starboardtack
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Everything posted by starboardtack
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Fun read. Andy definitely is a keeper!
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The Musician (Part 1)
starboardtack commented on FlyOnTheWall's story chapter in The Musician (Part 1)
This chapter was like fine dining. A banquet at which you just manage to not over eat and regret the whole thing. Marvelous chapter. -
This story is developing beautifully. You haven't taken any easy outs or gone for cliche solutions. This is a testament to your ability as a writer and thinker. I am looking forward to the next installment.
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I am glad to see you continuing this story. You have a good head for plot and a good ear for dialogue as was clearly evident in Stitcher. The sex scenes were erotic, playful, and occasionally bordering on the delightfully sleazy. My feeling about the sex dialogue in this chapter is that it reads more like what you would hear in a cheap porn film -- fill me with your jock cock, etc -- does not ring true in light of how you have handled the language of sex in your previous work. I look forward to how you proceed with this story -- you do good work.
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Thanks for a great story.
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Interesting beginning. Makes me want to read more.
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Good start that makes me want to read more. You did a good job of avoiding cliches and easy outs in Brittle so I look forward to more quality story development and writing.
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So great to have you and your boys back!!
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Ok, my son is wondering why I am sitting on the couch with tears running down my cheeks. ❤️❤️
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Thanks for this very soul-filled story.
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This is a brilliant start -- so much so it made me quite uncomfortable as I am closer to identifying with your protagonist that's I am with the millennials. I would be curious to see where you would take this if you continued. My only concern is that if the chapters to come are as heavy as this one -- and I am not looking for romantic fluff, only a chance to take a breath -- it would be hard to continue reading much more. Thank you for putting this out there.
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I hate to be the naysayer, especially because I like your writing so much, but these scenes with Christopher do not ring true. They seem forced and contrived. If Kyle and Kaleb have known him for so long, it would stand to reason that they would have a sense of his attitude towards gays. More to the point, you have portrayed Kyle as being very observant and very very careful. It does not stand to reason that he would be so open and demonstrative without being absolutely certain of Christopher and that Christopher would not betray him to his parents. I know you need a device by which to set up a conflict between Kyle and his parents but this one is the "easy way out." Having sounded harsh (and I aplogize for that) I still tremendously enjoy your work.
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Wow!
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This is perhaps one of the best written and passionate stories I have read on GA. Thank you.
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I am enjoying how this story is developing. Good writing and characters.
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I am curious to see where you go with this story. It has been very good so far and I hope you don't punt or take the easy way out with quick fixes and easy solutions. (There is no reason to believe you will...) There is so much that can be done with these circumstances and this relationship. I am looking forward to future installments.
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I am reading it on an iPad the there are no spaces or between many of the words.
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I am not sure whether your formatting is a stylistic gimmick or a uploading glitch but it it's current form, this chapter is virtually unreadable.
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The is the first time I have read your work. I am interested in seeing how you develope this story line. Looking forward to reading more.
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I usually am not a fan of "love at first sight" stories and the idea of in one or two days giving up a whole life such as the character had in Chicago is usually too much. But you have introduced enough tension with the fire to begin to balance things out. You are moving in a direction that is keeping me as a reader. I am interested in seeing what you do with this.
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Glad you are resuming work on this story line.
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Loved your language about daylight, darkness, the moonlight and the road. Simply beautiful.
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No apology necessary. It all hung together beautifully.
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Thanks for an utterly delightful read.
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This is a very difficult story to read. That is not a criticism. It is a hard subject. My only "criticism" would be the observation that in most (all?) states nurses are considered mandatory reporters and both legally and ethically the mother would a duty to report immediately or withing 24 hours. A more realistic, not not necessarily helpful for literary purposes, scenario would have been to immediately report the suspected abuse. Admittedly a picky detail and hardly detracts from an excellent story.
