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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Thwarted - 28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

Prompt: "This is my favorite part."

“Fish on!” Gary whooped and grabbed up the net as he rushed over to where Trey worked the fish. “Don’t let him get away.”

“I’m trying.” Trey stepped back and Gary moved into the back corner of the boat while Mark slipped up to the front by Diane.

“This is my favorite part.” Diane smiled from her spot driving the boat.

Mark raised an eyebrow. What was she talking about? The back and forth between Trey and his dad?

“The memories.” Diane handed him a camera. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” Mark took it and snapped a couple of pictures. He watched the scramble at the back of the boat and was glad he was out of the way.

“Keep him out of the down rigger! Don’t let him wrap around the cable!” Gary shouted.

It didn’t take long before Gary leaned over the side of the boat with the net in hand. He straightened up, the wriggling fish safely in the net and clapped Trey on the shoulder.

“Probably a good three pounds. A few more like that and we can have fish and fried potatoes for supper.”

Trey reached into the net and fiddled for a moment before lifting the fish out, one finger looped in its gills. He held it up for Mark to see and he snapped another picture.

Mark reminded himself to ask Diane if she’d put all of the pictures on a disc for him to take home. He definitely wanted a copy.

“You get the next one.” Trey opened the cooler and slid the fish into a bag inside.

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m good with watching, you go ahead.” Mark had only been fishing a handful of times. His dad had always been too busy and the few times they had gone, it hadn’t been a pleasant experience, especially if one gotten off the hook or broken the line. He still remembered being berated for letting the line get loose or jerking the pole too much. He was in no hurry to relive his past memories of fishing.

Trey raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything else and set about getting the line back in the water.

Relief flooded Mark at the reprieve. He should have known Trey let it go too easily. Ten minutes later Trey jumped up and grabbed the pole, quickly jerking and hooking into another one.

“C’mon Mark, this one’s yours!” Trey glanced over at him and grinned.

“Really, I’m good. Go ahead.”

Trey glared.

“Fine, I’m coming.” Maybe he’d be lucky and manage to land it. He didn’t hold out much hope though.

He skirted past Gary and managed to take Trey’s place without losing the fish on the other end of the line. He tried to mimic everything Trey had done, even moving back to give Gary room.

“Don’t lose ‘im! He’ll make some good eatin!” Gary stepped into place, net in hand.

Mark gritted his teeth, determined to get the damn fish in the boat. He glanced over at Trey and saw him, camera in hand, grinning. He should have kept his damn eyes on the pole. One more crank on the handle and suddenly there was nothing pulling. He’d lost it.

“Damn, he’s gone.” Gary turned towards him and lifted a hand.

Mark saw the hand coming towards him and flinched. He closed his eyes and waited for the slap upside the head that he’d gotten from his own dad, but instead, just like he’d done with Trey, Gary clasped him on the shoulder.

“You’ll get the next one.”

Mark opened his eyes to see Gary smiling at him and taking the pole. He looked over to see Trey coming towards him.

“You okay?”

Mark nodded. He wasn’t sure what else to say and felt a bit embarrassed over the brief moment when he’d flashed back to his own dad’s reaction to losing a fish. His dad hadn’t been a total jerk growing up, but there were just some things that hadn’t been acceptable, losing a fish for stupid mistakes was one of them.

He moved back up to his seat in the front of the boat and watched Trey and Gary get the line baited and back in the water. He wasn’t sure how long it was until Gary hooked into one.

Gary glanced back at him.

“Get over here, Mark. This one’s got your name on it.”

Mark debated arguing, briefly, but decided against it. Trey smiled reassuringly at him and moved to the front of the boat, leaving his dad and Mark alone in the back. Gary must have realized Mark’s lack of experience and stayed close and coached him.

“Don’t drop the tip and keep the line tight.” Gary reached for the net but kept to the side. “Nice and easy, don’t force ‘im. Let ‘im run if he wants to. Keep the tip out so he can’t wrap around the down rigger cable.”

Mark nodded. He didn’t look at Trey this time.

