Cia's Weekend Writing Challenge #3: Word Economy

[Cia]

Okay, I'm sure we've all seen a lot of news lately with the "e" word in it. But I'm not going to talk about any of that. No, I'm talking about a subject that ties closely in with last week, sort of an extension of the redundant phrases and unnecessarily wordy choices that creep into our writing, like: he grabbed his own... well, I'll let you imagine what he's grabbing, I'm sure you've all seen that line before. But, usually in those scenes, there's not a whole lot of options to choose from, so why use the word own? It's a bloat word, unnecessary, and downright redundant. 

 

But there are other times where it's so often used that we don't even realize it's redundant. "Free Gift with Purchase!" Well... aren't most gifts free to a person? Aha! Probably didn't occur to most of you, right? I know it struck me for a moment when I really thought about it, that I really hadn't ever thought about that being a redundant phrase. 

 

What about stood up? Hunkered down? Climbed up the corporate ladder? 

 

So this week's challenge, since I'm a bit late with it this weekend, is pretty simple. Share a redundant phrase. It can be something you've written that you finally noticed or was pointed out to you or something you read. It can be an ad or a jingle or a slogan you've never really thought about until now. And don't forget to share where it came from and how you came up with it. Does it serve a purpose or does it need to be chopped down and sacrificed for the greater good of your story? 

[Timothy M.]

In Danish we have this phrase which is always used as an example of redundancy. Han bakkede (bilen) baglæns. It means He backed (the car) backwards. In English it's obvious you shouldn't say back backwards, but because they're dissimilar words in Danish the phrase pops up now and then. Usually in something kids write, but sometimes as a joke in conversations.

[Carlos Hazday]

He[she] thought to him[her]self.

 

It seems a bit difficult to think to someone else but yourself. Unless we're talking about some sort of mind reading/control scenario.

 

The phrase permeates so many stories I've read it's difficult to pinpoint a single instance.

[Brayon]

Bleacher Stands... I'm currently writing a short for my Tampa Chronicles series, and the opening scene is after school at the Boys Baseball practice. I wrote:

 

"Jadon moved to the bleacher stands, and sat down with a good view of the field."

 

"Bleacher" didn't look right to me but wasn't throwing any autocorrect flags, so I Googled it. Seems "bleachers" means stands. I've heard them called "Bleacher Stands" all my life, so I know it's going to be hard to break the habit of saying both words together.

[Comicality]

I've probably done this so many times that trying to list even a third of them would cause my laptop to explode! Hehehe! Usually, when I'm writing everything just spills out on the screen while my fingers try to keep up with the thoughts in my head. Basically, I write everything the same way that I speak in real life. I may go back and correct things in editing that sound redundant or weird, but I think most readers don't catch the mistakes that we do. In their minds, I think they just read it as if someone was talking to them, face to face. And people make those mistakes in normal speech, so it flies under the radar.

 

Still, it's something I'd like to improve on.

[AusGlitterati]

Every time someone says "ATM Machine" I think I die a little inside.

That's not to say I'm good at this kind of thing - ooooh no. I'm shocking with word economy!

[comicfan]

Higher ups - bosses cover it. 

[Dolores Esteban]

I tend to overuse the word 'look'. I sometimes must delete whole pargraphs, because nothing happens. The characters just look here, there, up, back and around, and at each other

[Valkyrie]

Putting "began" or "started" in front of an action.  "He began walking toward the door."  Unless the action is interrupted, the "began" is redundant.  "He walked toward the door."  "He began walking toward the door, but veered to the kitchen to answer the phone."   I find myself deleting quite a few of those.