The Things You Fear The Most

[PlugInMatty]

Hey guys,

 

I've just posted Chapter One of my new story, The Things You Fear The Most, over at eFiction.

 

Any comments, questions, flames or just general discussion, feel free to post here.

 

Cheers,

Matt

[David McLeod]

Nice story, well written. I like, especially, the way you introduced Holden. It was gritty and realistic. I expect we'll find out more about the potato, won't we?

[Benji]

Hey guys,

 

I've just posted Chapter One of my new story, The Things You Fear The Most, over at eFiction.

 

Any comments, questions, flames or just general discussion, feel free to post here.

 

Cheers,

Matt

 

............Nice story, great tempo and I liked the intro with Mr. Potatoehead!!

[dan112]

Hey guys,

 

I've just posted Chapter One of my new story, The Things You Fear The Most, over at eFiction.

 

Any comments, questions, flames or just general discussion, feel free to post here.

 

Cheers,

Matt

 

 

Great start to what looks to be an interesting story.

You held me captive and was sorry to see the end when it happened...Keep up the good work!

Dan

[Graeme]

A really intriguing start I don't normally like mixing third and first person, but you've done a good job with it, and you caught me by surprise with the name of the teenager who went to see Detective Holden. I had thought the two parts were in the same timeline, but I can now see that you've got two different timelines here, that will, probably, come together at some point in the future.

 

Well done and good luck with the rest of the story!

[PlugInMatty]

Nice story, well written. I like, especially, the way you introduced Holden. It was gritty and realistic. I expect we'll find out more about the potato, won't we?

 

Haha, the potato might make a reappearance, just for you David.

 

Seriously though, I'm glad to know you enjoyed Chapter One. In some ways, I think it'll be the most difficult chapter to write/read, because of all the tension and drama. But hopefully, once things get rolling and I'm able to settle into a rhythm, it'll be a lot more fun to read and write. God knows I've fretted over Chapter One enough.

 

............Nice story, great tempo and I liked the intro with Mr. Potatoehead!!

 

Would you believe, the Mr. Potato Head is actually a true story?

 

I wish I could take credit for such brilliance, but the Mr. Potato Head stunt actually came from my friend Kate. I'm sure her year 10 history teacher still isn't over it haha. As the story progresses though, you're going to read a lot more anecdotes about stuff that my characters have got up to in the past. Most of them are 100% true, some of them were even pranks of my own.

 

And at the end of the day, I think they're a fantastic way to add depth and history to my characters, so I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

 

Great start to what looks to be an interesting story.

You held me captive and was sorry to see the end when it happened...Keep up the good work!

Dan

 

Thanks for your support, Dan. It's great to know I've made a good first impression.

 

I mean, you only get to make one, right?

 

A really intriguing start I don't normally like mixing third and first person, but you've done a good job with it, and you caught me by surprise with the name of the teenager who went to see Detective Holden. I had thought the two parts were in the same timeline, but I can now see that you've got two different timelines here, that will, probably, come together at some point in the future.

 

Well done and good luck with the rest of the story!

 

Thank you also for your support, Graeme.

 

The first and third person was a difficult balance to strike, and I still think it's gonna take a couple of chapters for this to settle down properly. Once it does, though, I think it can become a real strength. The split timeline was also difficult to orchestrate, but I think that's gonna work really well, too. I wouldn't want to give away too much, but if you re-read the third person narrative, you'll find a subtle clue as to how far apart the two timelines are.

 

 

Anyway guys, I plan to post chapters every 1-2 weeks for the foreseeable future, so keep an eye out for updates

[Boy In Doubt]

I read the chapter and liked it. Very well written and I'm interested to see what happens next. Does anybody else think that Mr. Hathaway might be having an affair with the principal or is it just me?

[PlugInMatty]

I read the chapter and liked it. Very well written and I'm interested to see what happens next. Does anybody else think that Mr. Hathaway might be having an affair with the principal or is it just me?

