9.11 - 40. Chapter 40

September 11, 2001

11:45am: Goodwell, VA

“How can you be sure if you didn’t find the body?” I demanded.

“We can’t,” Officer Grivens said. “But we track people, especially visiting Senators, pretty carefully when they’re here, so we know where he was. And where he was is now smoking rubble.” That made sense, that they’d keep tabs on visiting dignitaries.

“Will you please let me know if there is additional news?” I asked, probably sounding frosty.

“I will,” he said, and hung up. I walked over to the bar, poured a glass of Scotch, and sat in a chair. Without thinking I downed the Scotch with one gulp, relishing the pain as it burned down my throat. Robbie was gone, Hank was gone, and Jeanine was gone. That was tragic enough, and enough to handle. But now my father was gone too? I shook my head sadly, even as tears poured out of my eyes. I was cognizant that they were streaming down my cheeks, but I did nothing to stop them, or to wipe them away. Tiffany had talked about Jeanine finally getting peace in her life, finally getting happiness, and about how unfair her death was. My relationship with my father was kind of the same way. He’d been this aloof figure I’d known as a kid, and then I’d hated him when he’d abused me, and then finally we’d gotten to a place where we were good. I thought about that, and marveled at what an achievement that was, and how hard he and I had worked to get there. Part of me wanted to resent that, to resent that we were cheated out of the good part of our relationship, but then again, without that hard work, I never would have known the good man that lived behind the politician’s smile.

“I have rooms set up for them, but Will, JJ, Darius, and Ella are going to have to cram into three rooms,” Nana said as she came into the room. She looked at me and froze. “What’s wrong?”

“Dad was in the Pentagon this morning,” I told her. “They haven’t found his body, but they are fairly certain he was killed when the plane hit.”

“Jeff is dead?” she asked. She’d cried for Robbie, Jeanine, and Hank, but she didn’t really know them like she knew my father.

“Yes,” I said simply. I was frozen, staring off into space, while Nana stood in front of me, slowly melting down. But I didn’t have the energy to comfort her; I didn’t have the energy for any of this. I was tempted to go over and pour myself another whiskey, but then I remembered my mother and how she’d used alcohol to dull her pain. One thing was certain: I didn’t want to end up like her. Duty compelled me to get up and hug Nana, and to let her sob, but I had a feeling I was doing a pretty bad job of it. “I need you to do me a favor,” I said finally, to pull her out of this funk.

“What?”

“We need to tell Mary Ellen, Beau, and Mother about this,” I said.

“I’ll talk to Mary Ellen and Beau, and you can talk to your mother,” she said. Thinking about my mother made us both angry enough to dull our pain and give us strength.

“I’m going to go tell Matt first,” I said.

“I’ll wait to call them until you’re done,” she said. I went out to the paddock and found Matt where he’d been before, staring at the horses.

“Hey,” he said, trying to show me he was glad to see me without being cheerful. I walked up to him and without saying anything I wrapped my arms, and damn near my whole body around him, and cried, not quite like he did before, but my equivalent of that. “It’s OK, Wade.”

For some reason, it irritated me that he thought I was this upset about the others, and that in turn irritated me even more, but just as before, being irritated or angry seemed to give me energy. “My father was killed in the Pentagon.”

“No!” he said. I nodded. “I’m sorry. God, this is the shittiest day of my life!”

“Mine too,” I said. “And I have to call my mother.” We both thought that was funny, and laughed, then remembered the people we’d just lost, and got somber again. I actually took a minute to call Sean, my attorney, first. It was better to be prepared when dealing with my mother. Once I’d accomplished that, I went into the study and dialed her number.

“Wade,” she answered coldly. We weren’t on speaking terms unless it involved Riley.

“Have you been watching the news?”

“I have,” she said in the same tone. “It is truly terrible what those horrible people have done.” She really didn’t sound all that upset about the victims.

“Dad was killed when the plane hit the Pentagon,” I said simply.

“What?” she asked, genuinely shocked.

“They were restoring the west side of the Pentagon, and he went to tour their progress,” I said. “That’s the part of the Pentagon that was impacted by the plane.” Neither one of us said anything for a minute.

“That is unfortunate,” she finally said. The words were cold, but I knew that she was sincerely upset underneath her stone-cold façade. “You are at Goodwell?”

“I am,” I said.

“I’ll be there tonight,” she decreed.

“We have a full house, so this isn’t the best time,” I told her.

