Black Star Cross - 44. Breakup and Breakdown (Part 1)

Black Star Cross

Chapter 44: Breakup and Breakdown (Part 1)

One more month until graduation. It’s early-May, and it’s one more month until graduation. As long as I don’t utterly bomb my exams, I’ll be free from this wretched hellhole in one month’s time. Have I mentioned that it’s one more month until graduation yet?

All the senior class is psyched for this monumental event. And by “psyched,” I mean “blowing off all homework and barely passing tests because they’re already home free.” Or maybe that’s just me. I probably couldn’t tell with Anthony because he probably blows off all his homework and barely passes his tests to begin with. Him being a dumb jock and all.

“Dude!” he exclaimed loudly, coming up to me at my locker. “I only have one more project to worry about, then exams, then I’m out of here! No more tests, no more papers, no more projects!”

“Until you go to college later on in the year,” I reminded him. He seemed to deflate after that.

“Dude, I don’t know if I’m even going to try that shit.”

“And what exactly are you going to do after high school?”

“I dunno. Look for a job. Something that pays well.”

I gave him an incredulous look.

“I can NOT believe you just said that. You take ‘dumb jock’ to a new level.”

“Shut up, dude,” was his best defense.

“Seriously. You can’t expect to find a high-paying job with only a high school diploma.”

“Yeah you can, dude. You can be, like, a CEO’s assistant or something.”

I facepalmed.

“Maybe with your intelligence you should work somewhere like McDonald’s.”

“Hey! I can do better than that!”

He smacked me upside the head.

“Did you even score within the double digits during that intelligence test that they gave us a few months ago?”

Another smack, followed by a punch in the arm.

“Seriously, dude. I’m gonna pound you into the ground soon if you keep this up,” he threatened.

“And I will be holding your balls in my hand triumphantly when you do,” I countered.

And another attempted smack. I caught this one before it landed though.

“And let’s try NOT to make this an abusive relationship. Or else I will make sure that YOU are on the abused end.”

“Douche,” he said, retrieving his hand.

We walked to class, jabbing each other all the way.

~~~

Keith intercepted me before the next class began.

“Now what do you want?” I said, already irritated. “Do you always have to talk to me without Anthony being here? Is there some reason behind this?”

“Bro, shut the fuck up for once,” he snapped. I was quite surprised. He seemed so serious for once. Not like his usual aloof self. “Has Anthony been acting weird lately?”

I frowned. I tried to recall a time recently where he had been acting out of character. There were none that I could think of.

“No,” I said hesitantly. “Not that I recall. Anthony’s been Anthony, for better or worse.”

“Huh,” Keith said, seemingly more to himself than to me.

“And why would you ask such a question?” I queried.

“It’s nothing. Seriously.”

I, of course, didn’t buy that for a minute. I crooked an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, like I’m totally going to buy that excuse.”

Keith looked downward, deep in thought, ignoring me completely. He almost looked like a paranoid squirrel hyped up on sugar.

“Look, I don’t have time for this shit,” he simply stated with agitation laced in his voice, and ran off to somewhere else. I suddenly felt like I was the victim of a hit-and-run accident. What the fuck was THAT about?

Anthony sat next to me at lunch today. We were talking when Keith decided to make a reappearance. He looked a little flustered.

“Dude, what’s up with you?” Anthony asked. “You look like Coach just had you running twenty laps around the school.”

“Considering that I don’t HAVE Coach Bastard for a teacher nor coach...” he started. “Anyways, Brett seems to be absent today. Wes and Liz haven’t seen him either. He didn’t seem sick yesterday. Man, Brett going MIA is about as likely as you coming down with tonsillitis.”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t just ‘come down with’ tonsillitis,” I made sure to point out. Sheesh, dumb jock.

“Fuck you,” he fired back. Turning his head to Anthony, “The only reason I’m concerned is that he usually shows warning signs, or tells somebody if he’s gonna to skip. Wes says that he hasn’t answered his cell all day.”

“Well, I was absent earlier this year,” said Anthony. “Maybe Brett is actually sick or something.”

“Well I hope so. The girls in this school won’t have anybody to cling onto if he’s missing.”

“There’s always me,” Anthony said, beaming a smile to no one in particular.

I huffed. “Are you seeming to be forgetting something here? You’re gay, and you’re in a relationship with a guy here.”

Anthony looked at me with what looked like a genuinely confused look on his face.

“What? Dude, I’m not gay.”

“Yeah, and I can secretly understand college-level physics,” retorted Keith.

“Dude! Okay, I’ll admit to the relationship part, but I ain’t gay!” defended Anthony.

Keith and I both stared at him in bewilderment. Was this douchebag being serious?

“Ummm...bi then?” Keith ventured a guess.

“Dude, I’m not bi either,” Anthony asserted.

Keith looked totally confused.

“Okay, now I’m totally confused. If you ain’t gay or bi, then what the fuck do you call yourself?” he said.

“Yeah, I’m sorta interested in that, too,” I said sternly.

The bell rang. Damn that bell.

“Dude, this is stupid. I’m heading off to class,” Anthony said, picking up his tray and depositing his food, leaving the cafeteria.

Keith turned to me. “Bro, you gotta start fucking him harder to kill whatever bug crawled up his ass.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said as I left the cafeteria as well.

As I went into the halls, I couldn’t find Anthony anywhere. He had magically disappeared into the crowd. Oh well. I’m sure to run across him after school.

