Flux - 8. Chapter 8

Some of you were disappointed that we didn't have more drama.  My gift to you.

June 14, 2002

Escorial, CA

It was a beautiful day, and the longer I sat out on the patio, the more I enjoyed it. It was 70 degrees, and even though it was a little windy, the massive bulk of Escorial shielded me from most of it, turning it into a nice breeze. I did a couple of one hits, not enough to impair my judgment, but just enough to relax me. I leaned back into the chaise lounge and gazed up at the sunny skies, letting my sunglasses block the glaring light. I felt strangely content, something that was not all that common for me.

“Hey!” I heard Will say as he came out onto the patio, disturbing my solitude, and turning my good mood to bad. His natural exuberance was usually endearing, but since I was angry at him, it was just annoying. “I heard you were home.”

“You’re a veritable gossip machine these days,” I said frigidly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, abashed.

“You told Ben that I was upset that he ignored me in the City,” I said.

“It was just a joke,” he said nervously. “I thought it was funny, the way you put it.”

“That doesn’t give you the right to tell him that,” I said. “What would you do if I interfered in your love life? What if I went up to Zach and started talking about the things you complain about?” My words hit him like a sledgehammer, and I saw him reeling at their impact. Trust was important to Will, and he was likely to flay anyone who betrayed him. Now that he was caught on the other end of that, on the betrayal end, the effect was pretty devastating. He sat down next to me, gathering his words, his exuberance gone, replaced by a very somber and sober countenance.

“I think if you did that, I’d be really pissed off at you,” he said. “And you’d probably feel as shitty about doing it as I do now.” He locked his eyes on mine, so I’d know he was sincere. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“OK,” I said, giving him absolution. We sat there for a few minutes, neither one of us speaking, as I digested his apology, and he internalized the absolution I’d given him. Having him realize his error so quickly, and take responsibility for it, was something that I was glad to see, and that helped to restore my mood.

“I like your statue,” he said.

“I like my statue too,” I agreed. “That was really nice of Ben.”

“He said he’s been working on it for about a year now, and he decided to finish it up for you,” Will explained.

“Then that was an even nicer thing for him to do,” I answered. He got that I didn’t want to talk about Ben.

“Tiffany, JJ, and Darius get in later,” he said. I knew that, but I let him ramble on about it. He was trying to build our rapport back, to repair the damage he’d done.

“Matt hasn’t seen her since he moved back?”

“No,” he said. “You think she’ll be OK with him being here?”

“I don’t see why she’d care,” I said. Tiffany was fond of Matt, and I suspected she’d be glad he was back in the fold.

“Wally and Clara decided it was OK for Zach and me to go with Matt, but convincing them wasn’t easy,” he said. He had no use for Zach’s parents, and they weren’t overly fond of him either.

“They weren’t happy about their son traveling all over the world with you?” I joked.

“No, they weren’t,” he said. “Zach had to throw a freaking hissy fit, and Frank had to get involved, but they finally decided it would be OK,” he said. “I was just trying to do something nice for him. He hasn’t been anywhere.”

“The problem is that in their minds, you probably should have talked to them first,” I explained. “But since this is a present, that makes it a bit more complicated.”

“They could have said no,” he said.

“And then Zach would be pissed at them,” I said. “That’s pretty passive aggressive of you. You set up these situations where you know they’ll be upset, and then you rely on Zach to fight the battle with them. That’s not really fair to him.”

“I’m not trying to be a dick to him,” Will said. “I’m just trying to do something nice for him. Shit, we’ve been all over the world, and I’ve learned so much that way.”

I gave him a somewhat dour look, to tell him that I was pretty sure my first hypothesis was right. “Look, those two are pretty clueless about the world Zach is going into, and about the world in general, but if you keep stepping on their toes like this, they’re going to cause problems with the two of you.”

“Dad, it doesn’t matter what I do, they’re going to hate me,” he said.

