Writing The Main Character - Uses Personal Experience Or Is Imagined?

[William King]

I've been thinking about this a lot, it's a subject that's been debated and argued over. Can you write about a black guy if you are not yourself coloured? Can you write about a woman if you are male? Can you write about a gay man if you're a woman?

 

Well of course you can. If not, no one would write anything. However, I believe loads of writing incorporates experiences from the author's life, either direct or indirect. Things they have lived themselves or understand through stuff shared by friends. It therefore seems very difficult to write the protagonist as black, a woman, or gay man, unless that is who the author is. Very difficult, doesn't mean it can't be done, but I don't know how you would get right inside the main character's head. It risks being superficial or unrealistic.

 

How could I write about being a 13 year old boy if I had never been one? How could I write a gay sex scene if I had never had sex with a guy?

 

Remember here I'm talking about the main character in the story, the person the reader identifies with, the person we get to know the most about. I could write in a girlfriend giving birth, I could write how a dad feels when he holds his baby in his arms for the first time. But, I have to recognise my limitations, I have never done either, and I think it would always lack something. The giving birth scene would be more difficult than the father holding his new born baby. An author can project their emotions and adapt them, but there are limits, or don't you think so?

[Headstall]

I don't think so. Honestly. Yes, we are limited by our imaginations, but I believe only that. With regards to black, white, male, female, young, old... the most important thing is we are all human. And humans aren't 'black and white'... not by a long shot. Our similarities are much greater than our differences. We have the same emotions, wants, needs... we possess the wonderful thing called empathy... and we are community based. We, for the most part, have mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and friends and those we admire and those we don't. We UNDERSTAND those others. We live with them, we go to movies about them... we read about them... we interact with them... and we are CURIOUS. I don't believe things are cut and dried... and I definitely don't believe I am ruled by a certain hormone... we humans possess all of them in differing amounts, and when you combine that with the aforementioned empathy, and desire to understand, the possibilities of where our imaginations can take us are endless. Hence, science fiction. There are no restraints to that genre, yet none of us (that I know of ), are alien.

 

The proof is in the pudding as they say. This site proves it. Women do an amazing job of writing MM fiction. Men do a great job of creating female characters, and have no trouble writing about FF sexual acts, whether here or elsewhere. In writing, I think you can create anything, if you really want to... and you do the research. I have always been able to put myself in another person's place, and while I am white, and never actually experienced slavery, I believe I could do do a story justice about the subject, if I chose, and I could do it using a young black girl's point of view. And, as far as a birth scene, you don't have to be a woman to understand the complexities of it, and the emotions involved... it is, after all, the beginning of our HUMAN journey... just saying....

Edited January 8, 2017 by Headstall

[Valkyrie]

I think Gary said it perfectly.  To me, part of the fun of writing is putting myself in other people's heads.  I've written stories from the POV of obsessed stalkers, elves, alcoholic abusers, and gay men.  Am I any of those things?  No.  Was I successful in my portrayals?  I'd like to think so, based on reviews of my stories.  While I do add personal elements to my stories--things I've experienced, mannerisms of people I know or even myself, or places I've been--I don't write my characters based solely on those experiences.  I think my writing would be quite boring and limited if I did.  If I'm writing about something I have limited knowledge of, then I select editors and beta readers that have experience in those areas and trust them to tell me if I hit or miss the mark.  

 

There are authors on the site who have done an amazing job telling their personal stories, and they are some of the best on the site (i.e. It Started with Brian, and Crosscurrents are two that come to mind).  But it's not necessary to include that level of personalization to write a good tale.  So to answer your question... no, I don't think there are limits.  

[Puppilull]

I'd like to think that Gary and Val are right on the money here, but I can't really tell since I'm one of those who write people different from me regarding for instance sex. I would hope my readers would tell me if I was way off in my description of a guy. My outlook when writing a character is that they are human just like me. But I try to listen and learn. 

[William King]

I would like to add, apologies if I wasn't clear, I'm only talking here about writing main characters for real life stories.

