The Things You Fear The Most

[David McLeod]

Regarding the flashback at the beginning of Chapter 3 (sorry, I didn't subscribe to this discussion, and things got away...): Very effective, and very consistent with the complexity of the story. I mean, I have no idea where or when I am from one paragraph to the next (and whether there's a particular fast food restaurant within sight of a particular police station is not an additional complexity I need at the moment, thank you very much). This is a good thing, by the way.

 

I can't wait to be able to read the Cliff Notes.

[PlugInMatty]

Chapter Four is now up at eFiction.

 

Read!

[PlugInMatty]

Regarding the flashback at the beginning of Chapter 3 (sorry, I didn't subscribe to this discussion, and things got away...): Very effective, and very consistent with the complexity of the story. I mean, I have no idea where or when I am from one paragraph to the next (and whether there's a particular fast food restaurant within sight of a particular police station is not an additional complexity I need at the moment, thank you very much). This is a good thing, by the way.

 

I can't wait to be able to read the Cliff Notes.

 

Perhaps a map and compass would be more appropriate?

 

There's a lot going on at the moment, but I plan to answer every single one of those questions of the course of the next few chapters.

 

That's not to say I won't be posing a million other questions along the way, though

 

Hope you enjoy chapter four!

[KJames]

Wow, Matty, this story is really great... I don't usually play into stories that follow a detective/police-mystery type of plot, but being relayed by the kid makes for a brilliant piece of work.

So, Will is abused, and his father is setting him up to fail by having an affair with the school's principal to have his son placed in AP classes when he's already having problems with regular level courses, then beating him when his performance doesn't meet up to an impossible standard, huh?

This is the first non-sci-fi or fantasy story I've read, literally, in years, and I find myself enjoying it thoroughly. Keep up an excellent work!

[PlugInMatty]

Wow, Matty, this story is really great... I don't usually play into stories that follow a detective/police-mystery type of plot, but being relayed by the kid makes for a brilliant piece of work.

So, Will is abused, and his father is setting him up to fail by having an affair with the school's principal to have his son placed in AP classes when he's already having problems with regular level courses, then beating him when his performance doesn't meet up to an impossible standard, huh?

This is the first non-sci-fi or fantasy story I've read, literally, in years, and I find myself enjoying it thoroughly. Keep up an excellent work!

 

Hi kjames,

 

Thanks for leaving another review. It's always great to engage with the audience, and now that I'm gathering a nice little group of regular readers, it's something that I really look forward to every time I post a new chapter. How does it feel now that I've managed to drag you back into the 'real world', anyway? I must say, I find it both exciting and flattering that you'd return from exile to read a story like mine. It's my first attempt at anything like this, so I'm trying hard as I can not to mess it up haha.

 

As for your theory, I love it!

 

 

But remember, everybody does what they do for a reason. Sometimes, those reasons aren't as clear-cut as Will would have you believe.

 

 

And at the end of the day, it still doesn't explain who killed who and why, does it?

[PlugInMatty]

Hey guys,

 

Hope you're all doing well. Just letting you know that I'm still alive, and still writing. New house, new job, two junior basketball teams and a throat infection have conspired to derail my writing ambitions, but I can assure you that chapter five isn't too far away. Hopefully before easter... maybe.

 

Anyway, I've released updated versions of Chapters Three and Four on eFiction. Basically, there were a couple of scenes that I really, really hated, and the whole thing has just been playing on my mind for weeks. So now that I've gone back and fixed them up, hopefully I can start making progress with chapter five again.

 

And if you still haven't joined the craze, you can read The Things You Fear The Most right here. I guarantee, this craze isn't half as embarrassing as leg-warmers.

 

Anyway, take care guys, and I hope to have chapter five for you soon.

 

Regards,

Matt.

[PlugInMatty]

'Before Easter'.

 

God I'm hopeless, aren't I? I wish I could offer an original excuse, but it's pretty much the same shit as last time.

 

Anyway, chapter five is still very much unfinished, but I've posted a preview (of sorts) on the GA blogosphere.

 

Check it out here.

 

Lots of love,

Matt.

