Black Star Cross - 28. D

Black Star Cross

Chapter 28: Día de los Muertos

Though the weatherman didn’t call it, it snowed the next day. A lot. Like any normal kid, both Kimberly and I were praying for a snow day tomorrow. Waking up at six in the morning was NOT my idea of fun, and I wanted a day to sleep in, dammit! I want to wake up and see that the sun did as well!

I was watching TV with Kim in a rare moment of peace when we heard the telephone ring. We heard Mom answer it. She talked on it for a bit, while we turned our attention back to the TV. A few minutes later, Mom walked into the room.

“Kids, I’m sorry but I have to work tomorrow. I know that I wasn’t scheduled to, and that we had plans, but I can’t get out of this one. So there will be a change of plans. If you two don’t have much homework tomorrow, or if there’s a cancellation, Shawn, I want you to take Kim to the cemetery. I’m sure that you both know what tomorrow is.”

We both nodded. I had planned on going anyways, whether Mom said so or not, or if we even had school or not. We haven’t been able to visit him in the past couple of years due to conflicting work and homework schedules, so it was nice that we were doing it this year. This was the only way I could really remember him in a good way, not like in the past several months, where the memories always bring me to tears. Now all I needed was some flowers. But I had no cash.

I spent the rest of the night in my room. I thought about what to bring to the cemetery with me. I needed to bring something. I couldn’t just go see him without leaving something for him. He’s too important to me for me to do that. Maybe I could ask Mom for money for flowers. But would she give it to me? Especially where we’re at right now in our ongoing argument? I didn’t remember any dreams that night.

I woke up to my alarm radio the next morning. Scratch that- it was still dark out. It was still night as far as I was concerned. I really don’t like getting up that early in the morning. I looked outside the window- all white. The streets were paved at least. I put on pants, lest I be running around the house naked, and went downstairs to turn on the TV. Kim had already beaten me to it, watching the school names pass by on the bottom of the screen. Finally, our school’s name came onto the screen, signaling that our school was indeed closed for the day. Kim shouted for joy and ran back upstairs for another couple of hours’ worth of sleep. Mom came downstairs then.

“I take it that since Kimberly nearly mowed me over, that you two don’t have school today?”

I nodded.

“Remember what I said yesterday.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Take Kim to the cemetery today.”

“Good. I’ll probably be home sometime after four.”

“Okay Mom. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

She walked out the door. I was honestly thinking that we both thought that as long as we didn’t talk about “the issue,” that it would eventually go away, or at least stay away for the time being. Whatever it was, I was glad that I wasn’t having to argue with her every time I see her. Just as I was about to go back to bed, I remembered that I was supposed to ask Mom about money for flowers. Crap! I totally forgot! Now what am I supposed to do? I just headed back to bed, hoping that I could get some more sleep before heading out.

I’d say that it was roughly an hour and a half later when the telephone woke me up. I was seriously considering to just let it ring, but I got up nonetheless. We really needed to get going soon. The cemetery isn’t right around the corner, you know. I picked up the phone and answered it.

“Hey dude. You sound tired. Did I wake ya?”

Despite me still being partially asleep, I smiled when I heard Anthony’s voice.

“Yeah, you did. You son-of-a-bitch. It’s a freakin’ snow day! The day where you sleep in 'til two and have a decent lunch for once.”

“Yeah, yeah. I saw that school was closed and figured on getting some extra shuteye, and figured that you’d be doing the same thing. Woke up half an hour ago, got showered and dressed, and figured that I’d call you. See if you were doing anything today. I got the day off work.”

Awww...he wanted to spend some time with me. How cute. I could rub that in his face, but Kimberly’s room was still within ear range.

“I know that you already have plans for today; it’s your dad’s birthday and all. But remember when I said if I could come over today?”

“Yes Anthony, I do. My mom works today, so the only real plan was to go to the cemetery and visit his gravestone. Just me and Kimberly.” Then, an idea. “You know, you’re more than welcome to join us.”

I could see Anthony’s eyebrows rise up through the phone.

“Really? I mean, I don’t want to be a bother or nothing. If this is a strictly family thing or something, then I don’t to intrude or whatnot.”

I laughed at him stumbling over his own words.

“Dude, it’s okay. It would’ve been just me and my sis today, so it won’t matter much. I could just tell her that a close friend is coming with to pay respects. Do you have anybody buried there? We can go visit them too.”

“Dude, I cannot believe that you just said ‘dude.’ That’s totally my word. And no, I don’t have anybody buried there. We don’t get deaths too often in my family. Besides, most of them live out of state anyways.”

“Well, nonetheless, you’re still welcome to come.”

