You'd Have to Ask - 26. Chapter 26

Dinner with the folks

Cole arrives at his parent’s house with time to spare. He notices the curtain move in the front window. “No turning back now!” he says to himself.

Cole knocks on the door and then opens it and enters the house. The first thing he notices is the smell of a roast cooking. He remembers that his Mom always cooked roast beef on Sundays. It brings him back to a much simpler time when her lived at home.

He takes off his shoes and goes into the living room. He can see his Mom sitting in her favourite rocking chair. The chair is swinging back and forth as it does when something is bothering her. His Dad is in his chair, which is almost next to hers. He has his feet up on the footstool.

Cole leans over and hugs him Mom, he says hi to his Dad. Cole then sits down on the sofa. His mother is looking at him his Dad avoids eye contact.

The atmosphere is kind of tense. Cole mentions the snow on the highway on the way back from Edmonton. “When in doubt, stick to the weather!” He tells himself.

“Well it wouldn’t a been a problem if you hadn’t gone off to the city!” His Dad says.

“Now, now hon” His Mom says, “there is no need to rile the boy up!”

“No need!” His father says, “He comes here and tells me he is a faggot, no need!”

“Stop it now George!” his Mother says forcefully as she looks at his father.

“Well I am not going to sit here and listen to this again!” Cole’s father gets up and heads to the bedroom and slams the door. The sound of the television soon emanates from that part of the house.

“See what you have done, your father has been in a state all weekend!” his Mom says, “What were you thinking? Tell him that stuff and then take off out of town!”

“What do you want me to say?” Cole asks, “I know I was a fool to drop that bombshell and then leave town. But I am here now!”

“Ok, I guess there is nothing we can do about it now!” his Mom says, her voice is still elevated.

Cole considers telling his Mom to calm down but thinks better of it.

“I don’t know where to begin.”

“Well its true, what I told Dad.”

“No Cole, I refuse to believe it! You have always had girlfriends and been popular, I don’t buy this.” His mother struggles with what to say.

Cole considers debating with her about gay men having girl friends too. But he knows it’s a battle he would lose.

“Well Mom, I guess all I can say is it is not a phase. It’s not something that isn’t going to go away!”

“So what made you come out all of a sudden, your thirty years old. You must have known before this!”

“Well Mom, I guess I didn’t want to lie to myself anymore. Besides would you have been more accepting if I was 18?”

“Well I, I mean we thought you just hadn’t found the right girl yet.” She says.

Cole has to stop himself before he says anything else. He can see this is hurting his Mother.

“Well have you seen anyone about this Cole?”

“What do you mean? A doctor?”

“Yeah, I have seen stories on Oprah and other shows where they have managed to cure this.”

Cole thinks about what she says. He has been able to hide it for this long, couldn’t he get some help and it would go away. Then he remembers talking to Greg, a guy that did just that. It didn’t go away. Cole then thinks about his antics on the weekend, man he had fun! He figures he better say something before his mother thinks her words are having an effect.

“Mom, I have never been surer of anything in my life. I finally feel like I can be true to myself!” Cole says, “I don’t think that it would be fair to me or to you guys if I tried to convert back.”

“So that’s it then, we have a fag for a son!”

“I’m afraid so, Mom.”

“Well I still feel upset about this, I am not sure I want you to be here right now.”

Cole sort of knew this was coming. He doesn’t want it to be this way but he can’t say the words she wants to hear. Cole stands up and walks to the hallway and puts his shoes on.

“Bye Mom, I love you!” Cole says he doesn’t wait for a response as he turns and opens the door and heads to his truck.

Cole gets in the truck and starts it. He digs out his cell-phone; the time display shows it is only 17:00. It is way to early to phone Mark, he decides to head over to the gym and do some running.

Cole is on a machine and he runs in a zombie state for an hour. Friends of his walk by and say hi, but Cole doesn’t even see them. “It’s funny!” Cole says to himself, “The effects of coming out seem to affect me less and less with each person I tell.”

Cole gets off the machine and heads to the showers. The exercise has managed to calm him down. In the locker room after he has changed he calls Mark and tells him to meet him at Ugly’s.

Cole drives over, the street is almost deserted, he sees the bar is open and heads in.

Cole notices that it is almost empty and takes a seat. He normally sits near the bar, but he doesn’t want the barkeep to hear their conversation.

Cole orders a beer from the waitress. She comes back and sets it down in front of him.

“Can I run a tab?”

“Sure Cole, is someone joining you?” Nicole asks, she has known Cole for years and has never seen him come in here and drink by himself.

