Last Chance

[x Trevor x]

I just posted the first two chapters of my new story so I'm starting a thread for it lol enjoy!

 

Last Chance Chapters 1 & 2

[Conner]

Hey Trevor,

 

For me, this story, in terms of its plot and character development, tells me that you've made a giant leap forward in your writing skills. But not just that, I can see the effort, the 'intellectual sweat' that an author needs to go through to get the quality he wants.

 

Bravo!

 

Your description of Jamie when Matthew first saw him dancing in the club was delightful....and sexy too. I was disappointed when it finished. I really liked the porcelain doll metaphor that you used there as well. Metaphors are great. They convey a whole lot, often in only a few words. This one certainly did.

Again, your dialogue is excellent! I particularly enjoyed the exchanged between Jamie and Joe. That was so sweet. Of course, Matthew's and Jamie's conversation in the cafe and then on the street was superb.

 

There was one line in the first chapter that caused my brain to overload :wacko: Matthew was chasing Jamie...

 

He began running and it seemed the closer he came, the further away the figure got.

 

I know you were going for something there....I just couldn't figure out what.

 

Good on ya, young dude!

 

Conner

[x Trevor x]

Hey Trevor,

 

For me, this story, in terms of its plot and character development, tells me that you've made a giant leap forward in your writing skills. But not just that, I can see the effort, the 'intellectual sweat' that an author needs to go through to get the quality he wants.

 

Bravo!

 

Your description of Jamie when Matthew first saw him dancing in the club was delightful....and sexy too. I was disappointed when it finished. I really liked the porcelain doll metaphor that you used there as well. Metaphors are great. They convey a whole lot, often in only a few words. This one certainly did.

Again, your dialogue is excellent! I particularly enjoyed the exchanged between Jamie and Joe. That was so sweet. Of course, Matthew's and Jamie's conversation in the cafe and then on the street was superb.

 

There was one line in the first chapter that caused my brain to overload :wacko: Matthew was chasing Jamie...

 

 

 

I know you were going for something there....I just couldn't figure out what.

 

Good on ya, young dude!

 

Conner

 

About the line you were speaking of I guess I should have been more clear but it was simply a discription of Matthew's feelings rather then it actually happening. He felt that the closer he came it was just takeing longer to get there and I guess I should have been more clear about that.

 

I really appreciate the comments and I'm glad your enjoying the story! It's definetly something I've never done before so yeah theres that intellectual sweat to try and get it right lol

 

I love writing Jamie though again hes not the main character but hes my favorite just like Lizzie wasnt a main character in halloween but shes still my favorite! I did enjoy writing the conversations and dialogue aswell and as you can probably see Jamie has some anger there towards Matthew due to some things that happened in their past and he is having trouble letting go of it.

 

I liked the scenes I wrote between Joe and Jamie to and after writing chapters 3 and 4 well...I'll just say the readers might become Joe/Jamie fans rather then Jamie/Matthew fans but who knows!

 

Keep reading and dont forget Halloween! Bondwriter should be back tommorrow and I hope he has the two final chapters to that story.

[Bondwriter]

For me, this story, in terms of its plot and character development, tells me that you've made a giant leap forward in your writing skills. But not just that, I can see the effort, the 'intellectual sweat' that an author needs to go through to get the quality he wants.

 

Bravo!

I'm glad I wasn't the only one to notice this. This latest story is really a step forward. The Joe/ Matthew/ Jamie dynamics are really well-handled, and the general atmosphere is quite good. Looking forward to reading the rest.

[x Trevor x]

Thank you so much bondwriter! I appreciate the comments and my mind is buzzing with a really good idea for upcomming chapters just trying to figure out how to go about it. Chapter 3 should be posted by monday

[Conner]

Chapter 3 was super-sweet.

 

Except for the ending. I was hoping that right after their exchange over breakfast would be the words, "...and they lived happily ever after." The End.

 

Coke for breakfast??? Yuk!

 

I guess that I've watched too many tv cop shows. Don't you need 'reasonable grounds' to arrest someone? I know the story hasn't given us too many details as yet about the incident that took place 3 years ago, but....I'm just wondering.

 

Putting cuffs on Jamie, that must of been tough. *tears*

 

Conner

[x Trevor x]

Chapter 3 was super-sweet.

 

Except for the ending. I was hoping that right after their exchange over breakfast would be the words, "...and they lived happily ever after." The End.

