Black Star Cross - 48. Breakup and Breakdown (Part 5)

Black Star Cross

Chapter 48: Breakup and Breakdown (Part 5)

“Shawn, what are you doing here?” he questioned. “As a matter of fact, how did you get here?”

“Emmy brought me,” I answered to his second question. “And the reason I came here is the same reason I gave before. Brett was in trouble, and I wanted to help. I was at Emmy’s, told her about Brett, and asked if I could come here.”

Anthony gave me an odd look, like he was analyzing everything that I’d said. He then gave a glance at Brett’s mom, who was obviously starting to wonder why there seemed to be a sudden tension between the two of us. He looked back at me.

“Well, Brett doesn’t need the help anymore. I’ve just spent the past half an hour or so talking to him in his room,” he stated, again looking at Brett’s mom to gauge her reaction. She had enough sense in her to act surprised and intrigued. “And I seemed to have talked him out of whatever it was that he was thinking of doing. He’s in the shower right now.”

Before either Brett’s mom or I could react, we all heard a car pulling up the driveway. I looked at the clock on the wall. It hadn’t been an hour yet, so I knew it wasn’t Emmy. Then I remembered that Anthony had mentioned that his friends were coming over.

“Should be Keith and the others,” Anthony stated.

Indeed, soon they were all piling into the kitchen. They all looked surprised to see me there.

“How the fu...hell did you get here?” Keith demanded, stealing a glance at Brett’s mom before he could fire off the ultimate swear word, no doubt.

“Emmy drove me here,” I repeated myself.

Keith walked up to me. I prepped myself for a fist fight.

“Can we talk?” he said, more than asked, in a low, threatening tone of voice. “Privately?”

“Is that the shower I hear?” asked Liz.

Keith looked back at her. Everybody was quiet so that the three could hear the shower. Keith then swung his gaze at Anthony in surprise.

“He’s in there right now. No sense in gang-rushing him right now. Especially when he’s all naked and all, dude.”

“I want to see him naked,” came Liz.

“You want to see everyone naked, Liz,” replied Wes.

“That’s not true!” defended Liz. “I definitely don’t want to see Anthony’s boytoy here naked,” she continued, motioning at me.

“And I’m sure you’re a real mouth-waterer,” I said back. “How many tattoos do you have that we can’t see right now? Such a turn on.”

“Dudes. Chill,” Anthony instructed, sensing the battle that was about to begin.

Keith turned back to me.

“You. Me. Living room. Now,” he directed.

Knowing that I could take him in a fight, seeing as how I’ve already done it before, I followed him into the adjacent room.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” he whispered loudly, if that’s even possible. “I know damn well that you didn’t know where Brett lived. Didn’t I tell you not to come here?!”

“I already told you!” I answered in equal tone. “Emmy took me here!”

“And what were you doing around Anthony’s aunt? You don’t live there.”

“I just...wound up at her place,” I said, opting not to tell him about the current family situation.

“Well that’s a bunch of bullcrap!” he quipped.

“Yeah? Well it’s all the bullcrap you’re gonna get out of me!” I countered.

“I’ll beat the bullcrap out of you if you don’t tell me the real reason why you’re here!”

“Beat it out of me? Ha! Do you not remember who totally owned your ass a couple days ago?”

“You caught me off guard and I wasn’t mentally there!”

“You admitted yourself that you wouldn’t be able to take me in a fight.”

“I said that I thought it would be an incredibly difficult fight! Not that I would lose to you!”

“Well all I’m saying is that I’m here now, Anthony got Brett out of his room, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it,” I replied in my own threatening voice. “So I suggest you drop it and instead focus on getting Brett back to normal.”

And at that awesome conversation closer (if I do say so myself), I turned and left the room. Once back in the kitchen, I saw Anthony sitting by himself, sipping on the coffee that Brett’s mom had prepared for us. He looked up at me and smiled. I remembered the reason why I had come here in the first place.

“So, if the whole Brett fiasco is finished, can we talk?” I asked.

“Well, I’d like to stay and make sure that Brett doesn’t try anything stupid, dude,” he stated.

“Go and talk to your ‘boytoy,’ bro,” came Keith, emerging from the other room. He still seemed royally pissed. He glared at me. Like with Anthony’s hate glares, I dismissed it completely. “I’m sure Wes, Liz, Brett’s mom and I can handle whatever he throws at us. And I’m sure his dad will be home sometime today, eventually, hopefully.”

“Fine, dude. But if he does go ballistic again, you call me immediately, okay? I’m probably the one he trusts most right now. I’ll let you in on the more important details of our talk when I get the chance.”

“Cool, bro,” Keith said. The shower stopped. “Looks like he’s done with his shower. We should go get prepared.”

“Good luck, dude. Treat him gently. He’s been through a lot.”