“Yeah Mark, he’ll be here soon. Bring him a beer too, when he shows up.” Cole says with a smile.

“Sure Cole.” She says with a smile and then she turns and goes back to the bar and sits down.

Mark shows up and joins Cole; he is no sooner seated than Nicole places a beer in front of him.

“Thanks Nicole!” Mark says and he toasts Cole as he takes a sip.

“Man you look beat, you OK?” Mark asks.

“Yeah, yeah just came from the gym.” Cole says and he forces a smile.

“So how are your Mom and Dad? They actually phoned me this weekend to see if I knew where you were.”

“They did? Funny Mom didn’t mention that.”

“Yeah, your Mom called she said it was urgent that she talk to you.”

“She said that, she must have been concerned.”
“So what’s up Cole?” Mark takes on a serious tone, “I am getting a sense of doom here.”
“Well last week Kelly and I arrested a guy for stealing a car.” Cole says, “A couple of times after the arrest me and the guy were alone together and he started spouting off.”

“So what’s different than the other times a perp feels he has been wronged?” Mark asks.

“Well he says he saw me in a restaurant with someone he knows in Edmonton.” Cole he feels himself tense up, “The guy he knows owns a gay bar.”

“So were you?”

“Yeah, I was there with Mike, the guy he knows.”

“Alright, since you brought it up, what were you doing there with this guy?”

“Actually we were just having breakfast. But the guy does own a gay bar and I was there the night before.” Cole looks up at Mark to let it sink in.

Mark stares at Cole he does not know what to say.

“C’mon man, say something!” Cole says.

“So this guy, the one you arrested, he is trying to get off because he saw you with this Mike guy?” Mark finally says, “Come on there’s more to this than that!”

“Well the guy was hinting that I was gay too.” Cole says, “And if I didn’t let him off he would spread the word.”

“So are you?” Mark asks and looks Cole in the eyes.

Cole nods and waits for Mark’s reaction.

“You bastard! I have been your friend for years and you never told me!” Mark is mad and Cole can see it.

“Mark it’s not like that, I didn’t really admit it to myself until about a month ago!”

“So all of a sudden it happened, you just decided to switch teams?”

Cole analyzes Mark’s use of words, how come he knows that term.

“No man, it wasn’t a sudden thing, it came after years of fooling myself!”

“You mean you have been fooling around with guys for years and now just came to the realization you were gay?” Mark checks around to see if anyone can hear what he is saying.

“Sounds pretty stupid when you put it like that Mark.” Cole says, “but until a month ago it was just something that happened every once and awhile.” Cole does not want to go into specifics, its not Mike or Rick; it’s his best friend.

“Look Cole I can handle the fact you are gay, Mary and I were starting to wonder anyway. But it pisses me off that you didn’t tell me.”

“Well like I said, I wasn’t sure myself until a month ago.” Cole pauses, “And I don’t think I’d be telling anyone now unless this other guy hadn’t happened along.”

“So you were content to lie to yourself and everyone else as long as you weren’t caught?”

“Well Mark, it not a fucking easy thing to deal with, hell I’m a cop for fucks sakes in the middle of the Bible belt!”

“So this guy sort of forced you out of the closet, eh?”

“In a way yeah, but I was working on coming out anyway, he just accelerated the process.”

“Was there a time line on this Cole?” Mark asks sarcastically.

“Well Mark, I guess if things were different and we lived in a perfect world it would be no big deal, but we don’t and it is a big deal.” Cole throws it back in Mark’s face.

“So for all these years I have known you, you have been hiding this big secret?” Mark says apologetically.

“Yeah and after what happened at my parents I need your support Mark.” Cole says.

“Mom and Dad didn’t take it that well, I guess?”

Cole nods, “Yeah, they were not too receptive of my announcement.”

“Can you blame them, you think you know your son and then he tells them out of the blue he is gay.”

“Well, I didn’t stay around to make it worse than it was.” Cole says, “I bit my tongue a lot!”

“I bet you did, you never wanted to cross your Mom.” Mark laughs, “You remember when you told them you were going to be a cop?”

“Oh yeah!” Cole laughs he is surprised that Mark has made him laugh.

“I am surprised she even let me come over after we made that decision!” Mark says and then he thinks about Cole’s being gay. A question pops into his head and he has to ask it.
“Cole, other than the fact that I wanted you to be a cop, did the gay issue make you do it?”

“You know I haven’t even though of that.” Cole says, “But come to think of it, I really wasn’t comfortable with the feelings when I was younger. Maybe I joined up to compensate.”

