If I did, I'd be so frustrated.

 

On 5/13/2018 at 4:48 PM, BlindAmbition said:

I wouldn’t. I get attached easily. Not fair to either of you if you develop feelings. That’s not to say you can’t be friends. Just keep some distance and boundaries.

 

Yes. It'll be VERY unfair.  I think I'd have trouble keeping the boundary.  So far I've been doing well though.  He's married, so it helps (keeping the boundary)....  I am NOT a homewrecker!

 

On 5/13/2018 at 5:13 PM, Dmrman said:

I know it's difficult at times... Jp has a very valid point though.... Setting boundaries... I have had many Straight friends in my life over the years... we have  out of respect set rules, and sometimes some become curious...! but in keeping those in line with our agreement, it has proved to be valuable over the years . (Not to say if he didn't press the envelope it wouldn't open... ) but for now he is just curious and well it's not worth our friendship..."Bromances" are actually very healthy for us and can actually work out good when handled right... it's not 100% but it's worth being careful and setting the boundaries...!!!

 

Curiosity killed the cat....  Now, which one is the cat... that's debatable.  😛

 

About the "... when handled right..."  OMG.  Easier said then done!  Especially if one of you is CURIOUS!  If both are curious....  Houston, we have a problem!

 

(*gives Dmrman a white glove to handle it right..., whatever that means now...*)

 

On 5/13/2018 at 5:18 PM, MacGreg said:

I can't really imagine it. I have close friends who are straight, and I don't expect or want anything sexual from them. However, when it comes to a "bromance" situation, where, as you defined it, me and the guy are bonded in every way except below the waist, the physical would happen eventually. As a dominant person, it just would. So I won't say that I coudn't be in a bromance situation as you described - I just don't think it would stay 100% platonic.

 

I am totally passive..., so I am not sure what I would do if I were....  I'm still innocent, by the way....

 

On 5/13/2018 at 6:25 PM, Aceinthehole said:

I have a bromance with my best friend from high school. We know everything about each other and have had some extremely personal conversations. Our bromance was what gave me the strength to come out to him, and with his support eventually come out to the rest of my friends and family. He's one of the most important people in my life.

 

I've only caught feelings for one straight friend and it was extremely difficult. However, the bond I share with my best friend was well worth the risk. 

 

Then again I'm the type of person who can easily separate an intimate and non-intimate friendship. 

 

 

OMG.  I had a friend like that.  He had made fun of how gay I was, like, innocuous teasing, though I was totally in closet at the time.  You can almost feel he just wanted me to be more comfy with my gayness, and we could get dangerously close to the point he wanted to be my roommate... (I turned him down, obvious).  He was the reason why I feel I should never get too close to a straight guy, like EVAR, but he was very gay for a straight person....  Like he was more open about homosexuality than I was at the time....

 

The current debacle I am facing (which is why I am re-opening the case of how I should conduct myself in front of a straight guy by asking you guys in this poll), unfortunate this guy has always been reminding me of that guy....  I shouldn't let the Pandora's Box open....  Which is ironically... the guy I had met before, who said he had opened the Pandora's Box.

[Ashi]

On 5/13/2018 at 8:30 PM, JayT said:

I totally have a bromance with my friend Ryan....we share almost everything, but he's totally and completely 100% straight 

 

Being 100% straight makes it easy to keep the friendship... well..., straight.  99% straight, however, is frustrating.  (Ashiism moment)

 

On 5/14/2018 at 3:17 PM, Mikiesboy said:

i don't think so.  i simply don't have friends that are that remotely close to me... straight or gay.  if i did happen to meet someone like that i fairly sure my Husband would have issue with that kind of closeness. 

 

On 5/14/2018 at 7:40 PM, MichaelS36 said:

I have close friends. I have a husband,  if I didn't I'd have lover(s), not interested in bromances. 

 

Mmmkay....  I am not stealing your hubby....  So..., please don't hurt me. 

 

On 5/16/2018 at 6:55 PM, TetRefine said:

I have a three-way bromance with two of my old roommates from college. One of them is bi, and the other one is the gayest straight man I've ever known. 