“Really?” I challenged. “You think that if you went out of your way to treat them more respectfully, it wouldn’t help at all?” We’d had this conversation before, and I’d been frustrated that he hadn’t seemed to hear me. Strangely enough, this time he did.

He frowned. “I’ll try to do a better job.”

“It will just make things easier for both of you,” I said. “If I would have had a bad relationship with Frank, back when I was in high school, Robbie wouldn’t have been able to stay here.”

“You think they’d make Zach move back to Claremont?” he asked, horrified. He thought about it for a bit, and then shook his head. “Zach would lose it if they did that. He really likes De La Salle.”

“They may not care about that,” I said. I changed the subject, since I’d made my point on that topic, and I saw that he got it. “Speaking of Zach, I heard he came back here early. Wasn’t he supposed to stay up in Concord for a party?”

“He missed me,” Will said, smiling. He was totally in love with Zach, even if he wouldn’t admit it. “I missed him too.”

“No doubt,” I teased.

“He was also pissed off that Kelsey was posting all that crap about them on Live Journal. You should see what she said about him after he bailed on her.”

“Not good?”

“That chick is a total bitch,” he spat. We sat there for a bit, just enjoying the nice weather. “There’s a soccer game tomorrow.”

“Oh?”

“Wade set it up for Ethan,” he said. Ethan was Wade’s half-brother, a young man who visited about one weekend a month. Physically, he was blossoming into a pretty handsome guy, but he was still pretty immature.

“I’d better make sure I get some rest,” I said, acting like I was so geriatric playing soccer would kill me.

“Austin’s coming up, so with Matt and Wade, you, Uncle Jack, John, and Darius, we should have a good group.”

“JJ’s not playing?” I asked.

“Right,” Will said, rolling his eyes. “He’ll probably sit on the sidelines and look down his nose at us.”

“Probably,” I said. It was partly disturbing, and partly comical, that the older JJ got, the bigger a snob he seemed to become. If I didn’t think that most of it was an act, and I didn’t know that he had a kind heart underneath his bitchy façade, I would worry about him.

“I’ll let you enjoy some peace and quiet,” he said. “And I really am sorry about what I said to Ben.”

“It’s alright,” I said. I watched him scamper off, then sighed and kicked back in my chair. My peace and quiet was disturbed again, but this person stirred entirely different emotions than anger and frustration. “Hey!”

“Hi,” Wade said, smiling slightly. “Am I interrupting you?”

“Not at all. I just got back not too long ago,” I said, sitting up and gesturing for him to have a seat. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” he said.

“Is Matt here?” I asked, then felt guilty, not for posing the question, but because of my reason for asking it.

“He just left to go pick up his parents at the airport,” he said.

“Which one?”

“San Jose,” he said with a combination of nervousness and excitement, because he had the same desire that I did.

“That should take a while,” I noted, trying desperately to control my libido. I opted to do that by broaching a relatively unpleasant topic. “How are you doing?” I didn’t have to clarify for him that my question was about Matt.

“Confused,” he said honestly. “I love him, I really do, but he scares me. He’s so volatile. I’m not sure I can handle life linked to someone like that.”

I nodded, and the sadness I felt helped squelch my sex drive. “You saw me make that choice, and you don’t want the same life?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, agreeing with me.

“Don’t be. I spent a lot of time dealing with that same conflict, wondering how I would have done if I’d been with someone more stable, more reliable.” I remembered how I’d agonized about that back in 1999 when Robbie had basically fucked up our relationship. Then I reeled in my revisionist tendencies and mentally acknowledged that it wasn’t all his fault.

“What did you decide?”

“I think that it’s probably unhealthy to go back and play the what-if scenario,” I said. I sighed. “Which means I’ve been doing it. And of course, I feel guilty for even thinking about it since he’s gone.”

He chuckled. “We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “You said you were confused, and that’s how I feel. On the one hand, I miss him so badly, that there aren’t many things I wouldn’t give to have him back.” He put his hand on mine in a consoling way, but the gesture just sent shockwaves between us. “On the other hand, I think about all the turmoil in our lives together, and it just exhausts me.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” he said.

