The Best Year - 18. Chapter 18

After Tuesday night, I felt like my year was starting to turn around. I still didn’t have a college plan figured out and I hated not seeing Luke after the fight in the parking lot. I tossed and turned that night hoping to hear pebbles tapping against my window, but they never came. The next morning Connor sat beside me in Ally’s spot, since his table had been invaded by Heather, Toby, and Ally and it no longer left any room for him at Bailey Ashton’s table.

Then morning announcements Wednesday involved a stupid congratulations to me from Rick. I slumped down in my desk as beady eyed Miss Chapel clapped then silenced everyone to start reading the last few pages of Moby Dick. I had to start off the reading, since I was the, ‘man of the morning.’

I hadn’t seen Luke all day. I was anticipating lunch and the one class we shared together. I wasn’t expecting him to want to talk to me, but when lunch came, he never arrived at our table. Only Olivia, who kept trying to ignore Connor talking completely across the table at her. Finally, she gave up with a sigh and started answering his stupid questions, but by the end of lunch she had accepted his invitation to Toby’s party. Not wanting to tell him to back off, knowing it wasn’t my place or what Olivia wanted. I couldn’t help imagining that if Luke were here he would have elbowed Olivia or kneed her under the table more than a few times. Connor wasn’t the worst person to accept an invitation from though, other than him texting his mother that video of me sliding bare assed across the gym floor, we had been cool. He did keep us out of trouble back when I still wasn’t sure I wanted Luke attending our school too. Not wrecking his chance with a girl, even a girl like Olivia, someone I could already see getting bored with him was the least I could do.

By the end of lunch, I still hadn’t asked Olivia anything about Luke. I didn’t want to draw her attention away from Connor and onto me. She already seemed like the type that could figure people out pretty easily. She may already think there was something up between Luke and me. Him not sitting with us seemed to amuse her more than worry her. She didn’t hesitate to sit at our table either and I wasn’t going to make her move. I was beginning to think that no one would really take her spot anyway. It seemed like I had drifted out of most people’s center of attention. That would have worried me a few weeks ago, but after meeting Luke and breaking up with Ally I wanted less people talking to me. That would be less people wondering why a person like me would invite someone like Luke and Olivia to sit at our table at lunch. Ally made it clear to everyone in earshot that there was nothing special about the new “churcher” crowd and that I was being weird by accepting two of them at our table.

I hated that I once cared about that sort of thing. Now I just wanted to make quick covert glances around the cafeteria in the middle of small talk. I wanted to see if Luke was sitting alone or with other kids that came from the closed church school. I still didn’t know how many there were, I couldn’t really remember seeing too many new faces in the hallways, aside from Olivia and Luke, but maybe that was because I had invited them to sort of join my group of friends.

I was thankful when lunch ended. It only got weird in History when Luke arrived early and took an empty seat on the other side of the room. The other person didn’t seem to mind having their seat taken by the window. It was a small shy girl that I remember biting me during the first week of kindergarten. She simply took her seat behind me and sighed as she took her notebook out. I was going to offer her my seat, because I was more than a head taller than her, but when I turned around, I saw that she was doodling in her notebook not listening to Mr. Paige drone.

“What’s up with Church?” Toby asked turning his head away from Luke. He was still close enough to overhear what we were talking about. When I noticed him perk up and shift in his seat, I knew he heard him.

“I guess Ally got to him,” I answered shrugging. I knew it wasn’t Ally’s fault, not really. Even if she did almost seem to figure out our closeness, I knew it wasn’t what she really thought. That we had kissed, that we had fought against and danced around our feelings since that night at the pool. If Ally had, she probably wouldn’t have spared us and kept that out of her screaming yesterday.

“You gonna let Connor bring the Sophomore?” Toby asked and I glanced over Toby’s shoulder to see Luke frown. Olivia hadn’t told him the news and I shrugged and leaned back in my chair.

“She can do whatever she wants to, I guess,” I answered, “unless you have something against her?”

“Nah man,” he countered, and I heard Derek snicker.

“Heather has the problem,” Derek added, and we all heard Mr. Paige clear his voice and pause.

“Heather will get over it,” Toby said shaking his head. “I want this party to be badass, I’ll throw her ass out.”

“She’d kick your ass for trying,” Derek argued poking Toby in the shoulder.

