Black Star Cross - 2. Dark & Stormy Night

Black Star Cross

Chapter 2: Dark & Stormy Night

Oh school, how I loathe thee. How I wish to burn each and every brick down to the ground and then piss on the ashes. But alas, I do not contain that much urine so I cannot proceed with my dream. However, if I can get the entire student population to join me on my quest... But that would never happen because nobody would listen to me. I am a nobody, a social retard, a loser. I know I tend to repeat myself but I only do it if it’s something important and 100% true.

This morning I actually got up at a reasonable time. It must of been a miracle. This added time meant that I could shower this morning and not feel completely dirty at school. It’s not like I don’t shower at all; it’s just that I feel like I accumulate dirt while I sleep at night.

So I step into the warm shower and begin cleaning. Halfway through, I notice that Shawn Jr. was up and about and I decided to give him some lovin’. Mind racing, I imagine that scene, the one I played last night in my head, and soon I was having a million little me’s running down the drain. I felt relieved after that, but soon felt a wave of guiltiness, knowing that I would have to see the object of my affection today and he wouldn't know I was thinking about him like that.

As I dried off, Kim, apparently back from her sleepover, told me to come downstairs for breakfast. When I did, I saw that Mom had cooked a reasonably big meal for us. I sat down and started eating. When I looked up again, I saw Mom and sis staring at me, prodding me to start a conversation. Not like that was gonna happen though. That routine hasn’t worked for years now; it certainly wasn’t going to work today.

Mom is still hopeful that I will eventually snap out of my funk and start acting like I used to. It may come as a surprise, but I wasn’t always like the lovable me that people see these days. At one time, I was a pretty normal kid with a pretty normal life.

Then, one day, six years ago, it all came crashing down on me.

It was around that time that I started noticing changes that were going on in my body. Not just physically, but mentally as well. It took me some time to realize it, but I was finding out that while the guys were discussing girls left and right, I was feeling left out and confused. I didn’t feel like what the guys were describing. I felt...somewhat the opposite way. I was starting to show signs of excitement whenever I was around an attractive-looking guy. This especially became a concern for when I was in the showers with the other guys in PE class. Luckily I never got caught, but I still had to concentrate on other things to avoid making a scene.

Back then, my family was really close-knit and loving. All of us, including me. There was always peace between everybody and it was rare that anybody argued with someone else. My parents were constantly showing their love for not only us kids, but also each other. It was easy to see why they fell in love. Because of our closeness, I was afraid of telling my family of my suspicions about myself. I was becoming increasingly aware that I was most likely...gay.

But I had to tell them eventually. No one kept any secrets in my house. It wasn’t until that fateful day that I plucked up the courage to risk telling my dad. I wanted to tell everyone one at a time because I didn’t think that I could handle dealing with all three of them all at once. So I chose Dad first, since he looked like the one to be okay with this the most.

I remember that day being rainy. Very rainy. There was a big storm coming through that night and no one should be out on the roads. Dad and I went to town to get some supplies in case the storm got really bad. I remember us driving back home; the radio was on and Dad looked at me and could tell that something was wrong. He asked me about my worried mood and I couldn’t say anything. He was persuasive though and eventually I just...burst.

“Dad, I think I’m gay.”

I went on and on about how I felt around other guys, girls, friends, complete strangers, family, and how I felt about having these feelings altogether. Dad just sat there, eyes on the road, and said nothing. By this time, it was starting to rain heavily and I was in tears. After I had said all that I could say, we both fell into complete silence. He wasn’t yelling at me, but maybe he was too angry to be able to yell. I think that he was thinking about all the implications that were to come about now. I couldn’t provide grandchildren to them now, the family name will die with me, all the social problems that will arise not only to me, but to the rest of my family as well.

When we got home, it was pouring down rain really hard, like the ones you see on the weather channel, or on the news. Dad parked in the driveway but didn’t turn off the car or make an effort to get out. He told me to go inside and that he had some thinking to do. Too scared to do anything else, I obeyed his command and walked in. Looking out the window, I could see him pulling out of the driveway and heading out somewhere. When Mom asked me where Dad was, I said that he went out somewhere. She asked where and I said that I didn’t know. She told me not to worry. She told me that he would be back soon. It wasn’t till the middle of the night that we got the call. He...