 

24 hours in, and I already have my first conspiracy theory haha

 

And yes, it's just you. Or is it?

 

God murder-mystery is fun!

[sat8997]

Does anybody else think that Mr. Hathaway might be having an affair with the principal or is it just me?

 

*waves* It's not just you...I was thinking the same thing. Either that or she might have been stepmother #1 or #2. Or maybe not. That's the beauty of a mystery, everyone is suspected of something.

[Graeme]

Does anybody else think that Mr. Hathaway might be having an affair with the principal or is it just me?

In the original that Matt posted in the Sneak Peaks forum I raised a similar question. Matt pointed out to me that in some cultures, a man kissing a woman in greeting is quite normal. Now, Australia is not on of those cultures (and this story is set in Hobart, despite the use of American spelling at times), but we have large European ethnic groups where it is normal. Hathaway isn't a typical last name for someone from one of those cultures, though.

 

All I think we can say is that the two know each other pretty well. It could be that they've worked together on school matters, or through social circles. Maybe he represented her or a relative in court at some stage?

 

Exactly how far the relationship extends is unknown, but the fact they would kiss in front of William either means there's nothing to it, or it's an open secret. Since William didn't comment on it, I'm inclined to go with the former option -- there's nothing to it, at least as far as William is concerned.

[Meeko]

In the original that Matt posted in the Sneak Peaks forum I raised a similar question. Matt pointed out to me that in some cultures, a man kissing a woman in greeting is quite normal.

 

 

This is actually very common among male and females in hawaii. Its a form of a greeting, usually it's just a kiss on the cheek though.

[sat8997]

Now, Australia is not on of those cultures (and this story is set in Hobart, despite the use of American spelling at times), but we have large European ethnic groups where it is normal.

 

Whoops!! Guess I need to work harder on my Aussie-speak.

[Graeme]

Whoops!! Guess I need to work harder on my Aussie-speak.

Don't worry about it From what I've been told, some schools here in Australia will accept either American or Commonwealth spelling. The first one I spotted was neighbor instead of neighbour. It's just little things like that -- nothing serious.

 

On my laptop, I have both Australian and USA English dictionaries installed, and I set the document to the appropriate one, depending on where I set a story. That catches most of the differences.

Edited January 9, 2009 by Graeme

[PlugInMatty]

*waves* It's not just you...I was thinking the same thing. Either that or she might have been stepmother #1 or #2. Or maybe not. That's the beauty of a mystery, everyone is suspected of something.

 

I must say, I like the idea of you being a chapter ahead of everyone else, but still not sure of what's going on

 

In the original that Matt posted in the Sneak Peaks forum I raised a similar question. Matt pointed out to me that in some cultures, a man kissing a woman in greeting is quite normal. Now, Australia is not on of those cultures (and this story is set in Hobart, despite the use of American spelling at times), but we have large European ethnic groups where it is normal. Hathaway isn't a typical last name for someone from one of those cultures, though.

 

All I think swe can say is that the two know each other pretty well. It could be that they've worked together on school matters, or through social circles. Maybe he represented her or a relative in court at some stage?

 

Exactly how far the relationship extends is unknown, but the fact they would kiss in front of William either means there's nothing to it, or it's an open secret. Since William didn't comment on it, I'm inclined to go with the former option -- there's nothing to it, at least as far as William is concerned.

 

This is actually very common among male and females in hawaii. Its a form of a greeting, usually it's just a kiss on the cheek though.

 

Interesting questions you raise here. In some cultures, one might call it polite, even gentlemanly to kiss a lady's cheek upon greeting. In other cultures, it's obviously a precursor to extra-marital sex. I won't play Devil's Advocate, but to paraphrase Sharon...

 

everybody's guilty of something, aren't they?

 

...and this story is set in Hobart, despite the use of American spelling at times...

 

Whoops!! Guess I need to work harder on my Aussie-speak.