“Fellas, do you want to take your conversation to after school detention?” Mr. Paige asked turning around to face us. The girl behind me snorted and I opened my notebook. I didn’t need to get into any trouble, I had practice with Rick tonight and if he caught word of any after school detention, I’d be yelled at until he went hoarse.

After school ended, I was worn out. The lack of sleep and with Luke and Ally both doing their best to ignore me. Ally sat on the opposite side of the room from me in Spanish. It sucked because we had to recite something together for class as partners. I almost begged her to come on, but the warning from Mrs. Swann finally got her moving. After we sat back down in our seats, all Ally did for the rest of Spanish was glare at me with her arms crossed. I took the best notes I ever took in Spanish class too.

Rick’s fax for practice pretty much involved weight training. To get the ‘baby and McNugget,” fat off. So, while I worked out to blasting rock music, he hovered around me. About an hour or so into practice he stopped me and pointed to the exercise cycle in the corner of the room. There he gave me a lecture about keeping my temper under control while with the Garrisons. That they could easily just send me packing if they wanted to. He also explained that Friday for practice I’ll be doing laps with drag gear on. Which apparently only involved loose cotton shirts, small ankle and wrist weights, and a pair of loose shorts. Anything to add drag in the water and slow me down. He said it was meant to help with my stamina for longer races.

By the end of practice, I had a headache and every muscle on me burned. I knew I would be sore as hell tomorrow and I was exhausted. So, when I got home I opted for a second hot shower to help tenderize my muscles. By then Mom fixed one of the Garrison approved dinners for me. Mine was the only plate that didn’t have take out burgers on it. Dad was still at work so Mom didn’t see the point in fixing a big dinner for everyone, since she wasn’t hungry, and I was banned from anything out of a paper bag covered with clowns and grease. Instead I had one piece of grilled chicken breast and vegetables that I couldn’t even name. By the time my plate was empty, my belly seemed to give up on not getting anything good and I excused myself. Mom needed to finish some reports and left me alone. Not having anything to do, I finished homework, even the shit that wasn’t due until sometime next week. I felt like a beat-up loser, but at least the weekend looked brighter, if I could just get through the rest of the week.

Saturday came and I welcomed it despite waking nervousness over my first real practice with the Garrisons. Tony had been pretty hard on me already, putting me on a diet. Telling me how to start my new training with Rick. Mom wasn’t adjusting to my new eating schedule either. It meant that she had to prepare high protein, low carb, healthy meals for me three times a day. The first day I went to take a bite of her french-fries, I thought she was going to rip my hand off getting them back. Sliding over a plate that looked like a slab of fish covered in a mess of spinach and other things I couldn’t recognize didn’t help either.

I woke up before my alarm clock. I walked down the stairs to see Mom in the kitchen. Her hair a messy nest on top of her head. Dad was leaning against the counter drinking a cup of coffee. He was still dressed from work last night and I could see the strain on his face when he offered me a smile between sips. His hair had more salt and peppering throughout than I remembered as well.

“Good luck today,” he offered then yawned and sat down his half-finished cup of coffee. “I wish I could stay and see you off, but I’m falling asleep where I stand.”

“Go on to bed dear,” Mom said waving her spatula in his direction. She flung egg crumbs off it but ignored them as she went back to cooking. “Good morning Jackson, how did you sleep?”

“I’m alright,” I answered reaching up to scratch the back of my head. My hair was just long enough to worry over in front of a mirror. I knew I would be messing it up in the chlorinated water under my swim cap in about an hour or so, so I didn’t really care what it looked like.

“Your eggs on wheat toast is about done,” Mom said glancing over her shoulder. “Your lunch is packed and, in the fridge, try not to forget it, I know I will.”

“Thanks,” I offered smiling despite the restlessness I felt. I was still dressed in what I slept in, my body was smooth, and I liked thinking that this was the start of everything I dreamed about growing up. Even if it was different now and I kept having to fight the lingering disappointment of not having everything already set going into this season. It felt like I was starting over completely. That I had no time to start over.

“Do you think you can find the place on your own?” Mom asked as she took my eggs out of the pan and gently slid them onto the bread already on the plate.

“Yeah,” I answered as I stood and quickly poured me a glass of orange juice.

“Do you have everything packed and ready?” She asked as she quickly peeled a banana and sliced it into smaller pieces.