“It is my house, Wade,” she snapped.

“No, Mother, it is not,” I said. “In any event, I am here, and you are not welcome.”

“We’ll see about that,” she said viciously, then hung up.

12:30pm: Jersey City

I felt like I wasn’t really me, and it was surreal. It was like there was this cardboard cutout person that looked like me, and talked like me, but he wasn’t really me. This person was dressed in new clothes, stuff JJ and Stef had picked up for me, groomed with toiletries that I’d bought, and clean from a shower in the hotel room. On the outside, this person looked like me, but on the inside, this person was a hollow shell.

A bus pulled up and stopped, the brakes making that hissing sound that trucks make, and the door opened. The bus looked like one of those big things tourists rode around in, but without all the windows. A cute redheaded dude, who was probably in his early thirties, emerged from the big vehicle. He had an average but short body. “Professor Crampton?”

“I am Professor Crampton,” Grand said.

“I’m Corey Atkins, your driver,” he said politely. “I understand I’m taking you to Charlottesville?”

“That is correct,” Grand said. “I would like you to take I-78 West to I-81 South.”

“That’s not the most direct way,” he said, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“Based on what is happening, I think you will find it is faster,” Grand said.

“If you say so,” he said. “Is that your luggage?” All we had were shopping bags that held our new clothes, sealed plastic garbage bags containing our old clothes, and snacks that Darius and Ella had bought.

“That is it,” Grand said. “I will check out, and then we will be ready to go.” I went up with him to the front desk, and the same guy who checked us in was there to help us. His nametag said ‘Colin.’

“You’re leaving us already?” he asked cheerfully, which seemed really out of sync with how we felt, and with the tragedy that was evolving just a few miles away.

“Thank you for making sure we had rooms,” Grand said.

“You paid for these until tomorrow,” he said.

Before Grand could tell him that it didn’t matter, I intervened. “There’s going to be a lot of people coming over here who don’t have a place to stay,” I said. We’d heard the evacuation orders on the television, and there was a boatlift being organized to get people out of Manhattan. People were already comparing it to the evacuation at Dunkirk in World War II. We were lucky that Grand had got us out when he did.

Colin’s expression got somber, and he swallowed hard, exposing his sympathetic persona underneath his happy façade. “There probably will be.”

“How long can you let us reserve these rooms?” I asked.

“You can have them for five days,” he said, “then we book up again.”

“If we paid for them, could you give them out to people who needed them?” I asked him.

“I can do that, but if they trash the room, you’re responsible for it,” he cautioned.

“Will you make sure they go to people who need them?” I asked, wanting to make sure he just didn’t have a party with his friends.

He smiled and nodded. “I can do that. Thank you.”

“Not a problem,” I said. “You can just charge them, along with any damage, to that credit card.” It was Grand’s, and while he gave me a foul look just to be playful, he nodded. Grand signed off on the receipt, and then went to board our bus.

“That was a nice thing you did,” he said.

“Something nice has to happen today,” I said. “Besides, it was your credit card. You’re the one who did it.” He smiled slightly, and then we both felt guilty for sharing a moment where we weren’t miserable.

We walked out and boarded the bus, and as soon as we did, Corey started driving off. It must have been some sort of rock star bus, because it was really nice, with a big bedroom, a living room area, and a kitchen with a bar and bar stools. It was like a hotel suite on wheels. Off to the side was a small sitting area. There was even one of those safety seats for Maddy.

“Can I crash in the bedroom?” JJ asked. Darius gave him a foul look, because he was clearly planning to drag Ella back there so they could be alone together. They were acting all lovey-dovey, like they were back together, and like they’d already fucked. I found it annoying, and I was pretty damn sure JJ found it even more annoying than I did.

“Certainly,” Stef said.

“I’ll join you in a minute.” Now it was JJ’s turn to give me a dirty look. “It’s a big bed. There’s room.”

“Don’t feel me up while I’m sleeping,” he said, and it was funny enough to make me smile, but only for a few seconds. He went back and shut the door firmly, while Darius and Ella settled for a small alcove near the front of the bus.

“Maybe we’ll get better cell reception as we get closer to Harrisburg,” Dad said. We’d been lucky enough to snag a couple of phone chargers from Mom’s house, and luckier still that they worked with our phones. Dad was looking at his phone, desperate to communicate with the outside world. We’d been completely unable to make phone calls since Grand had talked to Julian and Wade. Even the land lines at the hotel had been useless.

