Black Star Cross - 29. Under Fire

Black Star Cross

Chapter 29: Under Fire

Anthony only spent another hour with me when we got back to my place. I don’t know whether he wanted to stay more or not, but he told me that he needed to get going. His mom might suspect something if he was gone too long. I thanked him for coming over, thanked him for the flowers, it really meant a lot to me, yada yada yada. He said that it was no problem, he was glad to do it, all that obligatory crap. He left and I was on my own again.

While he was here, we spent most of the time in my room. Kim went to her room, which is located right next to mine, which is rather unfortunate; this meant that we couldn’t have loud, mind-blowing sex. Though I highly doubt that Anthony would want any. More like he would kill me if I even suggested it. All we really did was talk. And even the talk was mundane. We talked about everyday things: school, life, ourselves. The only good thing was that Anthony sat very close to me. And I did manage to hold his hand for longer than four seconds. AND I got to kiss him...but only twice. After the second time, I could tell that a third time could result in physical injury...for me.

The hour came and went, and so did Anthony. No, not like that. I remained in my room. Eventually, Mom came home. I remained in my room. I had dinner later on that night. Then I went back upstairs and remained in my room. I did my homework, listened to my music, and eventually decided to go to sleep. No one came to my room; no one knocked. In a way, I’m glad. One more day that I don’t have to deal with shit.

~~~

We did have school the next day. It was cold out, windy too. I made sure to bundle up extra tight so as to ensure that my fingers, hell even my whole arm, didn’t fall off. There was no way that the van would be able to drive in this. At least when I got to school, the heaters had been turned on. I could defrost.

I met up with Anthony by my locker as usual. Keith stopped by to say hello, or actually “yo,” and moved on to somebody else. Anthony and I talked all the way to our first class. We quieted down some when we got to the door, so that it didn’t seem like we were too friendly, but not suspiciously quiet either. Oh what a fun, complicated game Anthony has turned this into (note the sarcasm). We sat down next to each other, the morning announcements were made, the attendance was taken. We stood to say the Pledge of Allegiance. I noticed Anthony start to get up, but then he sat himself right back down again. I pondered on that all the way through the Pledge. After we had sat down, since we were in the back, I leaned over and whispered to him.

“What was that all about?”

“What?” he played dumb. I decided to spoon-feed him the answer, just to speed things up.

“You almost standing up for the Pledge.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot, dude.”

“Bullshit. You wouldn’t forget your undying grudge on America that easily.”

He mumbled something to himself that I couldn’t hear.

“What was that?” I challenged.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me!” I whispered.

“We should be focusing on what the teacher is saying. Aren’t we both behind in notes?”

I wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily, but he did have a point. So I decided to lay off for now, at least until after class ended.

Once it did end, Anthony was quick to pack his things and get out of there. However, I anticipated this and was just as quick. He wasn’t gonna run away from this one.

“So tell me why you almost stood up today,” I said, once we were out in the halls. We had about five minutes before the next class, and we had different classes next, so I needed to wrap this up quickly.

“I said that it was nothing!”

“And I said that there’s no way that it’s nothing!”

Anthony was cornered. He knew that I wouldn’t stop until I got an honest answer out of him. He finally seemed break down and opened his mouth to talk.

“Yo! Guys! Did ya hear!?”

Wait. That wasn’t Anthony’s voice. We both turned around to see Keith come running towards us.

Oh no.

It wasn’t just Keith. Anthony’s entire posse of friends was with him. What was going on here?

“Hey, stop professing your undying love to this preppie, Anthony,” said this one girl who looked like she belonged in a Hot Topic store. How she became part of the “in” group, I will never know. We all knew, from the tone of her voice, she was just kidding, but it was enough for Anthony to create a vast space between us.

“Very funny, Melissa,” he began.

“Hey! You know not to call me that, if you know what’s good for you,” she warned.

“I’m sorry. Liz, what the hell is going on here?”

I felt SO out of place right now.