[PlugInMatty]

Hey guys,

 

Chapter Five is now online at eFiction.

 

FINALLY.

 

Read, review, post, email, all the usual crap.

 

Cheers,

Matt.

[David McLeod]

The last scene has been written (and lived) so many times, I thought there was no way to make it original, much less to make it fresh. Matty did both. The metaphor of the bedspread was a stroke of genius.

[hh5]

The last scene has been written (and lived) so many times, I thought there was no way to make it original, much less to make it fresh. Matty did both. The metaphor of the bedspread was a stroke of genius.

 

I'm waiting for the potato to re-appear on the bed spread

with TMNT figures fighting

[PlugInMatty]

I'm waiting for the potato to re-appear on the bed spread

with TMNT figures fighting

 

Ninja Turtles fight?

 

I thought they just ate pizza.

 

Seriously though, thank you for the kind words and review

 

The last scene has been written (and lived) so many times, I thought there was no way to make it original, much less to make it fresh. Matty did both. The metaphor of the bedspread was a stroke of genius.

 

Honestly, that final scene scared the shit out of me on so many levels.

 

I knew all along that I wanted to write a 'coming out' scene in present-tense (so that it tied back into the 'first meeting' scene from Chapter Three), but inspiration all but eluded me for the better part of a month. Then, one Friday afternoon, it just happened. I'd been off work since the Tuesday, was doped up on antibiotics and feeling utterly miserable, and I just picked up the laptop and found the inspiration to write.

 

The funny thing was, I hadn't planned to write something that heavy. I'd always planned to open with the It's like a scene from the movies line and close with And then he runs away (both sourced from Chapter Three), but everything in between was nothing like I'd originally intended. And the beautiful thing is, it turned out so much better than I originally intended.

 

Firstly, I knew I needed something that differentiated the scene from all the other past-tense scenes scattered throughout the story. That's where It's like a scene out of the movies came in. It was a kinda obvious tactic, but it was a reference to story's other flashback in Chapter Three, so I ran with it. Then, to differentiate it even further, I got the idea of recreating a scene from an actual movie. Something so ridiculously unreal, that the reader would be in no doubt that this wasn't a continuation of the present-tense narrative. That's where Judgement Day came in. I'd originally planned on recreating the opening 'Get the cat!' scene from Lethal Weapon 3, but I couldn't find it on YouTube, so I went with my second choice in Terminator 2: Judgement Day. I loved mindless action movies at that age (Will was age fourteen at the time of the scene), and whether he likes it or not, Will now loves them too.

 

Anyway, I sat down at my laptop and watched that scene over and over again. Then, I started pausing it at random intervals and writing down things as they happened. Then I edited it all together and started writing the dialogue from there. The next 1,500 words pretty much wrote themselves. After turning the computer off and going to bed, I woke up the next day and began editing the stuff I had so far. I had a feeling it was good, but it wasn't until I blogged it here that I really started getting a feel for just how good it could be.

 

And then, the following afternoon, I sat down and wrote the ending. Although I had a definite idea of how the scene was going to pan out, the actual dialogue and actions of the characters pretty much came from nowhere. And it scared the crap out of me. It scared me to the point that I spent the next 24 hours psycho-analyzing myself and wondering just where the hell something like that could come from (resultant blog here). Maybe it came from the heart? I don't know. I'm pretty happy with how life is going at the moment though, so I'm not 100% convinced it came from some deep, dark recess of my soul. More likely, I think I just got caught up in the world of my characters for an afternoon or two.

 

Then I printed it off, gave it the full red-pen treatment (made about six-dozen changes), and pretty much put it to bed after that.

 

Ironically, most of the changes I actually made were deletions. A couple of times in Chapter Four, I fell into the trap of telling instead of showing, and I was determined not to make that mistake again. So in this scene, with only a handful of exceptions, I cut pretty much anything that wasn't dialogue, reaction or physical movement. That was an exceptionally important part of its effectiveness, I thought.

 

No analysis, no reflection, just action.

 

And the end result?

 

Well, I really don't know how it stacks up against the stories that came before it. But I do know that when I look back at all the things I achieved in life, that scene will always be something that I'll draw immense pride from.