“I often thought about what my life would have been like if I’d have picked someone more stable, more boring,” I said. “I used to compare Robbie to Max.”

“Max is hot,” Wade said, making me smile.

“He is, and he’s really sweet, but he wouldn’t have pushed my boundaries like Robbie did. What I found is that pushing those boundaries can be pretty fucking fun, but it’s also stressful. And painful.”

“So what did you decide?” he asked.

“These past few months, I’ve been able to work my way out of the hole of grief I was in. I still get spells where I lose it. I’m starting to think that will always happen. But at the same time, unless I’m dealing with one of them, I find that I’m very content, I don’t lose my temper as much, and I don’t feel the need to control everyone else’s life, at least as much as I used to.” I was really opening up to him, but I knew I could trust Wade.

“I’m dealing with something similar. I’ve been focused and happy, but a little lonely, without Matt. He came back into my life and it’s exciting. I remember all the good times we had, and how much I love him. But in the back of my mind, I keep thinking that if I give in to him, I’m signing up for a whole bunch of upheaval.”

“You know, I’ve always wondered if it wouldn’t be possible to have both. To have a guy who was a blast, who liked to get a little freaky, but at the same time, was a stable and solid partner,” I mused.

“That’s the pipe dream,” he said philosophically.

“So what are you going to do?”

He shrugged. “Before, I told him that we could be friends, but there was no hope that we’d get back together again. Now, I’m not ruling it out. I’m moving to Boston, he’s going to Chicago, and this will give us some time and space to get our lives sort of squared away.”

“You mean that you’re leaving college behind, and now you’re becoming adults,” I said.

“Well, we’re still both going to be in school,” he said. “But it’s the next phase of our lives.”

“So what do you hope to gain from this space?” I asked.

“I want to see what kind of man he becomes,” he said. “He’s a boy right now. I need a man.” And that last sentence changed the whole dynamic of our conversation. I could hear the lust in his voice, could feel his smooth words wash over me and ignite my body.

“Want to go inside?” I asked. I was so horny, my voice was quivering. I felt myself blushing slightly, but I’d learned to relax around Wade, so it didn’t annoy me like it usually did.

“Yeah,” he said, his single word so soft, so willing. I got up deliberately, forcing myself to take my time, but the effect was ruined when my dick tented out my pants, making him giggle.

“Come on,” I said, almost growling at him. He liked it when I took charge, and it was fun to see him react as strongly to my words as I had to his. We went into my room and I took a minute to lock the doors to the hallway and to the patio, and to make sure the drapes were closed. We didn’t say anything; we knew the drill. We’d been sleeping together since January, both of us getting the emotional and sexual release we needed, while maintaining complete secrecy. I was confident that not even Stef and JP had figured it out. And the sleuthiness of it, the danger and secrecy, made it just that much more erotic.

We stripped off our clothes, with our eyes glued on each other. He was so beautiful. He was thin and muscular, but he didn’t have big bones, and his muscles weren’t massive like the Hayes boys seemed to have. They bulged out from under his smooth skin in a sexy, subtle way that was so Wade. I walked up to him, my big dick leading the way like a spear, and used my body to push him backward. Our lips met, and we melded together perfectly. I felt his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me in, while mine slid slowly down his back, until I found his tight little ass. I grabbed his cheeks, pulling his body close to mine, so I could feel our hard cocks smashed together, and then let my fingers explore his crack.

My fingers reached his hole, and he moaned loudly into my mouth. I pushed him to the bed, and then onto it, our mouths separating as he fell backward. He flung his arms out, almost spread-eagled, and his hand hit my clock-radio. Enya came on, playing “Caribbean Blue” and it was pretty loud, but I was too focused on Wade to break away from him and turn it off. “Oh yeah,” he said, as I lay on top of him, letting him feel the weight of my body pinning him down.

