' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[mollyhousemouse]

11 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

doc martens jadon boots ...

those are thickly soled!

[Backwoods Boy]

2 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

Okay ...

 

1     Oh, winter so cold
I have always hated you
as I am forced
to wear heavy boots with soles
as thick as my resentment

 

 

Sorry for the HaHa, but it made LOL - mostly because I relate so well.  It is quite perfect. ❤️

[Parker Owens]

2 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

Okay ...

 

1     Oh, winter so cold
I have always hated you
as I am forced
to wear heavy boots with soles
as thick as my resentment

 

 

 

I like this one! This is full of feeling and it puts me right there in your boots...

[Parker Owens]

Here's my second in the Tanka challenge...

 

Snowy ridges roll

for miles of heartache southward,

yet my heart soars up

to meet the high, wispy clouds,

for you are in the distance.

[Mikiesboy]

soooooo ... i cannot count and if i'd have used my counter it would have confirmed that... so the repaired version:

 

Oh, winter so cold
I have always hated you
because I am forced
to wear heavy boots with soles
as thick as my resentment

[AC Benus]

4 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

A draft start....

 

Clear ice on green grass,

strong enough to hold my weight

makes my steps falter

in wonder and gratitude 

for a mud-free path ahead. 

I like this one. I think you've hit on the potential of Tanka to talk about an ethereal moment in an eternal way. The quoted poem in the Prompt about arrowroot flowers is so great because it achieves this same 'higher vantage'.

 

I'm so happy to see Live-Poets being used as a workshop, as it's intended. And being flooded with Tanka! 

[AC Benus]

4 hours ago, mollyhousemouse said:

ok...first, very rough draft:

A dawn with no sun

Begins yet another day

Covered in gray clouds

That suck the joy right out of

Everything i need to do

Ah Ha! I knew it. Your earlier efforts are paying off now. I know how much hard work you found switching on your poetic brain, but with a Tanka like this you should proudly feel like My Fair Lady: "I think she's got it!" 

 

This poem fits the form perfectly, and many people (including me) can relate to the images and feelings you lay out. Bravo! 

[AC Benus]

4 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

 

I really liked this. The first line sets the emotional tone. This is definitely rife with emotion. 

Hear, hear!

[AC Benus]

1 hour ago, Parker Owens said:

Here's my second in the Tanka challenge...

 

Snowy ridges roll

for miles of heartache southward,

yet my heart soars up

to meet the high, wispy clouds,

for you are in the distance.

Oh, this one makes me smile with delight! It's feelings are so true to the form, it makes me think I should start a second Hyakunin Isshu.

[AC Benus]

24 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

soooooo ... i cannot count and if i'd have used my counter it would have confirmed that... so the repaired version:

 

Oh, winter so cold
I have always hated you
because I am forced
to wear heavy boots with soles
as thick as my resentment

Perfect. Somehow the word choices in this poem really strike me, especially "resentment" in the final line. Coming last as it does, there is a natural emphasis on it, and it feels perfectly gummy I would say. That conveys your message in the reader's mind even after the words of the poem have finished. This is a Tanka for sure, not only in the syllable count but in the marriage of image and message. Good job! 

[mollyhousemouse]

58 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

soooooo ... i cannot count and if i'd have used my counter it would have confirmed that... so the repaired version:

 

Oh, winter so cold
I have always hated you
because I am forced
to wear heavy boots with soles
as thick as my resentment

 

30 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

Perfect. Somehow the word choices in this poem really strike me, especially "resentment" in the final line. Coming last as it does, there is a natural emphasis on it, and it feels perfectly gummy I would say. That conveys your message in the reader's mind even after the words of the poem have finished. This is a Tanka for sure, not only in the syllable count but in the marriage of image and message. Good job! 

@AC Benus

i like how @Mikiesboy used RESENTMENT here

it's a big, heavy word. not one you'd expect in poetry, i don't think.

it's all about pre-conceived notions of what poetry SHOULD be i guess

[Mikiesboy]

I open my hands,
delighting as snowflakes fall
they melt on my palm
reminding me, perfection
is ever, only fleeting

 

 

[mollyhousemouse]

4 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

I open my hands,
delighting as snowflakes fall
they melt on my palm
reminding me, perfection
is ever, only fleeting

 

 

i like this tim!

