Cia

As an atheist those folks don't bother me with what they say, it's how they choose to say it. I mean, blaming some invisible entity for their own feelings, as if that somehow makes it okay to hate? They should be ashamed.

All I's got to send you is love. Can't make the universe a nicer entity, though a good swift kick is certainly warranted. Germs are beyond my warfare capabilities though I try every damn day to kill as many of those suckers before they get me, which they inevitably do, rat bastards that they are. Or maybe it's just that our bodies are really double agents and traitors and invite them and all other weaknesses in. It certainly can't be the running outside in my shorts and t-shirt barefoot to catch the picture of the buck in the backyard this morning at 8 am while it's 48f (or 8C to you). No way that sort of thing is the reason. Bureaucracy and paperwork... You sure you don't believe in some form of higher power? Cause whatever came up with those two things definitely qualifies as THE devil in my book. Grab your torch and pitchfork, maybe we can have a good old fashioned mob and do away with the lot!! So, as I said, all I's got is love. Hope it reaches you and warms your day just a smidge. We all love you!!

Welcome Peerless, Patrick, Dannsar, and Dan! It's always nice to see new faces and readers here on GA. I hope to see more of you all here active on the forums and in GA Stories. If you have any questions feel free to send me a pm or leave me a comment on my profile. We were all new once and I remember how confusing the site could be.

Actually, you can't edit reviews. Not even I can. However, I noticed you did a story review and not a chapter review. If you really feel it necessary you can post a chapter review for the first or last chapter and apologize there. I know you did a very in depth review and I'd hate having typos in something like that but I don't think anyone is going to garotte you or anything. You didn't keep doing it throughout the review so it'll most likely make people shake their heads a little and move on. Your person should remain pretty safe.

Very good short story overall! Interesting way to end it, as well. I was wondering about the bold print throughout but figured this last chapter would fill those questions in. I like that they stay together and the little 'afterward' that you slip in so handily by making this a letter which lets you skip actually writing the scenes. The ending itself of the 'story' seems a bit incomplete, however. I know they are professing their decision to be together and how they truly feel but it seems so dispassionate. Where are the physical signs? Touching each other, smiles, eye contact, hugging, kissing... there are so many ways you could indicate their feelings for each other physically but you don't show us that. I can't think of a single time I haven't expressed my emotion to someone and not had some physical sign of it be apparent. I'd like to see that with the ending here a bit more than you've given us.

The give and take between the characters as they start talking is spot on for timing in the story. Nothing is resolved but we get to see so much more of where they are coming from and how they both feel. Your plot is very good for a character story, I'm drawn into their emotions and that makes me want to read more to see how things turn out. Well done. A few times throughout this chapter I became confused about who was talking and who was 'thinking' so to speak. I would lose track between Bill talking and Josh thinking about what Bill said and then responding and then Josh responding. I usually don't like to use too many speech tags so I try to use the character's motions and actions to indicate who is talking. You are pretty good at setting the scene that way but when they begin really talking you tend to just use dialogue which makes it a little confusing.

Very emotional chapter! The pacing is good and the characters really make you feel for them. Bill's inability to deal with his feelings for me that make him fear being caught, Josh's rage at his inability to express himself both make for two very different reactions. Your writing is very good though you have a few typos. If you don't have a beta or editor I have a suggestion I try to use. Once I finish a spellcheck in Word, I start at the end of a chapter and read it paragraph by paragraph. That way I don't get caught up in the story and I tend to catch more errors.

I wasn't sure of the exact timing of your story until you got to the gas scene. Really the first indication was the whole gas pumping/window washing schtick. I can remember that from when I was a little kid, but that was small town too. Then the price of gas really hit me. It was about a buck when I was driving age but nowhere near that cheap. I like that you left the little details to flesh out the plot in that way. The characters seem very real but from another time so it's fascinating to read from this distance in years.