“Dude, you know that one kid, Peter Lamb?” said one of his other guy friends.

“Really feminine guy? Likes to wear designer clothes, and pink?”

“Yeah. Well, get this, dude. He totally came out last period. Brett was there in the classroom when it happened.”

“Totally,” said, whom I’m guessing was, Brett. “Peter was apparently talking to one of his many female friends, talk about being obvious, and he just...let it out. Somebody overheard the conversation, told other people, those people told other people, and in, like, a minute or two, the whole class knew. I think even the teacher found out. So, yeah. Now everybody’s telling everybody.”

“Did he, like, want everybody to know?” Anthony asked.

“I dunno,” said the guy whom revealed the gay guy’s name. Darren? Darryl? I forget his name. Never paid too much attention to the “in” group. Never have, never will. Wasn’t much of a looker, anyways. “He might’ve. He wasn’t really talking in a hushed voice or anything. But, I mean, c’mon. Look at him. How could he NOT hide his gayness? The guy’s a fag.”

I could tell, without even looking at him, that Anthony flinched ever so slightly, at the mentioning of that word. I know I did.

“Yeah. I mean, dude, look at him. Does he have a single guy friend?” commented Brett. “Noooo. They’re all girls.”

“The guy has more of a fashion sense than I do,” added Liz.

‘YOU have a fashion sense?’

“Maybe he’s one of those transgendered people,” Keith threw out. “You know, one of those guys that wants to be a girl.”

“I thought those were ‘transsexuals’,” said Liz.

“Maybe it’s ‘transvestites’?” came Darren/Darryl.

“Hey Anthony. You’re being quiet. What do you think?” asked Brett.

“Yeah. You’re usually all over this kind of gossipy stuff,” added Darren/Darryl.

WAS I INVISIBLE TO EVERYONE BUT ANTHONY?! Wait, what did they say? I looked at Anthony, who HAD been quiet up until now. I could see the color slowly start to drain from his face. I could see him fighting with himself on the inside. I could see him force himself not to look at me. I could see him pleading with me to not say a word. I could see him begging with Keith to help him out of this situation.

Suddenly, his eyes seemed so sad.

“I guess the guy just likes taking cock up his ass more than us, huh?”

His friends started to agree with him, continuing to making fun of this one guy whom they don’t know, whom happens to be gay. All except for Keith, who remained silent, staring at both of us.

“What do you think, Shawn?” he asked.

Anthony’s friends stopped their verbal assault and looked at me, like they finally realized my existence. Anthony turned to me, not quite sure what to expect, still begging me with his eyes not to say anything about that. Keith continued his glare at me, his usual aloof self gone, his usual happy face gone, instead being replaced by a serious, cut-the-crap version of himself.

What should I say? Should I go along with what they said? Should I speak the truth? Should I mention Anthony and mine’s relationship? I remember, a long time ago, thinking that if anybody, including Anthony and his friends, ever told me to speak my mind, that I would answer honestly, even if it goes against what everybody else was thinking. But now, when that scenario is playing out in real life, I was at a loss for words. My brain shut down. I couldn’t think of the right thing to say. Finally, after what I’m sure was a longer than necessary pause, I gathered my wits and gave them my answer.

“If he’s gay, he’s gay. I don’t see anything wrong with it. I also don’t see how any of it affects me in any way.”

There was a silence for a few seconds.

“You’re a liberal, aren’t you?” asked Liz.

“I don’t affiliate with anyone,” I replied coolly.

All eyes went to Anthony.

“You pick the weirdest people for friends/exploitations,” said Darren/Darryl.

Anthony raised his hands in defense.

“Hey! Dude, I didn’t know his political stance when I met him!”

Oh. Like that would’ve been the deciding factor in our friendship. Gee, I feel loved (more sarcasm).

“Hey bros,” interrupted Keith. “Class is starting soon. And I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t afford to skip classes. See ya!”

Keith left in the other direction. I should get going, too.

“Yeah, I got notes to copy in Algebra,” said Liz. “So I need to book it now. Bye guys. See ya later, Anthony. See ya, Anthony’s boytoy.”

She left as the other guys laughed at my expense.

“Hey!” Anthony and I both yelled, which only encouraged the idea of boytoy status and the guys to continue laughing.

I turned to Anthony.

“I’ve got to get going, too. See ya.”

“Yeah. See ya.”

I left in the direction that Keith went while Anthony went with his remaining friends.

