[Nephylim] Love in Chains

[Nephylim]

I'm thinking that maybe I should have written in at least one healthy relationship... well apart from the one between Kane and Nye which isn't and won't be a bdsm one. But this story wasn't about that. It was about the psychology of abuse and that goes up a notch in the next chapter, although one relationship gets a whole lot deeper and briefly takes on a new dimension very soon.

 

Perhaps I will write a sequel following some of the users of The Club

 

Strangely the theme of bdsm abusive relatioships has cropped up again in the latest story I am working on but to a far lesser extent.... and to a lesser extent again it has cropped up in Weeping Lily. I sense a theme which is not what I inteded really... it's just something that happened. I know full well that there are such things as healthy relationships within this world as I have seen it first hand (not me... yet).

 

I suppose for me this story is an exploration of something a lot deeper than the actual story itself and because I was focussing on that the story just went along for the ride. I was very much caught up with it the whole time. This was such great fun to write thought... and the ending is... hmmm.

[Cia]

hmm, I would guess that I wasn't very clear in my thoughts. I think that before people might have assumed bdsm relationships were basically the very abusive situation that you have written Nye into with Adam. Or that your pecerption of them was. I like the fact that you elaborated on the mental and emotional processes and thoughts behind the relationships that are happening in the story.

[Cia]

Oh Wow! This chapter was so emotional, so heartbreaking in some ways. I am so glad that Nye is away and Lian is dead, but it's so sad how badly his mental facilities have been affected. Sometimes people seem better, then they get worse. I really hope that Nye continues to improve, though I'll take anything you go with this story! Mir is one kick ass sister, she seems to fall apart at times, but when it's important she's on the ball and totally in charge, it's great. I love strong women characters. Can't wait to read the next chapter.

[Nephylim]

All the things that happened to Nye can't help but to have damaged his mind. No one goes through that unscathed. The question is... what happens now? Will Nye get imprisoned again in a mental institution or will something more simple and closer to home be enough. And what about after? The last chapter answers a lot of those questions.

 

Mir is a strong woman. She's someone who loves her family very much and will do whatever is needed to help and protect them.. but she's human and when she's hurt she hurts. Nye is her baby brother and she would do anything for him. When he hurts she hurts but when he needs protecting then watch out. In some ways Adam is lucky he's dead.

 

Kane hasn't really come into his own yet... but he will.

 

And don't forget... Nye is strong, far stronger than Adam ever let him be. In one way that is why he has had such a bad time...because he resisted so hard and so long.

[Conner]

Ok, it's safe to come out now...I think.

 

Kane really needs to put his guilt aside if he expects to really be there for Nye. Nye needs him really bad for the next long while.

 

In the end, Adam does "save" Nye from death. He even promised to bring him back to Kane. The only sentiment that comes to me over that is "too little, too late". Adam's dead and I believe that's a good thing, not just because of his past "transgressions" but for the damage he could well cause in the future. He was a dangerous man. Did he redeem himself in the end? I think not.

 

Final chapter, please and.....make sure you behave yourself.

[Nephylim]

I always behave myself... okay sometimes badly but ...

 

Yeah... I figured that Adam was better off dead as there was absolutely no way to redeem him or Lian... they had just degenerated too far.. and they would never have rehabilitated because they didn't see they were doing anything wrong. They were just doing that they had been taught to do.

 

I have just realised that another theme in the story is something that I have also thought about a lot. How far does your background/experiences in your past justify/excuse current behaviour. You hear it a lot in criminal proceedings... he had a bad background... she suffered in her childhood. Well Lian and Adam were both abused and badly... but then so were Luke and Jon. The answer in my mind is.... never.

[Former Member]

Howdy Nephy!

 

 

I got a few questions for you and I think I am gonna just ask them two or three at a time in a staggered form to keep the thread ticking hehe and also to get a good focus on each question.

Something in me is so saddened that Adam in particular has/had no redeeming qualities about him at the end.

 

- Do you think that would be a norm for such a person as Adam?

 

I kept hoping for more dimension from him but alas he was too far gone and although I could see that, I just didn't wanna believe it .

 

- At some point though Nye is gonna has to review his own hand in the nightmare he got himself into. At least I would think this would be a part of if not his recovery, then at least his further development?

 

- If I was to meet Nye in a pub and ask him about the particular alternative lifestyle he was involved in, how would he respond? (Not would you think he would respond either hehe)

 

That's enough for now but there's more hehehe

 

 

Love from Joey~

 

 

[Nephylim]

Well then... let me give the questions the thoughful consideration they deserve. Thank you for posting them and I hope that you appreaciate, even if you do not necessarily like the answers.

 

Something in me is so saddened that Adam in particular has/had no redeeming qualities about him at the end.