You did answer a bunch of questions but not all of them, not by a long shot. Like are they dead? Where is this story set; is it in India? I had to look up Khali since I didn't get the reference at all yet to me it seemed as if the setting was a more western world environment. Who was the big boss that really wanted the package? Who were the men who wanted it and what was it really? What happens to John and Oscar? If these guys are ruthless enough to kill Rory, Mark, and Zach then certainly they'll kill John and Oscar since it's likely they saw the documents as well. The story you have so far is good and you do have great pacing with the action and the revelations of the different plot points. However, I just don't see this story as complete. You left too much unanswered. I do understand leaving some things up to the imagination of the reader but it just feels like you only ended part way in the story. You made it so much about the documents and the men who captured Mark and Rory that I feel that was the main part of the plot, not the interactions between Mark and Zach as the main characters. Without getting resolution about that aspect of the story it leaves me feeling dissatisfied. Couldn't you please consider a chapter 5 that ties up some of the loose ends???

Happy Birthday!! Don't have too much fun

John Galaor, you have made two comments that completely baffle me and I shall respond to them in the hopes of keeping this on topic and in relation to feedback offered via reviews, comments, and 'likes' made here on GA itself. Essentially, what I read into your comments, is that someone who takes the time to write well, to follow basic grammar rules and structural format; someone who gives thought and puts work into writing a story as unique and as interesting as possible, should be 'hated' because they are typically well-liked. Instead, we should hate them because they are trying to make people feel bad because they are doing something the reader can't? That a lack of perceived flaws in their writing is meant to taunt the reader and say, 'Look what I can do, aren't I special???' In return, since the reader is outraged that this person is so skilled and dares to share that, we should dislike them and not comment favorably or review or 'like' their work? In response to your other comment you imply that you are in fact showing your reader respect for their intelligence by posting a work that is full of flaws and mistakes. That they are able to see that you use a word incorrectly or fail to use basic writing structural rules means that they are smart and can figure out what you really meant. After all, writing well is insulting them by making them feel inferior based on your logic, correct? So when someone writes a work that is subpar to any acceptable writing standard generally held they are actually superior to someone who makes that effort to do things correctly? That is, in my opinion, total bunk. Perhaps even something someone who cannot string a paragraph together in a cohesive fashion would say in order to soothe their wounded pride that someone else gets more readers, attention, and feedback than they do. No writer is perfect, everyone can use improvement in some aspect. Failing to accept that no one is without flaws and working to reduce those by making yourself better as a writer is not something someone should ever be hated for. Sitting back and saying, why should I make any effort to become more than I am when someone else out there will always be more popular however, is truly shameful. The feedback system here on GA is meant for a reason. To encourage and help writers to IMPROVE. Just last week a reader wrote a thoughtful, personal review for a story I had written and posted months ago. They pointed out a line that they felt didn't fit and what they would use instead. I read their comment, considered it, and changed the line to something between what my original and the suggestion was. That's the true intent of the system and anyone who can't see that value should not post here without saying, 'don't give me feedback, I won't listen to it.' Everyone else should try to take advantage whenever possible.

For me it varies depending on the author and how I think they will take criticism. How do they respond to other reviews or comments made about their work? If you are pretty sure they'll handle the comments and you have a few things that are general thoughts I'd tactfully put that in a review or forum comment. Questions to the plot and the direction it's going I almost always do as comments in their discussion forum because that is where the author and other readers can interact and really be open about the stories. If your critiques are small items or really major things such as their structure and basic writing skills or you really aren't sure how they will take it. I would go with a pm, it's more private. A lot of the time I will offer comments and links to improve someone's writing if they are newer authors on the site via a pm rather than open up the issue in public. The only exception to that is if someone posts in the sneak peek area. I figure they are asking for my honest opinion on all aspects in that forum or they wouldn't be posting asking for them. The biggest thing is not to flame anyone. As you said, you thought the story was good but could be better with some changes. Make sure you point out what you think really works and what you think doesn't and why it doesn't work. Give examples of changes you would make perhaps, or back-up your thoughts with writing facts or rules that pertain to the sections. Never just tear a chapter or story apart without keeping mind that a story is often a writer's baby and it all comes down to author's choice. They'll listen or not, but you're more likely to have an honest back and forth and positive experience if you keep these basic kindness in mind.