 

I must admit, this is my fault, not Sharon's. All the fantastic American literature on GA has corrupted me

 

...Hathaway isn't a typical last name for someone from one of those cultures...

 

The name Hathaway is of Welsh descent, I believe. My ancestors are Irish though, so there's no real cultural significance attached to the name. In fact, the name is a bit of an in-joke between myself and a couple of friends. During the early writing process, a friend took it upon himself to ask, you're not writing f**king Shakespeare, are you? So naturally, being the mature person that I am, I went and named my main character after Shakespeare's wife haha

 

They still haven't forgiven me.

 

 

And while I'm here, Chapter Two will be uploaded on Wednesday, January 14th.

 

Trust me, you'll love it

[Zeoanne]

Very Good Beginning to the story, hope the following chapters will come out soon!

[Fishwings]

You got me captured at "It all started with a potato." It's been said above, but I have to say the beginning is very well done: captivating, light paced, etc. Good stuff. Good job yoh!

 

The rest of the writing, too, is very well crafted. Here are some lines that I really enjoyed:

 

"He was in full courtroom mode now; his broad shoulders an impressive shadow as he moved forward. I could literally feel the fight draining out of me at that moment, the ambient dropping noticeably in the room. But the cold shiver that ran through me had nothing to do with the temperature."

 

"Staring into the mirror that evening, I could see the surface wounds from the battle. They were burnt into my psyche; they were etched upon my skin. But the scarring ran much, much deeper

[PlugInMatty]

Chapter Two is now up.

[Graeme]

And another good chapter

 

The two stream story is still rolling along well. I thought William was a bit cruel to his stepmother with the music, but I had the impression he wasn't out to win awards.....

 

Well done, Matt!

[PlugInMatty]

Very Good Beginning to the story, hope the following chapters will come out soon!

 

Hi Rush, glad you're enjoying the story so far. I'm planning to release chapters every couple of weeks for the foreseeable future, so hopefully that's enough to keep up with demand

 

You got me captured at "It all started with a potato." It's been said above, but I have to say the beginning is very well done: captivating, light paced, etc. Good stuff. Good job yoh!

 

The rest of the writing, too, is very well crafted. Here are some lines that I really enjoyed:

 

"He was in full courtroom mode now; his broad shoulders an impressive shadow as he moved forward. I could literally feel the fight draining out of me at that moment, the ambient dropping noticeably in the room. But the cold shiver that ran through me had nothing to do with the temperature."

 

"Staring into the mirror that evening, I could see the surface wounds from the battle. They were burnt into my psyche; they were etched upon my skin. But the scarring ran much, much deeper

[PlugInMatty]

Chapter Three is now up at eFiction.

[KJames]

Hey, Matt! I've been waiting for Chapter 3, and saw the posting just before bed last night...just finished it this AM...

 

I wish you could write faster!

[PlugInMatty]

Hey, Matt! I've been waiting for Chapter 3, and saw the posting just before bed last night...just finished it this AM...

 

I wish you could write faster!

 

So do I, believe me.

 

To be honest, Chapter Three was a very laborious chapter for me to write, and I think that comes across at times when you're reading. For me, it began at a very difficult point in the story, and it didn't feel like a lot actually happened in the space of 3,000 words. In the grand scheme of things, though, it was a very important chapter to get out of the way. You'll understand what I mean after the next couple of chapters have been posted.

 

Anyway, what did people think of the 'flashback' I used at the beginning of the chapter? It began as a dramatisation of my first day of kindergarten, but I loved writing it so much that I had to find a way to sneak it into TTYFTM. I think it worked really well in the context, too. And for the record, it's completely true; I bawled my little eyes out on the first day of kindy haha. In terms of the actual mechanics, though, I don't know why it came out the way it did. Logically, it should have been written in past tense, but I think present tense brought it to life in a way past tense never could. Rather than just having the story recounted, it was like you were there at Will's side, living the moment along with him. That's what I was hoping for, at least.