I think that Adam did have SOME redeeming qualities. Whethere that was enough to actually redeem him or not is another matter. Adam did love Nye, in his own way... it's just that it had to absolutely be on his own terms. It was overly controlling nature at its worst. There were times in the story when Adam thought he was showing love to Nye... when he abandoned the 'usual' training techniques and tried to be his version of kind in his treatment of Nye, when he gave him the keys, when he saved him at the end. The trouble with Adam is that he didn't really know what 'love' is. He doesn't understand the concept of equality and sharing in a relationship. He has never learned it because he has never had it.

 

There must have been at least part of Adam that realised what he was doing was wrong. It came out from time to time and the really bad thing is that he did what he did, not in ignorance but with design... that design being total control and domination. He was frustrated every time Nye showed his true character and resisted and he grew more and more desperate, more and more extreme in his methods of retaining control... the efforts becoming more extreme as the success slipped further and further away. THe more Nye fought the more extreme Adam became... whether he believed he was doing the right thing or whether he had just got himself caught in a vicious circle and COULDN'T not WIN is a matter of opinion.

 

- Do you think that would be a norm for such a person as Adam?

Define 'norm' and 'such a person as Adam'. I do think that anything about this story is 'the norm' It certianly isn't representative of the BDSM lifestyle. Adam certainly isn't the norm for BDSM club owners or practitioners.

 

On the other hand Adam is, I think, fairly representative, if an almost charicature, of a severely controlling and manipulated person who gets themself into a spiral of abuse. Once they start controlling they can't stop and they get more and more extreme in their methods.

 

At first they charm, then they manipulate, then they dominate. and the spiral goes on alternating all three until the charm is dropped altogether and it becomes all about manipulation and domination. The dominator becomes almost paranoid and sees the slightest attemt to assert the personality as a direct attack and it is met with anger and irritation,

 

This is my experience from clients etc that I have come across in my work.

 

As to whether such people are irredeemable... that's another question altogether. I depends in part on how far they go in their controlling. Sometimes when the dominated person breaks away it shocks the dominator into examining their behaviour and modifying it... sometimes the either refuse to let the person go and we are into the realms of stalkers and injunctions and/or moves on to new innocent prety to dominate all over again.

 

Of course there are all kinds of shades of manipulation and domination and some people are worst that others and there are therefore differential chances of redemption.

 

As for those who are as bad, as damaged, and as entrenched as Adam I don't think there is any chance of true redemption because he has gone so far down the road that what he is doing seems 'normal' to him. Although there are times when he realises that he has gone too far with Nye and times when he truly seems to have genuine feelings for him, in the end he has never had experience of a genuine relationship and I don't think he would ever be able to get to the stage where he is able to have an equal relationship with anyone as he is utterly incapable of compromise.

 

I kept hoping for more dimension from him but alas he was too far gone and although I could see that, I just didn't wanna believe it .

 

- At some point though Nye is gonna has to review his own hand in the nightmare he got himself into. At least I would think this would be a part of if not his recovery, then at least his further development?

 

I think that this question needs to be re asked after the last chapter

 

Generally though... one of the most severe effect on the abused person is a feeling of guilt. The abuser wears down the self respect and self confidence to the extent where they believe that everything is somehow their fault. During the relationship they are made to feel guilty and responsibleand not good enough .... for example in LIC Adam says to Nye... well if you're not ready for the dungeon, if you're too weak then maybe you shouldn't go... so of course a strong person is going to say... no it's not that, it's not that I'm not ready or weak.. so I'll go. The Adam says... well maybe I'll think about it... and Nye ends up begging him because he feels he's let him down and he's not good enough. Classic manipulation.

 

I think one of the things that Nye needs NOT to do is to dwell on the part he played in his own demise otherwise he will never regain his self respect. Yes look at the nature and effects of manipulation so he learns to recognise it again if it happens but if he examines his own actions too much then a) he is going to find it very hard to give himself to anyone again because of the fear and trust issues and he is going to find it much harder to regain his self respect.

 

I think that if I were Kane what I would be saying to him was... you made a mistake... forget about it. We all make mistakes and what you really need to remember now is that you should never do anything that you don't feel comfortable with no matter who is asking you and that you should always expect respect and compromise in your relationships... then proceed to show him how that works

 

In Nye's case though I suspect that isn't quite how it happens.

 

- If I was to meet Nye in a pub and ask him about the particular alternative lifestyle he was involved in, how would he respond? (Not would you think he would respond either hehe)

 

I think that... good or bad... Nye will always associate the lifestyle with what he went thorough with Adam and that will colour his attitude and response to questions about it. In other words Nye's memories of the lifestyle will be skewed because he was invovled in it with Adam. On the other hand pain is a powerful drug and it may be that Nye goes back to it... to the reputable side of it at least and carries on 'playing' with Kane. Again I am not going into too much detail about that until the last chapter is up... remind me later.

