How GA led to love

[AFriendlyFace]

Interestingly in both cases my best friend and other friend learned in part because they were dating a deaf guy (and in part because they were just interested - which probably lead to the dating of the deaf guy in the first place).

[GaryK]

Maybe it's just me, but I think ASL is an extremely romantic language! A couple of my good friends are fluent (including my best friend) and watching them do ASL is just like the sweetest thing!

How difficult is it to become reasonably fluent in ASL? I've never been good at learning foreign languages. But ASL seems more like a symbolic-based language, and if that's actually true then I think my background in software development and MIS in general would be a huge advantage.

[rknapp]

That was a wonderfully emotional story Robbie. I wish you and John all the love and happiness the world has to offer.

 

You know what touched me the most? Your desire to learn ASL. To me that shows a deep level of commitment to making your relationship work. Communication is key to a successful relationship and by knowing ASL you'll be able to communicate with John regardless of where you are. I know he'll be patient with you as you learn. And one of the best ways to learn is to have someone to practice with while talking about everyday stuff.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to learn Spanish, and I took a little more than three years of it! However, for me, there is a big difference between learning Spanish and learning ASL. I chose to learn (and I use the term loosely, lol) Spanish because my middle school gave us a choice of French or Spanish. I didn't care, so I went with Spanish. When I got to high school we could take whatever we want, but we had to take two years of it. I stuck with Spanish because I knew the basics already. But here's the kicker -- I didn't care about it at all.

 

ASL on the other hand is totally different. I have a real desire to learn it so that John and I can have an easier time talking to each other whenever we are physically together, and so that is what is driving me to do it.

 

Yes Gary, I told him why not buy a book in sign language when he told me that he can communicate with pen/paper or his cellphone. I know I just kidding but I don't realize that he did! It makes my heart leap to joy that he willing to try to communicate and yes, I will be patient with him as he learns more. He learned the alphabet now, lol...

I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

 

Wow, Robbie! Did you want to make me cry? 'Cause you totally did!

 

I like to cry though, so it's all good

 

 

 

This is so wonderful, I'm so very happy for you both

 

 

 

Awww

 

That is awesome! I so need to practice my own ASL, I do still know my alphabet and a few simple phrases, but I haven't learned anything new in awhile

 

I'm very happy and excited for you both!

 

 

Congrats again!!!

 

-Kevin

Thanks, Kevin! Wow I didn't realize that it was that powerful!

 

It seems like Robbie is off to a good start. I hope the first words he learns to sign are, I Love You.

............. GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Seriously that was going to be the first thing I looked up.

 

How difficult is it to become reasonably fluent in ASL? I've never been good at learning foreign languages. But ASL seems more like a symbolic-based language, and if that's actually true then I think my background in software development and MIS in general would be a huge advantage.

From what I can tell, everyone practices ASL grammar every day, whether they know it or not. Your facial expressions tell the other person the meaning of what you're saying, be it serious, happy, angry, excited, mellow, questioning, surprise, appreciative, etc. Tenses are body position, where signing while leaning back means past tense, signing normally means present, and signing while leaning forward is (can you guess?) future tense. If you can learn the basic phrases, the alphabet, and numbers, as well as understand the etiquette that is involved, then ASL should not be difficult. As with anything else, practice makes perfect!

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you guys for all of your comments! However, there is one other thing that is on my mind now, and I already discussed this with John. A few years ago I made myself a deal -- so long as I was single or still in school, then there was no need whatsoever to come out to the straight world. The former is now invalid, and now I'm thinking about doing it... but slowly. The first person I've decided will be my sister the next time I see her and we're alone. I honestly think she would take it well, and if/when she does I can ask her how she thinks our parents might react. There is really no need to tell my friends at Stockton College since I'll rarely see them, but I won't have a problem with doing so since I'm sure the girls already suspect it and will go wild when John and I change our "Facebook relationship status" to "In a relationship". We're leaving names out for now -- at least until I feel suitably "out". Any Rutgers group that I develop, however, is still up in the air. They'll be largely Engineering major.. I know one of them already and he was a real dick to his girlfriend, one of my good friends from Stockton, recently... actually he's pretty much a dick altogether, and that's not a compliment!