 

So we can dismiss historical drama (no one has been a black slave), leave out SciFi, fantasy worlds, and vampires, they are all imaginary and the author can create anything they like.

 

I am asking the question with regard to writing the sorts of books, although works of fiction, they have characters that would exist here and now. The sort of stories, for example, where young gay adults are looking for role models and for characters they can relate to.

 

You don't need to look any further than here on the forum to see the questions youngsters ask, like does love at first sight happen.

 

There must be loads of very successful writers of both sexes writing tons of entertaining books that offer escapism.

 

To expand my thoughts: I do not believe, however much research I did or even talking to people about their experiences that, for example I could do 100% justice to a main character suffering PTS (Post Traumatic Stress). I could write it to a supporting character, get it, if I was that good, maybe 90% right, but never having been to war in Iraq or where ever, never actually having experienced it, I don't think I could write it like someone who had.

 

I hope that's clear, because I think the general idea that women can write gay men etc, has been agreed. Here I'm interested to know if some youngster was reading a real life account of being a gay young man written by a woman would it be only at best 90% accurate, or men writing women, you get what I mean. I'm not picking on any one section of the human race.

 

Just would be interested in peoples' opinions because it would impact my writing. Thanks

[Valkyrie]

The answer to that question depends on the author.  I don't feel like I need to draw on something I experienced in real life in order to write a believable main character.  I feel that some of my best stories feature main characters that are quite different from me in their personality and experiences.  Part of the fun of writing is exploring differing types of protagonists, IMO.  As far as your own writing, I think you answered your own question.  If you don't believe you are going to be successful writing something outside of your own experiences, then you won't be.  That doesn't mean you should abandon it, though.  Use the prompts to challenge your comfort zone and see how readers respond.  The only way to improve is by trying.  If you're 'only' 90% successful, then I would consider that a win.  

[Headstall]

I believe I understood exactly what you were asking, William. It's a question I've heard posed before. Your position is clear, so I'm not really sure of the purpose. The ability to convey is what's important here, and we fill in the gaps in personal experience with what we learn and know, or can learn through research, as observers. Just because you're a gay man doesn't mean you can write something that will help a young gay person's journey. It goes to intent and ability. Role models? We are, as I said, humans first. To infer one human could only get it ninety per cent right because of their gender is wrong in my opinion. Should young gay men only read what other gay men write about life? I think you can agree that's ridiculous. The distinction of it being a main character over a supporting character shouldn't matter either, in my opinion. They all have their important parts to play in any story. If we can't write what we have no personal experience with, such as PTSD, or being a slave(I don't agree with dismissing historical drama with regards to what you posted... it might suit you to do so, but I believe it applies), then we would be really limiting ourselves. Again, your purpose? For me, writing is a combination of many things, and yes, I do get what you are saying, but I disagree. I will return to empathy, and how we can put ourselves in other peoples' situations. Yes, there are different genders (maybe more than two   ), but we are all made up of the same stuff, and there are no limits to our capabilities as individuals. I don't dismiss generalities, but they can be dangerous things. If a writer desires to tackle a subject that might be difficult to them, and they have the ability, and the drive, it's been my experience they will succeed. I've seen it with my own eyes, and that's what I go on... cheers... Gary.... 

[William King]

Okay, I get what both of you are saying (above), I would just like to pick up on one point you made Headstall: "Should young gay men only read what other gay men write about life?"

 

I agree with you there, however, I believe that a young gay person would getter the best input on being gay from another gay person, not on life in general, but on life from the POV of a gay person. You can't give that insight if you are not gay, how can you? Somethings cannot be imagined they have to be experienced. You cannot imagine how to ride a bicycle or swim, you have to experience it to know how to do it. You can't imagine what it is like being gay, you have to have experienced it. Anything else is an approximation.

 

If you disagree write a reply, but after I would really like to get input from others (whether they agree or not), if you don't mind.

 

Now I'll shut up, but thank you for your own view it is good to get your opinions

[Headstall]

Okay, I get what both of you are saying (above), I would just like to pick up on one point you made Headstall: "Should young gay men only read what other gay men write about life?"