 

And if you get even half the enjoyment from reading it that I got from writing it, it'll be a smashing success.

[Benji]

And if you get even half the enjoyment from reading it that I got from writing it, it'll be a smashing success.

 

.........I love the switchbacks in the story, not sure I'd have the patience the detective has though! I like the clever mystery that is still there, you leave the reader knowing there is a homicide, but not really sure whom is the victim and whom is the assailant.

[hh5]

Ninja Turtles fight?

 

I thought they just ate pizza.

 

Seriously though, thank you for the kind words and review

 

You think Michelangelo likes his shell being rattled and the honor of Will devastated

 

or

 

are the turtles making potato chips tonight??

[PlugInMatty]

.........I love the switchbacks in the story, not sure I'd have the patience the detective has though! I like the clever mystery that is still there, you leave the reader knowing there is a homicide, but not really sure whom is the victim and whom is the assailant.

 

I'm glad you're still enjoying the mystery, Benji. I keep thinking I've gotta move things along and keep things interesting, then realise I'm only up to Chapter Five haha. I probably haven't revealed as much as I could have in that time, but if you look closely, there's a couple of potential suspects and motives starting to emerge.

 

As for Detective Holden... well, he's got more patience than I'd ever have in that situation. I think it helps that he genuinely enjoys the kid's company, though (although I dunno why, since Will's been nothing but a prat since he set foot in the his office). And I only briefly touched on it in Chapter One, but Holden's a big-city cop adjusting to the slower pace of his new environment. A more jaded cop might have blasted the shit out of Will by now, but our Detective is more than happy to play the waiting game with Will, hoping that it'll eventually lead him on an exciting manhunt.

 

And there are other reasons why Detective Holden hasn't left his office, but we'll touch on those in later chapters.

 

In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the story

 

You think Michelangelo likes his shell being rattled and the honor of Will devastated

 

or

 

are the turtles making potato chips tonight??

 

Can turtles do that?

 

God, if I knew that, I'd have got one for myself by now.

 

Don't think the household cat would be too happy though...

[KJames]

Whatever is going on, keep doing it--this is a seriously good story--'cause I really perk up when each subsequent chapter shows up online!

[Marco Polo]

Indeed I agree profusely with kjames. I'm a bit new to the story... as you know . And I'm looking forward to the following updates. Plus.. Chapter 5 ending.... verrrrryyy niceee...

 

Sort of inspired a little spell of writing for myself.

 

So your pride is well founded.

[PlugInMatty]

Finally, I get the time to reply! Spent the past week and a half preparing for/competing in a basketball tournament up North. Awesome fun, but absolute chaos. And naturally, everything else gets neglected in the meantime. No wonder I'm so useless at updating this story. Anyway, on to the replies...

 

Whatever is going on, keep doing it--this is a seriously good story--'cause I really perk up when each subsequent chapter shows up online!

 

Still trying to figure it out, kjames? There should be at least a couple of things to pique your interest in Chapter Five haha. I've completed most of the planning for Chapter Six as well, so hopefully the wait won't be as long for you this time around.

 

I still love your theory from Chapter Four, as well . But I hope that you're starting to see Will's father in a more three-dimensional light. Too often in literature, the parents of abused children are portrayed as unemployed, constantly drunk, totally emotionless... all that stereotypical crap. With Will's father, I wanted a character who was none of those things. He's rational, successful in his chosen field, isn't an habitual drinker (much less a problem drinker), and doesn't use four-letter words like they're going out of fashion. In fact, if you walked the CBD of any major city, you'd probably pass a thousand people who are just like him.

 

The question I want to explore is: How would they react if they found out their only son was gay?

 

They're used to getting their own way in the boardroom, ordering entry-level employees around the office and generally throwing their weight around in any way they see fit. If something doesn't please them, they change it. If someone doesn't please them, they're fired. And most importantly, everything is negotiable. Now Will's dad is confronted with something that isn't negotiable. He's met his most formidable foe and it's a monster of his own creation.

 

How he deals with that reality, and the resultant power struggle, will form a large part of his story arc in later chapters.