 

However, there are two problem areas that I can see and they are both of my best friends. One is incredibly homophobic, though I've been distancing myself from him because he's changed a lot in the last year, with his principle activities being promiscuous sex, weed, alcohol, etc. I don't want to drop him like yesterday's trash since we still have a lot of things in common, though now it seems like he is my polar opposite and I don't want to have to deal with someone like that. The other problem is the best friend who has had a crush on me since high school. I told her once already that I don't feel the same way, yet it seems as though she continues to hope that that will change. I love her as a friend, but I love John as a lover and I doubt she would ever understand that. She isn't nearly as homophobic as she used to be, since she was very religious just before I noticed her crush developing, but she has certainly come a long way and understands that no one really chooses to be gay, they just are. However, if she reacted badly then I would feel bad for us separating because she has gotten herself into a hairy situation already with a military boy from West Point. She started talking to him while I was away at school since she didn't have me to keep her occupied and, long story short, he has asked her to marry him... except she understands that he is not the right man for her at all, for reasons that are irrelevant here.

[Tim the Traveller]

Congrats Robbie!

 

I love ya and hope you are VERY happy with John, You deserve someone who makes you happy!

 

 

[Rakuten06]

Thanks Tim! I'm very happy to be with Robbie!!

[Bandage]

Awwww!

 

That's sooo sweet, Robbie and John!!

I'm hoping everything will turn out just right, but that won't be a problem for 2 wonderful people like yourselves!

 

In a way I think for us it's nice to see that there can be love, so we don't lose hope on finding it ourselves! You sure have given me some!

 

Anyhow, Robbie, good luck on learning ASL, but as you pointed out you're really motivated so shouldn't be a problem, and John, you'll be a good teacher!

 

Cheers!

 

A cheerful Niels

[Rakuten06]

Thanks Niels! Well... there will be ways to teach him ASL other than the traditional way... but I think we will have a nice and wonderful relationship, I am sure...

 

I remember the quote, "If it gives you hope, press on!" by Jay Chou in a drama series, "Fated to Loved You" (Hong Kong Series...)

[Bandage]

Thanks Niels! Well... there will be ways to teach him ASL other than the traditional way... but I think we will have a nice and wonderful relationship, I am sure...

That's part of the sweetness!

 

I remember the quote, "If it gives you hope, press on!" by Jay Chou in a drama series, "Fated to Loved You" (Hong Kong Series...)

 

Don't know the series, but it applies nonetheless! And I'm sure I'm not the only one whose hopes are up again

[Tiger]

Congratulations and good luck to you both. One piece of advice... move closer together as soon as possible.

[Masked Monkey]

I said this in chat last night because it finally dawned on me how I feel. I have known Robbie since about the time he joined, and it feels like one of my kids has fallen in love

 

Congrats Robbie and John, for all my teasing, I wish you all the best of luck.

 

Oh, and Robbie, you can send me the handcuffs back at your earliest convinience

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow :snowy: Dog

[GaryK]

[...]ASL on the other hand is totally different. I have a real desire to learn it so that John and I can have an easier time talking to each other whenever we are physically together, and so that is what is driving me to do it.

As with most things the proper motivation can make you capable of moving mountains.

 

............. GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Seriously that was going to be the first thing I looked up.

I kind of like being in your head. It's a nice peaceful, loving place to be.

 

From what I can tell, everyone practices ASL grammar every day, whether they know it or not. Your facial expressions tell the other person the meaning of what you're saying, be it serious, happy, angry, excited, mellow, questioning, surprise, appreciative, etc. Tenses are body position, where signing while leaning back means past tense, signing normally means present, and signing while leaning forward is (can you guess?) future tense. If you can learn the basic phrases, the alphabet, and numbers, as well as understand the etiquette that is involved, then ASL should not be difficult. As with anything else, practice makes perfect!

I appreciate your perspective on ASL. Thanks.