“Doing good, should be getting close.” Gary stepped closer to the side of the boat. “He’ll probably go nuts when he gets to the boat. If he wants to run, stop reeling and let him run.”

Mark felt like an idiot but nodded anyways. He was damn well old enough that he shouldn’t have to be taught how to catch a fish.

“Okay, there he is. Easy does it, don’t force him.” Gary moved quicker than Mark expected and before he realized it, the fish was wiggling in the net. “Nice one! Might even be a bit bigger than Trey’s.”

“Sure, you just had to out fish me.”

Mark glanced over and saw Trey grinning at him and waving the camera.

“Hold him up so I can get a picture.”

“Here you go.” Gary stepped next to him and helped him get his finger hooked into the gills before clasping his shoulder as Mark looked at Trey and grinned. Gary took the fish and added it to the cooler with Trey’s and started to re-bait the hook.

Mark felt he should say something to Gary, but wasn’t sure what so walked over to where Trey was looking at the pictures on the camera.

“We’re definitely printing this one. A five by seven at least.” Trey held out the camera so he could see.

Mark blinked back the moisture in his eyes. A picture of him with a fish, grinning, was no reason to get emotional. Even if that picture included Trey's dad, hand on his shoulder, looking proud.

So, I was naughty this week. I tried really hard to keep it under 1,000 words, but it just ran away with me. I tried to think of what to cut, but I just couldn't decide, so it's a little longer than it's supposed to be. *Hangs head in shame* Anyways, hope you all enjoyed this week's edition of Thwarted! I would love to know your thoughts, so feel free to leave a review. If you'd like to discuss the story more in depth with either myself, or other readers, feel free to do so in the discussion thread!
Copyright © 2016 Renee Stevens; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Suvitar

I felt so sorry for Mark :/ Does he have any good memories of his childhood and of his father? He´s a grown man and he expected a slap from Gary for losing a fish. I mean it was a fish and those things happen when you´re fishing. What kind of father treats a child that way :angry: You have done a great job making me hate Mark´s father without even meeting him and he´s only been mentioned a few times.

I know these chapters are supposed to be of certain length and I always think they are too short but luckily you post regularly. Looking forward reading more next week :read:

Renee Stevens
On 03/19/2014 08:13 PM, Suvitar said:
I felt so sorry for Mark :/ Does he have any good memories of his childhood and of his father? He´s a grown man and he expected a slap from Gary for losing a fish. I mean it was a fish and those things happen when you´re fishing. What kind of father treats a child that way :angry: You have done a great job making me hate Mark´s father without even meeting him and he´s only been mentioned a few times.

I know these chapters are supposed to be of certain length and I always think they are too short but luckily you post regularly. Looking forward reading more next week :read:

Thanks for the review Suvitar! You're not alone in your feelings about Mark's dad. I really really don't like him, if you can't tell. I've gone fishing with my dad since I was little and he's always been patient. Things happen. My biggest reason for showing that in this chapter was to show the differences between Gary and Mark's dad. Also, I really wanted to show how Mark's dad has little to no tolerance for what he sees as even a minor infraction or a mistake(such as dropping the tip and letting the line go slack), and how he is very much expecting perfection.

 

This is actually the first time I've gone over the allotted word limit, but I wasn't about to cut any of the scenes because they all felt important to me. I do try to update every week, though occasionally something happens and I can't. Don't worry, I don't plan to miss next week :)

 

Thanks for reviewing!

Lisa

I always wish the chapters were longer, so this one was great! :)

 

I too felt badly for Mark. I wonder what Gary thought when Mark flinched and closed his eyes. Was that like force of habit? Expecting someone to slap him upside the head for the fish getting away? What a horrible way to grow up. He must have been walking on eggshells all the time when he was around his father. That's no way to grow up.

 

I'm glad this fishing experience was a happy one for him (even though it was emotional).