“Shawn? Shawn!”

“...Huh?”

“Shawn, you spaced out there for a minute. Is there something you want to talk about?” Mom said.

“No, it’s nothing. I better go get ready for school.”

And then I promptly stood up and walked to my room. There was no way that I was bringing this up with her. She’s part of the reason why Dad...

I had to stop thinking about that for now and get on with my life. Nothing embarrassing happened on the bus today and nothing happened at my locker. Where is Anthony? He’s usually here by now to taunt and harass me. It’s not like I WANT that to happen, but I tend to get overly suspicious when things don’t go according to schedule. Anthony not being here probably meant that he was elsewhere, plotting an even more diabolical scheme against me today. Yeah, so I don’t have high optimism. So what?

With my first class came the first opportunity for school to prove that it can be a good day. And just like every other goddamn day, it failed in its duties. First, Anthony comes in and looks me straight in the eyes. That’s uncomfortable enough, but then he has to blow me a kiss in front of everybody and cause the entire classroom to erupt in laughter. THEN he decides to sit next to me the entire time we’re in class. I swear my face turned so red I thought I was going to faint.

Anthony had a huge grin on his face the entire time. I can’t believe how much he was enjoying this. Why did he have to pick on ME? Why did he have to go through such elaborate setups just to embarrass me in front of the entire class? And look at all those fuckers, laughing at something out of the ordinary; not even laughing at him, but at me. Why did their minds have to be so primordially simplistic that they could laugh at the grass growing? Well, I won’t let Anthony get to me! I can ignore all the snickers behind my back and ignore all the stares that I was getting from him and the rest of the class.

It wasn’t until lunch that I got to settle down a bit. I was still pissed at Anthony for pulling off his prank today. What’s worse was that in all my other classes with him, he made it a point to continue to stare at me with a grin on his face, just so that the other students didn’t forget his original prank.

‘What a complete jackass,’ I thought. ‘I can’t believe how much he tortures me every day at school. Surely he has other victims to terrorize. So why does he concentrate on me? And what’s been up with those blow kisses lately? Why’s he concentrating on making me look gay? Oh Gawd! What if he knows?! What if he can sense my attraction to him and now he’s playing my emotions like an instrument? ... But what if...’

RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!

What? What’s that? Oh, it’s just the bell. Man, is lunch over already? I haven’t even eaten my food yet. Oh well. On to the next class. The rest of the day goes by relatively smoothly. When I get home, I see another note on the fridge. It said that Mom was taking Kim to a dentist’s appointment and that they would be back later. Well, how lucky am I to have the house to myself for two days in a row? Let’s see here, it’s three right now, they won’t be back until around five, so if I can get my closest buds together, I’m sure we could have a little mini-party before then. I couldn’t help but to start laughing at that idea. Right, like I HAVE any friends to begin with. And like I would be the type to throw a party as well.