 

Coke for breakfast??? Yuk!

 

I guess that I've watched too many tv cop shows. Don't you need 'reasonable grounds' to arrest someone? I know the story hasn't given us too many details as yet about the incident that took place 3 years ago, but....I'm just wondering.

 

Putting cuffs on Jamie, that must of been tough. *tears*

 

Conner

 

Thank you and yeah I always drink soda with breakfast lol The breakfast was a nice and sweet thing to write and I enjoyed it. Yeah it would have been a good place to write happily ever after but it would have been to short then. As for arresting Jamie well I dont know to much about cops but Jack wants Jamie held in custody until hes questioned

[wildone]

Hey Trevor,

 

Matthew turned around and once his eyes landed on Jamie's beautiful face and his eyes connected with those beautiful sea-blue eyes of Jamie's he would smile. Both boys moved close to each other and came to meet in front of the kitchen window. The morning sun glaring into the window was cut off from the room as their faces connected in a deep and loving kiss. The sunlight causing their faces to have an angelic like glow as they continued to kiss and so many deep emotions ran through both of the boys. Matthew felt happy again and relieved that his life had taken on such a good change. Jamie felt loved and safe from harm and most of all warm. He remembered all those cold snowy nights out on the streets and just wishing he had someone's warm arms to hold him. Joe did his best but Jamie just didn't love him. The boys after what seemed like an eternity of kissing would break apart and they smiled as they stared deeply into each other's eyes.

 

What a beautiful, descriptive, loving image that paragraph left me with .

 

I too was impressed with the first two chapters, and was waiting to see what Chapter 3 would bring. It too was great.

 

Coke for breakfast??? Yuk!

 

Conner

 

What is this Conner??? Don't tell me you have bought into the whole coffee establishment that you need a cup of that everyday! I too am a avid Coke (Diet) drinker first thing in the morning. I don't really want to think how my day would go without it. So, Trevor, don't let Conner influence the boys to start drinking coffee (yuck) in the morning.

 

Back to the story, it was kinda disappointed on how quick it went from the loving breakfast to the arrest being made. I can see why Jamie would be confused and upset. It seemed like Matthew didn't really put up much of a fight with Jack over the arrest, he just seemed to be resigned to the fact he had to do it or be fired. Maybe Matthew needs to examine how much he really loves Jamie if he can do that this quickly.

 

I will definitely be looking forward to more chapters!!

 

Steve

[x Trevor x]

Hey Trevor,

 

 

 

What a beautiful, descriptive, loving image that paragraph left me with .

 

I too was impressed with the first two chapters, and was waiting to see what Chapter 3 would bring. It too was great.

 

 

 

What is this Conner??? Don't tell me you have bought into the whole coffee establishment that you need a cup of that everyday! I too am a avid Coke (Diet) drinker first thing in the morning. I don't really want to think how my day would go without it. So, Trevor, don't let Conner influence the boys to start drinking coffee (yuck) in the morning.

 

Back to the story, it was kinda disappointed on how quick it went from the loving breakfast to the arrest being made. I can see why Jamie would be confused and upset. It seemed like Matthew didn't really put up much of a fight with Jack over the arrest, he just seemed to be resigned to the fact he had to do it or be fired. Maybe Matthew needs to examine how much he really loves Jamie if he can do that this quickly.

 

I will definitely be looking forward to more chapters!!

 

Steve

 

Thanks for the compliments! I thought the kissing scene was very beautiful myself and I'm glad you think so aswell. Yeah it's kind of a bummer that Matthew arrested Jamie but he's still very insecure about alot of things right now and I dont know if thats a good excuse for him but hes basically just confused as he was put up to doing something by Jack and really didnt have time to think about it. Also my stories always have drama and suspense in them otherwise it wouldnt be to interesting in my oppinion. I should have chapter 4 up on tuesday.

[Ieshwar]

Hi Trevor,

 

Sorry that I didn

[x Trevor x]

Hi Trevor,

 

Sorry that I didn't drop in earlier but I have finally caught up and read all the three chapter.

 

First, your writing skill has improved. I have noticed a difference. Glad to note that! J

 

The story plot is great. So you're going for romance and detective stories, huh? Jamie is a great character and I think that you've done justice to him. He's really mysterious and I feel that he'll definitely surprise us in the future. And it's a nice difference from the usual six feet stud with huge muscles.