 

I also have a good friend of mine who is gay who, in the most accurate way, can only be described as my Saturday night soulmate. We go out to the clubs and parties a lot, and for some reason we just totally click. We actually are two very different types of people, but what we really bond over is our care-free, live it for the moment attitude that we fully embrace. I can tell him anything I've done, am doing, or want to do without any fear he will judge me or put me down, and he the same with me. We've gotten up to some wild things in the time we've been friends, but I know I can always trust him and count on him. We often get mistaken for boyfriends when we go out dancing together, because we dance so intimately with each other. To us, it's not necessarily intimate but rather just the level of comfort we feel around each other. It's never gotten sexual and it never will. Neither one of us wants that. Andrew Holleran once wrote that "The friend you danced with, when you had no lover, was the most important person in your life." While both of us have significant others, in certain ways we are the most important people in each other's gay lives. It's hard to describe the kind of bond we have over the lifestyle we live, but to me it is very much an intimate one in it's own unique way. 

 

Oh, Matt, only if I could be so open about my sexuality....  You young people are so lucky.  That also tells me how far we've gone.

 

On 5/17/2018 at 5:04 PM, droughtquake said:

Yes, my relationship with my ex-boyfriend (from nearly 30 years ago) shifted into a kind of bromance whenever he wasn’t married (two different guys) and I’m convinced that many people we used to see at Frameline LGBTQ film festival every year thought we were an old married couple.  ;–)

 

If that doesn’t count, my best friend and I have been very close off and on for nearly as long as my ex. We’ve usually been closer when my ex has drifted away, as now. There was a point when he proposed dating (by groping my crotch with his foot while we were in a hot tub). I mulled it over for a bit and decided I didn’t want to risk losing him as a best friend, turning him down.  ;–)

 

I feel like I’m too much of a mess emotionally to be dating anyone. I miss cuddling and kissing more than anything else. But no one deserves to be dragged down by my clinical depression and general anxiety. Until I can resolve my issues, I’m content to remain single.  ;–)

 

That's very supportive of your friend.  I think he offers you to be your rebound, and that to me, shows what a self-less person he is....  Though I would freak out if someone did that to me in the hot tub....   I actually would freak out if ANY guy touched me....

 

And I am with you..., I am also too much of a mess to be dating.    I don't miss cuddling and kissing because I've never had such experience....  Keep a positive attitude though, so....

[Aceinthehole]

30 minutes ago, Ashi said:

 

OMG.  I had a friend like that.  He had made fun of how gay I was, like, innocuous teasing, though I was totally in closet at the time.  You can almost feel he just wanted me to be more comfy with my gayness, and we could get dangerously close to the point he wanted to be my roommate... (I turned him down, obvious).  He was the reason why I feel I should never get too close to a straight guy, like EVAR, but he was very gay for a straight person....  Like he was more open about homosexuality than I was at the time....

 

The current debacle I am facing (which is why I am re-opening the case of how I should conduct myself in front of a straight guy by asking you guys in this poll), unfortunate this guy has always been reminding me of that guy....  I shouldn't let the Pandora's Box open....  Which is ironically... the guy I had met before, who said he had opened the Pandora's Box.

 

That's a really rough situation. The one time I fell for a straight guy I fell HARD. It is heart breaking to know the person you're infatuated with can never romantically like you back in any capacity. I advise you to move forward with caution. 

 

However I really hope you can sit down and figure out a way to remain friends with this new straight guy. Friendships can be just as valuable as romantic relationships, and forming that close bond can be so rewarding. Perhaps take a break from him for  a while to truly clear your head. Good luck!

[Ashi]

So....

 

Why..., like why I made this poll...? 

 

Is Ashi tired of being a virgin?  Very possibly.

 

Is there a very serious temptation that causes Ashi to abandon his decade-old decorum (of virginhood)?  You're getting there.

 

Is this temptation off-limit that Ashi believes it can only be at best..., a bromance?  (*nods, nods*)

 

Is Ashi's virginity being threatened?  (BUZZ)  NOT.EVEN!!!  But it's the closest in decades.