~~~

As expected, he met up with me after the final bell rang. He acted as if our conversation at lunch never happened.

“Hey dude. What’s up?” he said. Before I could get a word out, he continued. “Keith was right, dude. I talked to Wes and Liz today. Both were quite shocked that Brett was absent. You know us populars. We always gotta be healthy and present at school for our popularity to rise.”

Ignoring his absentmindedness, “What the fuck was that all about earlier?! ‘I’m not gay’?”

“Huh?” he asked, looking perplexed.

“At lunch?” I reminded him. “You seemed quite determined to assert your supposed heterosexuality.”

“Dude, what’s there to get? I’m not gay. Simple as that.”

“BULLSHIT!” I yelled. “I don’t know WHAT has gotten into you lately...”

“If we’re going to fight, can we take this outside? Like, in the car maybe?” he interrupted.

“No! Maybe if I yell at you in public, it might cause something in that thick skull of yours to spark.”

Now looking peeved, he instead just started walking to his car. Knowing that he would be my only ride home, I followed.

“Why are you seemingly devolving here?” I asked. “I mean, I thought we were making progress here. But you seem to be just reverting right back to where you were originally.”

By then we were out of the building and in the “safety” of the school’s parking lot. Anthony turned around, this time looking royally pissed off.

“Look!” he hissed. “I don’t appreciate being attacked here, especially out in the open like what you were just doing!”

“Then maybe you could stop doing asinine things that warrant me calling you out on your idiocy!”

“Like what?!” he yelled. “What have I done THIS TIME to make you mad? You know, it really is like living with a whinny, PMSing girlfriend!”

I about punched him right there, but I knew that he was ready for it.

“How about the fact that you’re suddenly ‘not gay’ anymore? Huh? Have you just completely forgotten that I have a penis? One that you’ve sucked?!”

“Would you keep the fuck down?!” he shouted. “Other people don’t need to know our private activities!”

“Well maybe they should! Then at least SOMEBODY can inform you on the obvious, that you’re fucking GAY!”

“Shut the fuck up about that! I told you! I’m not a fucking homo!”

I had had it. I was done playing this bullshit game with him. Fuck him.

“You know what?! Fine! You’re not gay! And since you’re not gay, then there’s no reason for you to be going out with me! You don’t have to drive me home today. I’ll walk.”

I turned to leave, but Anthony seemed to have other ideas.

“What the fuck? No you’re not, dude! I know how far you live away. And all the buses are gone by now. Do you even have any money for bus fare?”

“I said I’ll walk!” I shouted back, still walking away.

“Like hell you will!” he said.

I suddenly felt a hand grip my shoulder, hard. Out of pure instinct, I swung around and smashed my fist into his face. I heard audible gasps around me. We were both seemingly oblivious that we had drawn together a crowd. How much had they heard? I looked back over at Anthony. He was on all fours. Scratch that. One hand was gingerly covering his face. I noticed blood on the ground. Good. Serves him right. Hopefully I broke his nose or something. I continued to walk away. My hand that I struck with stung...with victory.

~~~

It was a long walk home. I deliberately took backroads and hidden routes to make sure Anthony doesn’t find me while driving by. But then again, he’s not gay, is he? Why should he look for me? It’s not as if I were someone special to him. Jackass.

I made sure the coast was clear before crossing the street and into my house, an hour later than normal. Mom seemed to notice.

“Where were you?” she said in a worried voice.

“I decided to walk home today. I hate the bus. It’s full of snotty brats,” I somewhat lied.

“What happened to that friend that always drives you home?” she questioned.

“He got sick. Wasn’t in school today,” I lied.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” she said back. She seemed satisfied with my answers. “You need to tell me next time you think you might be late coming home, Shawn. I was worried about you. That’s why I gave you that cell phone.” Okay, maybe not.

“I know, Mom,” I said back, neglecting to tell her that said cell phone is right now upstairs in the charger. I never bring that thing to school. Nobody ever calls it anyways, save for the occasional ring from Anthony. And it’s not like he’ll be making any calls anytime soon.

Feeling quite irritated with the world, especially Anthony, I made my way upstairs. This was no unusual break from my normal routine. I always spend my time upstairs now. I practically live there now, instead of the actual house itself. I only came down to eat dinner and went back upstairs, claiming that I was doing “homework.” When I jerked off that night, instead of thinking about the last time Anthony and I got it on, I instead forced myself to think about my first crush, Heath Ledger. I knew he would never betray me. He kinda can’t now, even if he wanted to. You know, being dead and all. We made passionate love (okay, it was hardcore fucking) all night long.