“Yeah,” I said trying not to let myself become frustrated with her questions. I knew she was just as nervous about this as I was. She had to go into work and for that I was thankful to whomever fucked up on a Friday to have her rushing around today. Mom coming to practice would have been too embarrassing to even imagine.

“I sprinkled some cheese and put two pieces of turkey bacon on this,” Mom said winking as she placed it in front of me. “Our little secret.”

“Thanks,” I offered shaking my head as she patted me on the shoulder then went over to the coffee pot.

“I guess I better head up the stairs and get ready for work,” she said sighing as she leaned against the counter. “Please do not forget your lunch, Tony assured me they had a break room with a microwave.”

“Mom,” I groaned. “Stop worrying, I’ve done all this before.”

“I know, I know,” she countered waving her arm as she took a drink of coffee. “Mind your manners, no back talking.”

“Mom,” I sighed before I took my first bite. The bread took a lot of getting used to and Mom giggled when I wrinkled my nose. The bacon and cheese helped me get it down better though.

“When you’re swimming more, the diet gets a lot better,” she offered as she sat her cup of coffee down on the counter. She’ll likely refill it after she dressed for work. “Burning all those calories.”

“Yeah,” I said smiling.

“And Toby called me this morning,” Mom added as she pushed herself off the counter and walked barefoot over to the kitchen table. “About a party, he wanted to make sure you’re not grounded and can go, do you know about it?”

“Yeah I know about it,” I answered as I took a few more bites, eating faster now that I knew my time to relax before hitting the road was running short. “Why?”

“Will there be adults there?” Mom asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Are there ever adults there?” I asked through a mouthful of food. Her nose wrinkled but she didn’t say anything.

“Jackson,” she said sighing as she turned to look behind me towards the living room. I could tell she was thinking. “I know you have probably been to so many parties already, it is a little late for me to start caring now.”

“Kind of,” I offered, and she shot me a glare before shaking her head.

“If you start getting into trouble at school or with the Garrisons, I’ll have to put a stop to your weekends,” She said grimacing as she bent over and kissed me on the forehead. “I know you would really want to celebrate with friends, but don’t jeopardize anything, okay, promise.”

“I promise,” I said sliding my empty plate away from me. “So, I’m no longer grounded at all then?”

“No, you’re no longer grounded,” she answered, and I stood and gave her a quick hug.

“I know I don’t have a good track record, but I’ll try to be good,” I said, and she laughed against my shoulder before breaking the hug.

“Go on up stairs, you can’t be late for your first practice,” she said, “good luck, I love you.”

“Thanks,” I said my face flushing. “I love you too.”

After my shower, I really did check to make sure I had everything in my bag before I dressed and slung it over my shoulder. Dad was still sleeping, and Mom had already left for work. I hoped that whatever took her into work kept her there most of the day. I wouldn’t put it past her sneaking out in time to drive all the way just to see how I was doing. This interest in my swimming felt new, but part of me liked that they both seemed more invested. They were invested enough to sponsor me, but I knew that wasn’t the only reason why they wanted me to do well. Maybe they were finally beginning to understand that swimming is what I wanted. That college and a degree could come along as well, but that swimming was my one dream. One dream that set me apart from most everyone in this stupid town and would hopefully provide me with all the open doors for everything else I would need so I didn’t have to come back. Mom and Dad were happy being here, but I knew after I walked out of our high school as a graduate, there would be nothing else for me to do here. Not anything I would want to do anyway.

I hated the hour by myself in the car. I even wouldn’t mind having Coach Rick sitting next to me giving me an earful on how I should act today. It would have been a welcome change to me telling myself how I should act today. Even though I would have probably let something else drown out what he was saying to me, like the radio, or my own thoughts. Being alone allowed some of the nerves I’ve felt all week rise back to the surface.

Today would be my first full day of practice with the Garrisons and I didn’t know what to expect. I wondered if Tony was a cooler head once I got into the water. He didn’t spare me any when I stood in front of him, it seemed like he was measuring more than just my wingspan Tuesday night. I must have at least met some of his expectations, but I couldn’t help thinking that for awhile I would be on his shit list.

When I arrived at the aquatic center, there were a lot more cars in the parking lot. At least I had found the place easily enough. After sending a quick text to Mom that I had arrived, I turned my phone off and slid it into my pants pocket. Then I grabbed my bag and my lunch and slid out of the car pressing the lockdown button as I walked towards the front entrance. The Escalade was still the closest car to the front doors, but all the other cars seemed expensive and new. They made even my hot as fuck Mustang seem like a pile of junk.