“I know. We all have,” Keith smiled, before returning to the others in another room.

Anthony turned to me. “Soooo...where do you wanna talk?”

Seeing a golden opportunity, I said, “How about your place? Things are getting kinda tense at home again. Your mom working?”

“Yeah. We’ll have some privacy,” he smiled.

We walked out to his car and drove off. Anthony’s mind seemed to be somewhere else entirely during the drive. I could guess where it was.

“Still concerned about Brett?”

“Yeah, dude. It was harsh in there. I tried everything to get him to open up, both the door and himself. When he finally did both, I was stunned by the amount of problems that guy has. I never would’ve realized that he had so much going on inside his head. I’m sorry, dude, but I can’t tell you anything that he said.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that he’d swear you to secrecy. So...did he come out to you?” I ventured.

He laughed. “Dude, I know you by now. I know that if I answer yes or no to that, then you’ll know whether I’m telling the truth or not and you’ll start pestering me with questions until I tell you everything. So the safest route for me is to not answer any questions to begin with.”

I was STUNNED at his proclamation. I did the Signs of the Cross.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“I’m preparing my ascent into Heaven. Because the amount of intelligence you just used to say all that is the surest sign of the Apocalypse I have EVER seen.”

He laughed again and playfully punched me in the arm.

“Douche,” was his retort. His smile lessened slightly. “I just hope he pulls through, dude.”