I grabbed his wrists with my left hand and held them over his head while I explored his body with my mouth. I nuzzled his neck, which he really liked, then moved down to his nipples. I was pretty sensitive when it came to my nipples, but Wade wasn’t. He liked it when I grabbed them, or bit them, so bite them I did. He moaned, arching his back up, thrusting his cute cock into the air as if seeking a place to put it. I moved on to his armpits, making him laugh and giggle as I tickled him, but I kept him pinned, and that made it erotic.

But now I was getting really horny, so I knelt between his legs and grabbed them, then pushed them back, curling his back so his ass was in the air. I dove right in, my tongue leading the way, as I rimmed him while pinning his legs back. With each lick of my tongue, I focused my eyes on him, letting him see how hot I thought he was. His eyes bulged; he was crazed. I loved it when he was like this. He scrambled around, grabbing for the nightstand drawer and flailing around in there until he found the lube, and then handed it to me. “Inside me. I want you inside me,” he said breathlessly.

“You want me to fuck you?” I asked gruffly. “If I do, I’m gonna fuck you hard, really hard.”

“Fuck me!” he said, almost a plea. I lubed up my dick, but just as I was about to push into him, he came out of his lust-drenched coma and stopped me. “I’ve barebacked Matt,” he said sadly. I almost grabbed a condom, but changed my mind. Matt would never knowingly hurt Wade, so if he’d barebacked Wade that meant Matt was safe.

“I want to feel you, every inch of your ass,” I said in a deep masculine voice as I pushed my dick against his ring. He let out a little shriek as he adapted to the pain of taking my big cock, but he was used to me, so it was only for a brief period. I pinned his legs back with the inside of my elbows, while I held his arms down with my hands, totally immobilizing him while I slowly slid my cock all the way inside him.

“Fuck yeah,” he said softly. “I can feel every inch of your cock. Every fucking inch.” Wade was normally so reserved and stoic, so when he let himself go and talked like that, it was just that much hotter, especially since his Virginia accent came out really strong during sex.

I started to really fuck him, and it took some major self-control on my part not to blow my load right away. He had one sweet ass: so tight, so willing. I slowed my pace, and then made him change positions. I lay on my back, and had him lie on top of me, with his back against my chest. I reached down to line my dick up again, both of us desperate to connect again, and then I slid back into him and started pounding him. I reached around and started stroking his dick, adding some lube to really make it slick. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” he said, in a staccato burst. “I’m gonna cum!”

“That’s it baby,” I cooed. “Shoot that load all over us.”

He cried out, and then his body convulsed, writhing uncontrollably as he gave himself over to his orgasm. He rode it along, enjoying it for as long as it would last, until he was done. I knew I should stop and pull out, but I couldn’t. Feeling his ass throb with every contraction of his orgasm had brought me to the very apex, like I was climbing up a cliff. And then I went over the edge. I grunted, and grabbed his hips, jamming my dick as deep into his bowels as I could, then I blasted my load into him, in an orgasm that seemed to last an eternity. I finally collapsed backward as I relaxed, trying to get my breathing under control.

He leaned back and tilted his head to the side and kissed me. “That was wonderful,” he said, a contented smile plastered across his face.

“Yes it was,” I said. Then I looked beyond him and saw Will standing there, his arms folded, looking really pissed. At first I just stared at him, stunned, thinking that maybe he was just a horrible mirage. Wade saw my reaction and turned toward Will, and I felt Wade go completely rigid and tense. Then the shock broke over us alike a wave and we sprang into action. “What the fuck?” I demanded, even as I tossed Wade gently off of me and onto the covers. We scrambled for the sheets to cover ourselves up, while Will just stood there, arms folded, glaring at us. “What the fuck are you doing in my room?”

“What the fuck are you doing in your room?” he asked acidly. Wade was so upset, and so horrified, the he buried his head in my chest, and pulled the covers over it to hide himself.

“Is there a reason you broke into my room?” I demanded, furious at him for invading my privacy, while absolutely freaking out that he’d caught us.

“I tried to knock, but you didn’t answer,” he said. “I heard the music on, and assumed that your alarm went off and didn’t wake you up.”

