Spiders

[Zombie]

It's Christmas Day 🎄and you're about to get all stuffed out on stuffing and turkey and pigs in blankets and roast potatoes and bread sauce and gravy and cranberry sauce  ...and boiled sprouts (compulsory in the UK and the law says they must be boiled for at least 6 hours to make sure they're dead ) and Christmas pudding and mince pies...

And that means it's time to pull the Christmas crackers!  🎉 

But wait! 

Have you checked your life insurance?

Could pulling that cracker mean you never get to eat those tasty sprouts?  

Are you prepared for the Yuletide horror that's about to be unleashed?  

Do you really want to "die an agonising death" from "flesh-eating" "killer death spiders"?

It's a tricky one

But don't say you haven't been warned...

 

 

Edited December 2, 2020 by Zombie

[Sherye Story Reader]

Well, we have brown recluse spiders here and if they bite you then it will eat your skin up. It took me a long time to heal my husband's foot from that with hydrogen peroxide and triple antibiotic cream. So no I don't like spiders.

[Drew Espinosa]

I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I'm never setting foot in Australia.

 

[Zombie]

1 hour ago, Drew Espinosa said:

 

I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I'm never setting foot in Australia.

 

   

 

[bill93]

nice

Edited January 30, 2021 by bill93

[bill93]

nice

Edited January 30, 2021 by bill93

[Zombie]

Ever heard the expression “you’ve got no sense of proportion!”?

You have?

 

Wanna know how good yours is?

OK

 

here’s a teensy weeny little testette for you...

 

on the left hand side is a man’s hand...

 

 

 

 

[Slytherin]

38 minutes ago, Zombie said:

Ever heard the expression “you’ve got no sense of proportion!”?

You have?

 

Wanna know how good yours is?

OK

 

here’s a teensy weeny little testette for you...

 

on the left hand side is a man’s hand...

 

 

 

 

Bad Zombie!! Why did I come here to this thread.. or is it a web?? Yikes!!
 

*hides under chair*  

[Zombie]

With just 149 shopping days left till Christmas  some keen-eyed observers may have noticed that The Penguin (“I’m not really evil… well, maybe just a bit… OK, you got me… a lot!”) has kindly sent me details of my Christmas “present” - a “Hatch Your Own Spiders Terrarium” 

I’m sure it was an entirely innocent oversight on her part  but, on closer inspection of the packaging, it’s clear that some important details weren't mentioned…

I thought you should be aware of these “details” just in case you might be sent the same “gift” from other “well-wishers”…

“What’s in the box?”

“Venom antidote. Those spiders sure do love to bite. Any one of them could bite you and you’d be dead in minutes. But not any more with this life-saving antidote!” (thoughtfully included - like batteries aren’t )

”Spider net. Spiders have a habit of escaping. This net is perfectly designed to round up those critters”

“Warning”

”These spiders are aggressive. Really aggressive”

”Spiders have tiny sensors that can recognise fear and often act upon it!”

”Scientists have discovered that spiders are capable of hostile, strategic attacks!”

“Watch them work together to escape - better look out Timmy!”

 

Regular readers will know that this thread is intended to be a “go to” source of reliable factual information about spiders.

Stay safe

…and always be on the lookout

 

 

Edited July 28, 2021 by Zombie

[clochette]

9 minutes ago, Zombie said:

I’m sure it was an entirely innocent oversight on her part  but, on closer inspection of the packaging, it’s clear that some important details weren't mentioned…

"Genetically enhanced to be more faster and more aggressive "

"Venenous fangs", "devious mind", "gorgeous, fluffy thricobothria"

Hmmm...  kinda sounds like someone who know here...  Me thing they're mini Val 

[Zombie]

 

 

yes yes, we’ve all seen and laughed at these memes

But it’s important to remember if you are trapped in your home by something with more legs than it should have (all of them hairy), and probably a big fat body and lots of eyes, then all options are on the table

 

So, do you have a plan?