 

As an aside... if I met Nye in a pub I would be too busy drooling over him to think of asking him any questions at all... but if i were able to find my brain I wouldn't ask him to tell me I would as him to show me

 

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and thought provoking questions. I hope that answers made sense to you.

 

Nephy

[JDW]

Enjoyed the story very much, thanks for your efforts

JD

[Nephylim]

Enjoyed the story very much, thanks for your efforts

JD

 

 

Thank you for taking the time to comment hun. It's not quite over yet. There is one more chapter which hold some suprises.

[Cia]

The ending to this story was so well written. Nye had a journey back to recovery, one that hasn't ended. It is very true to life in that way. I love that you can write a story that ends with a 'happy' ending but have it not be all wine and roses. The fact that they take the life lessons that Nye learned the hard way and used it to help others. So many people forget that abuse happens in many types of relationships and in many forms, not just the typical man abuses woman that has become so stereotyped. The bdsm lifestyle is particularly susceptible to such assumptions, I am glad you clearly pointed out that you weren't aiming this story at that lifestyle, rather to someone who took it and twisted it far beyond it's normal paramaters.

 

Adam was a twisted man, but so often you hear of abusers finding the most gentle and loving and finding great pleasure in twisting those emotions into cruelty and sadism. In this case it was clear to most the lines that were crossed in the name of

'love' but how often do we do things in that vein? Sometimes things are not so clear.

 

Sigh...well, enough typing to read myself, lol. I loved the story, the complexities of the characters and the thought provoking subject. Another great story, Nephy!!

[Nephylim]

Thanks Cia. I so appreciate your support. I was very insecure about this story. I wrote it because I wanted to see if I could and I wanted to explore some issues that have been puzzling me for a long while. When it was written I wasn't going to post it... until Rush persuaded me otherwise. I was afraid that not only would people not like it but it would put them off reading any of my other stuff, thinking it was all like this.

 

Anyway... I have trouble sometimes writing happy endings because there is no such thing... not in life and I write about life... albeit a fantasy life peopled with beautiful people Who wants to read about plain guys huh?

 

I truly enjoyed writing this story... more than any other I have ever written. I can't say that this is my favourite story but it was definitely the most fun to write. And I actually got quite fond of Adam... he gave me the opportunity to really explore my dark side

[Tiger]

I had to do a search for this topic, but I finally found it! This was an intriguing story to say the least. I had often wondered just how dark the BDSM world could be. Adam was definitely a severely flawed man. At times I hated him. I times I loved him for having such a way with people even if the way he used the gift was often to selfish and destructive ends. Lian I despised utterly and completely, and I think a bullet was way too merciful compared to what he really deserved. Nye was a sweet guy, but he was way too naive for his own good. Miriam and Kane seemingly had a lot of patience. Never once did they give up on Nye even when the situation seemed hopeless. In the end, their patience and their love for him saved his life without a doubt. I also loved just how evil some parts of the story were. I love darkness. I cannot lie. That's a great story, Nephy! I'll definitely be reading more of yours. And for anyone who hasn't read the story, you should!

[Nephylim]

Thank you. I had a feeling you might like this one. I love darkness, after all isn't that where most vampires lurk. It's awesome you've ressurrected this topic.

 

I have to admit that I had to seriously consider whether or not to post this story. It's dark and twisted even for me. But I really wanted to explore these issues, not necessarily in a BDSM setting but, after a converstaion in chat... which if I remember correctly you actually took part in, I wanted to do a story about BDSM too so I combined the two.

 

I had to ask Rush if it was suitable to post and she said yes so I did. I am unsurprised that some people simply couldn't read it.

 

I actually got to like Adam. Well maybe like is not the right word but I certainly enjoyed writing him. He's so deliciously twisted. I actually based him on someone I know... but obviously my friend is not as evil as he is. Lian is just evil on legs. Even though he's been abused himself he's gone way beyond any possible excuse for his behaviour. I absolutely loved writing him.

 

Nye as a character comes over far more naive than I originally intended. I wanted to explore how someone who has a strong character can get sucked into this kind of abusive situation without even realising it. In some ways the strenght of Nye's character... his loyalty, his devotion, his honesty... are the very things that lead to his downfall. Because he is so honest he expects Adam to be too and is therefore maybe too ready to accept the lies. Because he is devoted he wants to please his lover. Becuase he is loyal he makes excuses for him. He is too innocent to see the way in which he is being manipulated and he believes that he has to become part of Adam's world. He doesn't see how twisted and evil that world is, at least not until he meets Lian and then it's almost too late because after that his will is not his own.

 

As things spiral downwards for Nye it's not his naivety that keeps him with Adam, it's the fact that he has been worn down so much by his experiences... and of course the drugs... that he doesn't know how to get away. He tries to salvage some self respect with Jon but with Adam there is no way he can resist... when he tries Adam forces him anyway.

 

Interesting how people see what I write. It's awesome when they tell me. Thanks Tiger... for reading, reviewing and discussing. Awesome