“You didn’t knock very loud,” I said. “We didn’t hear you.”

“I wonder why?” he asked in his smarmiest way. “I figured that the only thing that could have made you that deaf was if you were seriously ill. I didn’t count on the other possibility.”

“I’m fine,” I said.

“Well I didn’t know that, so I got the skeleton key,” he said. “Made it just in time to see the big blast at the end. Pretty impressive.”

“I’ll remember to respect your privacy in the same way,” I snapped. I was really pissed off at him for giving me shit in front of Wade. I could handle the bullshit around this, but I could tell Wade was completely mortified. “You still haven’t told me why you thought you had the right to break into my room.”

“Matt got into an accident on his way to the airport,” Will said coldly. “It happened on the 101.”

My mouth fell open as the guilt overwhelmed me. Wade’s head shot up and he faced Will squarely. “Is he alright?”

“He’s banged up, but it’s not life threatening,” Will said. It was interesting that he was tossing some serious attitude at me, but when he talked to Wade, his voice was neutral. That told me who would bear the brunt of his wrath for this. “We’re meeting in the television room.” He turned to walk out of the room.

“Will…” I said.

“What?” he asked. I wanted to ask him to keep this quiet. I wanted to ask him to forget what he saw. But I could sense his mood, and how upset he was, and I decided to risk it, and wait to talk to him later. It was that trust thing we’d just dealt with; it was pretty unlikely he’d out us as fuck buddies, at least without hearing us out first.

“Nothing. Thanks for telling me.” He nodded, and left.

“Fuck,” Wade said, as soon as the door was closed. “Fuck!” He only got emotional with people he cared about, so it was flattering that he let his guard down with me, even though the circumstances were pretty dire.

“I’ll talk to him later. It will be alright,” I said soothingly, even as we got out of bed.

“I don’t know about that,” he said dubiously. “Will looked pretty pissed off.”

“At me,” I said with a grimace. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

“This seemed so right, so perfect, and now it just feels so wrong,” he said.

I wiped his cum off his torso with the sheet, and smiled softly at him. “It was right, it was perfect. You’ve been my lifeline.”

“And you’ve been mine,” he acknowledged, even as we hurriedly put our clothes on. “But it’s over.”

I gripped his arms firmly, and looked into his eyes. “Unlikely,” I said, then let him go. “I’ll meet you up there.” He all but fled from the room, while I took a little more time, just a little, to put myself together. I didn’t want to show up with him at the same time anyway, as that would look suspicious. The entire time I was getting ready, my mind was reeling from these events. I was genuinely worried about Matt, but to be honest, I was more focused on Will catching us, and what that meant. He was really pissed at me, and I knew why. In his mind, I was doing the same thing to Matt that Matt had done to him. I forced myself away from that train of thought, because the guilt was just too overwhelming, and thought about Wade instead.

This liaison we’d been carrying on since January had been a balm for both of us, something that kept us both on an even keel as we grappled with the residual effects of the 9-11 disaster. But it had become more than that, so much more, as it had deepened the bond between us. Wade had become one of my best friends, someone I could trust completely. We could express that friendship in many ways, but the physical connection between us just heightened the bond. I couldn’t begin to recount all the amazing sex we’d had, usually accompanied by conversations that were just as good. He’d talked at length about this move to Boston, about his feelings, while I’d unloaded all my fears and apprehensions about moving on without Robbie. And now, that link, that connection, was about to be severed. Wade had said that we were over, and I’d denied it, but he was right. Now that Will knew, there were only two paths we could take. We could end it completely, the physical part of our relationship, or we could bring it out into the open and face the music. I sighed, pushed those thoughts aside, and went out to find out what happened to Matt.

I walked into the television room to find everything quite calm, which didn’t surprise me since JP was presiding over the crisis. “I see Will managed to track you down,” he noted.

“He’s very reliable,” I said, without looking at him. “What’s going on?”

“Matt’s GMC was sideswiped on the freeway, and that knocked him into the median. The GMC ricocheted off the median and into another car. The damage to the vehicles is considerable, but the occupants will escape with minor injuries,” he said.

