[Razor] When I Fall Asleep by Razor

[Krista]

Jamieeeeeeeeee!!

 

 

You've wrote a nice story with a lot of cute parts and comedy. I liked the ending and I do feel sorry for Aaron, but I also kind of feel sorry for Joey as well. Not because he was abandoned by Aaron or harrassed when he took the walk, but Aaron was his first for just about everything.. lol. Riding a bike, his first fort, the first person he came out to and maybe even the first person he liked. So he lost a lot when Aaron walked out on him.

 

 

Good story Jamie!

 

 

Krista

[Matthew]

Ahhh I over read that, and used other clues from the narritive to base my timeline. There usualy aren't orginized team sports in Middle Schools in California. Such cliques as Jocks and preps and the others usualy don't rise untill highschool.

 

Aarons actions during the fight scene while deplorable could have been alot worse, He could have been in the thick of it with the other little (insert appropriate descriptor here). I am in no way defending his actions or lack there of. Just stating that in the end he wasn't as worthless a person as made out. The occurance of fear and weight of doubt drive people to do stupid things. Aaron just fell victim to his own fears, and those fears ended up costing him more then he realized his was willing to part with. That is why I pity him and the place he ended up.

I can see the confusion on the time line, it's very subtly woven in. I wasn't distracted by those indicators as being homeschooled left me with little sense of when teams and cliques formed. And I see your point. It's just written so well that I felt really angry at Aaron for what he did.

 

But, to echo Conner:

 

I think I need to stop talking (and thinking) like this is "real".

Edited July 16, 2007 by Matthew

[PatrickOBrien]

Loved it, plain and simple. I've loved everything you've written, and in the absence of a new Rave Boy chapter, this is the best thing I could hope for. Hehe, I completely can't wait till you decide to tackle Rave Boy again, and when you do, know that you'll have a faithful fan supporting you.

 

^_~

 

PS...Just a question, but how come Somnambulists isn't on your short stories page?

[Razor]

You killed me. All of you contributed to my death. You see, what happened was all the blood rushed to my face because I was blushing so badly, and then my heart was all like "ZOMG! ~splode~".

 

Seriously, thank you all so much for the compliments. I'm SO happy you enjoyed it, makes me all smiley.

 

As for Aaron, well... as much as I want to say he's just a little bastard, my thing is that everyone does stupid shit at some point. It's a really abstract idea in my head, and there's probably a word for this at least in some language. In life, people have something they regret doing or not doing. Even so, they're not always (and not never...) bad people. We all mess up, and the thing that makes us good or bad people is what we do in response. However........

 

That's just me. My opinion, my idea of what theme I wanted to project. What you got from the story is uniquely yours and I hope that however you took it, you enjoyed it or got something out of it. Even if what you got is "Jeez I hope I don't ever do anything that asshole-ish" or "Joey's cute as a little kid", that's great.

 

Also, Somnambulists isn't on my page because I just don't especially want to put it there, at least not yet. Anyway, I'm gonna shut up now. I've probably jinxed the thread and no one will ever post in it again, but maybe if I'm quiet now people will come back....

[Bondwriter]

I think the debate may go on, even after you've added your contribution. You won't shut us up this easily, no siree!

 

One thing I noticed in other heated debates is how much we judge the characters on facts and deeds. In a story (and it doesn't necessarily come across in my previous posts), what matters is how the writer will have you feel about the character. There are tons of stories written by a talented writer in which he makes the reader sympathize with a psycho killer, for instance. That doesn't mean the reader would not be appalled in real life by what the character did.

[Graeme]

I think the debate may go on, even after you've added your contribution. You won't shut us up this easily, no siree!

 

One thing I noticed in other heated debates is how much we judge the characters on facts and deeds. In a story (and it doesn't necessarily come across in my previous posts), what matters is how the writer will have you feel about the character. There are tons of stories written by a talented writer in which he makes the reader sympathize with a psycho killer, for instance. That doesn't mean the reader would not be appalled in real life by what the character did.

A very good point. We only "saw" Aaron, while we "felt" Joey. That gives us an immediate bias towards Joey.

 

There is no doubt that Aaron is not up there at the top of the Christmas card list. He made mistakes and was stupid. He failed Joey as a friend. I will concede all of those points. The original question in this debate was whether we felt pity for Aaron, not if we thought what he did was acceptable/excusable. I still feel pity for him, though only based on observation. We really haven't been given a glimpse into his mind to see what he really felt.

[CarlHoliday]

Jamie,

 

WOW! What a great story, again! Love your writing.

 

And, well, Aaron does get the shaft, but that's what happens with POV, we just didn't get into him until the last moment when he "saw the light" and knew he'd screwed up. Poor kid. And, I think he could've rectified the solution by going up to Joey and apologizing even though Jonathan was there. That might've solved a lot of problems, but he chose to walk away. Poor kid, but it does take a lot to admit you're an ass, especially when you're at that age when image is everything.

[NaperVic]

Wow, this was a great story!!! I really enjoyed it.

 

While I have little sympathy for Aaron, I do feel sorry for him. He betrayed and lost his best friend. Aaron abandoned Joey during his time of greatest need.

 

And now, Joey is the one living his life as he really is. Even though he pays consequences for it, at least Joey is who he is. Aaron lives in some type of closet (whether it's the gay closet), or just living up to the expectations of what a jock is supposed to be like.

 

Tis a pity.