 

Thank you guys for all of your comments! However, there is one other thing that is on my mind now, and I already discussed this with John. A few years ago I made myself a deal -- so long as I was single or still in school, then there was no need whatsoever to come out to the straight world. The former is now invalid, and now I'm thinking about doing it... but slowly.

Robbie, it hurts to be rejected by a best friend for something you have no control over. Which makes me wonder if they really are your best friend. Yes, it's a shock to suddenly discover that someone they think they've known for years has a heretofore hidden part of their personality. They may need time to adjust to what they perceive as this new component to who you are. Maybe they will never adjust to it. Since you're away at college is there really a need to come out to them? There's always the risk that if things go badly they'll seek revenge by perhaps making sure word of this eventually reaches your parents.

 

Coming out to family can be iffy. Only you can tell how well you think your sister will handle the news. Once piece of advice. Prepare yourself for how you'll deal with things if she goes running to your parents and blabs about you. Sometimes it's better to wait until you no longer need to depend on your parents for support before coming out. That way at least if they reject you it's not like you'll be left homeless, without an education, or worse.

 

There should never be a need to rush the coming out process. For now you and John need to make your own decisions about who to come out to since you're both at different physical locations. Once you're able to be together physically it'll probably be a lot easier to come out. You'll be out of school, probably working and supporting yourselves, and so any repercussions of coming out will be substantially minimized. Plus you'll have each other to lean on for support.

[AFriendlyFace]

Robbie, it hurts to be rejected by a best friend for something you have no control over. Which makes me wonder if they really are your best friend. Yes, it's a shock to suddenly discover that someone they think they've known for years has a heretofore hidden part of their personality. They may need time to adjust to what they perceive as this new component to who you are. Maybe they will never adjust to it. Since you're away at college is there really a need to come out to them? There's always the risk that if things go badly they'll seek revenge by perhaps making sure word of this eventually reaches your parents.

 

Coming out to family can be iffy. Only you can tell how well you think your sister will handle the news. Once piece of advice. Prepare yourself for how you'll deal with things if she goes running to your parents and blabs about you. Sometimes it's better to wait until you no longer need to depend on your parents for support before coming out. That way at least if they reject you it's not like you'll be left homeless, without an education, or worse.

 

There should never be a need to rush the coming out process. For now you and John need to make your own decisions about who to come out to since you're both at different physical locations. Once you're able to be together physically it'll probably be a lot easier to come out. You'll be out of school, probably working and supporting yourselves, and so any repercussions of coming out will be substantially minimized. Plus you'll have each other to lean on for support.

That's great advice, Gary!

 

I really think our boy Robbie won't have to worry too much though. Based on his posts over the years it sounds like his sister and parents are pretty safe people to tell AND would have to be idiots not to already suspect.

 

I agree with you, Robbie, about your sister. I remember you discussing this in a thread in the teen forum a couple of years ago. It sounds like she'll definitely take it well and I'm really glad you've decided to tell her! I seem to remember you saying you've had some 'close calls' with your parents before and that you recently told your dad you were at a GSA meeting? Again, I think they must surely suspect.

 

Regardless I wish you the best and you should definitely approach the matter as you're comfortable with

 

 

-Kevin

[GaryK]

I really think our boy Robbie won't have to worry too much though. Based on his posts over the years it sounds like his sister and parents are pretty safe people to tell AND would have to be idiots not to already suspect.

 

I agree with you, Robbie, about your sister. I remember you discussing this in a thread in the teen forum a couple of years ago. It sounds like she'll definitely take it well and I'm really glad you've decided to tell her! I seem to remember you saying you've had some 'close calls' with your parents before and that you recently told your dad you were at a GSA meeting? Again, I think they must surely suspect.

Kev, based on what you've written it seems as if Robbie's sister and parents are waiting for him to find the right time to tell them. If so that's fantastic! Still, there's always a part of me that thinks caution is warranted in situations like this.

[Masked Monkey]

Kev, based on what you've written it seems as if Robbie's sister and parents are waiting for him to find the right time to tell them. If so that's fantastic! Still, there's always a part of me that thinks caution is warranted in situations like this.