“How is Matt?” Wade asked pointedly.

“He is on his way to the hospital, so they do not know yet,” Stef said. “They are worried that he may have a broken rib.”

“Which hospital?” I asked.

JP would have rolled his eyes at me if such a thing were consistent with the current mood. “Stanford.” That made sense, since Jack was there, and could make sure Matt was taken care of.

My instinct was to frantically scramble for a plan of action, but that was unnecessary when JP was evidently in charge. “What’s the plan?” I asked.

“We were planning to have a car take Wade and Will to the hospital. The car can drop Wade off, then Will can go on to the airport to meet Nana and Wade’s siblings,” JP said. “Another car is headed to the airport to pick up the Carrswolds. Fortunately, Matt was leaving quite early to get them, so they haven’t even landed yet. The car will then take Matt’s parents directly to the hospital.”

“I’ll go to the hospital,” I pronounced.

“That is certainly your choice,” JP said, as if my presence was not important. I worried for a moment that he knew about Wade and me, but I discerned from his expression that he was just being efficient in a crisis.

“Let’s go,” Wade said. Will, Wade, and I went out to the limo and climbed in. I told the driver to take us to the hospital, and then put up the privacy screen. Will sat with his back facing the driver, so he was looking back at us. I felt like I was staring at a judge.

“Does Matt know you two are fucking?” Will asked acidly. That question implied that it was an ongoing thing, which it had been, but Will didn’t know that.

“No,” Wade said calmly, choosing to ignore the frequency issue.

“Are you going to tell him?” Will asked.

“Not unless we have to,” Wade said, tossing the ball into Will’s court. In other words, as long as Will kept quiet, we would too.

“So it’s on me,” Will said, getting it. “I’m the one who has to decide whether to keep this on the down low or not. What a bunch of shit.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked him. His eyes flashed fire at me. He’d been pretty calm with Wade, but he was clearly angrier at me.

“I don’t know,” he said calmly, and then the anger returned. “I need to think about it. While you guys are there, staring at Matt in his hospital bed, acting like total fucking hypocrites, like you care, why don’t you think about it and let me know if you have any big insights.”

“Just a week ago you hated him,” I said rudely, “so aren’t you being just a little bit self-righteous?”

“Seriously?” he asked. “You’re fucking your stepson’s boyfriend behind his back, and you think I’m being self-righteous?”

“We weren’t boyfriends, we aren’t boyfriends,” Wade stated.

“I’m sure that matters to Matt, and that’s how he sees it,” Will said in a snippy way, then turned back to me. “I guess all that bullshit you ranted about when you were my age, when you caught Sam fucking Jake, was just you thinking of yourself. When it’s someone else, the rules are different.”

“That’s not a fair comparison,” I objected, even though it probably was. “Matt and Wade aren’t a couple, and they haven’t been a couple for some time.” Jake and I hadn’t been a formal couple either. The guilt seared through my psyche.

“So if Matt finds out about this, that’s what he’s going to say?” Will asked. “He’ll just think it’s alright because he and Wade aren’t formally a couple?” Will was really hitting hard, because he was asking how I could do this, how I could hurt Matt like this. That was the key issue. I felt like complete shit.

“I don’t know what he’ll say,” Wade said.

“You did the same thing to Matt that he did to me,” Will pronounced. “I know exactly how he’s going to feel. He’s going to feel completely betrayed by the two of you, but especially by you,” he said to me.

“He’ll be upset with both of us,” Wade interjected.

“When I tried to seduce Matt, to make a point, he turned me down because he said it would hurt you, and you would be disappointed in me,” he said to Wade. Wade remained impassive, but he had to be reeling at that. “I guess it’s not a big deal, based on your morals, is it?” Wade said nothing. “So next time, I might as well go ahead and fuck him. Is that OK?”

Wade said nothing for a bit. “I have no right to say anything about who Matt is with, one way or the other.”