Unlike Tuesday night, all the lights in the building seemed to be on. It was definitely brighter and the doors that led to the pools were propped open with small wooden door stoppers. I could hear voices echoing from the other side and when I stepped through the open doors, I saw guys and girls gathered around one another. Most of them were already dressed down and ready for practice. I scanned the people for Tony, but he wasn’t among the small groups of people.

Not wanting to look like a loser I started walking towards the group of guys that looked about my age. Everyone looked about my age, or at least in high school. There wouldn’t be any screaming kids splashing and churning the water here. There were no parents in the stands taking pictures of us in the pool or themselves, and best of all, the water looked calm and inviting. It was crystal clear and untouched by anyone yet and I couldn’t wait to really use a pool like this, I only saw these during meets. I remembered the first meet, I kept waiting for a wall that never came. I was little and thought I had somehow gone the wrong fucking way, even if I was still between the lines. When I was disqualified, I thought Rick would have bellowed until the vein in his forehead burst, but instead he pulled me out of the pool and laughed. From then on he made sure to remind me that the pools were larger than at the YMCA.

“Hey,” I greeted loud enough to stop the conversation. I was surprised no one had noticed my approach and when I spoke, I smirked when one guy jumped and whirled to face me.

“Hey,” he said squinting his eyes as everyone else turned to face me.

“You can put your lunch in the fridge in the break room, dude,” the guy said eyeing my bag

“Alright, where’s the break room?” I asked and he lazily pointed to a closed door in the middle of the far wall opposite of the locker rooms. Nodding I hurried away from them and when I entered the break room, I saw Jackie gathering papers. Seeing me she smiled and picked up a small plastic bag.

“Hey Jackson,” she greeted fumbling over her papers to offer me her hand. She had a whistle hanging around her neck.

“Hey,” I responded as she broke the handshake and quickly stuffed her packets of papers into a folder. Then she slid it into a black bag and still had the plastic wrapped package tucked under her arm. “Here, I went ahead and got you the new caps, goggles, and nose clips.”

“Thanks,” I offered, and she handed the package to me.

“We practice in whatever you feel most comfortable in, but after practice I’ll need your size for racing shorts,” she added still smiling and I knew she wasn’t half the hard ass as her husband. Too bad she was the diving coach. “You can put your lunch in that fridge we break around one for lunch.”

“Alright, thanks,” I said, and she nodded and walked past me. Leaving me in the break room I quickly walked over to the fridge and opened it to find that it was stocked full of lunches. Finding an open spot, I shoved it in and quickly left the room. Back out in the pool area some of the chatter died off as Jackie herded the divers away from the swimmers. They were off to the side doing stretches as she walked around talking to some of them, her smile never faltering.

Ignoring the lingering eyes on me I walked around the pools to the locker rooms. Remembering where the men’s locker room was, I opened the door and closed it behind me. This time it was cluttered with shoes and bags of clothes. Most of it haphazardly stored away in lockers. The one on the end still didn’t have a name over the top of it, but it wasn’t empty either. Sighing I kicked off my flip flops, shorts, and underwear then quickly slid into my old racing shorts. Then I pulled off my shirt and stored everything in the empty corner of the room against the wall that divided the lockers from the showers.

By the time I exited the locker rooms a shrill whistle stopped all conversations going on just around the corner. Hearing the whistle, I hurried my pace while sliding on my cap and shoving my goggles on to rest on the top of my head. Seeing me hurrying around the edge of the pool Tony smirked and brought everyone’s attention with him.

“Guys,” he said waving his hand as I came to a stop beside the group huddled around him. “This is Pete’s replacement for the season, Jackson Forrest.”

“Let’s welcome him to the team,” Jackie added, and I blushed as I looked around the expanse of the aquatic center. All the girls clapped, but I noticed most of the guys were completely indifferent to me being there, two even looked like they were working up to a scowl. Glaring I finally looked away from them and acknowledged everyone else. That is when Tony seemed to notice someone else there. Glancing over he shook his head, dropping his arm back to his side.

“Charlie say goodbye to the boyfriend,” Tony ordered waving his hand towards the polo and khaki short clad dude standing just off to the side.

