Musings of a Messed Up Mind - 18. Will I Know?

That's one of the big questions. Will I know? Do I want to know...? I can't decide what's better. And then the whole issue of being ready... Maybe someday.

Profound questions, ones which I'm not ready to find the answers to but as you say one day...

I am deeply moved by this poem. I touches my own difficult memories of sitting at bedsides, listening to labored breathing, and waiting. And your words sound in echoes in my head: will I know? Did those I loved (and love still) know? One think I do know - they, too, sought the beauty, sought to grasp it and sense it and taste it while they could. And you put that into words so very, very beautifully. Thank you, Tim.

I felt this... this took me back to my dad, and then my mom's bedside... knowing what was coming, and having all these questions in my mine about my own mortality... most times I relegate it to a curiosity I know will be answered one day, but like you, I am in no hurry. This is a lovely and fluid poem, tim... thanks and cheers... Gary...

Those are questions as old as mankind and philosophers nor religions can give an answer to. In your poem you were able to escape the heaviness that often accompanies those questions and yet give it the depth they need. It can be re-read on those days that the will to fight is not as strong and then can serve as a source for courage.
I liked it very much, tim.
I hope to be many years apart from finding out, but try to be ready anyway.

I've never been by someone's deathbed and I've only been to one funeral. I was a kid at the time, so I thought the man was sleeping at first. So, death was just so far from my mind, and I've never really given much thought on my own mortality or that of my friends.
But, as I entered the first years of adulthood, I no longer felt that sense of "immortality" and "invincibility" that is a part of youth. I finally had to really sit down and think about my own mortality, to come to grips that not only I, but my friends and family will also face that inevitable conclusion.
And tim, this poem really captured what I thought and felt during that time.
So, will I know? I doubt it, but all I can do is enjoy the rest of my journey

Your way with words leave me astounded, so thank you for writing this

It might sound cliche, but we should live our lives as if we don't have tomorrow. Enjoy what we have now. I've had my children lose friends, and I've lost too many family members that I know life can be fleeting. All of that being said, I'm not sure many of are actually ready when the time comes.

On 01/29/2016 06:10 PM, Puppilull said:

That's one of the big questions. Will I know? Do I want to know...? I can't decide what's better. And then the whole issue of being ready... Maybe someday.

Hi Pup, I dont know either. I'm not ready yet. But you hear about people that are, but right now I can see ever feeling that way. Thanks for your comments..

tim

i think of this when I hear about people I went to school with have passed. It hits a little close and now, even as we are marking time for a couple family members, I am reminded to keep busy living. But one day in the very, very distant future I kind of hope I know.. And with that in mind, I'll live so that I can be ready for whatever comes.

So very well put Tim..

Oh the myriad thoughts this caused to rumble and tumble through my mind. For you see I believe there is more beyond this mortal existence. I believe you will know but I’m not too sure that you will miss “here” … because your mum waits for you there and in time the others you love will be too.

On 01/30/2016 12:21 AM, Bucket1 said:

Profound questions, ones which I'm not ready to find the answers to but as you say one day...

I was just looking at pictures and i just thought, how can i not be here anymore... see this anymore.. I dont think about dying as much as i once did. Somedays I longed for it, but now and again I think of it.

Thanks for your comments.

tim

On 01/30/2016 03:19 AM, Parker Owens said:

I am deeply moved by this poem. I touches my own difficult memories of sitting at bedsides, listening to labored breathing, and waiting. And your words sound in echoes in my head: will I know? Did those I loved (and love still) know? One think I do know - they, too, sought the beauty, sought to grasp it and sense it and taste it while they could. And you put that into words so very, very beautifully. Thank you, Tim.

Thank you Parker, yeah i remember my mum at the end. I've seen other people die, their lives taken from them in horrible ways and neither way was easy to witness. I only hope when it happens, it's quick. Have no desire to linger.

Thanks for your comments.

tim

On 01/30/2016 04:50 AM, Headstall said:

I felt this... this took me back to my dad, and then my mom's bedside... knowing what was coming, and having all these questions in my mine about my own mortality... most times I relegate it to a curiosity I know will be answered one day, but like you, I am in no hurry. This is a lovely and fluid poem, tim... thanks and cheers... Gary...

Thank you Gary for reading and for your comments. I won't be at my father's bedside, i can guarantee that. But i was at my mum's and that was hard. So yeah its one of those unfathomable things i guess.

thanks again Gary

On 01/30/2016 06:12 AM, J.HunterDunn said:

Those are questions as old as mankind and philosophers nor religions can give an answer to. In your poem you were able to escape the heaviness that often accompanies those questions and yet give it the depth they need. It can be re-read on those days that the will to fight is not as strong and then can serve as a source for courage.