 

But about Matthew

[x Trevor x]

Oh and btw as promised Last Chance Chapter 4 has been posted!

[Bondwriter]

Chapter 4 is very intense. I hope no one fainted reading it. How can Jamie overcome this trial and manage to get something going with Matthew? Or, rather, how can Matthew manage to regain Jamie's trust. Some more issues. It's quite realistic, and not overly graphic, but rough for the reader.

[x Trevor x]

Yeah it's a bit intense I tried to be as brief with it as possible and covered most of it with scenes of Matthew but dont worry people you know how my stories go what follows tragedy is recovery!

[Conner]

I found this chapter to be anything but realistic. That a police officer would brutally beat and rape a prisoner, then incite a gang rape by the other prisoners within a police station strikes me as totally off the wall.

[phrere]

hey, i was just wondering why the archive says that this story does not exist in the archive???

[x Trevor x]

The story has been taken off because I have decided that I dont want to work on it any longer. I apologize to those who wanted to continue reading but I have taken it off due to personal issues

[phrere]

oh ok, thanks for the reply.

[Bondwriter]

Phew, glad Chapter 5 clears up the mess. The Joe/ Jamie VS. Matthew/ Jamie plot lets us know more about the characters. Maybe Matthew will have to get into his job rather than picking up the pieces of a past relationship!

[Conner]

I'm sure I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Joe's a sweetheart. It strikes me that he is exactly what Jamie needs right now. There's nothing better than unconditional love.

 

As for Matthew, he definitely needs to do some serious soul searching. Hopefully without the sleeping pills. Matthew seems cursed to me. He knows what the right thing to do is, but his own stuff keeps getting in the way. It's going to be a long road back for him too.

 

I'm wondering if we'll hear more about this meditative dancing that Jamie's into. I'm not familiar with it and it piqued my interest.

 

I'm also hoping Jamie gets a lawyer and sues the city's ass off.

 

Nice chapter, Trevor.

 

Conner

[x Trevor x]

Thanks bondwriter for the comments and you to conner!

 

 

The meditative dancing thing was sort of my idea. The scene in chapter one with the dancing was actually a dream that I decided to turn into a story so I dont think it's ever been done before but who knows?

 

Anyway thanks guys and I should have chapter six out soon!

[Lugh]

hey Trevor,

 

I was reading this story tonight and I have one question...

 

do you have an editor?

 

please pm or email me for more details.

 

happy writing,

 

Lugh

[x Trevor x]

Just wanted to let you all know Last Chance Chapter 6 is posted!

[Conner]

Joe and Adam, a bleached blonde, in jumpsuits and you didn't describe them??? I know that time was short and the situation a wee bit stressful, but golly geez! I so love descriptions!

 

An inside bank job, that's always interesting. Adam or Paige? Or both? Anyway, Joe has friends in the right places. The police will have to realize that it was an inside job. Interesting.

 

I believe it's rather ironic that it's Jack who gets Matthew off his dumb ass. I think Jack's the real reason that Matthew quit for ordering him to arrest Jamie.

 

Actually, if I were Jack, I'd be glad that Jamie had disappeared. That way, Jamie's not around to sue his and the city's ass off.....but I'm sleezy like that. I wouldn't want to be the one living in a tent behind some dumpster.

 

I really have to hand it to Joe. Now here's a man of action. Somewhat misdirected action, but what the hell, he's putting his freedom on the line for the man he loves. It's hard to fault a dude for that.

 

So we're heading to Miami. I hope we get to spend some time on the beach!

 

Conner

[x Trevor x]

Lol thanks for the comments! I tried to be brief with the bank robbery cause I didnt want the readers to know who did it until a few paragraphs later lmao sort of a short time cliff hanger I guess lol

 

Matthew decides to get his sh*t together because...well when he realized Jamie was moving on in life while he wasnt he didnt want to lose him so thats the reason for that lol plus Jack cant just let Jamie dissappear hes a suspect and Jack has to uphold his job even if he does get sued lol

 

I love writing about Joe and Jamie though its very fun and I thought it would be a little interesting to make Matthew whos really the main character appear to be the bad guy for a while and have the romance set on Jamie the other main character and Joe one of the side characters so it's just something I decided to play with and I guess its working out good!

 

Thanks again! ((Hugs))