 

I agree with you there, however, I believe that a young gay person would getter the best input on being gay from another gay person, not on life in general, but on life from the POV of a gay person. You can't give that insight if you are not gay, how can you? Somethings cannot be imagined they have to be experienced. You cannot imagine how to ride a bicycle or swim, you have to experience it to know how to do it. You can't imagine what it is like being gay, you have to have experienced it. Anything else is an approximation.

 

If you disagree write a reply, but after I would really like to get input from others (whether they agree or not), if you don't mind.

 

Now I'll shut up, but thank you for your own view it is good to get your opinions

LOL... I believe you just told me you would like me to shut up... thank you for allowing me one more reply   . My opinion is that your view is narrow. For example, there are many straight people, women and men, who have lived through their friends' or relatives' gay experiences... and no, they haven't experienced the actual 'gay' sex act, but you can pretty much bet they understand slot A into slot B or C, and the ins and outs of oral sex. It's really not so different. And if you are referring to things like experiencing bigotry and fear... well, we don't hold the patent on that one. If you believe a woman or straight man doesn't understand homophobia, I think you're wrong. Many of us gay men lived lives pretending we were straight... do you think we didn't understand what 'being straight' entailed? Human journeys or relationships are not like riding bikes. You may dismiss the human element, and our huge similarities, because of gender, but I don't. Heartache is heartache. Persecution is persecution. Family issues and rejection don't just happen to gay people. And is our first love and the awakening of our sexuality so different a woman or straight man can't fathom it? I don't believe so, but you obviously do. I won't limit myself or others in any way.

 

"You can't give that insight if you are not gay, how can you? Somethings cannot be imagined they have to be experienced. You cannot imagine how to ride a bicycle or swim, you have to experience it to know how to do it. You can't imagine what it is like being gay, you have to have experienced it. Anything else is an approximation."

 

I will say one more thing with regards to your quote. Every thing we write is an approximation, unless it is about our exact selves. Every single person/character has a different journey, nuanced by many things. You can't lump us all together in that regard. Where you can lump us together, in my opinion, is in the certainty most of us experienced the same rush of emotions as we became teenagers, and our capacity to understand what others go through grew along with those. Are we all the same. No. But we're all people, and I choose to recognize our similarities over our differences. I don't agree with your message in the highlighted quote... if a person pays attention, and cares, I think they can give insights into a gender or sexuality not their own. That is just MY opinion. Cheers.

Edited January 9, 2017 by Headstall

[Mikiesboy]

I agree with Gary for the most part. I don't know. There are so many varied experiences. My experience especially early in my life was much different than many peoples. That would effect how i relate my 'gayness' to others i think. And even now ... my life is quiet, I don't know many gay people. We don't really live in the gay world, we don't go to clubs, don't have lots of gay friends. I'm married to a gay man, who is a police officer, we have friends that are straight and gay cops and their families. That's another world, another way of life. 

 

The gay sex act well, lots of straight people have anal sex, so why can't they relate?

 

I was a rent boy /junkie ... does that mean only i can write about that?  Can no one else put themselves in that place?  If you read about it, understand what can and does happen often, why can't you think about how you'd feel and put yourself in that situation and determine how your characters may feel? 

 

I've never had a horse. Never ridden one, washed one, or shoed one.  But i read about them, researched them, watched some great docs about them, and asked Gary because I know he had them. And I think the relationship I wrote between Dave and his horse Mersey from one of my stories was right. 

 

My personal opinion is that you can write anyone or anything BUT you need to research. If you don't know, learn as much as you can before you put your character in that place or situation - because if you don't, it's not gonna work in the head of your audience and they won't read on. 