 

Some of you might be aware there is this guy who I've called "Red Daddy" in my life lately....  I have this weakness for red-headed guy....  And I've been tested a lot in last few years.  Costco Boy is like made to my specification except I don't like his voice, and he is like ten years younger than me (mostly the latter that's the deal breaker).  Red Daddy doesn't have that age limit issue, but as my nickname for him implies, he's off-limit because he's married with a child.  And he's very friendly, and I like everything about him.  His voice is so nice (I just discovered I have many weaknesses lately...).

 

I accidentally brushed by him (literally) and his bear fur on his muscular forearm is like so freaking soft!  OMG....  I am not a bear person and don't have a daddy issue, so why am I being tested this way?  THIS IS UNFAIR!

 

So my brain, which usually has a strong capacity for making logical decisions, has been devolved into contemplating a bromance with a married guy.... OMG.  THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!  I've never had so much self-doubt.  I make better decision after four shots of whiskey than this!

 

I used to have a co-worker who fell for a married guy.  Of course the guy he dated never got a divorce to marry him, as he had promised my poor, poor coworker....  Every time I think of him, that's all I could think of..., "poor, poor, Geof."  I can't fall for a married guy.  It is against my principle....  But my principles have been tested a lot lately.

 

So please tell me bromance is evil....

 

I know I don't make sense....

 

My gaydar is so broken nowadays....  Wait... it never works to begin with.  (and what the f is this daddy sub-culture nowadays among younger gay guys..., and why am I wearing skinny jeans?)

[MichaelS36]

51 minutes ago, Ashi said:

Mmmkay....  I am not stealing your hubby....  So..., please don't hurt me. 

 

Oh you can't steal him, but I could lend him to you.

[Ashi]

40 minutes ago, Aceinthehole said:

That's a really rough situation. The one time I fell for a straight guy I fell HARD. It is heart breaking to know the person you're infatuated with can never romantically like you back in any capacity. I advise you to move forward with caution. 

 

However I really hope you can sit down and figure out a way to remain friends with this new straight guy. Friendships can be just as valuable as romantic relationships, and forming that close bond can be so rewarding. Perhaps take a break from him for  a while to truly clear your head. Good luck!

 

You mean, a really tough situation....  (just trying to show my brain is still functioning 😛 )

 

Anywayz....  I know I need to move on with caution....  I can't take a break away from him, unlike Costco Boy who I could choose when to meet (only on days I visit Costco), I work with this guy every day....  My brain is constantly filled with "I can't say [such and such] to him because it sounds too much like flirting."  Don't know if any of you has ever had such issue....

 

 

Edited May 22, 2018 by Ashi

[Former Member]

3 minutes ago, Ashi said:

My gaydar is so broken nowadays....  Wait... it never works to begin with.  (and what the f is this daddy sub-culture nowadays among younger gay guys..., and why am I wearing skinny jeans?)

Apparently you live in my state, but I’m not clear on what part (Costco suggests it’s not too remote an area though). I’m also not sure about how old you are. Most metro areas here have some sort of LGBTQ community center. They are usually good places to meet other Gay or bisexual men. There are all sorts of LGBTQ social organizations including hikers, bicyclists, campers, and all sorts of sports.

 

Next month, Frameline42 takes place. San Francisco’s LGBTQ film festival is the world’s oldest and largest. Los Angeles has a smaller LGBTQ film festival about a month later.

 

If you live near the location of one of California’s numerous Pride Parades, it can be a way to find volunteer opportunities (during the post-parade festival).

 

I think maybe you should try to find other LGBTQs rather than fantasizing about straight, married men.

 

PM me if you want to talk privately. I’m not a redhead, but I do appreciate their appeal. I used to wear skinny jeans back in the ‘70s when they were known as shrink-to-fit Levi 501s!  ;–)

[Ashi]

5 minutes ago, droughtquake said:

Apparently you live in my state, but I’m not clear on what part (Costco suggests it’s not too remote an area though). I’m also not sure about how old you are. Most metro areas here have some sort of LGBTQ community center. They are usually good places to meet other Gay or bisexual men. There are all sorts of LGBTQ social organizations including hikers, bicyclists, campers, and all sorts of sports.

