Black Star Cross - 25. In the Know

Black Star Cross

Chapter 25: In the Know

It seemed like I had just fallen asleep when my accursed alarm clock, which I swear was handmade by the Devil himself, started blaring its monotone shrill. I hate that thing! Rather than chucking it out the window like I should’ve, I instead hit the “off” button and got out of bed, feeling oddly totally defeated. I hate that stupid alarm clock.

Once dressed, I made my way downstairs and had breakfast with Emmy and the kids. Then I went to the bus with Stephanie and Erik. Business as usual. Got to school, went to my locker, got my stuff, subconsciously waiting for Anthony. Business as usual. However, once I saw Anthony, I was startled at what I was seeing. He looked radiant! He was practically glowing! I could almost see the glitter surrounding him! Maybe it was just me who could see this. Keith, whom was talking to him at the time, didn’t seem to notice anything unusual. Maybe it’s a boyfriend thing. I blushed at the thought. Still, it was unusual for Anthony to be this chirpy in the morning, or at any time for that matter.

“Hey, Shawn. How’s it hangin’?” Anthony said, once they had approached me.

“Yo. What up?” said Keith.

I swear Keith thinks he’s black or something.

“Nothing much. How are you guys doing?” I replied.

“Dude, I was SO bored this weekend. I couldn’t get out of the house to do ANYTHING!” complained Keith.

“Yeah. Mine was pretty relaxing,” replied Anthony.

I could see the internal smirk in his eyes. I’m sure he could see mine as well.

“Well, I got to get to class. So, I’ll be seeing ya!” came Keith. “Later!”

“Bye,” Anthony and I both said.

As soon as Keith was safely off in the distance, Anthony let that smirk creep out onto his face. Like a chain-reaction, so did mine.

“I missed you,” he said, barely under his breath. Then, without any warning, he turned around and started walking towards class. He must be very cautious about being around me in public. I don’t really blame him.

“I missed you, too,” I said back, making sure to keep it loud enough for only him to hear.

“I had a GREAT night’s sleep last night,” he said.

He practically beamed with that statement. I’m sure that he’s glad to be getting sleep again. That may be also why he seemed so bright today.

“It’s probably why you seem to be like walking on air today. I mean, you’re practically sparkling.”

“Hmm? I’m just in a good mood today. That’s all.”

“A good mood?! That’s about as rare as you skipping class!” We both smiled.

“Hey! I’m not that moody and depressed. I’m no emo.”

“You’re totally emo! You’re emo without the black.”

Anthony must’ve found that hilarious, because he just started laughing uncontrollably. I don’t think he could’ve helped himself. Other students looked at us to see what was going on. To see Anthony cracking up and not me lying flat on my ass, papers flying everywhere, must’ve shocked and confused them. Well, good! It’s about time those fuckers see some genuine friendships! Not like what they all probably have; some form of friendship that’s only good at face value. Unfortunately, we had to concentrate on our schoolwork for most of the day, preventing us from talking to each other.

Usually, Anthony sits with his buddies during lunch. I sit all by my little lonesome in some corner of the lunchroom. It’s been like that forever. Neither of us really mind, I think. I don’t mind Anthony sitting with his friends. I’m not THAT greedy. I tend to think I’m not that jealous either. I’m not quite sure what Anthony thinks about all this, but I’m pretty sure that he feels somewhat the same way. Our lives don’t revolve around each other.

So I was surprised to see him walking towards my little table today with his lunch. I’m pretty sure he could see the surprised look on my face.

“Hey. What are you doing here?” I questioned.

“I wanted to eat lunch with you. Is that okay?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess. But, don’t you usually sit with your friends?”

“Yeah...so?”

“Won’t they be suspicious as to why you’re over here? Won’t everybody be suspicious?”

“Keith’s doing damage control. I told him that I wanted to eat lunch with you today, and that I haven’t been able to talk to you in awhile, so I asked him to tell the others that I’m talking to you about helping me with the next math test.”

“Well, it seems somebody thought this out thoroughly.”

“Actually, it was Keith who suggested the whole ‘math test’ thing.”