Edited January 8, 2017 by Mikiesboy

[Valkyrie]

LOL... I believe you just told me you would like me to shut up... thank you for allowing me one more reply   . My opinion is that your view is narrow. For example, there are many straight people, women and men, who have lived through their friends' or relatives' gay experiences... and no, they haven't experienced the actual 'gay' sex act, but you can pretty much bet they understand slot A into slot B or C, and the ins and outs of oral sex. It's really not so different. And if you are referring to things like experiencing bigotry and fear... well, we don't hold the patent on that one. If you believe a woman or straight man doesn't understand homophobia, I think you're wrong. Many of us gay men lived lives pretending we were straight... do you think we didn't understand what 'being straight' entailed? Human journeys or relationships are not like riding bikes. You may dismiss the human element, and our huge similarities, because of gender, but I don't. Heartache is heartache. Persecution is persecution. Family issues and rejection doesn't just happen to gay people. And is our first love and the awakening of our sexuality so different a woman or straight man can't fathom it? I don't believe so, but you obviously do. I won't limit myself or others in any way.

 

"You can't give that insight if you are not gay, how can you? Somethings cannot be imagined they have to be experienced. You cannot imagine how to ride a bicycle or swim, you have to experience it to know how to do it. You can't imagine what it is like being gay, you have to have experienced it. Anything else is an approximation."

 

I will say one more thing with regards to your quote. Every thing we write is an approximation, unless it is about our exact selves. Every single person/character has a different journey, nuanced by many things. You can't lump us all together in that regard. Where you can lump us together, in my opinion, is in the certainty most of us experienced the same rush of emotions as we became teenagers, and our capacity to understand what others go through grew along with those. Are we all the same. No. But we're all people, and I choose to recognize our similarities over our differences. I don't agree with your message in the highlighted quote... if a person pays attention, and cares, I think they can give insights into a gender or sexuality not their own. That is just MY opinion. Cheers.

I wish there was a 'love' button for this. 

 

I'll just add that life without imagination would be very boring, indeed.  I can imagine myself flying a plane and learn the technical aspects online if I want to write about a pilot.  Doesn't mean I can go out and actually fly a plane, but I would hope to lend enough authenticity to the story to make it plausible.  A beta reader who's a pilot would tell me if I got it right or not, as would readers who are pilots.  Substitute whatever word you will for 'pilot' and the response is the same.  

 

What it boils down to is write what you like and are comfortable with.  If you are only comfortable writing about your own experiences, then do that.  

[Sasha Distan]

You cannot imagine how to ride a bicycle or swim, you have to experience it to know how to do it.

 

Ok, firstly I completely agree with what Gary said about only being limited to our imaginations. And as far as I'm concerned, the imagination is limitless.

 

As for what you said above, I call bollocks.

No one had been to Mars, yet Andy Weir makes us believe that not only is Watney there, but the details of how he survives and copes are excruciating in their exquisite detail. I've never been on the back of a sled pulled by a team of huskies, yet people who have tell me I write it with clarity even they believe. JK Rowling has never been a teenage boy, nor been to a magical school, and I don't need to tell you how many people have invested their love in the world she created. Hayao Miyazaki has never been a young girl in Edo-period Japan, and yet Spirited Away is a film which touches people from every culture. Most singers/artists/bands sing works written or co written by other people - so those aren't their experiences - but they can still feel and portray those emotions. And we the listener/reader feel those emotions sometimes as though they were our own.

 

So no, there are no limits. There's only imagination, a shit-ton of research, and more hard work than most people are willing to put in.

[Hudson Bartholomew]

I don't think there's anything else I can add to this discussion. But I wanted to reaffirm the points made by those who responded above. The only limits to our imagination are the limits we place on ourselves.

 

Through research and empathy, I believe we can convincingly write characters that are vastly different from us, be they gay, straight, men, women, etc. When writing, we can draw upon experiences other people have shared with us; if I accurately describe what the other person is feeling, how is that less genuine than when I'm describing what I'm feeling? 

 

I don't know how many times I've read something and then was surprised by the gender/sexual orientation of the author. The goal of every author should be to write believable stories with believable characters, regardless of who is doing the writing. 

[Graeme]

I'd like to add one small point to the discussion. The opening post talked about how can some write about being black if they're not black? I would like to point out that biologically, there's really very little difference between black and white.

