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- 11/25/2018
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Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
My journey through pain - 2. Chapter 2 - On the nature of fear
On the nature of fear
Tonight, I would like to share with you an epiphany I had while walking my dog. The moon was full out, colored lightly golden like it sometimes is when it is still low on the horizon. It was cool but not chilly, the air filled with a gentleness that I have not felt for a couple of weeks now. And as I was picking up my dog’s poop, it happened. The familiar icy hot sensation of panic surged through my chest, triggered by association to the song I was listening to on my headphones – only this time, instead of fighting it, instead of having a knee-jerk reaction of rejection to the fear, I let it in.
Those who have experienced panic attacks before, or crippling fear, may be familiar with the way such emotions numb the mind. The only thing you can think of is that you want the pain to go away, the horrible sensation to disappear somehow and give you back your rational brain. I have been having a very tough time trying to fight against it, but tonight it has occurred to me that maybe fighting it is not the proper response. Because it almost feels like a small miracle, but when I let the fear into me instead of fighting it, I also showed it the way out. It felt as if it passed through me. I acknowledged it, recognized it for what it was, and then let it go its own way. In the end, only I remained.
I think Frank Herbert was wise when he wrote that prayer or litany about fear in his books. Fear is the mind-killer. But you can face your fear, let it go through you, and still remain standing. I have had dark periods in my life, perhaps none as dark as this one, and his words have always rung true when the blackness seems to surround me. Yet it is only now that I think I am beginning to understand what he meant. I vividly remember encountering his work mentioned in another book series that touched me deeply, K.A. Applegate’s Gone books. In them, when things are at their darkest, literally, these powerful words about the nature of fear are mentioned and, while they do not extinguish the fear, they are acknowledged as part of life, part of a bad situation, and part of the human will not to give up. Fiction is as its strongest when it shows you an aspect of reality in another way, helping you understand. It is one of the many reasons I love literature so much.
I don’t know whether I’ll be able to remember this nugget of wisdom if a panic attack comes in the night, but I wanted to share this because right here, right now, it is helping me a little bit. And if it helped me, maybe it can help someone else.
Thank you for reading, if you have. I wish you all peace and wisdom, all through the night.
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Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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