Still...it’s hard being lonely, because you’re constantly surrounded by idiots and don’t want to risk turning into one of them. Okay, that sounds creepy, but sometimes, in my darkest hours, I sorta wish that I could just dumb myself down so that I could be happy with these losers at school, so that I can be “normal.” But usually, a tiny voice inside me always manages to turn me away from such thoughts and tries to push me further into my own individuality.

~~~

Okay, so it’s four o’clock and pouring outside. I hope that the painter doesn’t get too wet. We’re supposed to get one today to paint the interior walls of the house. I really hope it’s a hot guy because he’ll be here for at least a week. Right about then, the doorbell rings and I go to answer it. When I open the door I see...Anthony standing right there! He was obviously as shocked as I was.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” he yells at me.

What comes out of my mouth next surprises us both.

“I live here, asshole!” I spat back.

His face contorted to anger.

“What did you just call me?” he said, VERY slowly.

I was now dripping with fear and wanted so badly to run back into the house and cower in the corner, but I knew that he would just come in and beat the shit out of me anyways. I just stood there, paralyzed with fear, unable to move. Anthony then pushed me into my house and started yelling at me some more.

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME, YOU FAGGOT?! ANSWER ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU!! DID YOU JUST CALL ME AN ASSHOLE?! HUH?!?”

He kept pushing me and yelling at me, getting louder as he spoke. Finally, after the fifth time he pushed me, I decided that I had had enough. The next time he made a move to push me, I sidestepped and elbowed him in the center of his back when he lunged pass me. When he was down on his hands and knees, I kicked as hard as I could at his stomach. He screamed in pain, so I must’ve did something right. When he sprawled onto his back, clutching his sides for protection, I took aim and fired another kick straight to his balls.

Now the poor bastard was literally crying in pain. I held off on any more attacks for now and allowed what just happened to sink into his brain. It actually took a couple seconds for it to sink into my own. I, scrawny little quiet boy Shawn, had just managed to take down Anthony, one of the strongest guys in the entire school. I don’t know how it happened, but I was quite grateful that it did. It serves him right for treating me the way he has for so long.

When I put my focus back on him, I realized that he was in the fetal position, not because he was so scared of me, but because he didn’t want to get hurt anymore and couldn’t protect himself any other way at the moment. Lightning was flashing now outside and I heard the rain more clearly than I should’ve. Realizing that the door was still open, I walked back to close it. At the door, I found some gear lying next to the doorstep. I took those, figuring that they belonged to Anthony, and brought them inside.

He was still there when I got back and before I could say anything to him, lightning flashed and the power went out. It was still moderately light out, but I could tell that the storm would only get worse. I immediately thought of my mom and sis and hoped that they were okay. Then I turned back to Anthony, still breathing hard and casting me an evil glare. He tried to get up, but gasped in pain at his attempt. He wouldn’t be walking anytime soon.

“Why are you over here Anthony?” I said, with as much authority in my voice as I could muster.

He looked at me, bewildered that I would be talking to him in such a voice. “Why the fuck should I tell you?!”

“Because right now, your body could heal on its own and be fine tomorrow morning. But, if you don’t start answering my questions, I will make SURE that however you decide to heal, it will involve LOTS of surgery.” I said with genuine malice in my voice. He could tell that I was serious.

“I’m only here to paint.” he said in a much calmer, quieter voice. “I was hired to paint the insides of a house. It’s my job. I didn’t know that it was your place.”

So he was the painter my mom hired. Well, she couldn’t have done a worse job in choosing one. I can’t believe that I’ll be stuck with him for the rest of the week. I hope he paints quick. I wonder if I could get him fired? My cell phone suddenly went off. It startled me because nobody ever calls me. Period. I don’t know why my mom insisted on me getting one. I don’t know why I even carry it around.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Shawn? It’s Mom. Listen, the storm’s really bad over here. The TV says not to go outside for any reason. So your sister and I are staying at a hotel tonight. I don’t want you to go anywhere either, okay? Close all the windows and blinds and stay away from them. I don’t know if the storm will turn into a tornado or not.”

“Okay, Mom, I get it. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.”

“I love-”

And then I hung up. She’ll be fine. It was me I was worried about. When I found Anthony, he had managed to slink over to the front window and was looking outside.

“Dude, look at all that rain coming down. I can’t drive out there. Especially not in the condition I’m in.” he said while shooting another non-threatening death glare at me. I just shrugged it off. I couldn’t believe how bold I was being tonight. “Could I just crash here for the night?”

“What?! Are you kidding me? After all that you put me through? Not just tonight, but for the past four years?! I should put you out in that storm to freeze to death!”

“That’s not fair! Putting me out there in this condition; it’s like taking a cane away from an old lady and forcing her to fend for herself.”

“Which is probably something you’ve done before! You are ignorant and mean enough to do so! Maybe you should get a dose of your own medicine.”

“No! Please!” he said, begging. This was something I had not expected. “Don’t put me out there. I won’t cause you any trouble tonight, I swear! I just, I don’t want to die. I don’t have anything to protect me from the weather. I wouldn’t last the night. I can’t even walk. Please, don’t do this.”

And for the first time in my life, I saw actual tears of sadness coming from his eyes. I couldn’t do something like this to him. It would be an Anthony thing to do. It was early December, after all. He really wouldn’t make it through the night. I could be the better man tonight and call a temporary truce. Which is what I did and I swear I almost melted when I saw his face go from sadness to happiness in one motion. He thanked me a million times and soon we were sitting around the living room in an awkward silence. It wasn’t long before he spoke up though.

“Hey, Shawn. There’s something I wanna tell ya.”