Renee Stevens
On 03/20/2014 01:42 AM, Daddydavek said:
My dad loved to fish too!
So does my dad. In fact, we have a fishing derby coming up and for the last four or five years, we've always fished it together. It's kind of become a daddy/daughter fishing derby, though this year we're adding my hubby into the mix since he's going to be off work for it. Thanks for reading and reviewing DDK!
Renee Stevens
On 03/20/2014 03:03 AM, Lisa said:
I always wish the chapters were longer, so this one was great! :)

 

I too felt badly for Mark. I wonder what Gary thought when Mark flinched and closed his eyes. Was that like force of habit? Expecting someone to slap him upside the head for the fish getting away? What a horrible way to grow up. He must have been walking on eggshells all the time when he was around his father. That's no way to grow up.

 

I'm glad this fishing experience was a happy one for him (even though it was emotional).

Glad you enjoyed the bit longer chapter Lisa! I always try to keep within the limits, but I just didn't feel I could cut anything from it, so I didn't. Bad me! Oh well, lol.

 

I kind of wanted to show that it was instinct to kind of shy away when he'd done something that wouldn't be seen as "perfect" as that was what Mark's dad had expected of him growing up. We'll definitely learn more about Mark's dad, but I already don't like what I know about him, and I know more than you guys do!!! However, I do really like Gary :).

 

Personally, I think my favorite part of this chapter was the ending.

 

Thanks for reviewing!!!

Renee Stevens
On 03/20/2014 06:33 AM, knotme said:
The line from the lovely chapter that hooked me is "He was damn well old enough that he shouldn’t have to be taught how to catch a fish." Damn! Of all the bad lessons he learned, this may be the worst. When you're too old to learn, to be taught, you might as well curl up and die.
I agree knotme. You're never too old to learn. Notice that I didn't do the line as "He was damn well too old to be taught how to catch a fish." I think the line, with the way it is written, more shows what he feels as his own inadequacies, but he did follow Gary's coaching, so he was obviously willing to learn. I also think it shows a little bitterness towards his own dad for not having taken the time to teach him rather than berate him when he was younger. At least, that's my thoughts. Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you are enjoying the story!!!
Yettie One

Oh you naughty girl. :D

There are times where the story just needs more than the word limit allows, and this is such a perfect example. Personally I feel anything cut from that would have felt a part of the flow jarring against the rest of it.

Glad you didn't cut it.

Glad Mark caught a fish.

Glad emotion got the better of him.

Life's little moments, treasured memories that overcome the dark ones, In years to come, a memory like that will far outweigh the negative Mark had felt prior to this moment, and that is a triumph for mankind. This is how we balance the scales between disappointment and joy in life, and you capture the process so well.

Renee Stevens
On 07/17/2014 12:23 AM, Yettie One said:
Oh you naughty girl. :D

There are times where the story just needs more than the word limit allows, and this is such a perfect example. Personally I feel anything cut from that would have felt a part of the flow jarring against the rest of it.

Glad you didn't cut it.

Glad Mark caught a fish.

Glad emotion got the better of him.

Life's little moments, treasured memories that overcome the dark ones, In years to come, a memory like that will far outweigh the negative Mark had felt prior to this moment, and that is a triumph for mankind. This is how we balance the scales between disappointment and joy in life, and you capture the process so well.

I know.. *bows my head in shame* but I just couldn't help myself. I just couldn't bring myself to cut any of that, even though theoretically I could have posted it the following week, it wouldn't have had the same flow and just wouldn't have worked the same. I couldn't bring myself to do that, especially at such a pivotal moment for Mark. He needed that moment, and to have it captured on film was just the icing on the proverbial cake :)

 

Thanks for the kind words Mr. Yettie!

Renee Stevens
27 minutes ago, Bft said:

There is no need to hang your head in shame because there are too

many words in a chapter, I often think these chapters are too short.

Mark’s old man is a real peace of work, although there are so many people 

like him I don’t know why they bother to have children,

as they are so far up themselves. 

Thank you!  Normally my chapters are longer, except for with this story and a couple others. This story was written as part of a flash fiction group, where each week we posted a 1,000 word or less chapter. There were so many times that I wanted to go over that set word limit, lol.

 

And yeah, I never liked Mark's old man either!

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