Top or Bottom

[Mark Arbour]

I've seen this on two threads, this concept that 85% or 90% of gay men are basically bottoms. And that those who say they are "versatile" are basically bottoms who will top if they have no other choice.

 

I'm skeptical about these raw statistics, thrown out with no data, no empirical evidence, so I thought I'd ask this group. I purposely didn't put "versatile" in to remove that variable, so you should pick the choice that BEST describes you.

[DragonFire]

Sounds like a barrow full of BS to me. I personally do think there are more versatile/bottoms and bottoms, but 90% bottom? Who's ass was that figure pulled from? [Pardon the pun]

 

I think it's a bit ignorant of anyone to say that versatile guys are closet bottoms! I mean what exactly is this based on? Do we have a scientific theory or some kind proof that this is the case? If we do, I shall be very interested to see the evidence that backs this up!

 

On a personal level I'd say I'm a versatile/top. Whilst I like both, I'm quite partial to a nice firm......

[Tiger]

I'm a gay male, primarily bottom, though I'm definitely one who likes both as well. You should have put Versatile/bottom and versatile/top on the list.

[thatboyChase]

I'm A-sexual...soooooooo

[myself_i_must_remake]

i take issue with the question too.

 

i really do feel versatile. the height and demeanor of my partner kind of decides what i want to do with them.

 

and i know i definitely have jack off phases (i have no shame.)

 

i'll get off thinking about one for a week, and then like switch.

 

i also know: in steady relationships, i need both, preferably on a one to one kind of ratio like... i want to do one just as much as the other.

 

but i will also say this: for strange hook-ups, i tend to bottom because i get nervous sometimes with new people which makes it hard to get off, and obviously you don't have to get off if you're a bottom.

 

there's my input.

[Krista]

I voted Female of course.

 

 

And, I'm moving it to the Q&A so the discussions on the subject can be more free.

[old bob]

Bi Male; primarily top. But neither I like the word "primarly". The most fun is in the diversity ! Although, in my age... more bottom than top .

[Prince Duchess]

Hmm well im fully versatile but I selected gay male primarily bottom

[BeaStKid]

On a personal level I'd say I'm a versatile/top. Whilst I like both, I'm quite partial to a nice firm......

That describes me....I am Bi, leaning male, with a strong preference for being top, but do not run away from bottoming either. I enjoy both...

[Phantom]

I'm a gay male who is versatile (no matter what krista may say ). I prefer both equally, though my position is largely defined by whom i'm dating (if im dating a top like now, i'm a bottom and same if im dating a bottom, i'm a top).

 

Personally I think that your position depend largely on your personality and what gives you more pleasure. Course that's all imho

 

Eric

[Mark Arbour]

Good points and arguments on versatility, but I knew if I put that in I wouldn't get very definitive results. Thanks for participating guys! And you too Krista.

 

The impetus for my initial question came from a post in my forum: The Wardroom Post

[MikeL]

I've seen this on two threads, this concept that 85% or 90% of gay men are basically bottoms.

The other 10% to 15% must be exceptionally busy.

[Drewbie]

I'm a gay male who is versatile (no matter what krista may say ). I prefer both equally, though my position is largely defined by whom i'm dating (if im dating a top like now, i'm a bottom and same if im dating a bottom, i'm a top).

 

Personally I think that your position depend largely on your personality and what gives you more pleasure. Course that's all imho

 

Eric

 

I agree with that

 

Honestly should be a versatile option.

Edited May 22, 2009 by Drewbie

[Former Member]

I've seen this on two threads, this concept that 85% or 90% of gay men are basically bottoms. And that those who say they are "versatile" are basically bottoms who will top if they have no other choice.

 

I'm skeptical about these raw statistics, thrown out with no data, no empirical evidence, so I thought I'd ask this group. I purposely didn't put "versatile" in to remove that variable, so you should pick the choice that BEST describes you.

Haha, what a bunch of bull. I voted female, obviously.

