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Ask an Author 2.0 #14

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Carlos Hazday


Living in South Florida, the chances of a cold, snowy December are about as good as the chances of me not messing up commas in my writing. This time of year, my thoughts often turn to scaling the border wall and visiting our neighbors to the north. Oh, wait, never mind about that wall. Wrong direction.

Anyway, because I’m thinking of snow, our Canadian members come to mind. The current issue of Ask an Author features a few of our authors from the frozen north. For good measure, I’ve added several Europeans to the mix. I’ve never been to Scandinavia, but I heard they get a couple of inches of the fluffy white stuff over there too.

I have, however, visited Colorado and know what it’s like to fall on your ass and slide halfway down the side of a mountain. So, before we tackle the denizens of the higher latitudes, let’s visit with someone who can tell us all about living Rocky Mountain high.



What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? 


All three of these have elements that turn me on. Creative projects, vibrant, thoughtful, digging at the marrow of life; spiritual beliefs that we're all interwoven, connected in this life and meant to be here in this moment; courageous expression, benevolence, seeking truth, -finding worth in the mundane – all of these stimulate me. I could continue with intelligence, diligence, humor, loyalty, humility… but I won’t hog the blog with a laundry list of impetuses.


• • •

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? 

“You did a fine job whipping people into shape down there. Now let’s see what you can do up here!”


• • • • •



What natural gift would you most like to possess?


I’ve learned how to read people a lot better than I used to which helps me to weed out those who are detrimental to my well-being. Some people can do this naturally, but I’ve been too trusting in the past and easily fooled. I’m talking about life in general and not merely relationships. I’m tougher now, but it took a long time to learn. It may sound lame but to be a good judge of character is a very useful gift to have.



If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?


You’re late!


That’s assuming, of course, I make the cut in the first place. I’m hoping there’s an appeal process in which case, I may have to go all the way to the supreme court to squeeze in.


On a more serious note. Having seen the damage religion does to people; I tend to follow a more atheist doctrine nowadays, but everyone to their own.





If you were reincarnated as a plant or animal, what would you be? 


I'd be a large handsome Airedale, the King of Terriers. 


If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? 


You're forgiven, now forgive yourself.




I’m still mourning Santa... With the holiday season upon us, what is your present state of mind?


I`m jovial! Actually looking forward to this year’s Christmas. Since Santa has arisen from the dead, from what I can tell, I think everyone will enjoy the holiday season this year without worrying about me.



If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? 


Welcome to the Hotel California. Wouldn`t that be cool? Really, I thought it would be neat if you went in to theatre and watched your life on a big screen with a laugh track and other sound effects to make it look like a black and white silent Charlie Chaplin film.



What sound or noise do you love? 


Sound or noise? I would have to say the sounds of nature, and my horse's whinny would top the list. She's quite vocal, and we 'talk' every day. I also love listening to the conversations birds have from morning to evening, whether with each other or with me as I walk around the farm.


If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?


If heaven does exist, I would want to hear God say my mom was waiting for me in the gardens on the south lawns.



@Ivor Slipper

What quality do you like most in a person?


Kindness - especially to animals. 


• • •

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?


"Err, I think you misread the date on your invitation, you're not due for another fifty years." 


• • • • •


What is your most marked characteristic?


This is a tough question and I spent quite some time coming up with these few lines. I would prefer a friend tell me, but I’ll give it a try. I think I have to pick two traits: intuitive and analytical, if that is even a possible combination. To me, I see them as equally strong in myself.


Growing up I more or less disregarded my analytical side and was convinced I was an artsy, flaky person. With dreams of writing for a living, I guess it suited me to think so, even if it didn’t really add up. Then, only a few years ago, a friend told me “Intuition is just fast track logic” and that made so much sense. Suddenly, these two seemingly opposite traits could meld.


I need logic to make sense of the world around me, but I don’t have to spell everything out. Analyzing my gut feeling seems like a waste of time, and I prefer to rely on my intuition to guide me. Despite being prone to logical coldness, I have no problem reading and tuning into other people’s emotions. Sometimes I wish they would make more sense, though their weirdness does provide a lot of fodder for writing.


• • •

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?


Initial reaction would be ”Wow, this was a surprise!”. I’m not a religious person in that way. If there are any powers to the universe, they aren’t a bearded man at some impressive gate in the clouds. More some sort of energy-based entity. But that could be my trekkie side talking.


Even if I haven't believed in God while living, who would pass up an opportunity to meet the big guy? As for his judgement of me, I think I'm pretty safe. The mistakes I've made have been few and far between. And rather boring. The head honcho, on the other hand, has some explaining to do. Just look around you in the world today. I mean, what is going on? On darker days, I think it’s a rather cruel joke. When I’m in a positive mood, I view it as a learning experience. So hopefully, he'd say welcome and let me have at him with my lawyer style questioning. I can't imagine God shying away from some serious examination.


In the meanwhile, I doubt we’ll ever get an answer. But that’s good. If we had all the answers, what would be left for dreams and writing?


• • • •

@Timothy M.

Mouthwash aside, What is your favorite cuss word?


 Well, in Danish it would either be Pokkers! or Pis! The latter is easy to translate since the English word Piss is similar. Pokkers means Pox or ‘May the Pox get you’ in the original version ‘Gid Pokker må tage dig.’ I have to admit to using Fuck and Shit a lot, because they’re less offensive when speaking Danish than they’d be in UK or the USA. 


• • •

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? 


“Welcome to the Heavenly Library. All the books you could ever want to read may be found here. You have all of Eternity to enjoy them.”  


• • • • •

@Thorn Wilde

What is your dream of happiness?


 I guess my dream of happiness would be to live comfortably off my writing and my music. I have no need to be rich, I'd just like to be able to not worry about bills and rent, and have a bit left over for nice things for myself afterwards. I'd like to be able to go to concerts and spend time with my friends and be my own nerdy self. Basically, financial freedom, I suppose.


• • •

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? 


If heaven exists, I guess I'd like to hear, 'Welcome! Come greet your dad and your granddad, and all your cats who died.' It wouldn't be heaven without cats. I don't really believe in heaven or hell, but if there's an afterlife, I'd like to spend it with all the people I miss.


• • • • •

That’s it for this month. Hope you enjoyed the format the last two months. In January, we return to the traditional approach. In the meantime, Happy Hanukah, Festivus, Solstice, Christmas, Boxing Day, and New Year!


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I'm late in reading this, but it was worth the wait. Another wonderful edition. tim, you'd make an adorable Airedale :)

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