' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[MichaelS36]

Mine are here:

 

 

 

 

[Mikiesboy]

36 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

Two draft Haiku this morning...

 

The old hawthorn tree

bows in sullen obeisance

to the snow's burden.

 

Silent steam rises

from the black sinuous creek,

exhaling laughter.

 

Comments?

they're great, Parker   ... k i'm no english whiz but   ... to the snow's burden ... doesn't that mean it's the snows burden and not the tree's?

Edited February 1, 2019 by Mikiesboy

[dughlas]

28 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

Two draft Haiku this morning...

 

The old hawthorn tree

bows in sullen obeisance

to the snow's burden.

 

Silent steam rises

from the black sinuous creek,

exhaling laughter.

 

Comments?

I can see both ... the old tree unhappily bearing the weight of fallen snow waiting patiently for Spring ... so often we think of babbling brooks as laughing but here the laughter rises silently as a warm breath ... lovely.

[Mikiesboy]

a bit of silliness this morning

 

a lone blue heron
in the pond stands
hoping for hopping

 

 

[Marty]

1 hour ago, Mikiesboy said:

a bit of silliness this morning

 

a lone blue heron
in the pond stands
hoping for hopping

 

 

...

 

still as a statue
watching pond water's surface ~
sudden dart spears a fish

 

Edited February 1, 2019 by Marty

[Parker Owens]

2 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

a bit of silliness this morning

 

a lone blue heron
in the pond stands
hoping for hopping

 

 

 

 

I love it! Hoping for hopping made me smile!

[AC Benus]

11 hours ago, Marty said:

 

...

 

still as a statue
watching pond water's surface ~
sudden dart spears a fish

 

Marty, if you are interested, run this poem through the self-check list in the Haiku and see what you think. 

[Marty]

7 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

Marty, if you are interested, run this poem through the self-check list in the Haiku and see what you think. 

 

I am interested but, as it's after 2 a.m. here, I'll leave it until tomorrow. 

 

(watch this space) 😉

[AC Benus]

Just a general word, or two -- LOL -- about Haiku and me. Like almost all of us who are native English speakers, I was introduced to the form via a high school handout. On it were poems written in English, by other English speakers. 

 

The time I lived in Japan was probably the best in my life. So much new to absorb and appreciate, and for a poet like myself, so much to relearn the right way. In what I am doing now with my Writing Poetry book, I am trying to take a passionate novice and guide him or her into not making the same mistakes inherent in the formal teaching of poetics. No dry as tinder subject is this to me, so passion is good to see in response to what I post. 

 

What is not helpful, however, are too many "useful tips" that do not have a bearing on the level of novice the students are at. If one were taking Shakespeare 101, the last thing any serious student needs is to be sideswiped by comments on the laughable Oxfordian theory, or equally so, the 19th century Bacon theory. It is irreverent to the young person just taking up the study of the Bard, and let's face it, the joy of discovery of his universe of creation is enough to keep one focused on what matters in regard to him.

 

Likewise, when people are simply trying to learn Haiku the authentic, non-anglicized way, it's not useful to have them exposed to "theory" about a foreign language's relationship to English. Especially such easily dismissed balderdash that a language whose written forms are syllabaries have no syllables! Perhaps in Japanese there is serious talk of English having no letters despite our alphabet. idk. whatever the intent is to discuss it, it's no more than a distraction to the learning needing to be studied. 

 

More so, speaking Japanese myself -- as I have established -- I can assure anyone interested that a Western style Da-dum-Da-dum-Da-dum metre does not exist. The very structure of Japanese poetics belies this. It is based on 5 beats, and guess what, Da-dum does not divide equally into five. 

 

As far as stress goes, the most naturally accented syllable in Japanese is the third one. Nagano sounds not like the English na-GGAAA-no, but the smooth na-ga-No. 

 

Now to close, I will confess that still Haiku intimate me. I can dash off doggerel of the type Mrs. Kennedy taught me in 9th grade, but to still get at the heart of Basho's beauty feels like a task I am not up to yet. But, I keep trying because as the kids today would say, I'm woke

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Edited February 2, 2019 by AC Benus

[Black Paper]

Forces of nature are meant to create & not only destroy.