~~~

Throughout the rest of my classes, the rumors about Peter Lamb were talked about extensively. Some were just about him being gay. Others were about things that he, supposedly, had done. One particular favorite of mine was that he had taken every guy on the soccer team in one night; sometimes two at a time. No doubt that little, if any, of these rumors were true, but they were entertaining to me nonetheless. Being a social reject myself, I didn’t start any new ones nor help pass any old ones along.

Then came my English class, right before lunch. I was half paying attention to the teacher drone on about Shakespeare (who else?), half paying attention to the whispered rumors going on amongst non-Shakespearian-interested students, seeing if any new ones would come up. Then my ears caught a quick snippet of a new rumor that ran chills down my spine.

“...Peter and Anthony...”

What?! I instinctively snapped my head at the direction of the rumor, but couldn’t make out who had said it. There was NO WAY that Anthony would have anything to do with that guy! What was that about, anyways? Why is Anthony involved in this? I tried not to seem perturbed and went back to listening to the teacher. Only, a minute before class ended, Anthony’s name was brought up again. I need to talk to Anthony.

I saw him in the lunch line as I made my way towards our usual spot. I say “our,” since he now regularly sits there. As I sat down, waiting for him to come sit with me, I looked around. Not good. Students were talking amongst themselves, and most were looking at Anthony. Looking at Anthony, I didn’t like what I was seeing. He had what looked like a permanent scowl on his face, and was talking (or was it yelling?) to Keith, who seemed to be doing everything in his power to keep Anthony from ripping the lunchlady’s head off. I guess Anthony heard the rumor, too.

Anthony and Keith paid for their lunches and left the line. Keith headed for the jocks’ table. Anthony seemed to hesitate, glanced over at me, and headed straight for the jocks’ table with Keith. What?! I watched him catch up to Keith and start shouting to the other guys. He was completely ignoring me. Even Keith looked slightly confused. What was going on here?! Anthony plopped himself down on a chair and started chatting animatedly with the others. Keith just silently pulled up a chair and sat down as well, though not saying anything. And I remained alone. I couldn’t go over there and talk to him. That would be committing suicide in high school terms. So I had to leave it alone, though not without looking at him occasionally, and plan how to get him to talk to me after lunch.

That, however, was proving to be more of a challenge than I thought. Anthony high-tailed it outta there as soon as the warning bell struck, careful to use his minions to shield himself from me. Keith at least had the decency to look back at me with a confused and sympathetic look on his face before turning back around and leaving with the group. I never found Anthony in the halls, and whatever class we had together, he made sure to sit next to somebody whom he was friends with, and were NOT named Shawn.

There was something else I noticed. Even though he was outright ignoring me, no matter who he was talking to, he was constantly looking angry. It seemed like he was trying to dissuade all his friends about the rumor. And I don’t know if it was going successfully. Maybe that’s why he’s ignoring me. Sigh. Once again, in order to prove his masculinity, Anthony was cutting me off from him so that he doesn’t appear to be gay, or in a relationship with me. Paranoia strikes again. Am I really that gay to him to the point where he thinks that I’m just dripping of contagious disease? If he doesn’t offer to drive me home after school, I will WALK to his house, announcing to everybody who will listen about our relationship along the way. That’ll teach him.

It was five minutes after the last class had ended, and still no word from Anthony. I was just about ready to start exercising my vocal cords when I spied Keith come casually towards me. Only he wasn’t looking directly at me. I really should harness this invisibility power for the forces of evil.

“Anthony’s car in three,” he said, just as he was passing me.

I looked back at him, wondering what he’d just said, but he was already walking towards another jock friend. Anthony’s car in three? Cryptic much? Assuming that he means to be at Anthony’s car, what does the three mean? Minutes? Seconds? Hours? Okay, so seconds is probably out of the question, but I’ll be damned if I stay here for three hours just so that I can ride home with Anthony. I’m going to assume (and hope) that Keith means three minutes and head out to Anthony’s car now.