“I’m sure he will,” I said, not knowing how much I believed that statement myself.

~~~

We soon arrived at the empty house and went inside. I went to the phone. Just as I had expected, there were names next to the speed dial buttons, and I pressed the appropriate button.

“Who’re you calling?” Anthony asked.

“Brett’s house. Emmy was originally supposed to pick me up in about five minutes.”

“What?”

“Hi, this is Shawn,” I said into the phone, once I heard Brett’s mom’s voice on the other side. “I just wanted to let you know that Anthony’s aunt, Emmy, will be stopping by soon. She was supposed to pick me up an hour after I arrived at your house. However, I went with Anthony instead. I’m at his house right now. Just tell her that’s where I am now. Anthony knows where I live so there won’t be any problem getting me back home. Okay?”

She answered in the affirmative.

“Thanks. Goodbye.”

I hung up.

“So you used me to get out of going back to your place, huh?” came Anthony. He didn’t look too happy about what just transpired.

“I still need to talk with you, and I doubt we could do that at school, where you become Paranoid Anthony.”

“And what did you do at your house, dude?” he said, completely ignoring what I just said.

“Nothing!” I lied. “I just needed to get a hold of you somehow and I knew that you’d be at Brett’s. I guessed that Emmy knew where he lived, since neither you nor Keith would tell me, I called her, and she picked me up from my house and drove me there.”

Anthony seemed to buy it. “So you really didn’t care what happened to Brett? You just sat patiently for an hour until I came out?”

“That’s not it at all. You’d have to be a heartless bastard not to care about somebody who was about to take his life! Believe it or not, I actually have a heart and was genuinely concerned about him. Maybe not as much as you and the rest of your friends, since he was YOUR friend and all, but concerned nonetheless. I figured I’d be there for emotional support, and then talk to you once you had the chance. Of course, by the time I got there, I noticed your car in the driveway, saw that you weren’t anywhere inside the house, weren’t near Brett’s door, and I figured that you must be inside talking to Brett. I figured that I might as well leave the two of you alone, in case Brett thought that everybody was listening in on the other side.”

He looked at me with judging eyes. “I’m still not sure I totally buy that, dude. But I’ll let it slide for now. Now what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

This brought my thoughts back in order.

“Right. What the fuck is the matter with you?! We’re pretty much a covert couple for about five months now, and all of the sudden you decide that you’re NOT gay?! That’s a bunch of bullshit, Anthony! I can’t believe you’re resorting to that excuse again!”

“What’s there to get? I’m not gay, dude. I figured it out.”

“Oh, you’re not gay anymore? So all the sexual stuff we’ve been doing for the past three months was just one long joke?”

“I didn’t say that, dude...”

“Then what the fuck does it mean?!” I yelled. “I’m fucking TIRED of always having to figure out when you’re okay with all this and when you’re being a homophobic asshole for no justifiable reason!”

“Shawn! Calm the fuck down!” he yelled back. “I said that I wasn’t gay, and that’s it! It may come as a surprise to you, but I’ve actually been thinking about who I am for awhile now. And I came to the conclusion that I’m not gay. I’m not bi, either. Look Shawn, I’ve noticed that ever since I got together with you, I haven’t looked at any other guy in the same way as I’ve looked at you. I don’t THINK about guys the same way you do. In fact, I STILL look at girls the same way I always have, just like Keith, and Wes, and Brett, and every other guy in school. Well, except for Peter. So how can I possibly be gay if I don’t look at ANY other guy and want to fuck him except for you?!”

“So what the fuck?! You’re telling me that you’re going to break up with me just because you see me as some anomaly?”

“Don’t go using big words on me, especially in a conversation like this!”

“It means ‘some freakish exception to the norm,’ Anthony.”

“You ARE some freakish exception to the norm, Shawn.”

“Fine then! I guess we’re broken up then. I should’ve never have figured that you could be anybody worth my while. Not after I’ve had first-hand knowledge of the kind of person you are for the past four years.”

So that was it. I had officially broken up with Anthony. God, why was I so stupid? Why did I ever figure that he could be a generally nice person? I should have seen this coming a mile away from the beginning. I know now not to trust anybody.

“Hey, hold it, dude!” his voice interrupted my thoughts. “Did I ever say that I wanted to break up?”

“You don’t have to say it. It’s the words you DON’T say that convey everything you mean to me.”

“Well fuck that!” he said. “I say that we aren’t broken up, dude!”

Wait...what? Can...can he DO that? UNDO that?

“What did I just get done saying, dude?” he continued. “I don’t have these...feelings for any other guy...except you. I DO have these stupid, warm and fuzzy feelings for you. I DON’T know where they came from, but I DO know that they’re there. And, unfortunately, they don’t seem to be going away anytime soon. Trust me, dude; I’ve tried to get them to go away.”

“You’re being contradictory here, Anthony,” I said, still very, very confused.

“Fuck, do you want me to tell I love you? Fine! I love you, Shawn! Okay?! Is THAT what you wanted to hear? For the past, what, six months or so? You said it yourself; that’s what you’ve been thinking I’ve felt ever since we got together. Before that, even. I love you. I’d rather spend an afternoon stroking you off underneath the blankets than go to the skate park with Keith and watch him collect the cell phone numbers of every hot chick there! Yes, I still think that most girls with humongous boobs and a juicy ass are God’s gift amongst men, but the fact of the matter is that I’d still rather be with you...for some reason! And if you EVER tell that to ANYBODY, I will make sure that the nightmare you had will seem like a wet dream to you!”

Wait...

Wait...

Wait...

...my mind was going dead. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t process a single word. I think I stopped breathing. My mouth hung open, but no words escaped it, nor air entered it. What the fuck? Wait...what was going on here? Was he joking? Wait...were his friends outside, waiting for me to acknowledge my gayness? Was this a setup of some kind? Wait...he...he said...wait...but he...Anthony’s not that kind of...wait...what?

He rolled his eyes and leaned in. In an instant, his lips connected with mine. He used his lip muscles (I think they exist) and the power of persuasion to close my gapping mouth. I felt his hand cradle the back of my head, locking me in place as his lips started sucking on my bottom lip. Out of instinct, I started sucking on his upper lip. Only at this point in time did I close my eyes. I was still confused as hell, though.

Anthony soon pulled back, letting us both breathe. His mouth formed an open-mouth smile; he rested his forehead on mine.

“What the fuck was that for?” I asked in my confusion.

“To show you I wasn’t kidding,” he answered. After a couple minutes of getting our breaths under control, he continued. “You know, dude, you didn’t say it back.”

“Say what back?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

I can most assuredly say that I did not. Say what back?

“What did I just say before I kissed you, dude?”

What did he just say? After he told me that he loved me, my mind kinda went blank. Oh.

“Oh. That. Yeah...didn’t I say it before, at some point in time or another?”

“Not that I can recall.”

“Do I have to say it in an over-the-top, cheesy, chick-flick kind of way that you said it?”

“Yes. Yes you do, dude. If not MORE over-the-top. I’m pretty sure I’m the guy in this scenario anyways.”

“Yeah right! You’re so insecure over what other people think, I’m surprised that you don’t dress any trendier than you already do! Let’s not forget the rare, RARE times you showcase your ability to be a kind and caring individual. Oh yeah, and the fact that you sucked a guy’s dick! Willingly!”

“You put me under the influence on that one!”

“Hardly! You couldn’t envelop your mouth over my cock fast enough! I thought I was going to get oral whiplash!”

“Oh? And you were Mr. Restraint? Even Keith says that it’s hard for girls to deepthroat, but you...!”

“Well if you didn’t keep thrusting up in the air, raping my esophagus, I wouldn’t be taking deepthroating lessons against my will!”

Both of us were silent for a bit, staring each other down.

“Dude, just say it. I already did, and I always thought that you were going to be the first to say it.”

“Yeah, me too. Fine. I love you, Anthony. Happy?”

“Yeah, dude. But don’t expect ME to say it very often.”

“Oh, I didn’t expect you to.”

He smiled, and I smiled, and soon we were making out again. Anthony was my boyfriend again...at least until he screws up again somehow. I just have to beat off any approaching girls...as strange as that may seem, given the circumstances.