I expected a girl to break from Jackie’s huddled crowd, but my jaw fell open momentarily when I saw the tall sandy blond-haired guy, I was standing closest to turn around. I watched as he took his hand briefly and kissed him squarely on the mouth before saying something to him too quietly for anyone else to hear. The guy gave everyone a wave and walked out of the pool area grabbing his phone and his car keys from his pockets as he went.

“Sorry coach,” Charlie said as he joined us still standing in front of him.

“You all stretched out?” He asked crossing his arms over his chest. We all nodded our heads, but I hadn’t seen anyone stretching before I arrived or after I had left the break room. Some of the girls standing closer to us did a few quick stretches as Tony glanced around the room.

“Coach,” one of the scowling boys said after a small moment of silence. “I thought Pete…”

“Pete is gone,” Tony interrupted, “we discussed this as a team last week Aiden.”

“But Coach, I’ve talked to Pete,” Aiden countered crossing his arms. “I don’t know why we gotta break in a new kid.”

“Because Pete broke the rules, that’s why,” Tony growled grabbing his whistle. “I won’t have any back talk in my house boys, get stretched out you know I have eyes all over this place and none of you shits did any stretching, too busy running your mouths.”

“Coach,” Aiden said nodding his head as Tony blew his whistle.

I glared at Aiden and the smaller framed dude that looked an awful lot like him as I bent down to stretch out my lower back. I didn’t expect too much trouble from the other guys, thinking that I would be working independently, just like them. It was obvious to me though; these people have been together for awhile and I definitely was the new guy. Not just the new guy, a new guy that replaced someone they obviously liked.

As I was stretching, I was waved aside by Tony as Jackie herded her divers towards her side of the aquatic center. They were working on flexibility right now, bending and stretching into pike positions. Some of them were sitting on the floor and if I wasn’t a complete wreck inside my own head, I might have stopped to admire them all a little.

“Jack, can I call you Jack?” Tony asked after we were a fair distance away from the small group of guys that was to be my teammates this season.

“Yeah,” I answered trying to hide the grimace.

“Jackson it is,” he said smirking. “Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, as long as you back it up with your effort I don’t mind.”

“What happened with Pete?” I asked and he frowned glancing past me momentarily.

“He broke the rules,” he answered shrugging. “A number of them and I don’t work with anyone who break my rules.”

“Okay,” I said feeling my heart begin to hammer in my chest.

“You won’t have any trouble from the Townson brothers, you do your business and they’ll do theirs,” he added looking past me again. This time he glared, but I didn’t dare turn my head to see if they were looking at us. “These guys have been swimming together for about six years before Jackie and I had to make the decision to drop Pete from the program. Pete has already found a new team; he won’t be back. So, don’t think you’re not welcome here, without you, the other guys won’t be able to compete to their fullest potentials.”

“Alright,” I offered swallowing hard as someone walked out of one of the side doors. She was a lot younger than Tony and Jackie but was dressed in the same red shirts and khaki shorts as they were. When she pulled a whistle out of her pocket and pulled it over her head, she caught me looking and offered me a smile.

“You’ll be working with Emily today in our secondary pool,” Tony announced as he turned to see her approaching. “Even if she came in late.”

“Why?” I asked my voice lower, hoping that Emily didn’t hear me.

“You’re both auditioning, her to be an assistant coach, and you to remain here,” he answered shrugging. “Like I said, even though we all need you here, if you’re not the right fit you won’t swim for me, not competitively.”

“Ready?” Emily asked and I could tell she wanted to put some distance between us and her father and get started.

“Guess so,” I answered, and she offered me a small smile.

“Let’s get to it then,” she said, and we walked around the corner to the starting platforms. She led me to the center of the pool and laid down a clipboard and stopwatch to pull her long blond hair into a ponytail. That is when I saw the Olympic tattoo peeking out from the shirtsleeve on her arm. When she caught me noticing she smiled. “Don’t worry about Dad, you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t the best prospect, but he did say you needed a lot of work.”

“You went to the Olympics?” I asked and she nodded and then pointed to the starting platform.

“Not for the United States,” she answered in a tone that was all business as she grabbed her whistle. “Let’s start with your reaction off the block, from your film you seemed a little slow.”

“Okay,” I said as I climbed the platform.

“Starting position,” she announced and I bent down and got into my stance. “On my whistle.”

