Black Star Cross - 47. Breakup and Breakdown (Part 4)

Black Star Cross

Chapter 47: Breakup and Breakdown (Part 4)

“It’s gonna be okay,” Anthony said, in just barely above an audible whisper. “It’s going to be okay, dude. Okay?”

“Fuck. I don’t want to fucking do this anymore! I’m tired of it!” yelled Brett, still weeping into Anthony.

By this time, Anthony was effectively cradling Brett in his arms. I’ve never seen anything like it. I mean, obviously, Anthony wasn’t holding Brett in his arms like one would with a newborn baby. But, he was now enveloping both arms around Brett and rocking the both of them ever so slightly. Anthony was trying in vain to becalm Brett whilst Brett was now punching Anthony on the shoulder, with Anthony just sitting there and taking it.

“I just want it to stop,” cried Brett.

“What do you mean, dude?” asked Anthony. “I can’t help you if you don’t clarify these things.”

Clarify? Did he steal that from me? ‘Cause I know that he doesn’t have the mental capacity for such a word. I heard a muffled huffing.

“Heh heh. I didn’t know you knew that word,” came Brett. “Were you studying the dictionary while you were waiting out there?”

“Damn it, dude! Why does everybody think that I can’t use big words?! Huh? It’s not like it’s a very big word to begin with!” Anthony asked.

“Because you CAN’T use big words,” Brett reprimanded. “You never have, and you never will, unless you learn it from being around somebody else. So who was it? Your new friend Shawn? I heard from Keith that he’s smarter than he lets on. Almost philosophical. Surprised the hell out of Keith when he first met him. That ought to have put him in his place, that manipulative bastard.”

Anthony smiled. “Yeah, Shawn’s pretty smart. I probably did get that word from him somewhere down the line.”

That’s probably the closest Anthony’s ever come to complimenting me, and I wasn’t even in the same room as him, nor did he say it with the intention of me ever hearing it. It’s quite sad, and yet I still couldn’t help but to let a meager smile make its way through my lips. Brett burrowed his head further into Anthony’s side, if that was possible.

“Heh. Must be nice, having a friend like him. Able to break all the rules, aren’t you? Having a friend like him.”

“Hey now. I was just as surprised as the rest of you when I became friends with him. And it wasn’t like I didn’t suffer the consequences. Remember those rumors?”

“Yeah, I remember them. I also remember how you shunned him immediately afterwards. Only further cemented my beliefs.”

“What beliefs?”

“It’s nothing.”

“C’mon, dude. I told you that I’d swore myself to secrecy if need be.”

“I don’t think that’s what you said at all.”

“Well, I’m saying it now, dude.”

Brett stayed silent again, looking deep in contemplation. The rocking motion of the two teens almost made me want to rock along with them. I heard somebody coming up the stairs. Hoping to intercept them before Anthony and Brett found out, I quietly made my way to the stairs. I saw Brett’s mother coming up with cups of coffee.

“What’s wrong, Shawn?” she asked, noticing the concerned look on my face. “Is something wrong?”

“Shhh!” I said quietly. “Go back downstairs. Anthony got Brett to open his door and let him in. They’re talking right now. Any noise and Brett will just clam up again.”

She just looked ecstatic that any progress seemed to have been made.

“He’s talking again?” she queried.

“Yes, but Anthony promised that no one else was around. We can’t be breaking Brett’s trust in Anthony right now. Then we’ll never get anywhere.”

“I understand,” she stated calmly. “I’ll be sure to inform the others when they get here.”

She then quietly went back downstairs. I quickly and silently snuck back to my previous position. Nothing seemed to have changed. They were still sitting there in silence. Then, Brett leaned over and whispered into Anthony’s ear. Anthony’s eyes flickered slightly.

“Why?”

“That’s how it works. You made that abundantly clear. Yet you still somehow managed to keep your friendship intact...I think.”

Anthony still looked confused, as did I.

“I still don’t get it. I mean, you didn’t seem too concerned with the way things have been going so far.”

“Fuck that!” yelled Brett, much louder now, startling us all. “I’m tired of all that bullshit! Anthony, you don’t understand. I’m sick and tired of all the effort that goes into doing all the things I do.”

He leaned into Anthony again and started mumbling some more.

“...can’t...ve...can’t...seconds...all the...stink...weed...everybody...hottest...best...”

He continued to mumble into Anthony. I couldn’t make out any more that he said, nor could I decipher what I could make out. Brett had started crying again. Anthony seemed to be consoling him. Anthony looked up. I quickly hid my head from his view. I don’t know if I was quick enough, though. When I didn’t hear anything coming from him, I looked back in. His eyes were scanning the entire room. He seemed lost, like he didn’t know what to do in this situation. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t know what to do either.