And that got my wheels turning again. Why would Keith be concerned about Anthony’s image as well?

“Anthony, I’m really starting to think that Keith knows about us.”

“Dude, there’s NO WAY he’d know. I mean, come on! He’s a wannabe jock too! All brawn and no brains.”

“I’m serious. I think the only reason why he came up with that whole ‘math test’ thing was because he knew how much you wanted to have lunch with me.”

Anthony seemed to take longer to process this. I was starting to think that he was AFRAID that I might be right.

“Nah, dude. I think that you’re thinking way too much into this. It’s just one guy helping out another. That’s all.”

“Alright then. If that’s what you say,” I said, giving up for now.

We ate our lunches and talked with each other for the rest of the period. Anthony kept looking back at his table periodically, probably checking to make sure that everything was running smoothly. I offered several times for him to just go back to his table. We would still end up talking to each other later on anyways. But he insisted on staying with me the entire time.

“So, I was wondering,” said Anthony, towards the end of the period, “when we might be able to get together again.”

He refused to look at me the entire time he said that. He also started noticeably blushing. I was taken aback by his bluntness. I figured that I would have to initiate the next get together, or all of them really.

“I mean, we don’t have to do it today or anything,” he stuttered.

Did he really miss me that much? Has he ever been in a relationship before? Or been in love? Does he not know how to communicate his feelings to me? Why am I asking questions like that to myself?

“I’ll talk to Emmy and see what we can do,” I replied back.

A warm smile spread across his face. I smiled back, pleased that I had made him smile. Wow, am I really THAT deeply into him?

We talked for the rest of the period, making small talk. When the bell finally rang, we went our separate ways to our next class. At the end of the day, Anthony offered me a ride home, which I, of course, took. We talked again all the way home. I’ve never seen him smile so much! There’s been a major improvement in his attitude in the past couple of days. So I wasn’t all that surprised when he asked to stay for an hour once we got back to my place. Again, I obviously invited him in. We both sat on the couch, not really doing anything in particular. Emmy was shopping, and the kids don’t come home for another hour.

“So, what do you wanna do?” he asked.

“I dunno. What do you want to do?”

“Dunno.”

We looked at each other, smiled, leaned towards each other, and started kissing. That went on for a couple minutes. Nothing special, just kissing. Is the spark already running out? Eventually, we graduated to my bedroom and lay down on my bed. Not long after that, we resorted to just snuggling next to each other. We started having an actual conversation after that.

“I’m really going to miss this room,” he said.

“What do you mean?” I asked, perplexed by his statement.

“When you go back. I’m going to miss coming over here and going up to this room to see you.”

Oh. That. I had temporarily forgotten that I would be going home, my “real” home, soon. It’s not like I wanted to remember in the first place.

“You can’t fight it. You know that you have to go back. It’s your home. Your real home.”

“I know, I know. I’m just not looking forward to it, that’s all.”

We continued to cuddle in silence for a little while longer, until he had to leave before Emmy came home. I led him downstairs and to the door. He put his coat on, his shoes as well, and gave me a goodbye kiss before heading out the door. I watched him go to his car, get in it, start it up, and pull out the driveway, waving to him as he was waving to me. Once he was gone, I went back inside. No more than five minutes later, Emmy came back home, and I helped her with her bags.

~~~

“Shawn? Could you come down here for a second?” Emmy called.

It was now past dinner time, and I was up in my room doing homework when she called for me.

“Ok!” I called back.

I made my way downstairs to see Stephanie and Erik going upstairs to their rooms.

‘Odd,’ I thought. ‘Their bedtime isn’t for another hour.’

Then I briefly saw them go into Emmy’s room. Now THERE wasn’t something suspicious!

“Come. Sit down next to me,” Emmy said, once I reached the room.

“What is it?” I hesitantly asked.

“I’m sure that Anthony’s already told you the situation about your mother,” she started.

I tensed up when she mentioned her.

“Your mother is making great improvements in the last couple of weeks. The judge says that soon you’ll be able to go back to living under the same roof again.”

“Yeah, Anthony’s already told me about that.”

“And Anthony has already told me that whatever personal problems you were having are now pretty much resolved.”

“Well...yeah.”

I can’t believe he sold me out like that!

“Well, we’ve already confirmed a date for when you’ll be going back.”

I froze all over again. They already decided that this was really happening?! And without my consent, or opinion for that matter?!

“H...how soon?” I asked. I didn’t dare try to make eye contact with her.

“This Saturday. That gives you a full day to be with one another again, and get used to things without impeding upon your schoolwork.”

This Saturday. This Saturday is when my happiness ends. I have one week. No, less than that. Did Anthony know about this? Was he keeping this information behind my back the entire time? What else does he know that he’s not telling me?

“Okay,” I said plainly, without emotion. I was hoping to mask my feelings from Emmy. Whether she bought it or not, I don’t know.

“Do you have any questions you want to ask me?” she said. She seemed very professional about this.

“No.”

“Okay then. You may leave now.”

I left as quickly as I could without making it look as such. I knew that we both knew that I wasn’t happy about this. That we both wanted to say something more, but didn’t. I ran to my room and shut the door, went to my bed, and didn’t bother with finishing up my homework. Screw that, I was fucking going back to my mom’s in a week! At around eleven, I had cooled down somewhat and decided to finish my homework. But I still wasn’t happy about the whole thing.