“Maybe,” Grand said. They all looked exhausted.

“If you guys want JJ and me to crash on the couches, you can have the bed,” I said.

“No,” Stef said. “We will be fine. You go ahead and get some rest.”

“I’m going to try and call John first,” I said.

“Good luck,” Dad said.

“I can’t try for long; I’m next in line for the charger.” There was nowhere private to go talk on the phone, so ironically enough, I opted for the seat next to the driver. I figured that he didn’t know me, so he wouldn’t know what the fuck I was talking about anyway. “I need to make a phone call,” I told him.

“Good luck,” he said, mirroring Dad’s comment.

I sat down and dialed John, and got nothing. I did it again, and again, and again, until I finally got a ring tone.

“Will?” he asked, as if he were sure I wouldn’t answer.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I told him.

“God, it’s so good to hear your voice,” he almost shouted. “I’ve been scared shitless. I was worried that you were in that tower!” It was really sweet to hear how happy he was I was alive, and how upset he’d been when he thought I wasn’t.

“I was in the tower,” I told him. “I managed to get out in time.”

“Mom said that your dad and Stef made it out alright,” he said cautiously.

“Darius, Maddy, and I made it out of the other tower. Pop, Hank, and my mom didn’t,” I said. My voice choked up as I said it, and I had to fight to get control of myself.

“Dude, I am so sorry,” he said. “Can you tell me what happened?”

I recited the story for him, and had to stop a few times to stop crying, telling him how we fought our way down the stairwell, and how Robbie had gone back up to help Mom and Hank. “We got out and got the fuck away from the building, because that’s what Pop told us to do. My dad was talking to Pop when they were trying to get out of the building, but they were too late, and the fucking thing collapsed on them.”

“That totally sucks,” he said, but did it in between sobs. We were both crying now, but managed to get ourselves under control again. “You saved your sister’s life,” he said.

“I just did what I had to do to survive,” I said.

“I hate to do this to you, but my mom is going to want to talk to you.”

“That’s fine. Getting through is almost impossible,” I agreed. I heard him walking through their house to what sounded like the kitchen.

“Mom, Will’s on the line for you,” he said.

“He made it!?” Aunt Claire said, sounding thrilled.

“He did,” John said. I heard him talking to someone as he walked away from the phone: “Will lived. Sucks for you.”

“John!” Aunt Claire said, which meant he must have made that snippy comment to Marie. I didn’t have time to even chuckle about that before I heard her talking to me. “I am so glad to hear you survived,” Aunt Claire said. She was almost sobbing she was so happy, which just made me feel like shit for being such a dick this summer to this woman who obviously really loved me. “I have been nearly frantic all morning.”

“Darius, Maddy, and I made it out of the building,” I said. “Pop, my mom, and Hank didn’t.”

“That’s so sad,” she said, and I could hear her crying softly as she said it. “So tragic. I am so sorry Will.”

“Thanks,” I said, feeling numb. “Everything is grounded, but Grand managed to get us out of Manhattan. We’re on a bus to Charlottesville, where we’re going to stay with Wade until we can come home.”

“I’ll let everyone know,” she said. “Ask your father to call me when he can get through and has a moment.”

“I will,” I promised, just as my phone gave me a low-battery signal.

I got up to walk back to the bus, and saw our driver looking pretty shook up. This whole nightmare was going to hit everyone hard. “Did you talk to John?” Dad asked when I walked near him.

“I did. I talked to Aunt Claire too.”

“You didn’t bring me the phone?” he asked, being bitchy.

“She said you should call her when you got to a place where the cell phones worked better,” I said. “I didn’t know you wanted to talk to her. Besides, my battery was damn near dead. You wanted to use the charger first, remember?”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry. It’s probably just as well.” He turned back to the table, focusing on the pad of paper in front of him, as he made notes. He was a bundle of nerves, and energy, trying to do something so he didn’t have to think about this. I went and stood next to him, and held my hand in front of him. “What?” he asked.

I just shook my hand slightly, until he reached up and grabbed it with his. I’d done this with Ryan last year on our float trip, when he was really hurting. I adjusted our grip to make our handshake more of a pact. “You are not alone.”

I felt his hand flutter in mine, and he looked up at me, his eyes teary. “Thanks.”