I see you posted this whole story at once. I'm not a fan of fanfiction but you do a very good job of making the characters and setting translate into your own story without overdoing the changes or making it too close to any of the original plots. Draco seems like the perfect bad boy to turn good; he always seems to retain just enough of that arrogance to be fun to tease. George will certainly have his hands full. The whole lift the sheet shock for 'Uncle Severus' was absolutely priceless!!

I know I read part of this as well but I can't remember when/where/title/characters either. As I remember it the older brother has a pocket full of cash but he's protecting his little sister, they're parents or dad was not a nice person. The guy they pay off to play their dad is a drunk but he tries to clean up a bit after he meets them. Also, the woman they rent from lets them take furniture from her garage and she has a teenage nephew. Oh, and the kid finds the guy to enroll the sister in school too and I remember a spaghetti dinner scene, I think. Sorry I can't find it for you though.

Thanks for your comments everyone. I do agree with not neg repping stories and chapters though I will usually comment about things I think could be improved or I would do differently. There is a time and place for the criticism though and I'm usually careful about who I offer it to, it is true that not everyone is honest when they say they want real feedback. Oh, Phana, the star ratings are easy to use. If you scroll over them with the mouse or the touch pad on your computer they will light up. You can pick 1-5 stars by lighting them up and then clicking on them. Dark, I'll ask Myr if it is at all possible to make those ratings be linked to individual reviews or not, I think they were in e-fiction. It may not be possible but if it is I think that would be a valuable insight into the real opinion is of someone who uses that rating system.

Try a google search with the story title and/or author name or if you remember a line from the story.

You are so simply eloquent! I'm glad you are enjoying the story and let me know that as well. It's only a few days to wait, you can make it. ;)Thanks for the review!

To me the use of rep points are secondary to the use of the star rating system and the reviews in GA Stories. I don't think I rep more than once or twice a week, with the exception being NEW authors. Those folks who are just starting out here on GA and are still in the mod queue; those who need the initial encouragement I think rep points give. They gain more visibility and feedback as they move out of the queue's if they continue to post stories and interact with the other readers and writers on-site. The rep/mod queue system allows us a set way to make sure those newer members are being monitored so we can check their stories for plagiarism or rule breaking and to provide that initial feedback. I don't see the huge numbers some people have being as much impact as those first 100. Basically, with someone who has levels really high I just don't 'see' it for the most part because it has become irrelevant. I rarely even notice mine but the system has a purpose. This topic wasn't started with the intent of bashing or questioning the purpose of the rep system however. I wanted to know HOW people use it and the other feedback options in relation to GA Stories specifically. Do you plus rep or neg rep stories/chapters? Do you even notice the star rating system? Do you leave feedback for authors via review or forum comments? Do you only review/comment for readers who review for you if you write? Can you think of any other ways to encourage readers to give feedback?

I've been trying to get back into reading and reviewing regularly on GA, though most of my time on-site is taken up with more 'work' like matters. I try to plus rep chapters I really enjoy, do the star rating based on the quality and leave a review no matter what. If I think a story needs work I try to tactfully point that out. If I have things I like specifically I try to mention what that is and why to give the writer specific feedback more than just, 'I like it'. I NEVER neg rep a story. I never go to an author I find distasteful and use my 'powers' of like/not like to reduce their stories rating or rep. What is the point of that? It's their hard work they are sharing, if I don't think it's up to snuff then I give feedback to try and help the writer improve. I would hope that anyone who felt that way about my stories would do the same so I try to act accordingly. I post here to get feedback to improve my writing and share what I know and have been taught to others to help them as well. The system is set up to really provide that network to give and receive help. Do you use it? How so? Is there anything you'd like to see happen on site for writer's support that would make the system better? Any programs, topics shared, feedback set-ups... How can we help each make the writing side of GA just that much better???