“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay, dude,” he would say occasionally.

Brett continued to cry. Suddenly, Anthony’s eyes widened and brightened. I think the dumb jock might’ve finally had an idea. I’ll have to give him a medal later. He turned to the sobbing nervous wreck.

“Hey. Hey, Brett. Listen to me, dude. Remember when I said that I was keeping secrets from you all? I said that if you let me in, that I’d tell you, right?”

Brett looked up and nodded slightly. Anthony suddenly looked VERY nervous. I bet he just now realized what he had set himself up for. So much for that perfect plan of his. That’s why jocks don’t think.

“I-I guess I can tell you a little bit. You know, to keep my promise and stuff,” Anthony continued, his face lighting up like a mono-colored Christmas tree...or something like that, I guess.

Anthony then leaned into Brett and whispered into his ear. And I SWEAR that I heard my name somewhere in there! Is he outing me? Is he outing himself? I couldn’t hear anything that he was saying. What the hell was that dumb jock whispering about?! Whatever it was, it clearly surprised Brett. Brett’s head snapped towards Anthony, his face obviously showing surprise at what Anthony just said. Anthony seemed to refuse to make eye contact at first, but eventually decided to do so. His face was still beet red. Was he sweating?

“Are you...are you serious?” Brett asked.

Anthony broke the eye contact.

“Yeah,” he said, barely audible to me.

Brett stared at the floor.

“Wow,” he replied, just as quiet. “I didn’t know.”

“Of course not, dude. What part of ‘secret’ were you not understanding?” he joked.

Brett actually gave out a half-hearted laugh. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. Damn, I wouldn’t have guessed. Haha, and I definitely wouldn’t have guessed that you told Shawn of all people.”

“Hey, what can I say? Shawn’s a good listener. And I figured that Shawn’s smart. He might be able to help somehow.”

Did Anthony really just come out to Brett? He hasn’t even officially come out to ME, yet! Plus, I thought he suddenly wasn’t gay anymore! What’s going on here?

Neither of the two said anything after that. Both looked deeply entrenched in their own little world. Eventually, Brett spoke.

“I’m just tired of it all, Anthony. I want it to stop. I can’t keep doing this forever. I don’t like it. I just want to be able to do my own thing, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. It does suck sometimes. I’m sure that if Shawn were here, he’d chew both our asses out for being so stereotypical.”

Yes, yes I probably would, Anthony. If not for the fact that I don’t want to be noticed right now, I’d do exactly that. It would HELP if I knew what you two were talking about.

“You know, nothing’s really stopping you, dude.” he continued. “I mean, you don’t have to keep doing this.”

Brett chuckled. “Right. Like I can just stop doing what I’ve been doing for the past who knows how many years and no one will notice or complain. Give me a break. You know just as well as I do that things don’t change that easily.”

“No, but they can change, dude. I got over the rumors about Shawn and me.”

“The rumors went away. That’s completely different,” Brett countered.

“Still. We’re still friends. That’s gotta mean something, right?”

“And you’re still just one exception, Anthony.”

Anthony didn’t seem to have anything to say to that, so he sat in silence.

“I was just throwing the idea out there, dude,” he said softly. “I just want you to be happy, that’s all. You deserve it.”

A brief pause, followed by a short laugh. “Damn, that sounded like the most cheesiest line from a romance movie ever, dude. I’m sorry for putting you through that.”

Brett laughed along as well. “Yeah, that was pretty bad. You sure you aren’t trying to take advantage of me during my time of vulnerability?”

“I don’t know, dude. You ARE smoking hot. If I didn’t know that Keith and the rest were coming over soon, well...” he left it hanging.

What! What would he do?! I have to admit, the scene going on inside my head was getting pretty steamy. Both the dumb jocks laughed. Then all was silent for awhile before Brett spoke up.

“Thanks...for listening, bro.”

“Thanks for not turning this into a homicide case, dude.”

“Dude, I’m serious.”

“I know. And I’m still glad that you didn’t decide to go with the whole ‘take me as a hostage’ idea that I so generously gave you. And I WILL snap your neck if you say anything about me using the word ‘generously.’”

“Damn, you beat me to it.”

“Yeah, well, Shawn gives me plenty of practice to raise my awareness of when people are about to say things like that.”

“Man, just buy a fucking dictionary and use a word a day. I’m sure he won’t be able to say anything when your vocabulary becomes bigger than his.”