 

To me, the original post can be summarised as how can one write about a culture (regardless what that culture is) if they're not a member?

 

When worded that way, the answer is obvious -- by observation and research. I'm not a football player, I've never been a football player and I've never been a member of a football club. Despite that, I wrote three novels centred around a football club. I had to do a lot of research (I now own several football player biographies) and I listened to people who are members or players in football clubs. From all of that input, and some logical extrapolations, I came up with something I believe to be realistic. I did stop, however, when it came to a point where my research ran out, which is why I'm not currently on planning on a story about what happens within an AFL club.

 

The further away it is from your own personal experience, the more difficult it is to pull off, but it's doable -- it just takes more work. The more you want accuracy, the more research required, but if you put in the effort, you can do it.

 

Oh, and I'm a white Australian male. I'm currently planning a story involving a black American male as a lead character. If the story sees the light of day, we'll find out if I did sufficient research

[Cia]

I like to point out that it's a flawed concept to focus only on one aspect of the character, whatever that might be as far as culture, skin color, sexuality, age, gender, etc... This is something I've noticed all too often with people who believe writing 'gay' romance must focus and create drama based just on that aspect of sexuality. That's too narrow. People are people, and an author is a person too. Different aspects of your personality/experiences/family etc... can come into play, and a lot of authors use themselves and those around them for inspiration. The rest is often made up with research. I find that the life of a gay man is no harder to research than the life of an astronaut, a chef, or a single parent or a gay astronaut, bisexual chef, or transsexual parent. For the most part, I've found that most readers find my characters believable, no matter who they are or what they do for a living, because I just focus on writing them as a person with all their individuality on display without harping on one thing to the exclusion of all else.

 

On the practical side, if you are writing something beyond your life experiences, try to get input from people who can relate to your character and their life. There is often 'insider' information you might not have that they can help with. Just don't let a fear of using the unknown keep you from trying something new.

[Kitt]

Ok - I by no means consider myself an author. I dabble a little to quiet the voices in my head when they get noisy.

 

That being said, I do not think a person needs to have given birth to understand that it hurts like nothing else on earth.  I do not think the color of a protagonists skin should be a limiting factor. There are tons of reference material out there that would allow any author to get decent insight on " growing up black" (or Hispanic, or any other minority).

 

I am a straight middle aged woman.  That does not mean I do not understand the implication of AIDS. I was around before it even had a name, lost friends to it, sat with others as we grieved, and still more waiting on test results to see if yet another friend was given what back then was a death sentence. I have seen the situation evolve so that HIV positive people can lead a basically normal life. It scares the hell out of me when I hear a teenage gay kid in my neighborhood say he doesn't worry about AIDS, that it is a thing of the past.  If only it were!

I also have been a first responder on a rescue squad for many years, and prevention of transmission is a biggie in the annual re-certification classes.  I think all of this would qualify me to write an HIV positive character if I so chose, despite never having had the virus myself.

[MrM]

I suppose to be convincing in writing a main character from an orientation, sex, or culture other than your own you should develop sources for research. I write a Finn. I am not Finnish, but I do have a Finn who helps me culturally and linguistically at times. Somehow, I manage to convey him in a convincing way (I hope). I am gay and so is my character so I don't have to research that bit as much though I do have to immerse myself in Finnish Gay Culture which is quite different than American Gay Culture in a lot of ways.

 

It's been educational and very rewarding to do this. It is amazing what connections find you when you begin expressing yourself through the lens of another culture. Resources come to you and help you because they admire and believe in what you are trying to do. Your consciousness grows. So I actually recommend putting yourself in the shoes of someone other than yourself as a main character. You learn a lot of empathy that way and you can then grow as a writer and touch people on deeper levels.

Edited January 11, 2017 by MrM

[William King]

Thanks to everyone who expressed their opinion, and I will just add that a lot of people made some good points which made me look at things a little differently. I'm not 100% convinced, but that is a personal thing and perhaps it reflects my own lack of confidence. What I really appreciate here is being able to talk things over with you guys, and gals, and everyone