I hope you enjoy.

 

The Volcano

This eruption,
This disruption,
This interruption.
Was not only created to cause corruption.
It is so deep and rich, it stems from the ground.
It grumbles and rumbles and makes a sound.
It will boil the soil and create turmoil.
But, to THE FATHER, it is still loyal.
Run for it.
Hide from it…
It is now lit!
It’s fire and lava, it will now spit!
It is making it’s fit.
And, it will not quit.
Although it is angry,
Although it is hot,
Evil, surely, it is not.
It has been assigned to, just, the perfect spot.
It is creating the new just like The Storm.
It will cool down soon, but, for now, it is warm.

 

[AC Benus]

13 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

Two draft Haiku this morning...

 

The old hawthorn tree

bows in sullen obeisance

to the snow's burden.

 

Silent steam rises

from the black sinuous creek,

exhaling laughter.

 

Comments?

I like the strong images in both. One thing I wonder though is how much description is the "right about." Honestly, that goes for all of us, and I never feel too confident that my Haiku are memorable, or even right. I wonder if you could try a version of the creek poem with fewer modifiers, just for practice. It might be a good poem to look at and see deeper into what significance the scene has for you, and through your lens, to other readers. 

 

I'm glad you are taking the prompt challenge, Parker. Always glad to see your poetry! 

[AC Benus]

13 hours ago, MichaelS36 said:

Mine are here:

 

 

 

 

YAY! Your trying these prompts is great encouragement to me. I love to see newness and enthusiasm come to writing poetry. I'll leave thoughts on your posting too. 

[AC Benus]

17 minutes ago, Asher25 said:

Forces of nature are meant to create & not only destroy.

I hope you enjoy.

 

The Volcano

This eruption,
This disruption,
This interruption.
Was not only created to cause corruption.
It is so deep and rich, it stems from the ground.
It grumbles and rumbles and makes a sound.
It will boil the soil and create turmoil.
But, to THE FATHER, it is still loyal.
Run for it.
Hide from it…
It is now lit!
It’s fire and lava, it will now spit!
It is making it’s fit.
And, it will not quit.
Although it is angry,
Although it is hot,
Evil, surely, it is not.
It has been assigned to, just, the perfect spot.
It is creating the new just like The Storm.
It will cool down soon, but, for now, it is warm.

 

The images and movement of alliterations and rhymes just come at one like a magma flow. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for posting it 

[Marty]

On 2/1/2019 at 2:00 PM, Marty said:

...

 

still as a statue
watching pond water's surface ~
sudden dart spears a fish

 

12 hours ago, AC Benus said:

Marty, if you are interested, run this poem through the self-check list in the Haiku and see what you think. 

 

I assume, AC, that you are referring to this checklist:-

 

Quote

Ask yourself DID I:

- Fail to include elements of nature and the season?
- Fall short or go over on the syllable counts?
- Present a “me” or “I” POV? If so, eliminate it; get above your own point of view and just show the scene that inspired you.
- Revert to disjointed “haiku-speak”, or make lines just for the length and pay no attention to flow, grammar or logic?
- Make hard stops at the end of each line?
- Treat the poem as a bunch of stand-alone lines and not a stanza?

 

Taking them one at a time....

 

Fail to include elements of nature and the season?

Nature was included (the fish) - but no seasonal reference.

Fall short or go over on the syllable counts?

Yes. It was 5-7-6

Present a “me” or “I” POV?

No such POV was presented.

Revert to disjointed “haiku-speak”, or make lines just for the length and pay no attention to flow, grammar or logic?

I don't think I did, but see my answer to the final question in this list.

Make hard stops at the end of each line?

Assuming that you mean full stops (periods), no I didn't. I did include a tilde (~) at the end of the second line in an attempt to signal a change to come (the change from stillness to movement to spear the fish).

Treat the poem as a bunch of stand-alone lines and not a stanza?

Not deliberately, but I can see how the three lines by themselves could be conceived as stand-alone lines...

 

However, I should point out that what I wrote was intended to be a continuation of the following (which I did quote in the post before my three lines):-

 

On 2/1/2019 at 1:48 PM, Mikiesboy said:

a bit of silliness this morning

 

a lone blue heron
in the pond stands
hoping for hopping

 

Read as such my three lines are no longer stand-alone lines, and the inclusion of the heron (from Tim's original three lines) at least brings an element of nature into the piece, although I do admit that there is still no seasonal reference.