 

Indeed I agree profusely with kjames. I'm a bit new to the story... as you know . And I'm looking forward to the following updates. Plus.. Chapter 5 ending.... verrrrryyy niceee...

 

Sort of inspired a little spell of writing for myself.

 

So your pride is well founded.

 

oh wow, that's pretty cool.

 

may I ask what the end result was? it's more than a little ironic when someone else finds the time and inspiration I can't even find for myself haha.

 

really glad you're enjoying the story though.

 

keep in touch!

[Nephylim]

I am really loving this. It is so well written and... real. Yeah Will is a smart arsed whiny brat at times but then so are we all. Characters have to be three dimensional.. good and bad, light and dark.

 

I am seriously late for work at the moment and still can't help myself but sit and type how much I like this story. Looking forward to the next installment

[PlugInMatty]

Hey guys,

 

Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to shelve TTYFTM for the next few weeks, because...

 

Well, something else has come up. Something good. Something really good.

 

You'll find out what it is, soon enough

 

Happy reading!

 

Cheers,

Matt

[David McLeod]

<snip>Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to shelve TTYFTM for the next few weeks, because...<snip>Cheers,

Matt

 

Sigh, the lengths to which I will go to encourage a writer. Okay, Matty, I just read Chapter 5 for the third, perhaps fourth time. Yeah, it's that good. Here's a second review:

 

The first scene must have wakened the "savior complex" in every reader: a kid in trouble, someone in a position to help, the offer, the rejection. Very powerful. Will's confrontation with his father was "perfect, just perfect." (And the repetition Matty uses is a fine device to tie beats and scenes together.) The iPod code was great comic relief, and sucked me right into Dave's revelation. The last scene was an incredibly fresh re-telling of an ancient story.

 

Best of luck with whatever is keeping you away from the story; hurry back, please.

[Benji]

Hey guys,

 

Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to shelve TTYFTM for the next few weeks, because...

 

Well, something else has come up. Something good. Something really good.

 

You'll find out what it is, soon enough

 

Happy reading!

 

Cheers,

Matt

 

.................Happy reading what??? Oh well, I'm ran down many scenarios in my head on victim/suspect in this tale. I've narrowed it down to the father being the most likely suspect, but that left a slew of possible victims from #3 wife, or the flavor of the month Dad has chosen. Of course wife #3 may not be as empty-headed as she portrays to be, could be the victim (s) are either dear ole dad & the floozy, or both. I had Justin in there until Will's admission that Justin knew, at this point, as the detective, I'd have gotten a hold of Justin and talked to him rather then go through this protracted root canal conversation with Will.

[Nephylim]

.................Happy reading what??? Oh well, I'm ran down many scenarios in my head on victim/suspect in this tale. I've narrowed it down to the father being the most likely suspect, but that left a slew of possible victims from #3 wife, or the flavor of the month Dad has chosen. Of course wife #3 may not be as empty-headed as she portrays to be, could be the victim (s) are either dear ole dad & the floozy, or both. I had Justin in there until Will's admission that Justin knew, at this point, as the detective, I'd have gotten a hold of Justin and talked to him rather then go through this protracted root canal conversation with Will.

 

 

Really? Now I had Dad down as being the victim with Will as chief suspect although I suspect it will not be Will. Hmmm interesting.

[thatboyChase]

I'm pretty picky when it comes to reading. I can get distracted easily, lost easily, sometimes I just lose interesting - not to say anything here is like that, however Matty's story caught me right off. The parallel scenes between the rebellious Will and later on with the mysterious detective had me going through each chapter. Literally wondering more.

 

Finally, Matty being the a-hole that he is throws in some high amounts of tension in the last portion of Chapter 5, stressing me the hell out. Even though he has post-poned, if you haven't done so, check this one out.

 

I look forward to more, so like... hurry up.

[PlugInMatty]

God, now I feel bad for putting this story on hold

 

I think you'll forgive me when you find out why I'm doing it, though...

 

Replies!