 

Vic

 

P.S. - Love the 'Nuh uh!', 'Yeah Huh!' exchange

Edited July 16, 2007 by NaperVic

[Ieshwar]

I have seen the discussion about Aaron and I feel sorry for him. In the respect that he has lost the opportunity to prove his friendship or even love to Joey coz he was scared. But then, it's human to be afraid, isn't it? Who isn't afraid? Unfortunately, he had to pay a very high price for preserving his reputation at school. Sad, huh?

 

But, I feel much more Joey than for Aaron. When he looks at Aaron during the fight tells us how much he must have been hurt by this betrayal. They have been so close for such a long but then, it's over. Even sadder.

 

But a question: who outed Jory to everyone? Is he out? (He got a bf!) Or did Aaron out him? I fimd it kinda confusing.

 

This is a great story, Razor. I really liked it. Some scenes are just great, especially the sex ones! And, I think you can have a big head! You deserve it!

 

Ieshwar

[Conner]

...

But a question: who outed Joey to everyone? Is he out? (He got a bf!) Or did Aaron out him? I fimd it kinda confusing.

...

Ieshwar

 

That point is not clear in the story. It is a possibility that Aaron outed him. In any event, after Joey's friendship ended with Aaron, he became part of the not-so-popular crowd. That in itself could be the reason that Justin (the bully band leader) labelled him a 'fag'.

 

Conner

Edited July 16, 2007 by Conner

[Graeme]

But a question: who outed Jory to everyone? Is he out? (He got a bf!) Or did Aaron out him? I fimd it kinda confusing.

 

That point is not clear in the story. It is a possibility that Aaron outed him. In any event, after Joey's friendship ended with Aaron, he became part of the not-so-popular crowd. That in itself could be the reason that Justin (the bully band leader) labelled him a 'fag'.

From my reading of the story, I'm pretty sure that Aaron didn't out Joey. Indeed, my impression was the same as Conner's: that Justin was calling Joey a 'fag' as a generic insult and not because he knew/thought Joey was gay.

[Krista]

Hey,

 

 

Joey was the one that told Aaron he was gay, it was the only comfirmation from Joey. The other characters were just being "bullies."

 

 

Krista

[Razor]

Well... would you really want to know the exact details of exactly how everything went down in between the time skips? Maybe Joey got caught somehow... or maybe Aaron accidentally let his tongue slip... a million possibilities. Anyway, leaving it out means you can kind of believe what you want to believe until such time as you're proved wrong.

 

Theory... Aaron was having acceptance issues, maybe liked Joey a little but didn't know how to smooth the gap between his upbringing and beliefs and the status of his friend... then, in middle school, things got clique-ish as they often do, and eventually Joey ended up a target because he wasn't willing to play the game as much as the other kids. By high school, he'd turned into the gothic Joey we see in the universe this piece comes from. It makes sense to me a little that way, even though my brain hasn't exactly filled in the gaps either.

 

And really... I have a confession.... I totally ripped off this style of writing from several other authors. I've seen it time and time again, especially in short stories. They take out exactly what they want to to project a certain emotion/state of mind, and then show it to you with a bias while trying to conceal the bias and then you end up feeling what they want you to feel. The gaps are there to make you a little puzzled, and leave a little doubt about whether or not the right thing was done while you weren't watching. Ah, anyway, it's hard to explain and I don't pretend to have done it all on purpose. More like I was just pretty lucky that it turned out interesting even with all the gapped up-ness.

 

Thanks again, guys. I don't want to storm in here and be like "THIS IS HOW IT IS!" because that would completely ruin the story for both you guys and me. However... you know me. I'm opinionated as hell and I couldn't help but add in my own little theory of how things might've went down, even if it was really vage.

[Andy]

But.. but.. but..

 

You gotta tell us how it went down guv, you can't leave us hanging like this.

 

*pouts and flutters eyelashes*

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi all!

 

LOL, so I seem to be a little late to the party ( ), but oh my gosh! Jamie!! That totally rocked!

 

I mean like "WOW! Awesome story!"

 

I have to say that I really, really liked this story. I found the ending sad, but it just really seemed like such a great slice of life story that was so real to me. Great job.

Wow!

 

**whispers conspiratorially to Jamie**

 

You know he doesn't like anything!

 

I too came away feeling some pity for Aaron. Who indeed decided on a course of action after the ship had sailed. Yeah he was brash in his aloofishness. Who here of us hasnt? Who here of us would want to be judged by our weaknesses and not our strengths? Any condemnation of the character is a condemnation of ourselves... He turned the tide, he set out to make it right. Aaron was the one lost in the end, Joey had moved on and found someone who would be there for him even if he did lie and say everything was alright when he was mourning the loss of a friend. The story has alot of reality penned into it.

That's very well said, Steve!

 

That said, however, I have to say that I'm not at all "on Aaron's side". I think it's commendable that he eventually wanted to make things right. I also agree that no one's perfect, everyone makes mistakes, yada yada, but he does deserve a little punishment IMO.

 

I confess that when I'd first started reading the final scene I expected him to get to Joey's house and find his parents mourning his suicide or something, but I have to say I'm really impressed and pleased that you didn't do that because:

 

1) that woulda been kinda clich

[Jamie2]

What a great story Jamie! As a "preq" to RAVE BOY,it works beautifully. Goth boys like Joey don't just happen. There has to be some history that leads him to that point in his life. It makes one wonder what the outcome would have been if Aaron had responded to Joey's revelation in a more positive manner.

 

Keep up the good work Jamie.

 

Jim