 

To be honest, I don't think I was even really trying to write haiku when I wrote the lines, although haiku may have been in my subconscious mind at the time. Had I actually been attempting a haiku using Tim's piece with the heron as a prompt, I would probably have come up with something like this:-

 

Motionless heron

seeing under the surface

drops head and spears fish.

 

And then I would probably have got annoyed with myself because there was no seasonal word in it, deleted it, and written about a frog catching a mayfly with its tongue! 😅

 

Edited February 2, 2019 by Marty
Tidying up

[Mikiesboy]

12 hours ago, AC Benus said:

Just a general word, or two -- LOL -- about Haiku and me. Like almost all of us who are native English speakers, I was introduced to the form via a high school handout. On it were poems written in English, by other English speakers. 

 

The time I lived in Japan was probably the best in my life. So much new to absorb and appreciate, and for a poet like myself, so much to relearn the right way. In what I am doing now with my Writing Poetry book, I am trying to take a passionate novice and guide him or her into not making the same mistakes inherent in the formal teaching of poetics. No dry as tinder subject is this to me, so passion is good to see in response to what I post. 

 

What is not helpful, however, are too many "useful tips" that do not have a bearing on the level of novice the students are at. If one were taking Shakespeare 101, the last thing any serious student needs is to be sideswiped by comments on the laughable Oxfordian theory, or equally so, the 19th century Bacon theory. It is irreverent to the young person just taking up the study of the Bard, and let's face it, the joy of discovery of his universe of creation is enough to keep one focused on what matters in regard to him.

 

Likewise, when people are simply trying to learn Haiku the authentic, non-anglicized way, it's not useful to have them exposed to "theory" about a foreign language's relationship to English. Especially such easily dismissed balderdash that a language whose written forms are syllabaries have no syllables! Perhaps in Japanese there is serious talk of English having no letters despite our alphabet. idk. whatever the intent is to discuss it, it's no more than a distraction to the learning needing to be studied. 

 

More so, speaking Japanese myself -- as I have established -- I can assure anyone interested that a Western style Da-dum-Da-dum-Da-dum metre does not exist. The very structure of Japanese poetics belies this. It is based on 5 beats, and guess what, Da-dum does not divide equally into five. 

 

As far as stress goes, the most naturally accented syllable in Japanese is the third one. Nagano sounds not like the English na-GGAAA-no, but the smooth na-ga-No. 

 

Now to close, I will confess that still Haiku intimate me. I can dash off doggerel of the type Mrs. Kennedy taught me in 9th grade, but to still get at the heart of Basho's beauty feels like a task I am not up to yet. But, I keep trying because as the kids today would say, I'm woke

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

I've read a lot of crap about haiku ... it's not really written in 5-7-5 ... oh those rules are old.. we don't follow them now ... haiku can have whatever syllables. 

 

My first poetry .. lol i don't think even free verse would cover that!   I was 16, terrified and i wrote stuff down...calling it poetry for want of a better term.

  

I am here to learn, write and read.  I did the original prompts ... not too well. And as far as i am concerned, you can never practice enough, never write enough, never read enough.  I trust AC to give me good information and i am grateful to him for all he does here. He is a generous teacher and i am becoming a better writer because of that.

So...i follow the prompts, i wrote some haiku,  and after sleeping on it, i am pretty happy with my results.

Edited February 2, 2019 by Mikiesboy

[Parker Owens]

For what it's worth, I've added my response to the Haiku Prompt here. https://gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/disasters-delights-and-other-detours/41

I'd be grateful for critiques and comments.

[mollyhousemouse]

13 hours ago, AC Benus said:

Just a general word, or two -- LOL -- about Haiku and me. Like almost all of us who are native English speakers, I was introduced to the form via a high school handout. On it were poems written in English, by other English speakers. 

 

The time I lived in Japan was probably the best in my life. So much new to absorb and appreciate, and for a poet like myself, so much to relearn the right way. In what I am doing now with my Writing Poetry book, I am trying to take a passionate novice and guide him or her into not making the same mistakes inherent in the formal teaching of poetics. No dry as tinder subject is this to me, so passion is good to see in response to what I post. 