[Krista]

I'm a gay male who is versatile (no matter what krista may say ). I prefer both equally, though my position is largely defined by whom i'm dating (if im dating a top like now, i'm a bottom and same if im dating a bottom, i'm a top).

 

Personally I think that your position depend largely on your personality and what gives you more pleasure. Course that's all imho

 

Eric

 

 

Ahem.. power bottom.

[Cynical Romantic]

I object to this question on the grounds that it tends to homogenize us women. We're not all cut from the same cloth, y'know.

 

(Okay, I recognize this may not be the best place for this... But just sayin'... There should be more than one choice for us females, too.)

[AFriendlyFace]

I object to this question on the grounds that it tends to homogenize us women. We're not all cut from the same cloth, y'know.

 

(Okay, I recognize this may not be the best place for this... But just sayin'... There should be more than one choice for us females, too.)

I agree!

 

I also think that the whole "top" or "bottom" thing says a great deal about general relationship dynamics which may or may not have anything to do with sexual expression.

 

Anyway personally I am versatile and I'm generally only comfortable having relationships with other versatile people.

 

I do lean slightly top though - in every sense of the term.

 

 

I also think that for really great and satisfying sexual expression who puts what where isn't all that relevant. Besides, my best sexual experiences have all been very versatile as well

 

 

Anyway, I didn't actually vote, because I don't feel like either the top or bottom label accurately encompasses me. By the same token I still don't feel quite comfortable with the gay vs. bi thing either.

 

I am a culturally gay, sexually bisexual individual who expresses himself in a very versatile way which leans slightly top.

 

...And how come that wasn't one of the choices!

 

 

-Kevin

Edited May 23, 2009 by AFriendlyFace

[greypath]

The other 10% to 15% must be exceptionally busy.

 

yes and im getting tired of pleasing all you bottoms so maybe i should try it out myself and see what the fuss is about

[Benji]

yes and im getting tired of pleasing all you bottoms so maybe i should try it out myself and see what the fuss is about

 

................LMAO!!

[Tom]

yes and im getting tired of pleasing all you bottoms so maybe i should try it out myself and see what the fuss is about

 

Hey...I know you missed at least one

 

hugs,

Tom

[Cynical Romantic]

Kevin, I agree! There are as many different kinds of sexual and relationship dynamics as there are people in the world. Or, to put it another way, labels are crap.

[glomph]

Doesn't there seem to be an underlying assumption that there is something wrong with the bottom? Not that it is the attitude of the majority of posters in the thread or anything, but still seems to be a basis in the discussion.

 

Isn't the 85% - 90% "statistic" meant to be (and taken to be) a put down, for example?

 

To what degree do you think gay subcultures retain the attitude, at least in speech, of the "male" role as superior and the "female" inferior?

 

The "top"/"bottom" terminology reminds me, first of all of the old Cole Porter song, but also of a joke I heard in high school. A girl tells her boyfriend that her mom instructed her not to let a boy get on top of her. So she gets on top.

 

And from greypath's photo, I can see why he is kept busy.

[Enric]

And from greypath's photo, I can see why he is kept busy.

 

 

flattery will get you anywhere and everywhere....

....except possibly to the busy tops' tightly-knitted schedule

 

The other 10% to 15% must be exceptionally busy.

 

there's some truth in this. Or, actually, I hear mostly only the nice and good-looking ones of bottoms have often sex.... Those who are dogs, tend seemingly to be quite often left without - and utilize dildoes and whatnot

Dog-looking tops appear to have somewhat more sex than should be imagined, as ugly as they are

[another cliche here: this assumes gays are so hollow they just mind the looks, not the beauty of character.... and boy, isnt that the truth ]

 

Doesn't there seem to be an underlying assumption that there is something wrong with the bottom? Not that it is the attitude of the majority of posters in the thread or anything, but still seems to be a basis in the discussion.

....

To what degree do you think gay subcultures retain the attitude, at least in speech, of the "male" role as superior and the "female" inferior?

