Black Star Cross - 26. Return to a Place I Once Called Home

Black Star Cross

Chapter 26: Return to a Place I Once Called Home

Sigh.

I ate dinner, watched TV, and went to my room for the rest of the night. I packed my suitcases, got everything ready, and crawled into bed once everything was done and over with. There would be no fantasizing tonight. I wouldn’t be able to get Shawn Jr. up anyways, even if I wanted to.

Emmy came in and talked to me. She wanted to make sure that I was okay with all of this. Of course I wasn’t, but I said yes anyways. There was no way out of it, unless I wanted to start having those nightmares again. And I NEVER want to experience those ever again. EVER. She said that she would miss me, and so would Stephanie and Erik. I said that I would miss them as well. They DID treat me nicely while I was here. Though I could’ve went without Stephanie and Erik’s little interruption that one time when Anthony’s face was right next to my crotch.

I fell into a dreamless sleep that night, which I suppose is better than a bad dream sleep. I really am glad that I stopped having those nightmares. I was woken early the next morning by Emmy, saying that my mom would be arriving soon, and that I’d better get ready. I showered, got dressed, and had breakfast. The kids weren’t even up yet. I was wondering if I’d never have to face that evil alarm clock from Hell ever again. And on a more positive side of things, at least now I’ll be able to go back to going commando again. Briefs are really restrictive and they’re not good for the family jewels.

By the time I was done with breakfast, I heard a car come rolling up the driveway. I knew that it was Mom. Emmy went to answer the door. I could hear the pleasantries being tossed back and forth between the two. Had either of them met before? ‘Yeah, that’s definitely Mom’s voice,’ I thought to myself. She came into the kitchen where I was at. She didn’t look any different from the last time that I saw her. Except that her hair was a little more kept now. So at least she wasn’t drunk off her ass.

“I’ll go get my things,” I said coldly, as I left the room.

I gathered my stuff and started taking them out to the car. I didn’t know what to make of it when I saw Kimberly in the backseat. I tried my very best to put on a smile for her. No sense in putting her in a sad mood. I don’t want her to think that I wasn’t happy to see her. She rolled down the window, despite it still being winter, and started cheerfully gabbing away at me. I had to smile, outwardly and in. She would grow up to be a woman yet. She already has the nonstop chattering down pat. From what I could get, she was very happy to see me, and very happy to be going home as well. She had a wonderful time at her friend’s house. Sort of like an extended sleepover. But she really missed her room and her house, so was glad that she’d finally be going home.

‘Did she remember the accident? How old was she then?’

The thoughts just randomly popped in my head. It took the smile off my face, something she picked up on right away. Intuitiveness must run in the family.

“What’s wrong, Shawn?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m going to go back and get more of my stuff. I’ll be right back.”

I left for the house again, trying to control my face. Emmy and Mom were still talking. I bypassed them without a word and went for the rest of my stuff. It wasn’t until I had left the door again that the thought occurred to me. ‘What WAS Emmy talking to Mom about? Was it about me? If so, what about me?’ I really didn’t want to know, so I kept on walking. Kim still felt like relying every minute detail of the past several weeks to me, so I had to listen in. She did start asking about me, about what I had done since I got here. I, of course, didn’t tell her anything relating to Anthony. I basically said that I just tried to do well in school and be respectful of the people who really do live here. I tried to turn the conversation back to what happened to her, which succeeded.

Once I was done packing everything, I decided to face the music and go back inside to say goodbye to Emmy. They both stopped talking once they saw me coming up to them. Emmy decided to speak first.

“Well Shawn, it was very nice having you over here. I’m sure that Stephanie and Erik were happy as well.”

“Thank you. It was nice being here. Thanks for taking me in for such a long period of time.”

“Oh, it was no bother. Anthony doesn’t normally call me up saying that one of his friends needs a place to stay.”

I was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation, namely because my mom was right there next to us while we were saying these things.

“Well, thank you once again for taking care of Shawn,” Mom said.

“It was no problem. Maybe we’ll see each other again, Shawn.”

We said our goodbyes and Mom and I walked out to the car, her hand gripped tightly on my shoulder. Already the old flames were returning. Who the hell does she think I am?! Does she think that I’m just going to make a break for it again or something?! Although that doesn’t sound like a bad idea actually. But I really don’t want to take another trip to the hospital, ‘cause I know from personal experience that I can’t survive worth shit in the woods.

So I was silently fuming all the way “home.” Kimberly was chatting nonstop about this and that; I wasn’t paying too much attention. I stared out the window most of the time. Mom was giving back limited responses to Kimberly’s constant jabbering. I’m sure that we could both sense the heavy air in the car. ‘Worst. Car ride. Ever.,’ I thought, mentally wincing that I had resorted to a Simpsons-like quote.

We arrived back home sometime later. It didn’t look any different from when I last left it. The lawn needed mowing, though. Maybe I could get Anthony to mow it...

I smiled a little at the thought, but quickly got rid of it so that Mom doesn’t see it. I had to wait for her to unlock the door; she never did trust me with my own set of keys, not that I ever needed a set. Once she unlocked the door, I made my way into the house. It looked the same inside as well. I tried to make my way to my room, but...

“Shawn, may I see you in the living room?” Mom called out.

‘What? No “please”?,’ I thought, snidely. I made my way to the living room. I assumed that she sent Kim to her room. I was right. Mom was all alone in there. There was no TV on, no radio playing, nothing to suggest that she might want to make the setting a little bit more...warmer.