“You weren’t comfortable!” Mark says incredulously “Fuck!”

“Well I was motivated, I didn’t want to think I was I think they call it the ‘Don Juan Syndrome’.”

The both of them laugh Cole rarely went a weekend without a date all the way through High School and College.

“So while you were chasing all those girls you secretly wanted to be…!” Mark pauses and a look of shock comes over his face.

“So you were checking your team mates out in the locker room?” Mark says in a loud whisper.

Cole looks guilty and he actually is, he had checked Mark and the rest of the other guys out in the locker room.

“C’mon Mark all guys do that, doesn’t matter which team they play for!”

“But all guys aren’t…forget it!”

“So Mark how does that change things?” Cole says, “Think we can still be friends?”

“I don’t know Cole, you think you know some one and then they spring this on you!” Mark says, “Would you still be my friend if it was the other way around?”

Cole has to think about this, “Yeah Mark, I would.”

Mark smiles and offers his hand to Cole, “Let’s shake on it then Wheels!”

“Wheels!” Cole shakes Mark’s hand and laughs, “I haven’t heard that in ten years!”

“Well its sort of appropriate Cole, think about it”

Cole starts to relax. He didn’t think Mark would come around to this revelation quite as well as he has. He thought for sure he was going to lose Mark as a friend. Worse than that he was going to have to quit the department.

“By the way Cole this is a freebie, if you ever forget to tell me something again I may not let you off so easy.”

“Well I assure you I have nothing else in my closet.”

Both men laugh at the double entendre.

“One thing I don’t get Cole, is what is your relationship with Kat?” Mark asks, “Mary and I thought for sure you two were dating.”

“We are just good friends Mark.” Cole smiles and picks up his beer, “Very good friends.”

“So I guess she knows?”

“Oh Yeah!”

“Well it sounds like you have got some support to help you through this.” Mark says, “And you are going to need all of our support to get you through this!”

“Thanks Mark” Cole says.

“One thing Cole? Did you tell your Dad and then take off out of town?”

“Yeah I did, but it almost killed him man, you should have seen the look on his face!”

“Why’d you do that, leave town I mean? I have known you for years you have never done anything like that before.”

“I am not really sure Mark. When I left there I was pretty down. But you know what?”

“I can guess, you felt pretty good about yourself too!” Mark says, “It’s like a big weight was lifted off your back.”

“Yup, I felt free, the freest I have felt in a long, long time.”

“But you didn’t have to leave town!”

“Yes I did Mark, you see it’s all new to me and I feel a sense of community with my friend sin Edmonton.” He pauses, “People that have been through this, you know?”

“All too well, it’s like cops hanging out with cops!”

“Ok, I’ll give you that, but you didn’t have to go so far to get that support.”

“Thanks man!”

“Have you eaten yet? I would think from what you said you left your parent’s place without supper”

“No I haven’t.” Cole looks at the glass of beer, which he has barely touched. “In fact I haven’t eaten since about noon.”
“Come on then, lets go to my place and see what we can scrounge up.”

Cole says sure, stands and puts his coat on. He walks over to the bar and pays for the two beers.

Outside both men get into Mark’s car. Cole knows it’s for the best, even though he hardly drank anything. Besides it’s not too far to walk from Mark’s place to here.

They get to Mark’s place and head inside. Mary comes down the hall to greet them. She is not surprised Cole came over.

“I’m just reading a bedtime story to the kids, I’ll be done shortly.” Mary says and heads back down the hall.

“Go and say goodnight to them if you want Cole, I’m sure it’s OK”

After Cole has taken off his boots and coat he heads down to the kid’s bedroom. He sees Mary reading them a story. Both kids react when they see him and ask if he will finish reading the story.

“If it’s alright with your Mom.” Cole says.

The kids start to scream, “Please, Please!!”

Mary gets up and hands him the book. She leaves them alone in the room.

Cole read the story of the little train that could, with appropriate changes in cadence. The kids try saying the phrase ‘I think I can” and sound like a train. Cole fears this is getting them too excited before bed. But he sees them fight their yawns and knows they will be asleep soon.

Mary comes back to the bedroom when things are quiet. She looks and sees Cole just staring at them. Mark had told her what had happened while she was in the kitchen. She feels for Cole, as this is probably something he won’t get to do for himself.

“I think that did it, good thing I didn’t choose acting as a profession, the audience would be snoring by the second act.” Cole is pleased with himself for getting the children asleep.

“Anytime you want to come over and put them to sleep is fine with me.” Mary whispers as they head out of the room.