I looked down at the clear water dissected by parallel bright neon yellow lines. The water looked still, only a little choppy from all the commotion in the building not far from us. When I glanced up to look across the pool to the other side, I saw Tony speaking with the Townson brothers, who looked stone faced and pissed. Charlie and the taller black guy were already in the water doing laps.

When a shrill whistle tickled my eardrums, I launched into the pool. That is when I completely forgot that I hadn’t pulled down my goggles. I tried to ignore the water stinging my eyes, but Emily blew her whistle again and I resurfaced to see her laughing and clutching her stomach.

“Sorry,” I breathed as I quickly swam back over to the platforms and clambered out of the water.

“I wondered if you were going to pull them down,” she said shaking her head. “I know you’re nervous, but come on Jackson, you might want to put your nose clip on too.”

“Sorry,” I repeated my face getting hot. I could hear a hint of Tony’s impatience, but I was a little thankful that she had an easy smile like her mother.

“Ready?” She asked and I nodded. “After hitting the water kick a few times then resurface, we’re just working on your start off the blocks. Now, starting position, on my whistle.”

This time I stared down at the water the toes on my right foot tensed on the edge of the block for the first sound of her whistle. When it rang out I launched into the water and took three steady kicks under the water before I surfaced.

“Slow, again,” she said her smile a little less bright as she readied her whistle and I scrambled from the water and back onto the platform. She didn’t have to remind me to get into my stance or to wait for her whistle, I stood and for what seemed like ages she blew the whistle and I dove into the water.

“Again,” she said her expression becoming more unreadable as I tried to keep my breathing even. Getting in and out of the pool as quickly as I was, took more effort than I realized. I hadn’t done too many of these drills since I started high school, I realized that they were taking me back to the basics and I couldn’t keep some of the annoyance I felt from bubbling up.

When she blew her whistle I just had got down in my stance and I dove into the water and did two kicks before I resurfaced and this time Emily had placed one hand on her hips and waved me to hurry as I swam back to the blocks.

“You’re still slow, I think you’re too heavy on one foot and that makes your dive a bit tilted to that side,” she explained as she picked up her clipboard and jotted something down.

“I’ll try to feel it out,” I answered, and she smiled and that tempered some of my frustration as I climbed back onto the block.

“Again,” she said and this time I noticed that she gave me time to feel myself on the block. I didn’t really feel awkward or anything, so I didn’t reposition and when she blew the whistle I dove into the water and took about five kicks before I stopped. Ever since practice started, I wanted to stretch my legs and really work in the pool. So far, I had only seen the block and the first couple of meters and my arms, feet, and lower back were getting tired of bending and waiting for her to blow the whistle. “You’re leaning.”

“Which way?” I asked as I made my way back to the blocks.

“To the left,” she answered, “it makes your dive uneven, have you always dove that way?”

“Yes,” I answered, and she frowned letting her whistle rest on her chest.

“Do you not feel yourself leaning at all?” She asked as she handed me a white towel. I took it and quickly dried off my torso.

“No,” I said wanting to glance around to see what the rest of the team was doing. All I could hear was the loud splashing of water, the swimmers were making so much noise that I barely heard Jackie’s whistle from the diving pool.

“I can see you getting frustrated,” Emily said frowning slightly. “But the start of these races are the ending too, you lose before you even begin if you don’t have a good start off the blocks.”

“I know,” I said before I could stop myself, but she didn’t seem bothered by my mini outburst.

“Glad you saved that for me and not Dad,” she whispered leaning slightly toward me. “You would have been doing laps for that.”

“Make me do laps then,” I countered smiling.

“It is about time for lunch so, go ahead,” she said shrugging, “add ten more if you come off the block sloppy.”

Nodding I stepped back onto the block and got into position. This time I looked down at the glistening water and saw my shadow, it wasn’t centered in my lane and I sighed. I was leaning to one side and I hated that I hadn’t noticed until this moment, here when I knew I would have to become perfect in such a short span of time. If I couldn’t even stand on the blocks right, how was I supposed to catch on to everything. I wished I could blame Rick, but we both knew he wasn’t really a swimming coach. It made me realize just how much I was playing pretend all these years. When I shifted, I felt my side slide away from my starting leg by a few centimeters and when Emily blew the whistle, I bounded off the block and dove into the water. This time I swam under the water for a few meters and surfaced. Then I started freestyle paddling toward the other side of the pool. When I got there, I touched both hands to the side then turned in the water and pushed off and kicked under the water for a couple of meters before making my way back. When I got there, I heard Emily’s whistle and surfaced grabbing hold of the lane divider, pulling my goggles up to rest on my cap.