Because there’s no telling where they might be lurking (and there’s always more than just one) or when they might attack

There’s probably one watching you now

waiting…

 

And they can move

Fast

Quicker than you can run

 

Because this is the time of year when they get into your home

where it’s nice ‘n’ comfy

You can’t stop them!

no matter what you use as your first line of defence - peppermint spray, citronella, vinegar - they WILL get inside your home

So, then it’s down to your second line of defence  - killing them

Screaming and waving your arms around is pointless.  It (or, rather, they) will just watch you

And then move in

closer…

 

No, what you need is an armoury, and skills to deploy those weapons 

Which is where video games like KILL IT WITH FIRE! come in, allowing you to practice and hone your skills with flame-throwers and other essential household weapons in the comfort of your own home

 

As ever, I hope you find this non-sensational, fact-based and responsible information resource to be helpful in providing the straightforward facts you need in order to protect you and your loved ones

 

[Slytherin]

[Zombie]

Spiders On A Plane

Maybe you never use planes

Which is good 

carbon footprint an’ all

No, wait, that’s wrong. 

That is NOT the reason not to travel on planes.

The reason not to travel on planes is - yes, you guessed it - SPIDERS! 

Because planes are infested with spiders

There you are, in your window seat enjoying the view  

strapped ‘n’ trapped next to a giant XXXL sumo wrestler  

So whatcha gonna do when this happens?

 

 

Actually, that’s not what you should be worrying about

No, because you can shriek and scream and the planes’s not gonna crash  

 

But…

if a big fat spider jumps onto the pilot

and he/she shrieks and screams 

just as you’re coming in to land

that’s not good…  

 

 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Zombie

[wildone]

On 9/9/2021 at 8:17 AM, Zombie said:

 

 

yes yes, we’ve all seen and laughed at these memes

But it’s important to remember if you are trapped in your home by something with more legs than it should have (all of them hairy), and probably a big fat body and lots of eyes, then all options are on the table

 

So, do you have a plan?

Because there’s no telling where they might be lurking (and there’s always more than just one) or when they might attack

There’s probably one watching you now

waiting…

 

And they can move

Fast

Quicker than you can run

 

Because this is the time of year when they get into your home

where it’s nice ‘n’ comfy

You can’t stop them!

no matter what you use as your first line of defence - peppermint spray, citronella, vinegar - they WILL get inside your home

So, then it’s down to your second line of defence  - killing them

Screaming and waving your arms around is pointless.  It (or, rather, they) will just watch you

And then move in

closer…

 

No, what you need is an armoury, and skills to deploy those weapons 

Which is where video games like KILL IT WITH FIRE! come in, allowing you to practice and hone your skills with flame-throwers and other essential household weapons in the comfort of your own home

 

As ever, I hope you find this non-sensational, fact-based and responsible information resource to be helpful in providing the straightforward facts you need in order to protect you and your loved ones

 

I see you got a picture of @Valkyrie's last house  Unfortunately most of the spiders escaped before the fire set in. Remember, they run faster than a human and the can get in and out of everywhere.

I know you are promoting this option @Zombie, but you should do full disclosure  Val didn't get any insurance money as she deliberately started the fire. There doesn't appear to be a spider exemption in house fire policies  

[Valkyrie]

6 hours ago, wildone said:

I see you got a picture of @Valkyrie's last house  Unfortunately most of the spiders escaped before the fire set in. Remember, they run faster than a human and the can get in and out of everywhere.

I know you are promoting this option @Zombie, but you should do full disclosure  Val didn't get any insurance money as she deliberately started the fire. There doesn't appear to be a spider exemption in house fire policies  

I pay for a spider extension on my insurance for this exact eventuality   

[sandrewn]

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe!!!

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sleep well,

my friends

[sandrewn]

Food for thought.

 

 

 

Oh, and keep in mind what I posted on yesterdays' Bread Crumbs:

 

 

 

As I said,

food for thought.

[sandrewn]

 

Edited October 9, 2021 by sandrewn

[clochette]

Why would anyone be interested to watch the results of spiders on drugs?  people are weird

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tech/6818187/nasa-spider-webs-drugs-lsd-marijuana/

[wildone]

2 hours ago, clochette said:

Why would anyone be interested to watch the results of spiders on drugs?  people are weird

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tech/6818187/nasa-spider-webs-drugs-lsd-marijuana/

If there was ever a clear cut case of animal cruelty, this would be it . Even bunny rabbits seem to have more protection than what could be pet spiders  

[sandrewn]

I was going to post this in my daily blog, but here seemed more appropriate. I know it takes all kinds, but this guy really makes me wonder?

 

 

A real spider man?

Edited October 20, 2021 by sandrewn

[sandrewn]

 

 

Edited October 26, 2021 by sandrewn

[sandrewn]

 

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by sandrewn

[sandrewn]

 

 

[Slytherin]

 

Kill them with fire!!