Mmm... Toshi and Mick, yum!!! Good taste Dark Sarah is an excellent writer. Twisted has quite a few good works free on her website and her HEA rec's are pretty decent. Aarinfantasy has a lot of good yaoi type fiction but their story format sucks. Awesome Dude hosts a lot of authors that write well and they have the 'Best of Nifty' area with rec's from all sorts of sites. I like downloading the free e-books from all romanceebooks.com, I even have a hetero short story in a contest anthology over there. They feature all sorts of stories and they have a large number of free ones, though the quality varies. Check out the site recommendations here on GA too.

I do like this chapter. We find out quite a bit about the story finally! Woohoo Mark is somewhat stupid isn't he? I guess desperate people will do desperate things but still, he's in way over his head. Poor Zach is being dragged in as well. I found the conversation a little bit distracting though, it was hard to keep straight who was who at some points. You had a lot of names thrown in there and not a lot of physical cues for me to keep the two bad guy's apart. It took me quite a bit to remember who was who. My major quibble is the beginning when Mark is grabbed by an anonymous bad guy you say he doesn't see his face but he's not the one who grabbed Rory earlier. That confused me, because wouldn't he need to see him to see if he was the guy or not? Btw, that is a good bit of stress, I like Rory, what little we've seen of him, the poor kid's just been steamrolled.

It was creepy Bandage. That sort of vibe is definitely what I was going for!! I plan to keep going, so you'll be happy. It's not time to end the story quite yet. Hi Quonus! Thanks for catching up!! No reviews are fine, it happens The alpha version of Cavel in the jungle was definitely due ot the circumstances. I don't think being that autocratic in a modern society, even a Carthera one would fly. He'd be torn apart by his own Jaguars. I did put in the story earlier that he was a leader accepted well by his people based on his ability to listen to them and compromise, even if he hadn't yet mated and 'matured' with the bond. These chapters were set to highlight that. The answer as to the plague, well.... I'm not trying to be deliberately but I'm not quite sure on what all we get to find out in this. I think we'll find that the answers you seek are bigger than this story alone and tie into many things including the previous Carthera story and the ones yet to come. Okay, maybe I'm being a little vague on purpose but honestly, even I don't know it all! You need to complain to the voices in my head if you don't like it; they're being coy.

Perhaps the somewhat simplistic style that I tend to favor when I write made it seem as if I treated a very serious type of incident in a flippant manner. I truly do understand the horrible affect abuse has on a person; I do not ever want to make it seem as if I would treat the subject lightly. I think for many survivors of abuse, physical, mental, emotional, reading about it can be more helpful than harmful. It happens all the time and it is a tragedy but it should be kept in the public eye and talked about. The more people are made aware that it is not okay, the better. If even one person reads the story and it touches them and makes them stop and reevaluate when and where abuse occurs then I've done what I set out to do. And Bob, don't apologize. You felt something, you shared it. I don't need someone to stroke my ego and simply say they loved the story if they didn't. You asked me questions, I answered them. You reevaluated your take on the story and maybe you needed those answers to see why I wrote what I did and why. Without that insight you had a different perception, that's okay. Your way of going about making your comments seemed out of character for you which is the only reason it bothered me at all. Now that you've explained why you were irritated to that extent I understand your words. But really, I do like honest opinions so while I might have been a tad frowny reading it, I wasn't upset. I would hope if you have other comments to make about my stories you will continue to do so.

I'm sorry you've faced this, the pain would be horrible to deal with, I'm sure. I've talked to a few others who have read this who have been in the situation and it's been an overwhelming majority that decided personal happiness and balance weighed higher in their overall choice. Thank you so much for the comment on the phrasing as well. Re-reading that it did read a bit awkward and I have revised the sentence, though not quite to what you suggested. The intent I saw with the line and what you saw were a bit different. I love hearing what people think of a story. Thank you for sharing your own personal experience.

It varies depending on the author and story for the most part. I've read quite a few authors and the mid-line chapter length seems to be about 5k a chapter. Sometimes more, sometimes less. My own chapters are normally in the 4k range for serial chapter stories. My short stories will go all the way from that 4k to about 15k. To each their own really.