“Very powerful off the block that time,” she said, “so you’re spared from having to do laps if we can get you to do that ten more times.”

“Alright,” I said and by lunch time I had been able to.

After my last dive off the blocks I resurfaced to see that Tony had dismissed the rest of the swimmers for lunch. He was making his way around the corner of the pool I practiced alone in and Emily was all smiles as I swam back to the platform and pulled myself out of the pool.

“He was a leaner,” Emily said as she handed her clipboard over to Tony. “Way too heavy on his left foot.”

“Did you get that worked out?” He asked not glancing at the clipboard, but at me as I dried myself off with the damp towel Emily gave me after our first small break.

“He hits the water stronger now,” she replied offering me another smile.

“Good deal,” Tony said turning to me, “go get some lunch.”

“Alright,” I said, and I continued to dry myself off with the towel as I followed the wet footsteps of everyone else to the breakroom.

When I entered there was a small line formed at the microwave. The female team of swimmers were in line first. Some of them still drying out their hair as they held onto their lunches. It seemed everyone had brought already cooked food from home.

“So new guy can’t even manage to get off the blocks,” Matt Townson muttered as I attempted to maneuver around everyone in the cramped breakroom. “How the fuck are you going to help us out here?”

“Shut up Matt,” the black guy countered, I hated that I didn’t know his name, as he gently shoved Matt and Aiden to clear a path for me to get to my food. “Without him we can’t even compete in the relays.”

“Draeden,” Aiden started, and I felt my face getting hot. “The dude sucks, Tony pretty much made that too obvious when he brought Emily in.”

“Guys he’s right there,” Charlie said, and I glanced over my shoulder as I slammed the refrigerator door after grabbing my lunch. I wanted to swear and get in their faces. I wanted to punch the measuring smirk off Aiden Townson’s face.

“He won’t be here long,” Matt said smirking. “Tony will just take his parent’s money for a week or two then shove his ass out the door.”

“Guys,” one of the girls sighed. “Be nice.”

“Mind your own business,” Aiden countered, and the girl whirled back around slinging wet hair as she did.

“Asshole,” she muttered as the girl in front of her took her warmed food out of the microwave and stepped out of line.

“We had State won with Pete,” Aiden said as he elbowed past everyone in front of him to take over the microwave. The girls all started yelling at him, but he ignored them and squared his shoulders as he punched the time into the microwave and started it.

“We would have until they checked his piss,” Draeden countered glancing at me. “He doped, got caught.”

“Shut the fuck up Drae,” Matt hissed glaring at me.

“I don’t get it,” I said taking a step toward Matt who glanced over his shoulder towards Aiden. I guessed he didn’t expect me to speak. “You’re a fucking asshole, but you need me. I could fucking care less about you, I’m here for myself. I don’t care if you like me or not, but you’re not going to be talking shit about me.”

“Dude’s got a temper,” Charlie whispered, and I looked over to see Dreaden smirk and nod his head. “Hot.”

“Down boy,” Draeden said and I could feel my ears getting hot, but I turned back to Matt to see that Aiden and him looked like they were about to kick my ass.

Then the door opened, and Tony stepped in with Emily right behind him. By the look on their faces I could tell that they had been listening at the door. When I looked back over at Aiden, I saw that he had hit the cancel button on the microwave and quickly went to work getting his food.

“I see you cut line in front of the girls, Aiden,” Tony said as the door closed behind him and Emily. With them in here the room felt even more overwhelmingly cramped. I looked around to see all of the girls smirking as they remade the line to heat up their food as the rest of the guys stayed back. “And I heard Jackson yelling, is there going to be any trouble out of you boys or are you going to man up?”

“Coach he can’t even get off the block to suit Emily, how is he going to compete with us?” Aiden asked as he slammed down his fork. “Pete is the state record holder, he…”

“Doped himself up, not to mention he started slacking off and showing up late,” Tony bellowed, his face turning red. “If you’re telling me you’d rather have a doper on the team than someone who leans on the block, you know where the door is, Aiden, Matt.”

“He’s cleaning up,” Matt said, his voice weaker than it was before I stood up to him. “He wants to come back, he knows we’re a lock for State.”

