Musings of a Messed Up Mind - 24. Cancer and Loathing

I can relate to the first and can only say you have to keep fighting yourself as much as you can, and listen to those around you when they tell you how special you are.
For the other all i can say (because swearing is frowned on on here) is rubbish. You deserve to be exactly where you are (with Michael and of course us on GA), and deserve every good thing that life can give you.

As always well written, thought provoking, and hard hitting

Self doubt and self loathing are cancers, corrosive to the soul. As a fellow sufferer, I can attest to the hurt and ache your words recall to my mind. Your words have a power in them. You tell me about these things far too well. Do not believe that voice that tears you down; it lies, and lies damnably.

Believe us tim, until you can believe yourself and know we believe in you and your talent and who you are as a person. This is why you will always belong. YOU, are amazeballs...

God this one hit home so hard. Imposter syndrome is crushing. It's so hard to trust the words of others when those negative internal voices are so overwhelming. It eats away at you, and the 'medicine' to fix it is difficult to swallow because it is literally the antibody of the root problem, disbelief and shit self-confidence, and is therefore almost intractable...

Strong hugs, Tim.

Well, I can't "like" it. But I can understand it and appreciate it.
You have a gift, my friend. The gift of putting words to emotions and feelings that are usually the very things that leave us speechless.
Life is not always pretty, nor easy. But it's been said that you can't appreciate the light/beauty without the dark/ugly.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

I understand you, tim. I feel a lot of the same things... but, you know how I feel about you, and the powerful voice you have. You are an amazing talent, so scoff at those dissenting voices. I'm not going to tell you that you have achieved greatness, but I will tell you it is in the realm of possibility. You are already on your way... it takes a lot of work, but all we can do is strive to improve and refine whatever talent we have... if it was easy, it wouldn't be as fulfilling, and if you didn't have doubts you/we wouldn't be human. I have complete faith in you... I hope you can get to that same point, because I always want to hear what you have to say... much love and much respect, timmy, my dear friend, fellow poet and writer... Gary

I found this in my wanderings...
Dear tim, your writing is crap, you don't connect to your audience, there is no clarity of thought, no spark of emotion, your writing is pure rubbish. Lots of love, from yourself, tim

Then I found this
Dear tim, like most authors you are an overly harsh, unfair and biased critic. Stop doing it and stick to writing (which you are good at). From a much better, objective and fair critic, B

Maybe there is a good reason that authors can't review their own work

And if you don't want to listen to me, maybe some words from Ira Glass...
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
― Ira Glass

A prettier version is found here - http://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/59/72/296001136-tumblr_lkjr6l5QNy1qbpge6o1_1280.jpg

Oh little brother, ye of little faith in yourself and your works ... listen not to the small mean voice that whispers insidiously, rather hear what others around you say. Take stock of the value given to your place amongst us and your friendship, your work. That is your worth. There are many voices that dispute what that other voices is saying, heed them and not the darker murmurings. Now, please, get on with being tim. The man who brings forth in his words life from depths others do not ken.
Namaste.

tim, we are all pretenders to some extent and in many different ways.

The grouping of self-doubters and self-naysayers is large and extensive. The 'cancer' will never go away entirely but it can be reduced and even occasionally ignored. Does it reoccur? Of course - sometimes quite badly but limited remission is possible and does happen.

The experience of a fellow sufferer ...

Self-doubt is an insidious thing. It can creep into the recesses of your mind and set up camp there. I know, because I have the little voice inside of me that tells me I'm not good enough and what I write doesn't compare to the wonderful work I see other people put out. Just remember that no one is a harsher critic than ourselves, and we don't tend to be nice or constructive in our criticism of our own work. You are much better than that little voice will lead you to believe. Have faith in that.

On 10/03/2016 09:21 AM, Valkyrie said:

Sorry, but I can't 'like' the message in these poems, even if they are well-written. I will say "no no no, that's not so" and I'm not lying... you are a kind, sweet, loving man and an absolute treasure as a friend. I know what it's like to feel self-doubt and loathing. I'll give you all the hugs you need and hope you feel better soon.

I knew i wasnt alone, but i was, if that makes sense. thank you Val xoxxoo...love you too

On 10/03/2016 09:41 AM, Caz Pedroso said:

I can relate to the first and can only say you have to keep fighting yourself as much as you can, and listen to those around you when they tell you how special you are.

For the other all i can say (because swearing is frowned on on here) is rubbish. You deserve to be exactly where you are (with Michael and of course us on GA), and deserve every good thing that life can give you.

 

As always well written, thought provoking, and hard hitting

 

Yes, Cazzie .. You're right. Thank you thank you for your support xoxxo

On 10/03/2016 12:27 PM, Parker Owens said:

Self doubt and self loathing are cancers, corrosive to the soul. As a fellow sufferer, I can attest to the hurt and ache your words recall to my mind. Your words have a power in them. You tell me about these things far too well. Do not believe that voice that tears you down; it lies, and lies damnably.