 

Next month, Frameline42 takes place. San Francisco’s LGBTQ film festival is the world’s oldest and largest. Los Angeles has a smaller LGBTQ film festival about a month later.

 

If you live near the location of one of California’s numerous Pride Parades, it can be a way to find volunteer opportunities (during the post-parade festival).

 

I think maybe you should try to find other LGBTQs rather than fantasizing about straight, married men.

 

PM me if you want to talk privately. I’m not a redhead, but I do appreciate their appeal. I used to wear skinny jeans back in the ‘70s when they were known as shrink-to-fit Levi 501s!  ;–)

 

Thanks for the advice, but I am not fantasizing about straight, married man.  I am a victim of seduction by straight man.  😛  Just kidding....  (but what would you do if a straight guy gave you that serious, ponderous, manly man stare?  And all you could do is either ignore him, or disrupt his stare with friendly but aloof small talks because you don't want it to become a bromance...).

 

I do need to meet more g people though.    I can go watch a few movies for sure.  I attended a couple pride parades, but I am usually the spectators..., as with many things I do in RL, a spectator.  I'll pull a Love Simon, sitting on a Ferris Wheel by myself this Christmas, hopefully.

[MountMe75]

On 5/13/2018 at 6:32 PM, BHopper2 said:

I'm notorious for "catching the feels" for straight guys. I've had a couple of very deep relationships with straight guys, that would qualify as Bromances. We've done things together like sharing a shower at a hotel because we overslept and needed to GTFO, seen each other naked, but no sex of any kind, between us. 

I feel the same and am currently in a similar hard-ening one sided bromance. They are the most delicious soo far.

Edited May 22, 2018 by MountMe75
Forgot my text. Like when you have cereal but no milk. Lol

[MountMe75]

Droughtquake, was the "wow" emoji Good or Bad? Haha. Loving this GA more with every word read. 

Edited May 22, 2018 by MountMe75
Oopsy my fingers move at mach 10 and my mind at a snails pace. Sorry about your misspelled nom de plume...hehe

[Former Member]

3 minutes ago, MountMe75 said:

Droughtcake, was the "wow" emoji Good or Bad? Haha. Loving this GA more with every word read. 

I have a new nickname – clearly inspired by my love of desserts!  ;–)

[Ashi]

I think I'll add this video since it is sort of related.  It's very frustratingly ambiguous.  The video never answers the question it started.

 

 

[Pmsingtiger]

What's it called when straight girls have a thing for gay guys? I feel like that is really common. Also, I don't believe that anyone is really straight or gay we can all be fluid but we define that relationships have to be sexual in nature, but there is so much more to a committed lifelong relationship. So a bromance could be a fulfilling lifelong relationship if you were to subtract the supposed need for sexual contact. If it makes you happy and no one is getting hurt, go for it ❤️❤️ 

Edited June 8, 2018 by Pmsingtiger

[Former Member]

4 minutes ago, Pmsingtiger said:

What's it called when straight girls have a thing for gay guys? I feel like that is really common. Also, I don't believe that anyone is really straight or gay we can all be fluid but we define that relationships have to be sexual in nature, but there is so much more to a committed lifelong relationship. So a bromance could be a fulfilling lifelong relationship if you were to subtract the supposed need for sexual contact. If it makes you happy and no one is getting hurt, go for it ❤️❤️ 

There is a rude name for straight girls who ‘have a thing for gay guys.’ I’m not aware of any neutral or nice names for the phenomenon. I don’t think I need to mention it since it doesn’t add anything to the conversation.

 

I cannot imagine ever falling for a woman myself. This is not to say that I believe everyone is either straight or Gay since I believe many people are bisexual. I just think that there really are people who are at the two extremes. I believe there are all sorts of variations in human sexuality and orientation.

 

But I’m no expert. Most of what I know comes from documentaries created by people who are not like me. They have exposed me to concepts that I’d never have considered on my own based on my personal experiences. I’ve been awakened.