 

What is not helpful, however, are too many "useful tips" that do not have a bearing on the level of novice the students are at. If one were taking Shakespeare 101, the last thing any serious student needs is to be sideswiped by comments on the laughable Oxfordian theory, or equally so, the 19th century Bacon theory. It is irreverent to the young person just taking up the study of the Bard, and let's face it, the joy of discovery of his universe of creation is enough to keep one focused on what matters in regard to him.

 

Likewise, when people are simply trying to learn Haiku the authentic, non-anglicized way, it's not useful to have them exposed to "theory" about a foreign language's relationship to English. Especially such easily dismissed balderdash that a language whose written forms are syllabaries have no syllables! Perhaps in Japanese there is serious talk of English having no letters despite our alphabet. idk. whatever the intent is to discuss it, it's no more than a distraction to the learning needing to be studied. 

 

More so, speaking Japanese myself -- as I have established -- I can assure anyone interested that a Western style Da-dum-Da-dum-Da-dum metre does not exist. The very structure of Japanese poetics belies this. It is based on 5 beats, and guess what, Da-dum does not divide equally into five. 

 

As far as stress goes, the most naturally accented syllable in Japanese is the third one. Nagano sounds not like the English na-GGAAA-no, but the smooth na-ga-No. 

 

Now to close, I will confess that still Haiku intimate me. I can dash off doggerel of the type Mrs. Kennedy taught me in 9th grade, but to still get at the heart of Basho's beauty feels like a task I am not up to yet. But, I keep trying because as the kids today would say, I'm woke

 

  

 

high school English was many years ago, so i'm coming into this pretty fresh, a blank slate as it were, i'm reading everything you write on this.

please keep the discussion going, it's been fascinating!

wish i was there, or you were here so we could grab a coffee and talk about it!

 

[Mikiesboy]

7 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

wish i was there, or you were here so we could grab a coffee and talk about it!

Now that would be glorious... Saturday morning coffee and a discussion  about poetry...how perfect would that be??

[Black Paper]

You are hearing this message.

This is why you are here,

As it whispers inside of your ear.

That is why you are, now, able to hear.

Do not be afraid, for HE is near.

Someone is with you.

Someone is there.

You cannot see them.

But, you feel it in the air.

Something is happening to the Earth.

It is growing & morphing into a rebirth.

The world is changing.

It is rearranging.

Its pieces are scattered all over the place.

But, one day, soon that will not be the case.

This message is a warning, not one of mourning.

It is night time, now.

But, it will soon be morning...

Edited February 2, 2019 by Asher25

[Black Paper]

1 hour ago, Mikiesboy said:

Now that would be glorious... Saturday morning coffee and a discussion  about poetry...how perfect would that be??

As a Colombian French boy, morning coffee is a ritual that is essential 💎🙏💫

Edited February 2, 2019 by Asher25

[Mikiesboy]

4 minutes ago, Asher25 said:

As a Colombian French boy, morning coffee is a ritual that is detrimental 💎🙏💫

i thought coffee would be a good thing...  

[Black Paper]

2 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

i thought coffee would be a good thing...  

I meant essential not detrimental. Hehe. I just fixed that BLASPHEMOUS mistake. My gosh. 

[Mikiesboy]

 

Just now, Asher25 said:

I meant essential not detrimental. Hehe. I just fixed that BLASPHEMOUS mistake. My gosh. 

 Oh ok!  LOL.. i was gonna say... you'll be kicked outta the country for that!

[AC Benus]

3 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

For what it's worth, I've added my response to the Haiku Prompt here. https://gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/disasters-delights-and-other-detours/41

I'd be grateful for critiques and comments.

Thanks for taking the challenge, Parker! ❤️

[AC Benus]

2 hours ago, mollyhousemouse said:

 

high school English was many years ago, so i'm coming into this pretty fresh, a blank slate as it were, i'm reading everything you write on this.

please keep the discussion going, it's been fascinating!

wish i was there, or you were here so we could grab a coffee and talk about it!

 

Thanks for the encouragement, Molly. Coffee would be nice