~~~

The next day was pretty much the same thing. I woke up, went to school, talked to Anthony, rode home with him (though I couldn’t make out with him like I could the day before), did my homework, ate dinner, chilled, showered, and went to bed. And the day after that, and the day after that. Finally, on Friday, I was bursting to tell Anthony if he knew that I was leaving for my mom’s the next day. So I cornered him in the halls before one of our classes began.

“Look, Anthony, tell me the truth. Did you know that I’m leaving for my mom’s tomorrow?” I asked point-blank.

He actually had a surprised look on his face. Of course, I was able to read it instantly.

“You’re leaving tomorrow?”

“Yeaaaah. Didn’t you already know?”

“No. They didn’t tell me. They just said that you were going home soon. They didn’t tell me that it’d be tomorrow.”

And the bastard had the gall to look sad about it.

“How are you handling it?” he asked.

“I have no choice in the matter. It doesn’t matter how I’m handling it.”

He turned away from me. He mumbled something to himself, something I couldn’t hear.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” he said, with the most fake smile I’ve ever seen on his face.

“Don’t do that. You know that I know that you said something important.”

Just then, the wretched bell rang.

“Well, we better get inside now or else we’ll be tardy,” he said, and slipped into the classroom before I had a chance to retaliate. Damn that Anthony.

During class, I don’t think either of us paid much attention. I was too busy dreading about tomorrow, and whenever I snuck glances at Anthony, he seemed to be lost in his own world as well. And I’m pretty sure I felt his gaze upon me a couple times as well.

“Do you need any help moving anything?” he asked, once class was over.

“Huh?” I replied. All I had was my books and folders. Nothing too terribly difficult to carry.

“To your house tomorrow? Anything heavy that needs lifting?” he pressed.

“Oh. That. I don’t think so. It’s just mostly suitcases and a couple other things. Not like I’m moving the bed into the car.”

The look on his face...he was crestfallen. Was he hoping that there would be heavy lifting involved tomorrow? I don’t know. But he looked so disappointed.

“Okay, dude. I’ll see you after school then.”

He feebly waved at me and headed off to his next class. His whole demeanor changed so suddenly. Was it something I said? Was it something I did? Did it have something to do with this whole “moving” thing? Sometimes he really confuses me.

We drove home after school like always, and I tried to get him to cheer up, but he didn’t seem too attentive to anything I was saying. He was giving responses to what I was saying, but it felt like an away message you’d get online. Automatic response as soon as a message was sent out. He dropped me off, saying that he’d see me on Monday, and drove off, leaving me standing there in the driveway. What the fuck did I do?!

I made my way inside, only to see Emmy taking the suitcases from the closet to my room. That certainly did not make me feel any better. I was so frustrated with all that was happening, that I just made my way to my room and laid down on the bed, right next to the suitcases. Screw homework. I wasn’t planning on doing ANY of that this weekend.