“What,” I said, more than questioned.

“Sit down. We need to talk.”

‘Oh this ought to be fun,’ I thought. I sat down on a couch as far from her as I could get.

“Okay. Let’s talk,” I challenged.

“First we need to take care of that attitude of yours,” she began with a sneer.

“Oh this thing? It ain’t going away anytime soon,” I countered, in that so-high-of-a-tone-that-you-KNOW-I’m-pissed voice.

“What the hell has happened to you?! Why are you STILL acting like such a brat?! What the hell is wrong with you?!” she shrieked.

“Didn’t we already have this discussion before?! I already told you! This is how I am!”

“And I already told you that I didn’t raise such a son!”

And then the front door rang.

Just to get out of that room, I bolted for the door, silently hoping that it was the police or something. Could I fake an injury well enough to be convincing and get out of here? How surprising (and pleasing) it was to see Anthony at the door. How surprised I was to see a longing look on his face.

“Hey dude. Um...I wanted to see if you needed any help...moving in and stuff,” he said, in the most shyest voice I’ve ever heard, besides the few times I’ve used it myself.

“Thanks but...I already told you yesterday. There was nothing heavy that needed moving. We practically got everything moved in already.”

There it was again. That crestfallen look on his face. That look of disappointment. What? What is this all about? Did he want to, I don’t know, show off? Flex his muscles for me; show me how strong he is? Typical guy. Typical jock. Typical Anthony. Wait, NOT typical Anthony. Since when has HE wanted to show off to me?

“Well, I just wanted to know if you needed anything. I guess I better get going then,” The fake smile on his face was obvious. He then turned to leave. Thinking about what awaits me back inside the house, I stopped him.

“Hey! Um, I’m not doing anything right now. So, can I come over to your place for a bit?”

I was mentally begging him to say yes.

“Shouldn’t you be staying here? I mean, get reconnected with your family and stuff?”

“We’ve already talked. Everything’s okay.”

“I don’t buy that bullshit for a minute. I’m not letting you shirk out of spending time with your family, whom you haven’t seen since forever.”

‘Getting desperate here.’

“But wouldn’t you rather be spending time with me?” I asked sweetly (ugh, can’t believe I just said that), trying to use the best damn puppy dog eyes ever.

His face was stone cold.

“Get in there and talk. Be friendly for once,” Then the stone melted. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

Seeing as how I was not going to win this battle, I reluctantly agreed. He smiled and turned to leave again, this time with me allowing him to do so. I closed the door and walked back into the living room, knowing that Mom wouldn’t let me off the hook so easily.

“Who was at the door?”

“Just Anthony. Wanted to know if anything needed to be moved around the house.”

“Well it was nice of him to offer his assistance like that.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Now then, let’s get back to our discussion.”

“Oh, so that’s what you call it.”

“Now listen here, young man...”

So it was safe to say that we didn’t get much accomplished that evening. We ended up yelling at each other some more until finally we both gave up for the night and I got to leave for my room. I don’t know what she did. Probably started hitting the bottle again. Oh well.

Once I made it into my room, I shut the door and locked it. I wasn’t coming downstairs for nothing for the rest of the day. Don’t know if Mom’s even gonna cook. I ended up rediscovering where everything was in my room, and also remembered that I had left all my stuff in suitcases downstairs.

“Fuck!” I yelled to myself.

She had never let me go upstairs with my stuff before she brought me into the living room for our “chat.” Fuck, now I’ll have to sit in here the entire day with most of my stuff downstairs. Bitch better not touch my stuff or there will be hell to pay.

At around noon, Kimberly came to my room, saying that lunch was ready downstairs. I told her that I wasn’t hungry. In reality, I was very much so. But I couldn’t go downstairs. Wow, I feel like I had grounded myself. I kept a watchful ear out to see if Mom left the house at any time. Unfortunately, she didn’t. I guess she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Is she waiting this out too?

At around seven, Kimberly once again came up to my room, telling me that dinner was ready. I was about to tell her that I still wasn’t hungry when my stomach started to really rumble. I was starving. I hadn’t eaten since this morning. So I told her that I’d be down in a minute. I couldn’t stay cooped up in here forever, could I? I’d just have to face the music, once again. Hopefully Kimberly’s presence will buffer Mom’s assault on me some.

Dinner was its usual awkward silence. Actually, it was more awkward than usual. I mean, way back then, it was, what most people would call, an “unusually silent” dinner. But at least then, people would talk, or the TV would be on, or something. Now, no one was talking. Mom and I weren’t looking at each other. Kimberly was probably confused as heck. I hope that this isn’t affecting her too much.

I ate my dinner in a hurry and sped right back upstairs after I was done. I at least remembered to grab my stuff on the way back up. I spent the rest of the night unpacking my stuff and placing them back to where they were before. As soon as I unpacked my CD player, I got my headphones out and started playing tunes whilst unpacking.

After I was done, I fell back onto my bed and decided to call it a night. After ten or so minutes, I noticed that my calendar wasn’t put back up. I thought long and hard, but couldn’t figure out today’s date. So I figured that I had better put it up to keep my sanity in check. Once tacked onto the wall, I looked at today’s date, and also noticed that a nearby date was circled on my calendar. All of a sudden, cold chills went down my spine and I lost the ability to breathe normally.

“Oh God. It’s already here.”