“You’re a lock for nothing,” Tony countered, “After lunch I want you two in my office, Emily will continue practice.”

After lunch, which I ate with the girls who offered me a seat. They tried to get me talking, but all I wanted to do is get out of there and get back into the pool. It would be awhile though, since we had to wait for our food to digest a bit so we wouldn’t get sick.

When we got back outside Emily had moved her stuff over to the main pool and we all lined up at a lane. She told us to sit down and hang out while she looked over some training notes Tony had left for her on each of us. There were two lanes that separated the guys from the girls, and I tried to ignore everyone and looked around to see Jackie breaking for lunch. The four girls and one guy on the diving team walked together laughing and talking as they made their way to the break room.

“Dude,” Draeden whispered elbowing me in the side. Turning, I shot him a glare before I saw that he was smiling with his hand outstretched. “Draeden Summers.”

“Jackson Forrest,” I answered taking his hand. He was a couple of inches taller than me and a lot more ripped. Everyone else had matching red, white, and grey uniforms on. It made my black racing shorts stand out in comparison.

“I know who you are,” he countered letting go of my hand. “Tony had us watching your film this week, you made it to regional qualifying last year.”

“That’s right,” Charlie said leaning back and propping himself up with his hands. “You were one of the only independently represented athletes.”

“Yeah,” I said as I looked both of them over. Neither of them had what Tony would call baby fat, but they couldn’t be more different. Charlie had a light and energetic smile, seemingly ready for anything as long as it was fun, a slight tan, but was around my height so I wasn’t exactly the smallest one here. He also had a tattoo on his calf, but since he had his legs resting in the water, I couldn’t really tell what it was. Draeden was stocky, he really looked too stocky to be a swimmer. His light brown eyes were a couple shades lighter than his skin, so much so that they seemed to glow when light reflected off the water into them. I found myself staring and had to turn away to watch my own slow stirring of the water with my legs. I lived in a small town that only had one type of person. White, corn fed, and factory bred.

“Pete was our captain, Aiden is trying to bully his way to that spot,” Charlie said and I turned to see Draeden’s relaxed smile turn up in the corners of his mouth. “Pete is also ranked as the best swimmer in the state.”

“Why did he dope then?” I asked lowering my voice just in case Emily was close enough to hear.

“We don’t know how long he has been doing that,” Draeden answered leaning closer to me. “He just finally got caught. That sealed his walking papers no matter what, Tony hates cheaters.”

“But Pete, Matt, and Aiden have been friends since they were fetuses,” Charlie added, “grew up in the same rich boy gated community together.”

“Hey, I grew up there too,” Draeden countered pushing Charlie into the water.

“Eager to get started guys?” Emily asked looking over her clipboard. “Dad wants you in drag suits for the rest of practice. Drae and Tara could you go get them?”

“Yes ma’am,” Draeden responded and I watched as the redheaded girl that called Aiden an asshole stood and walked with Draeden to a closed door off to the side of the pools next to the locker room hallway.

“Does it bother you that I’m gay,” Charlie said, not really asking me a question. “I know you’re from a small town, my boyfriend is from one too and not a whole lot of people like that about him.”

“No, no I don’t mind,” I responded, and I couldn’t keep from feeling jealous. Charlie looked liked the freest most acknowledged person that I knew. When he kissed his boyfriend goodbye and everyone acted like it was a normal everyday thing, I wanted to feel the freedom of that. I didn’t want to feel that the better parts of my year so far happened hidden deep inside a forest at night. I wondered what Luke would think if he saw the easy affection between guys that obviously feel a lot for one another. How welcoming the world could be for us and the simplicity of a kiss. I wondered if I could have that and I couldn’t help thinking that maybe we both owed it to ourselves to try.

“Good,” Charlie said as Draeden and Tara returned carrying their bundles. Dreaden passed me one and it looked like a black heavy mesh speedo with mesh cup holders. A vastly different look from the baggy shirt and shorts that I wore working with Rick. Pulling them on over my racing shorts everyone got into the pool and when Emily blew her whistle we all pushed off the wall and started swimming and it was nice feeling the cold water and the waves from Draeden and Charlie as they swam next to me. I finally felt like this was a place where I belonged, even with Aiden and Matt Townson getting yelled at in some office somewhere. Smiling I reached the far wall and pushed off to finish my first lap determined to take my life back.