I try not to believe ... thank you Parker. hugs xoxox

On 10/03/2016 12:55 PM, Defiance19 said:

Believe us tim, until you can believe yourself and know we believe in you and your talent and who you are as a person. This is why you will always belong. YOU, are amazeballs...

Thank you Def ... funny thing is .. I know you tell me the truth, like I tell you the truth ... but at that time.. i believe nothing and no one.. thanks Def for all of the support xoxo

On 10/03/2016 01:12 PM, Lux Apollo said:

God this one hit home so hard. Imposter syndrome is crushing. It's so hard to trust the words of others when those negative internal voices are so overwhelming. It eats away at you, and the 'medicine' to fix it is difficult to swallow because it is literally the antibody of the root problem, disbelief and shit self-confidence, and is therefore almost intractable...

 

Strong hugs, Tim.

Thanks lux .. i needed them.. xox

On 10/03/2016 01:19 PM, mollyhousemouse said:

Well, I can't "like" it. But I can understand it and appreciate it.

You have a gift, my friend. The gift of putting words to emotions and feelings that are usually the very things that leave us speechless.

Life is not always pretty, nor easy. But it's been said that you can't appreciate the light/beauty without the dark/ugly.

Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

molly, this, and your status update, really hit home. And each time we talk, you help me. Thank you for caring and for your support xoxo

On 10/03/2016 01:20 PM, Headstall said:

I understand you, tim. I feel a lot of the same things... but, you know how I feel about you, and the powerful voice you have. You are an amazing talent, so scoff at those dissenting voices. I'm not going to tell you that you have achieved greatness, but I will tell you it is in the realm of possibility. You are already on your way... it takes a lot of work, but all we can do is strive to improve and refine whatever talent we have... if it was easy, it wouldn't be as fulfilling, and if you didn't have doubts you/we wouldn't be human. I have complete faith in you... I hope you can get to that same point, because I always want to hear what you have to say... much love and much respect, timmy, my dear friend, fellow poet and writer... Gary

Thanks Gary. I am not remotely great, i know that and i'm not afraid of work. And i know you get it ... but i have to find a better way of dealing ... thanks for everything .. i can feel your support and i'm grateful. mucho hugz xoxo

On 10/03/2016 08:52 PM, Bucket1 said:

I found this in my wanderings...

Dear tim, your writing is crap, you don't connect to your audience, there is no clarity of thought, no spark of emotion, your writing is pure rubbish. Lots of love, from yourself, tim

 

Then I found this

Dear tim, like most authors you are an overly harsh, unfair and biased critic. Stop doing it and stick to writing (which you are good at). From a much better, objective and fair critic, B

 

Maybe there is a good reason that authors can't review their own work

 

And if you don't want to listen to me, maybe some words from Ira Glass...

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”

― Ira Glass

 

A prettier version is found here - http://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/59/72/296001136-tumblr_lkjr6l5QNy1qbpge6o1_1280.jpg

B .. i understand this, and the ira glass quote is perfect, i love it.. but i cant say the first sentence didnt hurt.. but i get it my friend.. thanks for caring i do appreciate it xoxxox

On 10/04/2016 12:47 AM, dughlas said:

Oh little brother, ye of little faith in yourself and your works ... listen not to the small mean voice that whispers insidiously, rather hear what others around you say. Take stock of the value given to your place amongst us and your friendship, your work. That is your worth. There are many voices that dispute what that other voices is saying, heed them and not the darker murmurings. Now, please, get on with being tim. The man who brings forth in his words life from depths others do not ken.

Namaste.

i try .. i will continue to fight it.. thanks dugh.. love you xoxo

On 10/04/2016 12:50 AM, northie said:

tim, we are all pretenders to some extent and in many different ways.

 

The grouping of self-doubters and self-naysayers is large and extensive. The 'cancer' will never go away entirely but it can be reduced and even occasionally ignored. Does it reoccur? Of course - sometimes quite badly but limited remission is possible and does happen.

 

The experience of a fellow sufferer ...

thanks northie .. appreciate you not saying .. it'll be okay forever .. i know its a constant fight.. thank you very much for your support.. it means a lot xoxo

On 10/04/2016 02:08 AM, LitLover said:

Self-doubt is an insidious thing. It can creep into the recesses of your mind and set up camp there. I know, because I have the little voice inside of me that tells me I'm not good enough and what I write doesn't compare to the wonderful work I see other people put out. Just remember that no one is a harsher critic than ourselves, and we don't tend to be nice or constructive in our criticism of our own work. You are much better than that little voice will lead you to believe. Have faith in that.

Thank you Lit. I know you're right .. it's recognizing that it's happening and finding a way to stop it... appreciate the love and support xoxo