 

Sigh, the lengths to which I will go to encourage a writer. Okay, Matty, I just read Chapter 5 for the third, perhaps fourth time. Yeah, it's that good. Here's a second review:

 

The first scene must have wakened the "savior complex" in every reader: a kid in trouble, someone in a position to help, the offer, the rejection. Very powerful. Will's confrontation with his father was "perfect, just perfect." (And the repetition Matty uses is a fine device to tie beats and scenes together.) The iPod code was great comic relief, and sucked me right into Dave's revelation. The last scene was an incredibly fresh re-telling of an ancient story.

 

Best of luck with whatever is keeping you away from the story; hurry back, please.

 

It's good that you mentioned the opening scene in your review, because that was probably my second-most favourite scene in all of Chapter Five. Delightfully simple, yet (hopefully) packing the sort of emotional punch that makes the reader want to reach through their monitor and literally shake the absolute shit out of poor Will. The kid has problems, but in this scene, I was hoping to convey that at least some of those self-inflicted.

 

As you'll see later in the story, the solutions to Will's problems are often staring him right in the face.

 

I'm glad you thought it was worth a second (or third, or fourth) look, as well. I've been known to do it with some of my favourite stories/chapters, so it's exciting to know that a reader feels the same way about my story as I feel about other stories around GA.

 

And as I said, I think you'll forgive me when you find out what's keeping me away from TTYFTM

 

.................Happy reading what??? Oh well, I'm ran down many scenarios in my head on victim/suspect in this tale. I've narrowed it down to the father being the most likely suspect, but that left a slew of possible victims from #3 wife, or the flavor of the month Dad has chosen. Of course wife #3 may not be as empty-headed as she portrays to be, could be the victim (s) are either dear ole dad & the floozy, or both. I had Justin in there until Will's admission that Justin knew, at this point, as the detective, I'd have gotten a hold of Justin and talked to him rather then go through this protracted root canal conversation with Will.

 

Nice observation on wife #3. She's going to see more airtime over the next couple of chapters, so hopefully that'll help you shape your judgements a bit more.

 

And while I do love the way you've eliminated Justin as a potential victim, I wouldn't be basing any of your judgements on Will's testimony in the Detective's office. The kid's turned up in torn, blood-smeared clothes, and there's a very big chance that he's still in shock from whatever's happened in the hours prior to his arrival.

 

That's not to say he's lying, because he's telling the truth exactly as he sees it. That doesn't make his testimony complete and/or reliable, though.

 

Keep that in mind.

 

Really? Now I had Dad down as being the victim with Will as chief suspect although I suspect it will not be Will. Hmmm interesting.

 

Well Nephylim, the beauty of the format is that you can only plausibly rule out two people as the 'victim' - those two being Will and the Detective. As for the perpetrator... well, that's anyone's guess

 

There's a handful of potential motives floating around at the moment, and a couple more will become apparent in Chapter Six, so I hope you enjoy the guessing game in the meantime.

 

I'm pretty picky when it comes to reading. I can get distracted easily, lost easily, sometimes I just lose interesting - not to say anything here is like that, however Matty's story caught me right off. The parallel scenes between the rebellious Will and later on with the mysterious detective had me going through each chapter. Literally wondering more.

 

Finally, Matty being the a-hole that he is throws in some high amounts of tension in the last portion of Chapter 5, stressing me the hell out. Even though he has post-poned, if you haven't done so, check this one out.

 

I look forward to more, so like... hurry up.

 

Finally, something I can confirm with 100% certainty...

 

I am an asshole, Chase. Good golly, I'm the biggest asshole you know.

 

I'm glad you got around to reading my story, though. And in a messed-up, power-tripping kinda way, I'm really glad that the end of chapter five stressed you out as well . I never went through anything that harrowing in my teenage years, but if just one kid can read that scene and go 'wow, I can relate to that', or if I can take a reader just like me and make them feel the emotions associated with something they've never experienced, then I think I've achieved something pretty cool as a writer.

 

Now I've just gotta follow it up

 

 

Anyway, take care guys. Hope to have more for you soon!

 

xMatt

[PlugInMatty]

Hey guys,

Chapter Six of The Things You Fear The Most is now online at eFiction.

 

Check it out.

 

Check out my signature for other stories, too.

 

Cheers,

Matt