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Gary L

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Everything posted by Gary L

  1. This is such a Good piece of writing. The dialogue and charachters are! In my opinion, authentic persons - even the obnoxious brother. Congratulations, Gary L
  2. Another great chapter with mr Robbie. Loved the way he got therapist to crack open a bit. A touch of humanity helps, at least for me. good luck with your labours mr Dodger. 😊
  3. A brilliant piece of story writng. So funny. And clever! Well-done mr Dodger
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  4. Gary L

    Graduation Trip

    Well-said. At the end of the day YOU are the author. I am really enjoying reading your work and as a Brit the visit to London was v well-written. Keep going, Sir
  5. Gary L

    Sanc Chapter 6

    Hi, the story is interesting and with great potential. However, two points of feedback: First, in all the enthusiam about the Sanctuary, with great details, I think the relationship with Jonah just doesn't get the space it needs. The story intro sells us that relationship but the amazing details of the Sanctuary dominate the story of Jonah. At least up until know. Secondly, there are many language and typo problems. Forgive me if I am a pedant but in direct speech you need a full stop after verbs like replied, said, responded etc. This lets us know that there is a change of speaker, for example. Also, mid-sentence you change to Direct speech without the inverted comma ("). Normally I would never make such comments, however your story deserves the best editing. best wishes and good luck Gary
  6. For me, one of best writers. I have reread two novels this week and up to date on latest. My eyes hurt! Seriously, many congratulations.
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