 

Particularly since he is planning to live at home and commute for his final 2 years of college

 

Of course, he could always come live with me

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow :snowy: Dog

[GaryK]

Particularly since he is planning to live at home and commute for his final 2 years of college

 

Of course, he could always come live with me

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow :snowy: Dog

You'd have to get into a bidding war with me Snowy. I can offer them sunshine, beaches, great universities and a loving house in which to live along with my soon to be adopted son. What have you got to offer?

[rknapp]

That's great advice, Gary!

 

I really think our boy Robbie won't have to worry too much though. Based on his posts over the years it sounds like his sister and parents are pretty safe people to tell AND would have to be idiots not to already suspect.

 

I agree with you, Robbie, about your sister. I remember you discussing this in a thread in the teen forum a couple of years ago. It sounds like she'll definitely take it well and I'm really glad you've decided to tell her! I seem to remember you saying you've had some 'close calls' with your parents before and that you recently told your dad you were at a GSA meeting? Again, I think they must surely suspect.

 

Regardless I wish you the best and you should definitely approach the matter as you're comfortable with

 

 

-Kevin

As far as my parents go, sometimes I think my mom is still pushing for me to date the friend who has a crush on me. My dad has never commented on my relationships (or the lack thereof) before.

 

Particularly since he is planning to live at home and commute for his final 2 years of college

 

Of course, he could always come live with me

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow :snowy: Dog

Oh sure, commuting from San Diego to New Brunswick -- what a blast!

 

You'd have to get into a bidding war with me Snowy. I can offer them sunshine, beaches, great universities and a loving house in which to live along with my soon to be adopted son. What have you got to offer?

Pretty much the same thing, actually... except for the adopted son.

[Masked Monkey]

You'd have to get into a bidding war with me Snowy. I can offer them sunshine, beaches, great universities and a loving house in which to live along with my soon to be adopted son. What have you got to offer?

 

Pretty much the same thing, actually... except for the adopted son.

 

Well, gary, I do have a stepson.

[GaryK]

Pretty much the same thing, actually... except for the adopted son.

Well, gary, I do have a stepson.

You still don't have all the other things I mentioned. Plus, do you have s nearby uni that has an excellent school for deaf students?

[Masked Monkey]

You still don't have all the other things I mentioned. Plus, do you have s nearby uni that has an excellent school for deaf students?

 

Well, I haven't bothered to look it up, but I would be shocked if there weren't excellent schools for the deaf in San Diego, not to mention a few colleges and universities. Plus there are all the marines and navy men around

 

Plus, on the west coast, we actually have WAVES at the beach

 

Oh, and Robbie, in the winter you can actually go snowboarding with only a few hour drive

[Bandage]

This thread is turning out in a fight as to where Robbie will live!

 

Anyhow, Robbie, good luck coming out, to your sister and to your friends and to your parents!

You'll do just fine, you'll have nothing to worry about!

[GaryK]

Well, I haven't bothered to look it up, but I would be shocked if there weren't excellent schools for the deaf in San Diego, not to mention a few colleges and universities. Plus there are all the marines and navy men around

 

Plus, on the west coast, we actually have WAVES at the beach

 

Oh, and Robbie, in the winter you can actually go snowboarding with only a few hour drive

OK, as a surfer I have to concede to you on that point. The waves here are pitiful unless there's a hurricane coming.

[Rakuten06]

Okay, guys! Let's settle on a compromise: After he finished Rutgers, he moves out and lives in his own home with me visiting him every summer, okay? let's end the war, lol...

[GaryK]

Okay, guys! Let's settle on a compromise: After he finished Rutgers, he moves out and lives in his own home with me visiting him every summer, okay? let's end the war, lol...

Meh, you're no fun. Live wherever the heck you wanna live.

[Tiger]

Meh, you're no fun. Live wherever the heck you wanna live.

You're bad, Gary. He's taken.

[GaryK]

You're bad, Gary. He's taken.

Gawd, give me a freaking break Tim.