C James Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Today is Tuesday! And in other, less interesting news, Chapter 7: Lump's Return. is up. Thanks Joe! CJ
Benji Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Today is Tuesday! And in other, less interesting news, Chapter 7: Lump's Return. is up. Thanks Joe! CJ ........Great CJ!! Still no kiss, huh? At least they put their arms around each others shoulders! Looks like Lump is going to make trouble, wonder still if Gabe, Lump & "dear ole Dad" are a team intent of skimming off the band or more. Helen has her fur up, but hasn't taken a swing yet.
C James Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 ........Great CJ!! Still no kiss, huh? At least they put their arms around each others shoulders! Looks like Lump is going to make trouble, wonder still if Gabe, Lump & "dear ole Dad" are a team intent of skimming off the band or more. Helen has her fur up, but hasn't taken a swing yet. Thanks Benji! I can't comment on the future, but thanks!! BTW, to let everyone know: I goofed on the chapter page: It says "Chapter 6: Lump's Return". I use a template to prepare the HTML chapter page, and pase in the chapter text. Then I edit the title, but I forgot to change the 6 to a 7. This will be fixed when the next chapter goes up. (I'll send an amended Ch 7)
metoo44 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Today is Tuesday! And in other, less interesting news, Chapter 7: Lump's Return. is up. Thanks Joe! CJ I am finding this story to be a great peice of writing and wish I didn't have to wait for each new chapter. Keep up the great writing. And thanks loads
Conner Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Brandon is just too good to be true. Let me see, he's totally sweet, good natured, fun loving, sexy, humble to a fault, optimistic, insightful, street wise, grateful for what he has, a true romantic, giving, unassuming, always eager to please, and totally talented. You'd think someone would have kissed him by now. I would have. So I'm pleased Chase got to tell Lump he was canned. That was a great scene. Frankly, the side story is driving me to distraction. I know it will come together at some point. It's just all so unfocussed right now. Geez, CJ, the body count kinda took off in that chapter. I suppose it serves the plot, but.... There'll be no silliness from me all week. Conner
Site Administrator wildone Posted September 5, 2007 Site Administrator Posted September 5, 2007 (edited) What a great chapter !! I agree with everything you said Conner, except about the side story. I actually found by having two cut outs to other locals, it kinda had that Tom Clancy feel that someone mentioned before. It seems like two different stories are going on simultaneously now. Keep it up CJ, as that was probably the only thing that I could have critiqued before now. Now, , I couldn't help but laugh at this little part: This will work to my advantage; getting them to sit still for a trim is always a chore, so having you all sheared at once will be convenient. Edited September 5, 2007 by wildone
EMoe57 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 I have to believe that your fears of being "sheared" in real life may have influenced that line. Okay, enough silliness . A question for the whatever we call ourselves: Is Brandon real? Is he 'too good to be true' as Conner posited? It made me think a little more in-depth about his character. There are some flaws there but he does come off a little on the Dudley-Doo-Right side on the scale... Your thoughts?
Ieshwar Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Just a small note. I haven't yet read the story. It's just that at the top of the story it's written. "Chapter 6 Lump's Return" Isn't that chapter 7? Just look at it... Ieshwar Sorry- I see you have noticed it!
Ieshwar Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Hi CJ, That was a great chapter! I liked it. There was some scenes where I went all 'Aww'. Like when he decides to sell his song for one dollar. But I'm glad of one thing- One of them stinks! Wow, you mean Brandon is human. I would like to see a few flaws. I know he sufeers from low esteem. And he's blond! Helen seems to be such a superficial lesbian! I love superficial lesbian! But Believe is the new song, right? Then, why Helen wants Brandon to sing it in Lumps's voice? And Gunter, where did you get this name? What's its origin? Ieshwar
Bob D. Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 A question for the whatever we call ourselves: Is Brandon real? Is he 'too good to be true' as Conner posited? It made me think a little more in-depth about his character. There are some flaws there but he does come off a little on the Dudley-Doo-Right side on the scale... Your thoughts? The big thing is that Brandon is naive, and that shows through... which means the Phoenix concert (with a young bi-author who lives down the street from the local gay-cowboy bar in the front row drooling) will be a huge wake up call... I would even forsee Brandon losing his lunch just before going on stage, and the guys pulling a "technical difficulty" to buy him some time. I could even forsee Brandon coming out in the coat and a hat to 'masquerade' as Lump, hiding under the lights for the first song then tossing it aside to show is bare chest when they transition into the second song... /drool Bob
Conner Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 The big thing is that Brandon is naive, and that shows through... which means the Phoenix concert (with a young bi-author who lives down the street from the local gay-cowboy bar in the front row drooling) will be a huge wake up call... I would even forsee Brandon losing his lunch just before going on stage, and the guys pulling a "technical difficulty" to buy him some time. I could even forsee Brandon coming out in the coat and a hat to 'masquerade' as Lump, hiding under the lights for the first song then tossing it aside to show is bare chest when they transition into the second song... /drool Bob I feel ya, baby! Conner
Conner Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Helen seems to be such a superficial lesbian! I love superficial lesbian! Ieshwar That was hilarious, Ieshwar. You are so funny! If I ever get to meet you, I'm just going to squeeze the stuffing out of you! Conner
jfalkon Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Great chapter! Brandon seems a little too perfect though but then again many people seem perfect until you get to know them. I would like to see him loose his cool at some point. Maybe he could have some little phobia. By the way, did anyone notice the airline adds that atached themselves to the bottom of the page?
