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    Mikiesboy
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Musings of a Messed Up Mind - 27. Can I Forgive?

My father is ill. The authorities are sending him to a hospital for treatment. My brother wants me to go and see him, he's upset I said no.

Can I Forgive?

 

It’s surely one of Loki’s tricks

The Gods giggle behind their hands

Fate could not have planned it better—

The phone call I got today

 

Dear old dad will be getting out

He’s coming home they’ve said

Not to me, that bastard’s not

He deserves to rot in hell

 

But he’s ill they are telling me

Oh, woe is me, that’s a shame

I’ve no pity for him left inside

But … he is my father.

 

Are you nuts? I ask myself

Why do you give a damn?

I don’t know, can’t answer that

Though I know I hate that man

 

Yet, he is my father, isn’t he?

That runs around my head

After all he did and will likely do

If I choose to let him in

 

But I don’t want to have regrets

It’s a fifty fifty crap shoot, right?

I’m damned if I do and if I don’t

But what is best for me?

 

They tell me he’ll be in hospital

I guess he’s pretty ill

Well then I don’t need to decide

Unless I hear from him

 

I spoke to my brother

He’s pretty mad with me

Because I choose not to forgive

The man who sentenced me

 

Don’t know if I can be that kind

Not sure how I would feel

Will it help me, if I lie?

Because a lie is what it would be

 

So what do I do? Give him the chance

To tell me he was wrong?

Would I believe him if he did?

Can that leopard change his spots?

Thanks for reading and for your reviews, if you choose to leave one.
Copyright © 2017 Mikiesboy; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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Hey tim
Only you can decide if forgiveness is the right thing to do. I don't generally believe that forgiving will make a person feel better or help him/her move on with life. I think we are stronger than that and don't need to forgive what is unforgivable to be happy.
As for him being your father? He is that. But, is he your dad? I recall the comment you made recently regarding Mike's parents. It was fierce and from the heart because it was about your mom and dad even if thy be not their names.
When all is said and done, do what you need to do to be happy. It's what you deserve. :hug:
As always, nicely done. :)

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

If it were me I'd choose to be damned for not going, I think I could live with it. The only thing that would change my mind is if he asked to see me. I'm sorry, but I can't see him asking.

 

A lot of people will probably disagree, but the 'blood is thicker than water' crap doesn't work for me. What works though is 'you reap what you sow.'

 

Think of yourself, whatever you decide make it your choice.

My response is in my poem, Honor Thy Father

 

To say anything different would be hypocritical of me. I understand your dilemma, but my leopard father never changed his spots... he was a cold-hearted bastard, and cancer didn't give him a free pass to forgiveness. Look inside yourself, my friend... the answer is there somewhere... just remember... you are the child... he owed you love and safety... if you forgive, do it for yourself... not him... you owe him nothing... if you can stomach it, it might be something you can do for your brother, but you don't owe him either... :hug: xoxoxo

On 11/20/2016 06:58 AM, Drew Espinosa said:

This is such a heavy question Tim. Honestly, I don't have the experience or wisdom to offer you any advice, fortunately, there are those that can, like everyone else here.

 

A :hug: and :kiss: for you Tim, for what must be a rough day.

Oh i'm sure your advice would be well considered, Drew! Nice to see you, hope you're doing well!!

 

hugs xo

On 11/20/2016 06:48 AM, Coastguard said:

IMHO you owe this man nothing, and your brother should know this. He was really just a sperm donor who never gave you the least bit of love, and doesn't deserve your forgiveness.

However...having gotten THAT off my chest...if you DO decide you want to do this it shows how big your heart is.

Whatever you decide is the right thing to do.

Hugs

:) Thanks. I've decided to wait until/if I hear from him. Not hoping to, I'm leaving the ball in his court.

 

Thanks .. hugs xoxox

On 11/20/2016 05:32 AM, BHopper2 said:

I had an estranged relationship with my dad, from years of family drama. When he was in Hospice, & dying from Cancer, all that went away. What I wouldn't give for another day with him.

Hugs to you, & Positive thoughts. :hug:

I'm glad you had the resolution you did. Mine was not just drama. Mine was years of hell living on the street, drugs, prostitution, thanks to that man. I can never justify or forgive him for that.

I wish you could have that extra day.

 

tim

On 11/20/2016 04:29 AM, Headstall said:

My response is in my poem, Honor Thy Father

 

To say anything different would be hypocritical of me. I understand your dilemma, but my leopard father never changed his spots... he was a cold-hearted bastard, and cancer didn't give him a free pass to forgiveness. Look inside yourself, my friend... the answer is there somewhere... just remember... you are the child... he owed you love and safety... if you forgive, do it for yourself... not him... you owe him nothing... if you can stomach it, it might be something you can do for your brother, but you don't owe him either... :hug: xoxoxo

Thanks Gary. It's up to him, if he calls, then I'll make a decsion. If he doesn't, then it's made.

 

thanks for your support xoxox

On 11/20/2016 04:29 AM, William King said:

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

If it were me I'd choose to be damned for not going, I think I could live with it. The only thing that would change my mind is if he asked to see me. I'm sorry, but I can't see him asking.

 

A lot of people will probably disagree, but the 'blood is thicker than water' crap doesn't work for me. What works though is 'you reap what you sow.'

 

Think of yourself, whatever you decide make it your choice.

No, I'm not one of those either. He told me what he thinks when he threw me out of the house and then again later when he assaulted me, in front of my husband and in-laws. If he calls, i'll decide.

thanks William, xo

On 11/20/2016 04:03 AM, Carlos Hazday said:

1810's a wise lady. You have to do what feels right to you and ignore what anyone else may want. Make a decision, stand by it, and in the long run what others think will prove irrelevant.

Thanks C. You're right Readers is a wise lady. I've decided to decide if he calls and asks. I cant see a reason to volunteer.

 

hugs xo

On 11/20/2016 03:54 AM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

Only you can decide if forgiveness is the right thing to do. I don't generally believe that forgiving will make a person feel better or help him/her move on with life. I think we are stronger than that and don't need to forgive what is unforgivable to be happy.

As for him being your father? He is that. But, is he your dad? I recall the comment you made recently regarding Mike's parents. It was fierce and from the heart because it was about your mom and dad even if thy be not their names.

When all is said and done, do what you need to do to be happy. It's what you deserve. :hug:

As always, nicely done. :)

I don't believe that either. That I need to forgive him to be happy .. or go on with my life, no i dont think so. It's my brother really that's upset me...but I dont see him jumping on the next plane to visit.

 

thanks Reader xoxox as always :)

On 11/20/2016 09:02 AM, Bucket1 said:

This is a tough call. I have some idea what I would do but it must be your call. You need to do what is right for you, what makes you comfortable. Big hugs for you. I am a bit confused about your brother, is he asking you to go in his place?

Joey lives in BC. He left as soon as he could get away from home. He's never been back to see daddy dearest. Not sure why I'm expected to.

 

Thanks B for the hugs ... xo I'm doing a whole lotta nothing about this right now.

On 11/20/2016 10:37 AM, Parker Owens said:

What answer can you give? Only you can decide that. Your brother did not live the life you had to, and the old tyrant who sent you to perdition, does he regret one word, one shove out the door? This comes through clearly. Gary spoke eloquently, too. Whatever you choose, know that there is a whole cloud of loving support behind you.

xo P

He's gonna have to do a lot of saying the right words before I'll go to his bedside. My mother-in-law wants to go ... I'd hate to be him if she does...

 

Thanks Parker.. knowing you all are out there.. well I know I'm very lucky.

 

tim xo


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