“Yeah, I just might do that.” He paused for a sec. “I’ll be over soon then?”

“Works for me.”

“Cool. Seeya then!”

“Bye.”

As soon as we hung up, I remembered something. Fuck! I still need flowers! I should’ve asked Anthony if he had any! Why the fuck am I being so forgetful today? Am I starting to go senile already? Oh well. We’ll just stop off at someplace for some before we go to the cemetery.

I went upstairs and woke up Kimberly, saying that she needed to get ready to go soon. I also told her that “a friend” was coming with us.

“Why?”

“He just wanted to hang out. I said that he could tag along with,” I partially lied.

“But we’re going to the cemetery. You’re not supposed to hang out at a cemetery. Does he have anyone there?”

“He said no. But he just found out about Dad, so he knows why we’re going. He knows why it’s important. He wanted to pay respects too,” I lied more.

“Why? Daddy wasn’t his daddy.”

Arrgghh. Why was she being so difficult? Just accept it like a normal girl!

“He just wants to, okay? Maybe having a friend around will be good for us or something. Anyways, he’ll be over soon. And we need to leave a little bit early. So go on and get ready.”

And before she could ask me anymore pesky questions, I left the door and went downstairs to eat breakfast. Damn, why did she have to ask so many questions? It’s just Anthony, for crying out loud. Although, since it’s been forever since I invited a friend over, I could see her getting a little bit suspicious.

Kim came downstairs and fixed herself some breakfast, then when to the front room to watch some cartoons. I cleaned up the kitchen. Soon, I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find Anthony, standing there with what looked to be a smile on his face.

“Hey dude. You all set to go?”

“Yeah. All I have to do is get some shoes on. You might as well come in.”

Anthony strode in and saw Kim watching TV. He followed me up to my room.

“So that’s Kimberly, right?”

“Yeah. She’s okay. Not a nuisance like my mom.”

“How old is she? She looks pretty young.”

“She’s only 13. In the eighth grade. That’s why you’ve never seen her in school.”

“So she’s cool with me tagging along?”

“She asked a few questions, but I said that it was okay, and she didn’t put up too much of a fight.”

“Hey, I don’t want to be a bother if she doesn’t want me to come with.”

“It’s okay, Anthony,” I stressed.

“Alright. I’m just saying...”

Shoes tied, I led him downstairs, introduced him to Kim, and vice-versa, and told her that we were going to leave now. Seeing that she already had her shoes on, she was ready to leave as well. We all piled into the spare car, which was this old, clunky van. Just before I turned the ignition on, Anthony made to get out the door.

“Hold on. I forgot something in my car.”

He left to go to his car, and came back a minute later. In his hands were a few flowers.

“I figured that since we’re going to visit someone in the cemetery, that we might need these.”

I was surprised that he’d think about that, and ashamed that I didn’t get any in the first place, and was left silent for a second or two.

“Thanks, Anthony. We were going to stop by a floral place on the way there, since we forgot to get flowers ourselves, but now we don’t have to.”

He smiled.

“Glad I can help, dude.”

I smiled back, started up the car, and away we went. Anthony and I made small conversation along the way, trying to mask our over-the-top friendliness with each other from Kim. It took awhile to get there; the cemetery was located very far away. When we got there, I think we were all anxious to get out of the car. With Kim knowing where Dad was placed, she walked a little faster than Anthony and me. We both purposely walked a little slower, allowing her to gain distance from us. There was no one else around, so I slowly drew myself closer to Anthony. I noticed that he wasn’t exactly trying to move away as well. I discreetly used my right hand to try to hold onto his left, and I managed to initiate brief contact before he jerked his hand away, as if he had touched fire. Okay, so holding hands was still off-limits then.

“Are you sure that this is okay?” he asked. “Me being here with you two?”

“Anthony, do YOU want to be here?” I asked back. “‘Cause it seems like you really don’t. Why did you ask to come with in the first place, then?”

“Well, it’s not like I DON’T want to be here; it’s just that I feel like I’m intruding on something.”

A quick thought appeared in my mind.

“Well,” I began, looking up at him, smiling. “You can think of it as me introducing you to my dad.”

“Yeah,” he said, seemingly drifting off into his own world. “You didn’t introduce a lot of friends to him back then, did you?”

“A few. But I never introduced, you know, a lover,” I replied back, lowering my voice at the end so that Kim didn’t hear.

I think it was then that Anthony got the meaning of what I said, about introducing him to Dad. I think so, because his eyes got big all of a sudden. That, and he started to blush as well.

“Um, maybe I should, uh, stay back when you two go up to the gravestone,” he offered, nay, pleaded with me.