Mizu Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 (edited) look like its not just me who think that Brandon is a little too good to be true. You would think being on the poor side of society, he would value money slightly more, and at least go for something more realistic. I know selling his songs for a dollar is a nice gesture, but it doesn't seem to fit in with his background very much. After being so concern about money, trying to make every dollar stretch as far as he can, he suddenly doesn't seem to care about money. This isn't even something the other guys are "doing" for him... He spent a lot of time and effort writing those songs... Edited September 5, 2007 by Mizu
Ieshwar Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 You would think being on the poor side of society, he would value money slightly more,... In my opinion, he does value money a lot. You see, a poor person does think a lot before spending. You rememeber when he had to pay for the pizza and things... But Brandon is very self-respecting, I believe. That's why he wanted to pay for his own clothes. Frankly, I won't feel good in any clothes if they've been given in 'pity'. And that 'one dollar' thing tell us how much he loves them! That was hilarious, Ieshwar. You are so funny! If I ever get to meet you, I'm just going to squeeze the stuffing out of you! Then, you're going to be really disppointed. I'm not so funny in real life. Utter boring! And I hope we do meet. Just warn me. I'll keep my stuffing at home! Ieshwar
Bondwriter Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 By the way, did anyone notice the airline adds that atached themselves to the bottom of the page? Yes, Google Ads are hilarious at moments, sometimes advertising the opposite of what the story is about. Great chapter! Brandon seems a little too perfect though but then again many people seem perfect until you get to know them. I would like to see him loose his cool at some point. Maybe he could have some little phobia. look like its not just me who think that Brandon is a little too good to be true. You would think being on the poor side of society, he would value money slightly more, and at least go for something more realistic. I know selling his songs for a dollar is a nice gesture, but it doesn't seem to fit in with his background very much. After being so concern about money, trying to make every dollar stretch as far as he can, he suddenly doesn't seem to care about money. This isn't even something the other guys are "doing" for him... He spent a lot of time and effort writing those songs... Is he more perfect than Chris was? We might learn about some flaws later on, but in a thriller, the hero is always perfect. I'm actually thinking of heroines, like in Mary Higgins Clark's novel, in which the lead characters are always perfect twentysomethings, with a brilliant career and amazing looks. So I don't find this too shocking. As for the money issue, I think he makes a point of saying he's gotten some already. Helen is wise in settling matters fast, since six months later, it could become a different issue. By contrast, the villains are downright evil and ruthless. Who thinks Dimitri will get wiped off by the Scar before the end of the story?
bizzymom38 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Great chapter! Brandon seems a little too perfect though but then again many people seem perfect until you get to know them. I would like to see him loose his cool at some point. Maybe he could have some little phobia. By the way, did anyone notice the airline adds that atached themselves to the bottom of the page? Hello, another great chapter, but.......... I don't necessarily think that it's he's so perfect, but out of his element......... he has no clue how to act, or what to do, whereas the other guys are steeped in this environment so they are more comfortable.....and yes, I'm sure the boy has foibles and fobias........ hehehe hugs and blessings Susan
Benji Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Hello, another great chapter, but.......... I don't necessarily think that it's he's so perfect, but out of his element......... he has no clue how to act, or what to do, whereas the other guys are steeped in this environment so they are more comfortable.....and yes, I'm sure the boy has foibles and fobias........ hehehehugs and blessings Susan .........Sure he's a talented newbie with stage fright jitters, I'm sure he will supercede the bands expectations.
EMoe57 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Didn't we find in an early chapter that Brandon was afraid of heights? The hot tub/balcony scene?
Bob D. Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Brandon is just too good to be true. Let me see, he's totally sweet, good natured, fun loving, sexy, humble to a fault, optimistic, insightful, street wise, grateful for what he has, a true romantic, giving, unassuming, always eager to please, and totally talented. You'd think someone would have kissed him by now. I would have. So I'm pleased Chase got to tell Lump he was canned. That was a great scene. Frankly, the side story is driving me to distraction. I know it will come together at some point. It's just all so unfocussed right now. Geez, CJ, the body count kinda took off in that chapter. I suppose it serves the plot, but.... There'll be no silliness from me all week. Conner You know what would have been even more sickingly sweet? When Lump tried to out the 'fudge-packer,' Brandon should have leaned over and planted that all welcoming kiss on Chris' face and said, "Whoa cooool!!!" or leaned over towards Lump and taken a slightly immature approach... "Takes one to know one..." that could have been any of the brothers really... Bob PS. When Chris and Brandon get married... and being that this is a story, it can/should/will (upon pain of further tar and feathering if it doesn't) will Chris take Brandon's new name or will Brandon take the brothers' name as one of the family?