I liked it very much, tim.

I hope to be many years apart from finding out, but try to be ready anyway.

Thank you Peter, for your comments and for reading this. You're right of course there is no answer. I guess each of us finds a hope we can live with and either there will be an answer or dead is just dead. Whichever it is, Peter, I hope you are years and years from that discovery.

tim

On 01/30/2016 06:34 AM, Drew Espinosa said:

I've never been by someone's deathbed and I've only been to one funeral. I was a kid at the time, so I thought the man was sleeping at first. So, death was just so far from my mind, and I've never really given much thought on my own mortality or that of my friends.

But, as I entered the first years of adulthood, I no longer felt that sense of "immortality" and "invincibility" that is a part of youth. I finally had to really sit down and think about my own mortality, to come to grips that not only I, but my friends and family will also face that inevitable conclusion.

And tim, this poem really captured what I thought and felt during that time.

So, will I know? I doubt it, but all I can do is enjoy the rest of my journey

 

Your way with words leave me astounded, so thank you for writing this

Thank you Drew. No, your own mortality isn't something you think about when your a child, unless you really have to. And why should you, there is so much time ahead of you. I hope you are years and years away from having to seriously think about it. Thanks for reading and for your wonderful comments.

tim

On 01/30/2016 06:42 AM, LitLover said:

It might sound cliche, but we should live our lives as if we don't have tomorrow. Enjoy what we have now. I've had my children lose friends, and I've lost too many family members that I know life can be fleeting. All of that being said, I'm not sure many of are actually ready when the time comes.

Hi LL! Yes, I often think I should try and live my life in the moment, like a dog does, there is no past or tomorrow, there is just now. No, you're right not many are ever ready to go.

Thanks LL for your comments and for reading this. I appreciate it

tim

On 01/30/2016 01:07 PM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

 

will I miss it? Will I know?

 

Mighty big questions being asked in those few word. Not to start a big philosophical debate or anything, what I wonder is 'do I want to know'? I guess it depends on what you do or want to believe about the 'After'

 

As always, nicely done.

Well if I'm honest i don't believe in after at all. But that said, I sort of hope I'm wrong.

Thanks for your support Reader.. it means a lot to me.

tim

On 01/30/2016 02:59 PM, Defiance19 said:

i think of this when I hear about people I went to school with have passed. It hits a little close and now, even as we are marking time for a couple family members, I am reminded to keep busy living. But one day in the very, very distant future I kind of hope I know.. And with that in mind, I'll live so that I can be ready for whatever comes.

 

So very well put Tim..

Hi Def, you're right. All we can do is live until we die. I remember once my mum found a dead squirrel in our backyard. It was stuck to the tree it had been running down when it died. Just stuck in time .. it lived right up to the end. I try to think of living that way... just keep going til you stop.

Thank you for your comments and for reading. Mean the world.

tim xo

On 01/31/2016 06:44 AM, dughlas said:

Oh the myriad thoughts this caused to rumble and tumble through my mind. For you see I believe there is more beyond this mortal existence. I believe you will know but I’m not too sure that you will miss “here” … because your mum waits for you there and in time the others you love will be too.

I hope you're right dugh, but I'm not sure i do. It would be nice and well if its true. I hope it is a better place than here.

Thank you dugh for your support. I do appreciate it very much. You've always been there for me and it means a lot..

tim xoxxoxo

Hey Tim!
I've been absent these past days because of work, but I noticed you recently added this poem. I can't express how closely I relate to these feelings. I'm so afraid of death in so many different ways. Not knowing what will hapen, how I'll feel, if I know. Man this poem is not only beautifully written. It just touched m deeply. You are amazing!

On 02/05/2016 08:51 AM, Roberto Zuniga said:

Hey Tim!

I've been absent these past days because of work, but I noticed you recently added this poem. I can't express how closely I relate to these feelings. I'm so afraid of death in so many different ways. Not knowing what will hapen, how I'll feel, if I know. Man this poem is not only beautifully written. It just touched m deeply. You are amazing!

I used to think about dying everyday until a few months ago. I read something that brought me peace. I'm not thrilled about the idea, but I don't dwell on it anymore. And I've noticed you weren't around.. missed you. Glad you're still here with us. Thanks for reading this and for your comments. I appreciate them all ...

tim