I nodded and went back to the bedroom. I took off my shirt, because I didn’t want to wrinkle it up, and because I didn’t like to sleep in clothes. I slipped off my new jeans as well, and climbed into the bed, under the covers. JJ was lying on top, fully clothed. The rumble of the bus, along with the jerking movements as it slugged through traffic, was annoying at first, but I got used to them. JJ had his back turned to me, and I thought he was asleep until I saw his shoulders moving erratically.

How typical of him, to hide that he was crying. He could be a total whiney bitch, act like he was eight years old in public, but he didn’t want anyone to see him cry. I rolled over so I was spooning up behind him and wrapped my arms around him. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asked, trying to sound bitchy, even though his voice was cracking.

“Feeling you up,” I teased, as I nibbled his ear. He elbowed me in the chest, but not too hard.

“Knock it off,” he said. I stopped nibbling on his ear, but I still held on to him, and he stopped struggling. I felt him slowly relax, felt him let his constraints go, as he consented to this intimate asexual embrace. He had this deal where he used his bitchy persona as a shield to keep people away from him. He probably figured that if he was that obnoxious, people wouldn’t want to be around him. It made him seem like a loner, like an island, and tough as nails, when he really wasn’t. Holding him like this, I was forcing him to relax and lower those shields. I’d seen this before, when he’d found out about Shane Jackson’s suicide, and I knew what would come next.

The tension ebbed from his body, and I gripped him even tighter, and then it soared. “It’s so fucking unfair!” he said, sobbing, and then he started fighting me, trying to break my grip. “Fucking let me go.” I didn’t say anything, I just held on tight, even as he had a mini-tantrum in the bed. He kicked back at me, nailing my shins a few times, and elbowed me hard in the sides, which hurt like a motherfucker, but I still held on. His body was pretty solid, and he was strong, so it wasn’t easy to keep him contained. He fought and fought, and then he didn’t. Then he cried, and I cried with him. Now that he was over the violence, he spun around so he was facing me. I pulled him in and we hugged each other for a long time, and I’d never felt quite so close to him. I just gathered strength from him, and I felt him doing the same thing.

2:30pm: Bethlehem, PA

I watched Will walk to the back of the bus and let myself sigh. As much as we’d been fighting lately, I knew that now that I needed him, he’d be there for me. It was really nice of him to make sure I knew that.

“He is an impressive young man,” Grand said.

“I agree, but I am wondering why you said that,” Stef said.

“He rented those hotel rooms out for another five days, and insisted that the hotel give them out to refugees from Manhattan who needed them,” Grand said.

I stared at him and blinked. That was indeed a nice gesture. I flagellated myself for a bit, since I hadn’t thought of it. I guess I wasn’t a very caring person. Then I pulled myself out of my pity party. I should be proud of my son for doing a good deed like that, and not make it all about me. “That was a nice thing to do,” I agreed.

I turned back to the kitchen island on the bus, my notepad and pen out, and continued making notes of all the things I’d have to do while ignoring what those things really were. I knew that if I stopped working, when I stopped working, I’d have to face the fact that Robbie was gone, and that he was gone forever, but as long as I could keep on working, I could put that to the side and not deal with it. But there were two incredibly painful conversations I would have to have, and now that we cleared the New York Metro area, cell phone service seemed to be reliable enough for me to make them.

The first call I made was to Escorial, and curtly asked for Frank so the staff wouldn’t ply me with questions. “Hello,” I heard him say, his voice gruff like it always was.

“Hi,” I said, and then sort of froze.

“It’s good to hear your voice,” he said, sounding relieved. “We saw those planes hit the towers, and we’ve been worried about you guys. I’ve been calling Robbie every five minutes.”

“It’s hard to get good phone reception,” I said. “The lines have been jammed.”

“Well it’s good to hear that you’re alright.”

“We’re not,” I said.

“What?”

“We’re not alright,” I repeated, and heard my voice cracking, and felt the tears start to fall again. “Frank… Robbie didn’t make it.” And then I lost it again, and just broke down crying. God, would it be this painful forever?

“What do you mean he didn’t make it?” Frank demanded.

“He was in the tower with Jeanine and Hank when it collapsed,” I said, giving up on trying to keep my voice steady. “He didn’t make it.”

“No,” Frank said. The agony in his voice was heart wrenching. I heard a thump as the phone fell on the floor, and wasn’t quite sure what to do, so I waited, and heard him sobbing in the background, even as I heard him walking away.

“Hello?” I heard my mother ask.

“Mom, it’s Brad,” I said.