Benji Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 You know what would have been even more sickingly sweet? When Lump tried to out the 'fudge-packer,' Brandon should have leaned over and planted that all welcoming kiss on Chris' face and said, "Whoa cooool!!!" or leaned over towards Lump and taken a slightly immature approach... "Takes one to know one..." that could have been any of the brothers really... Bob PS. When Chris and Brandon get married... and being that this is a story, it can/should/will (upon pain of further tar and feathering if it doesn't) will Chris take Brandon's new name or will Brandon take the brothers' name as one of the family? :wacko: .....You mean Chase? Right?
Bondwriter Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 You know what would have been even more sickingly sweet? When Lump tried to out the 'fudge-packer,' Brandon should have leaned over and planted that all welcoming kiss on Chris' face and said, "Whoa cooool!!!" or leaned over towards Lump and taken a slightly immature approach... "Takes one to know one..." that could have been any of the brothers really... Agreed. When I read it, I expected Brandon to make some sort of remark. But Lump will be back to get ridiculed. Believe me, you've all seen how accurate my predictions were. PS. When Chris and Brandon get married... and being that this is a story, it can/should/will (upon pain of further tar and feathering if it doesn't) will Chris take Brandon's new name or will Brandon take the brothers' name as one of the family? Chris? What's going on? Another sign that weird things happen in Arizona (where they have gay-cowboy bars, mind you!) Readers mix the characters of the stories, or maybe they don't read exactly the same story we, normal people from the rest of the world do.
Site Administrator Graeme Posted September 5, 2007 Site Administrator Posted September 5, 2007 I am finding this story to be a great peice of writing and wish I didn't have to wait for each new chapter. Keep up the great writing. And thanks loads Welcome, metoo44! Yes, I think we all agree with what you have to say. I'm still working on the time machine so we won't have to wait, but I've hit a technical snag.... There'll be no silliness from me all week. I think I'll wait until the end of the week before I comment.... And Gunter, where did you get this name? What's its origin? I believe it's a fairly old and standard German name Is Brandon real? Is he 'too good to be true' as Conner posited? It made me think a little more in-depth about his character. There are some flaws there but he does come off a little on the Dudley-Doo-Right side on the scale... Your thoughts? There was some scenes where I went all 'Aww'. Like when he decides to sell his song for one dollar. But I'm glad of one thing- One of them stinks! Wow, you mean Brandon is human. I would like to see a few flaws. I know he sufeers from low esteem. And he's blond! look like its not just me who think that Brandon is a little too good to be true. You would think being on the poor side of society, he would value money slightly more, and at least go for something more realistic. I know selling his songs for a dollar is a nice gesture, but it doesn't seem to fit in with his background very much. After being so concern about money, trying to make every dollar stretch as far as he can, he suddenly doesn't seem to care about money. This isn't even something the other guys are "doing" for him... He spent a lot of time and effort writing those songs... I have to side on the "too good to be believed" side when I read that not only did Brandon write lyrics (believable) but also the instrumental parts. I can appreciate that someone who loves music (if he's a good singer, he'll almost certainly love music) wanting to try their hand at songwriting, but to be able to write instrumentals WITHOUT ACCESS TO AN INSTRUMENT (he did it in that rundown hotel) is bordering on musical genius. The saving grace if is the instrumental part is very basic and needs to be reworked by a professional. Most of the stuff so far I don't have a problem with. There are nice guys out there who believe in trying to do the right thing. That don't have their world centered on themselves. Brandon is one of those people. He feels gratitude for being given the chance he's got so repaying Instinct by selling the songs for $1 is well within character. He has that extra money he's been given, so he doesn't have the incentive to ask for more -- and if he had, I would've expected him to be asking for $100 or similar amount. He has no real concept of how much something like that is worth. By contrast, the villains are downright evil and ruthless. Who thinks Dimitri will get wiped off by the Scar before the end of the story? I don't. If I'm right about what The Scar wants to do, he won't care about Dimitri because he'll have achieved his goals and security will no longer be an issue. The problem with the sellers was that they might have told someone about what they'd sold before the goals have been achieved. Dimitri is a professional and the potential difficulty in trying to eliminate him outweighs the security benefits in doing so.
Site Moderator TalonRider Posted September 5, 2007 Site Moderator Posted September 5, 2007 Granted, it could cause problems later on, but I think it would have been hilarious if Chase would have grabbed Brandon and planted a big wet, sloppy kiss on him in front of Lump. I think that would have shocked everyone. Great chapter CJ. Jan
EMoe57 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 eight. Eight! EIGHT!!! oh wait, I haven't returned it yet!
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