~~~

Unfortunately, the following day was a school day, which meant seeing what’s-his-face again. I should’ve played hookie, but Mom was also up around that time, so she would’ve seen me not get on the bus. What surprised me was that Anthony didn’t even show up at my locker before class. Then I thought about it and it made sense. I just hope he doesn’t go into Extreme Bully Mode again, as he is prone to do.

He never showed up to class. Is he seriously this hellbent on avoiding me? I remember what Keith said about Anthony missing school. It was a rare sight indeed. What was REALLY eerie was that I noticed that Anthony’s friends were absent today as well. I usually pass Wes on my way to my next class, and he was nowhere to be found as well. Were ALL of Anthony’s friends skipping school today? And where could that bastard possibly be? He can’t skip forever.

Apparently, ONE of his friends, his supposed “best” friend, wasn’t skipping today. Keith had resumed his paranoid squirrel on crack impression. He looked antsy, and was constantly in conversations with seemingly random people. One thing I noticed was that all his conversations ended with whomever he was speaking to shaking their heads “no” and him moving on. I saw this happen twice between my classes. He HAD to have known that I was there watching him. Why was he blatantly ignoring me? He MUST know something about Anthony and co.’s disappearance. At lunch, having finished eating early due to no one to talk to, I made my way out to the halls, and found him talking to a couple of girls. They shook their heads no and I heard him thank them and moved on. Finally fed up with this, I caught up to him.

“Keith!” I called out to him.

He stopped, looked at me, and said “Not now, bro. I’m busy.”

“Yeah, I can see that. What I’d like to know is ‘why?’ Whatever it is, it probably involves Anthony in some way or another, and in case you didn’t notice, he’s not here today. And you KNOW how rare that it. You said it yourself.”

He looked like he was annoyed to even be talking to me right now.

“Look. This has nothing to do with you, so why don’t you just go back to your little table in the lunch room and contemplate the many various reasons why your hidden lover ain’t here today,” he sneered.

What. The fuck. Did he just say?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think I heard you right,” I said venomously.

“You’re not involved in this. You don’t even LIKE any of Anthony’s friends, including me. You think we just pass judgment on whomever we like, completely discriminatory, when you yourself are guilty of doing the very same thing to us. What kind of boyfriend are you if you don’t even accept your boyfriend’s own friends? So why don’t you just BUTT OUT and leave things to those who care,” he hissed, patience finally having run dry.

The blood boiled in my veins. All I saw was red. WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER THINK HE IS, GODDAMMIT?!? In one swift motion, I fucking grabbed that motherfucker by his FUCKING Abercrombie & Shit shirt with both hands, lifted his dirty fucking ass up off the ground, and SLAMMED HIS FUCKING CARCASS TO THE FUCKING GOD DAMN LOCKERS!!!

The noise resonated throughout the halls, though thankfully, nobody bothered to peek their heads out the doors to see what made the noise. Keith started coughing, trying to catch his breath. I brought my body closer to his, effectively pinning him against the lockers, preventing him from trying to hit me to escape. Looking into his eyes, I could actually see fear. He was afraid of me now. That was good.

“I swear to God,” I whispered angrily into his ear, teeth clenched, “if I had Anthony’s strength, you wouldn’t have a single fucking bone right now that wouldn’t be broken. In fact, I’d still try to break every damn one of them if I thought I had enough time to do it agonizingly slow. So we’re going to try to have this conversation again, only this time you’ll be A LOT more cooperative.”

“Okay, okay, oh God, okay,” he pleaded. “Fuck, I’m just trying to get everything straightened out here, alright?”

Then he did the strangest thing. Tears formed from his eyes.

“There’s just so much going on right now, bro. I can’t handle it all. There’s so much that only I can do. Everybody seems to be swirling out of control and I have to be the one who has to do damage control around here to make sure nobody knows what’s going on.”

“Why are Anthony and his friends all missing?” I demanded, not really caring about HIS problems at the moment.

“Fuck, they’re hopefully all at Brett’s house.”

“Why?”

“Because Brett hasn’t come out of his room in the past couple of days. He’s had a breakdown.”

His fear grew in an instant as his face whitened.

“I think he might be suicidal.”