“You are alright?” she asked apprehensively.

“I’m fine, but Robbie didn’t make it out of the tower in time. He’s dead, and so is Jeanine. And Hank,” I added. I paused to try and get myself together.

“I am so sorry,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said. There was nothing more that I wanted to say, and she wanted to go talk to Frank, so we both hung up.

“He did not take it well,” Stef said, stating the obvious. I ignored his comment.

“I need to call Evelyn,” I told him. “We have to figure out what to do about Anders-Hayes.”

Stef eyed me carefully, since it certainly didn’t have to be done today, but he knew how hard I was struggling with all of this, so he worked with me. “What do you think we should do?”

“You and I hold a majority control in the company, so I think we can make the decision about who takes over without digging into what happens to Robbie’s shares, and who gets to vote them,” I said.

“Jacob may not agree with you,” Stef said, referring to Anders-Hayes’ lawyer. Stef didn’t like him.

“I don’t really care,” I said. “I want to appoint Alex Danvers as the interim CEO.”

“You do?” Stef asked, since it was not my place to appoint him, and it was certainly not my place to appoint him with no one else’s input. “This has nothing to do with how handsome he is, does it?”

“It does not,” I said, too brusquely. He was trying to make things easier for me, but I wasn’t in the mood for it. I was locked onto my tasks at hand.

“Then perhaps you will explain why you think he should be elevated above other potential candidates,” Stef said.

“Robbie told me to do it as he was…” I paused to collect myself. “When we were talking, he told me that he was the one who should take over.”

“He is a more junior member of the executive team,” Stef said. “He heads up operations. Perhaps we should appoint someone else until we can more thoroughly vet him.”

“No,” I said forcefully. “I’m sorry,” I said, mellowing. There was no reason or excuse to be rude to Stef.

“It is alright,” Stef said.

“We have to follow Robbie’s directive on this, Stef. I promised him that I would. We have to do this.”

He nodded in agreement, as I knew he would. “You have my support.”

“Thank you,” I said. “He said that Alex has an amazing intuitive instinct. He said it was almost like yours.” Stef nodded and got choked up at that posthumous compliment from Robbie.

“We can formalize things when we get home,” Stef said.

I nodded and braced myself for my next phone call. It took me ten tries to get through to Anders-Hayes, and then when the call finally made it; it went to Evelyn’s voicemail. I hit ‘0’ and it transferred to an operator. “Anders-Hayes, how may I direct your call?” a receptionist said.

“I’m trying to reach Evelyn Somers…”

“One moment, I’ll transfer you,” she said.

“Wait!” I said loudly.

“Sir?”

“This is Brad Schluter. I’m in New York, and it’s taken me hours to get an open line through to you guys. I need to talk to Evelyn, and I need you to get me through to her without dropping this call,” I said firmly.

“Can you spell your last name, sir?” she asked.

“You must be new,” I said, trying to be pleasant. I spelled my name out for her. “I’m one of your board members.” I almost told her that Robbie was my partner, but that wasn’t true anymore, since he was dead. I struggled to stay focused.

“I’m sorry Mr. Schluter. I am new. I’m going to put you on hold, and I’ll track down Ms Somers for you.” I heard that nauseating hold music, then I heard a click, then the phone was ringing again.

“Brad?” I heard Evelyn say.

“Yes,” I said.

“We knew you were in New York. Everyone here has been freaking out! It’s so good to hear your voice!” She was happy I was alive, but I just felt guilty for surviving when Robbie didn’t.

“Thanks,” I said, then swallowed hard. “Robbie didn’t make it.”

“What?”

“He was in the South Tower when it collapsed,” I told her. “He was trying to get out, and I was talking to him, but he didn’t make it in time.” I was crying by the time I finished that sentence, but I couldn’t help it.

“That’s horrible,” she said, crying with me. “So horrible.”

“Can you take care of a few things for me?” I asked, getting us both back to business.

“I can,” she answered firmly.

“Can you track down Alex Danvers so I can talk to both of you?”

“Give me just a minute,” she said.

“Whatever you do, don’t hang up,” I cautioned. “It took me forever to get through. The lines here are jammed.”

“I won’t lose you,” she pledged. I watched the clock on the wall, and it took her exactly one minute to drag Danvers to the phone. “I’ve got Alex here,” she said.

“Hey Brad,” he said pleasantly. He had a deep, resonant voice.