 

[AC Benus]

14 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

I open my hands,
delighting as snowflakes fall
they melt on my palm
reminding me, perfection
is ever, only fleeting

 

 

I like it a lot too. Just so there's no chance of it being treated like a hard stop, I'd have a semicolon after "...snowflakes fall;" That will preserve the flow

[Parker Owens]

38 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

I open my hands,
delighting as snowflakes fall
they melt on my palm
reminding me, perfection
is ever, only fleeting

 

 

 

This is wonderful. Thank you for opening a treasure chest of interior thoughts with this. 

[Mikiesboy]

@AC Benus

 posted this yesterday...it is an absolutely beautiful piece ... i love the thought behind it.

 

Sunset At Renvyle

 

When painters leave this world, we grieve 
For the hand that will work no more, 
But who can say that they rest alway 
On that still celestial shore? 
No! No! they choose from the rainbow hues, 
And winging from Paradise, 
They come to paint, now bold now faint, 
The tones of our sunset skies. 
When I see them there I can almost swear 
That grey is from Whistler's brain! 
That crimson flush was Turner's brush! 
And the gold is Claude Lorraine. 

 

[AC Benus]

12 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

@AC Benus

 posted this yesterday...it is an absolutely beautiful piece ... i love the thought behind it.

 

Sunset At Renvyle

 

When painters leave this world, we grieve 
For the hand that will work no more, 
But who can say that they rest alway 
On that still celestial shore? 
No! No! they choose from the rainbow hues, 
And winging from Paradise, 
They come to paint, now bold now faint, 
The tones of our sunset skies. 
When I see them there I can almost swear 
That grey is from Whistler's brain! 
That crimson flush was Turner's brush! 
And the gold is Claude Lorraine. 

 

The poem is by Percy French 

[Mikiesboy]

5 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

The poem is by Percy French 

Yess.. oh good grief .. thanks AC! 

[MichaelS36]

37 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

The poem is by Percy French 

What beautiful images and ideas. How wonderful to think the Master's are not gone … only changed. Thanks for sharing this, AC!

[AC Benus]

44 minutes ago, MichaelS36 said:

What beautiful images and ideas. How wonderful to think the Master's are not gone … only changed. Thanks for sharing this, AC!

Thank you, Michael 

[mollyhousemouse]

ok

here is Tanka 2, take 1

not sure that "flannel sheets" are enough to convey the cold, but it is a process, as i was reminded by @Mikiesboy 

 

the soft flannel sheets

they call to me so gently,

come, and rest in us,

more and more insistent now;

bedtime is coming soon, no?

[mollyhousemouse]

38 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

ok

here is Tanka 2, take 1

not sure that "flannel sheets" are enough to convey the cold, but it is a process, as i was reminded by @Mikiesboy 

 

the soft flannel sheets

they call to me so gently,

come, and rest in us,

more and more insistent now;

bedtime is coming soon, no?

Tanka 2, take 2 

 

Sheets of soft flannel

so comforting when it’s cold,

wrapped tightly, cocooned

in their warm embrace all night;

tell me it’s almost bedtime?

 

that's all for today, thanks again @AC Benus for this

[AC Benus]

20 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

Tanka 2, take 2 

 

Sheets of soft flannel

so comforting when it’s cold,

wrapped tightly, cocooned

in their warm embrace all night;

tell me it’s almost bedtime?

 

that's all for today, thanks again @AC Benus for this

In my opinion, 'flannel sheet' is a perfectly good seasonal word. I like this version better than the first mainly because I think you can see the flow is nicer, and so is the musical sound of the lines. This is a very good job, Molly 

[Mikiesboy]

24 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

Tanka 2, take 2 

 

Sheets of soft flannel

so comforting when it’s cold,

wrapped tightly, cocooned

in their warm embrace all night;

tell me it’s almost bedtime?

 

that's all for today, thanks again @AC Benus for this

wow, molly.. that is great!!!

[mollyhousemouse]

12 hours ago, AC Benus said:

In my opinion, 'flannel sheet' is a perfectly good seasonal word. I like this version better than the first mainly because I think you can see the flow is nicer, and so is the musical sound of the lines. This is a very good job, Molly 

 

12 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

wow, molly.. that is great!!!

thanks, both of you, very much