“Thanks, dude. I might just do that.”

Never gonna work, Anthony. Never gonna work. Then, Anthony leaned over and whispered into Brett’s ear again. Brett shook his head.

“Dude, no. You don’t have to...”

“Shut the fuck up. I’m doing it, and that’s final.”

Brett smiled. “What are you? My father?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

“I already have one, you know.”

“I’ll actually be here. And I just look SO much more awesome than he does.”

“Haha! Yeah right! At least HE can kick a soccer ball!”

“Dude, do NOT go there! That is restricted territory, and you’re not allowed in!”

“I think the last time your shoe went further than the ball did!” Brett laughed. “I swear, I think Wes almost pissed his pants!”

“Dude, I’m not talking about this. This conversation is over with, dude.”

Brett continued to laugh as Anthony’s face turned redder and redder. No doubt I’ll have to bring this up again in the near future.

“I’m serious, dude,” Anthony said. “I’m going to do it. And don’t think I won’t get Keith, Wes, and Liz in on it as well. And now that I think about it, I wouldn’t doubt it if Keith’s already coming up with some grand scheme to...”

“Do you know what the word ‘scheme’ means?”

“...grand scheme to help fix some of your problems,” Anthony finished through clenched teeth. “You know, I did talk to Shawn about stopping those jokes. It REALLY doesn’t do much for my self-esteem, you know. I’d like it if you shut your fucking mouth whenever you feel like bringing those up as well.”

“Oooh, touchy,” said Brett with wit. “Fine. I’ll try.”

“Yeah, that’s what Shawn said as well,” answered Anthony, dejectedly.

“Well you’re such an easy target, it’s hard for us NOT to make fun of you. It’s not like we can make fun of your single-parent status or elite football skills. Keep in mind I’m using the word ‘elite’ VERY liberally.”

“Can we stop making fun of me for just two seconds and focus back on you? I said I’ll host more of them now, and I know the others will, too. As for the other stuff, well, just don’t try so freaking hard. You can let a B slip by every once in a while, can’t you? Hell, I’ll gladly teach you how to fail.”

“No, Anthony.”

“It’ll be fun. We can play Metal Gear Solid 3 for hours on end, order a pizza and, if your mom ain’t here, some beer as well, we’ll look at porn online...”

“No Anthony, we won’t. I appreciate the offer, but I’m not going to dumb myself down to your standards.”

“Then play for one less team,” came Anthony’s quick reply. “You don’t need to be playing for the football team AND the basketball team AND the baseball team AND the soccer team. Fuck, I’ll break your legs if you try and do that again.”

Suddenly, his whole demeanor changed again. He almost seemed...worldly.

“Seriously dude...” he said, before mumbling the rest to Brett, ending with, “and I’m gonna ask her, if I can find her.”

“No you won’t!” demanded Brett.

“Well if you won’t, then I will. I think Keith’s already got a search party out for her. It’s only a matter of time, dude.”

Brett put his face in the palms of his hands.

“Dude, I didn’t ask for any of you to do that. This is so fucking embarrassing.”

“We were concerned, dude. We were desperate. Keith and the others, they still are. We were willing to do anything if it meant you getting better.”

Brett smiled. “Thanks. That really means a lot to me, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Hey, I don’t want to wind up as sappy as you’ve been lately,” he laughed.

Anthony joined in the laughter.

“Hey, what can I say? I was in a very different and unusual environment. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it.”

“Well, you did a good job, bro. Thanks.”

“No sweat, dude. Say, you ready to get out of this room? You’ve only been in it for, like, the past couple of days straight. No offence, dude, but you look fucking awful, and need a shower BADLY.”

As Brett’s smile grew, he said, “Yeah, I guess I should before the others arrive.”

The two started to get up. Taking this as my time to leave, I quietly made my way to the stairs and went down them quickly to the kitchen where Brett’s mom was. She looked up at me.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Anthony managed to get Brett to come out.”

She instantly rose from her chair, her hands clasped together, and she looked about ready to cry again.

“Really? He talked him out of his room?”

“Yeah. From what I heard, Brett may be taking a shower soon, and I don’t know where Anthony’s heading. Either outside the bathroom or he’ll come down here. Either way, it’s best to pretend that I didn’t tell you anything, so that both guys won’t know that I’ve been eavesdropping on them the entire time.”

“Yes, I understand,” she said, still too delighted that her son didn’t off himself, obviously.

A minute later, we heard the shower running from upstairs. Also, we heard footsteps coming from the staircase. Anthony entered the kitchen and stopped suddenly when he saw me.

“What the hell?”