“Robbie was killed when the towers collapsed,” Evelyn said to Alex, to fill him in. “Alex,” she said soothingly, and I heard soft crying in the background. Alex was Robbie’s protégé, and they were close. Very close. It made sense this would be hard on him. “We have to talk to Brad before we lose him.” That was so typical of Evelyn, to be reliable and steady in a crisis. “Go ahead, Brad.”

“I want you to explain to the employees what happened,” I said.

“Let me take some notes,” Evelyn said, and she must be doing it on her computer, because I heard the keyboard tapping. “I’m ready.”

“They were at the Observatory, on the top floor of the South Tower. Robbie was there with Will, Darius, Maddy, Jeanine and Hank. They were trapped above the explosion. Robbie figured that they may be able to escape in the stairwell farthest from the impact, so he led Darius and Will, who was carrying Maddy, down thirty flights of stairs to the 80^th floor. They had to fight their way through smoke and fire, but finally made it to the 78^th floor. Robbie told Will and Darius to take Maddy and to go ahead and get out; because he was pretty sure the building was going to collapse. Then he braved that firestorm again to go back up and get Jeanine and Hank, and braved it again leading them down.”

“That’s more courageous than any of the shit we see in movies,” Alex said reverently.

“I finally got to talk to him when they were near the bottom of the building, and I could even hear all the noise from the building cracking and groaning in the background,” I said, but remembering our last conversation just blew out all my emotional circuits, so I had to pause and get my voice under control. “He talked about the company, about Anders-Hayes, because it was so important to him, and because you guys were so important to him. Climbing down those stairs, he was thinking about you guys.”

“Just a minute,” Evelyn said, pausing to get her own composure.

When I heard her stop crying, I went on. “He told me that if he didn’t make it, I should appoint you, Alex, to take over as CEO of the firm.”

“He said that?” Alex asked, and seemed stunned.

“He did,” I confirmed. “He said that you’re honest, that you have a lot of integrity, and that you have an intuitive ability with movies similar to what Stef has with investments.”

“He has a lot of confidence in you,” Evelyn said to Alex.

“We all do,” I echoed, to give him an ego boost. Taking over a company like this was not going to be easy. Robbie had to deal with Greg’s death, but he had taken over the company prior to that, so there were no succession issues. “He also had confidence in you Evelyn. He wanted you to take Alex’s place in operations. That’s probably Alex’s choice to make, but it would be nice if you humored Robbie one last time.” That last phrase was directed at Alex.

“It’s the smart decision,” he said, which had to make Evelyn feel good. “We’ll work up a press release on this, Brad, and we’ll have an employee meeting.”

“Email me a copy of it, and I’ll review it for you,” I offered. That made sense, since I’d told them what happened.

“That would be great Brad,” Alex said, “but we really don’t want to dump any work on you.”

“I told you the story, I should proof it,” I said logically.

“Thanks,” he said.

“You’re interim CEO until you can convince Stef to make it permanent,” I said, trying to be slightly cheerful. “You guys can call me if you need anything, or send me an email. We’re going to Charlottesville, Virginia until we can fly home, so I should be connected again tonight.”

“Be careful,” Evelyn said, as if surviving the nightmare in New York had somehow exhausted our luck.

“We will,” I said, which was so much nonsense pabulum.

“Brad?” Alex asked.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for having the confidence in me to let me try and fill Robbie’s shoes.”

I swallowed hard. “They’re big shoes to fill.”

I hung up the phone and just breathed in and out several times in rapid succession. I felt like I was hyperventilating. I finally got myself together and got up and walked over to where Darius was hanging out with Ella. They had this way of connecting that made them look almost sinewy, so it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began, but Darius separated from her and stood up to face me. “You’ll get through this, Dad,” he said earnestly.

I nodded. “We will,” I said, but I wasn’t very sincere. And then he moved forward quickly and gave me a truly big hug, one where he shed his normal reserve, sacrificed his concerns about personal space, and really enveloped me. “We will,” I said, with true conviction this time. I walked toward the bedroom, smiling weakly at Dad and Stef.

I found Will and JJ in the bed, lying on their sides facing each other. Will got pretty alert when I came in. “Dad,” he said, then studied me briefly, reading me perfectly. “Come on, there’s room.”

I lay down in the middle on my back, Will lay along my right side, and JJ lay along my left side, just like they’d done when they were little kids and they’d come jump in bed with me. I bonded with my sons, as we tried to appreciate each other and mourn the people we’d lost.