...

 

on the other hand, it could be claimed that the phenomenon where almost half of the real bottoms claim in surveys to be top and versatile, were a signal that they feel their bottomness to be somehow shameful.

[this actually piles several unproven assumptions, still, this is something I have heard to be argued, iirc by 'representatives' of bottoms' liberation movement]

Edited May 24, 2009 by AFriendlyFace

[AFriendlyFace]

Doesn't there seem to be an underlying assumption that there is something wrong with the bottom? Not that it is the attitude of the majority of posters in the thread or anything, but still seems to be a basis in the discussion.

 

Isn't the 85% - 90% "statistic" meant to be (and taken to be) a put down, for example?

 

To what degree do you think gay subcultures retain the attitude, at least in speech, of the "male" role as superior and the "female" inferior?

 

The "top"/"bottom" terminology reminds me, first of all of the old Cole Porter song, but also of a joke I heard in high school. A girl tells her boyfriend that her mom instructed her not to let a boy get on top of her. So she gets on top.

 

I think those are good points.

 

Personally, I don't mind when people claim to be exclusively "Top" or "Bottom," but I find both to be a bit unappealing for a long-term sexual partner. "Versatile" is most appealing to me in a mate, and "Versatile Top" or "Versatile Bottom" would be much more appealing than either "Total Top" or "Total Bottom." As I said, I think it's fine for people to lock themselves into those roles if they want to; however, I very much don't want to be locked into those roles so I find them unappealing in a mate.

 

As I said before, I think that generally these terms can be used to describe a general relationship and personality dynamic as well. In that case I find them even more unappealing. I'd much rather put up with being locked into one sexual role than being locked into one relationship role. That would be completely distasteful to me.

 

I don't personally think that "being a man" or "being a woman" has any actual significance for how one should behave or how one is even likely to behave given one's preference. However, assuming that you take a very traditional understanding of the terms "Man" and "Woman" and also equate them in some way to "Top or Bottom" or "Dominate or Passive" then I have to say that I vehemently don't want a Man/Top/Dominate partner or a Woman/Bottom/Passive partner. I want someone who is comfortable and capable taking on a full array of behaviours and roles given the situation at hand as well as someone with whom I can comfortably take on a full array of behaviours and roles as my needs and desires arise.

 

Of course one might say that my main premise here - that bottom/top does in some way equate to dominate/passive or man/woman - is faulty. That's fine. I freely concede that some people tend to take on one role sexually and another interpersonally. Or perhaps the person likes only one role sexually, but takes on a range of roles interpersonally. That's great (and certainly preferable to me if I do end up with such an individual), but even there it's still not my personal ideal for self expression or my preference for a partner.

 

So anyway, yes, on a strictly sexual level if someone says to me "I'm a total bottom" (and in some way expects me to do something about it versus just making conversation ) I do take that as a negative. However, I take it as equally negative when someone makes the same sort of statement - in a relevant, sexual situation - about being a "total top." Both are personal turn offs for me, at least in a long term sense (perhaps not in a short-term sense since I might be interested in expressing my reciprocal side at the given moment).

 

flattery will get you anywhere and everywhere....

 

....

 

[this actually piles several unproven assumptions, still, this is something I have heard to be argued, iirc by 'representatives' of bottoms' liberation movement]

 

Just wanted to add that since you made three consecutive posts I went ahead and merged them. If you want to reply to multiple posters it's easiest to use the "Quote" (versus "Reply") feature. Just click "Quote" at the bottom of each post you want to comment on, then click the "Add Reply" (not "Fast Reply") button at the bottom of the screen. The screen that comes up will have all of your quoted posts in it

 

 

 

Take care all and have a great day,

Kevin

[Linxe Termoil]

I'm A-sexual...soooooooo

 

 

I'm with you on that one, and now for the old guy hitting on the youngster...I have a solution to this problem! Okay, I'll behave myself now

 

Jon