 

I don't really have a lot to say about the rest of the chapter, though. As I said, it felt laborious. Things are setting up nicely for what I have planned next, though

 

Happy reading, guys.

 

Matt

[Graeme]

I don't remember my first day at kindergarten (pre-school, for those who think kindergarten is the first year of school -- though either is a big day for a kid), but I remember that day for both of my sons What you wrote, Matty, was very realistic.

 

I'll admit that I read chapter 3 while slightly drunk and very tired, but I had a great deal of trouble getting through it. The first person narratives just didn't seem to flow from the previous chapters. The detective parts were a lot easier to follow.

 

However, I have to ask -- is there a Golden Arches restaurant with sight of the police station? The Hobart police station is in Argle Street (yes, I checked), and, from memory, there are none of that particular brand of restaurant in that area. If this is a suburban station, it's even less likely....

 

But that's being a pedantic so-and-so.... Since I am slightly drunk, you are allowed to roll your eye and tell me to F-off.....

Edited January 24, 2009 by Graeme

[PlugInMatty]

I don't remember my first day at kindergarten (pre-school, for those who think kindergarten is the first year of school -- though either is a big day for a kid), but I remember that day for both of my sons What you wrote, Matty, was very realistic.

 

Thank you for your kind words, Graeme.

 

It was surprisingly easy to channel my inner-five year old haha. I can barely remember a moment of pre-school, but I can remember so much about my first day of school in 1991. The classroom, the weather, the toys, everything right down to the fact that I wouldn't go home until my mum promised me that I could come back the next day

 

God, how things have changed.

 

I'll admit that I read chapter 3 while slightly drunk and very tired, but I had a great deal of trouble getting through it. The first person narratives just didn't seem to flow from the previous chapters. The detective parts were a lot easier to follow.

 

I think a lot of it came down to longer sentences, longer paragraphs, less dialogue.

 

Whereas the first two chapters had a lot of interaction between the characters (particularly Will and his father), most of the interaction in this chapter came between Will and Detective Holden, which would probably explain why you found the third person to be more enjoyable. Hopefully not every chapter is going to be as difficult to read as chapter three, but there are definitely going to be times where it's just Will and his thoughts. As a general rule, if it's hard for Will to experience, I'm going to make it hard for you to read.

 

In a more general sense, I guess the writing style is going to be altered to reflect Will's moods and mindset. As people, when we're happy, things are bouncy. When we're angry, things are abrupt. And when we're unhappy or unsure, we tend to get bogged down by the world around us. I think, in a general sense, the first three chapters have reflected these moods. Will's very confident and outgoing in the first two chapters, tackling everything and everyone head-on. But in chapter three, he retreats into his shell a bit as he tries to adapt to the world that's changing around him.

 

Once he's adjusted to the new environment, expect to see more of the Will you know and (hopefully!) love.

 

However, I have to ask -- is there a Golden Arches restaurant with sight of the police station? The Hobart police station is in Argle Street (yes, I checked), and, from memory, there are none of that particular brand of restaurant in that area. If this is a suburban station, it's even less likely....

 

But that's being a pedantic so-and-so.... Since I am slightly drunk, you are allowed to roll your eye and tell me to F-off.....

 

Haha, my first thought was 'how do you know where the police station is?'

 

...then my second thought was 'f**k off Graeme'

 

But since you asked, there is a 'golden arches' (I wouldn't dare refer to them by name) restaurant approximately two city blocks from the city police station. Next time I'm dragged down there (for research purposes, of course), I'll have a look and see if it's visible. Even if it's not, you've gotta give me some sort of creative license haha

[PlugInMatty]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks for sitting tight while I mess around with chapter four. I'm in the process of moving house, so things are gonna be all over the place for at least a few more weeks yet. If I'm a good boy, though, I'll have chapter four out by the end of this weekend.

 

Hope it's worth the wait

 

Cheers,

Matt