“Cool,” Will said. “I bet he could teach me a thing or two.”

“Possibly,” Wade said, giving Will a slight smile at his reference to Will’s sluttiness.

I braced myself as Will turned his attention back to me. “If you can fuck your stepson’s former partner that takes all the rules off the table. Shit, I can have one hell of a time. Cody is definitely on my list, and so is Scott Slater. And shit, Lou. God, I can’t wait to see him.”

I thought about what he said, and knew that Cody would turn him down, and Lou might. I also knew that Scott would hop into bed with Will so fast it would make my head spin. “You can do whatever you want to do,” I said, acknowledging the reality of the situation. He was legally an adult, so he had control of his life.

“So there are no rules,” Will mused, fully on a roll now. “That means anyone who shows up at family events is fair game? Hell, I’m not bringing a guy I care about within fifty miles of you.”

Wade sat forward in his seat and looked at Will; making Will look directly back at him. “I was struggling, and hurting, and your dad helped me out. He was a friend to me; he gave me comfort, both emotionally and physically. It was something that was private, between just the two of us, and I think it did us both a lot of good, but I know it was vital for me. I didn’t plan for anyone, especially not Matt, to find out.”

“It did us both a lot of good,” I confirmed, and reached out to take Wade’s hand. He was uncomfortable with it at first, but when he looked at me and saw my expression, saw how much I cared about him, he squeezed back.

Will’s reaction was really surprising. Seeing us interacting while not fucking, seeing the bond that had grown between Wade and me, especially over these past few months, made him realize that this was no one-night-stand, and that it was a lot more to both of us than sex. “What did your shrink say about this?” he asked me.

“I haven’t told him about it,” I said honestly, which told all of us that I knew very clearly how wrong it was.

He shook his head ruefully, then spoke. “I’ll leave it up to you if you want to tell Matt. I’ll keep my mouth shut with two conditions.”

“What are they?” Wade asked.

“If I get the chance, I’m gonna fuck the living shit out of Matt. I’m taking him for one wild ride.” He’d directed that statement at Wade, presumably as his penance.

That bothered Wade a lot, but he hid it well, or he would have if we didn’t know him so well. “Like I said, I have no right to tell either one of you who you can or can’t be with.” Will nodded at him dismissively; oblivious that the way he was treating Wade was harder on Wade than the words he was laying down. Wade would be more upset about losing Will’s respect than anything.

Then Will turned to me. “And you set up an appointment, by Tuesday, and lay this all out for your shrink, so he can help you figure out why you’re so fucked up.”

“I don’t know if I can get an appointment that soon,” I said.

“Call,” he ordered.

“Now?” I asked.

“You have until Tuesday,” he said firmly, then his eyes flashed fire again, while his voice got louder. “You can throw enough money at him to get in. No fucking excuses. Now make the goddamn call!” he said again. Just then the limo pulled up in front of the hospital. “The plan just changed. I’m going in with Wade to see Matt. You’re going to the airport to pick up Nana and the rest of them. By the time you get back to Escorial, you’d better have that fucking appointment made.”

“You’re threatening me?” I asked, really pissed off at how he was treating me.

“You’re right. It was wrong of me to toss down ultimatums at you,” he said in his snarkiest way. I waited for the other shoe to drop. “I think the better idea is to talk to Grand and Stef about this.”

I glared at him, but the thought of answering to those two, especially to JP, was just about the worst thing I could imagine at this point. “I’ll see you back at Escorial. Call me and tell me how Matt’s doing,” I said to them.

“I will,” Wade promised.

Will went to hop out of the limo, but stopped in the doorway and looked back in at both Wade and me. “This drama is all you two. The roller-coaster ride you two bitch about: it wasn’t always Robbie, and it isn’t always Matt.” We both stared at him, stung by his words, while he finished exiting the limo.

Wade made to follow, but stopped and looked at me. “I’m sorry.”

I smiled at him. “No matter what price I have to pay for this, it was worth it.” He smiled back at me weakly, then followed Will into the hospital.