“Nah. I don’t think it’s necessary. You wanted to come to pay respects to your friend’s father, right? What good would that do if you’re fifty feet away from him? Besides, onlookers might think that you look weird, standing further away than the rest of us.”

He wasn’t getting out of this one. We soon got to the tombstone, but not before me making another attempt at holding Anthony’s hand again. And being rejected again. ’Arrghh! Dammit! I WILL hold your hand, Anthony! One of these days, I will hold your hand! And we will be happy, dammit!’ Kim was already there, waiting for us. We all looked at the stone; some of us haven’t looked at it for awhile, others have never looked at it before.

It was a simple tombstone. Small, square, had a floral design at the top. Had his full name, and the year he was born in and died in. It was unremarkable, didn’t stand out at all, looked completely like the rest of the tombstones around it, yet it was the most important thing in the entire cemetery to me. It stood out to me. I swear, in my eyes, it had a built-in beacon.

There was no place to put the flowers, unlike some of the tombstones, which probably had rich living relatives. So, giving each of us some of Anthony’s flowers, we each took our time in placing our flowers directly on top of Dad’s tombstone, along with a few moments of seclusion with ourselves and Dad.

Kim went first, laying down her flowers, and kneeling before the tombstone, clasping her hands together, like she was praying. I don’t know what was going through her head, but she was probably trying to talk to Dad in Heaven. I heard her say “Amen” and Anthony motioned for me to go next.

I walked up to Dad, bent down, placing my flowers next to Kim’s.

‘So silly, Kim. Praying? But you are still a child. I know that Dad can hear me, even without praying. I know that you can hear me. I’m sorry that we haven’t been here in awhile. You know how it is, with work and school and everything. We just could never find time to come here near your birthday. I’m sorry that Mom isn’t here either. She had a last-minute call and had to go to work. The only reason that Kim and I are here today is because of a snow day.

Can you believe all that has happened in the past several months? Hopefully you are in Heaven, so you already know everything that’s been going on with Mom, Kim, and me. But since I feel like talking for once, let’s pretend that you don’t. I hope you don’t mind.

We haven’t been as close of a family lately as we used to be. We have fought, Mom and me. Big fights, none of which you have ever experienced before. Ones that led to me running away from home and Mom to start drinking. I don’t know if it will ever get better.

As you can see, there’s an extra person with us today. He’s my...well, you probably know. I met Anthony a long time ago, and used to really hate his guts. I still do occasionally. But, I really love him, too. And I’m sure he feels the same way. He just isn’t ready to outright admit it yet. I know that it seems like we shouldn’t be together, but I think that we can make this work. As long as we’re good to each other, and watch our backs, then we have no problems, right?

I love you, Dad. I really wish that you were still with us. Anthony helped me see that you being dead wasn’t entirely my fault. Maybe it was destiny. Maybe you weren’t meant to be with us for long. I don’t know. But maybe now I can stop beating myself up over it. Maybe now I can smile instead of cry when I think of you.

That’s about all I have to say. Strange, for we haven’t been here for years. I guess that’s how it is. Keep watch over Kimberly; keep watch over Mom as well. And keep watch over us, me and Anthony. He might just become part of the family yet. I love you, and I’ll try to see you again next year. Goodbye.’

I silently whispered “Amen,” not really noticing it, and stood up. I noticed that my eyes were starting to get a little wet, and gently rubbed them dry. I walked back to where Anthony and Kim were. He smiled at me; not a big one, but a smile nonetheless. We all stood around for a few seconds. Then, Anthony started making his way towards the tombstone.

‘What is he doing? Why is he doing that?’ He knelt next to the tombstone and placed his flowers next to ours. He stayed silent for a few minutes, not moving at all. I looked at Kim, gauging her reaction to this, and she looked at me, probably doing the same thing. After a bit, he stood up and walked back to us. Nothing was said. We all just stood there, looking at Dad’s tombstone, thinking, remembering. I know what I was thinking about, and I know what Kim was thinking about. But I couldn’t tell what Anthony was thinking about.

After awhile we silently decided to turn around and go back home. Or, at least, to our house. I don’t know what Anthony was gonna do. We walked back silently to the van. I didn’t fail to notice that Anthony was walking closer to me. Once I saw that Kim wasn’t looking, I tried once again to hold his hand. Our hands brushed, then linked, and lasted for a whole four seconds before he probably caught himself and broke apart the link. I was a little disappointed, but I was still making progress.

We started talking again once we were in the van and driving home. Anthony and I started a friendly chat. I talked to Kim a bit. I don’t know how everybody else was doing, but I was feeling mentally and spiritually refreshed, something that I was not used to feeling. I think that it was a trip most needed.