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    Mikiesboy
  • Mikiesboy
  • Author
  • 01/01/2016
  • 220 Words
  • 1,555 Views
  • 25 Comments
The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Timmy's Journal - 23. Poetry Prompt 6 - Elegy

Okay, this is an Elegy, for Poetry Prompt 6. There are four stanzas, the rhyme pattern is a-b-b-a, and there are 8 syllables per line.

This is likely the 17th reworking of this poem. There needs to be flow within the stanza, it cannot simply be separate lines, they need to relate to each other. It is not an easy form and I'd write and leave it and look at it again and change it. I tried to make it and the rhymes feel natural.

This Prompt was about 'Rememberance'. I hope this poems works.

 

A Life Together

 

Those vows we said so long ago;

when our one song was still unsung.

Our bond is strong, never undone;

we - was all I wanted, you know.

 

I watch as you sleep – so peaceful,

still young, while in gentle repose.

With each breath you take, my love grows;

my heart full, loving and wistful.

 

We vowed to tell only the truth,

and knew lies would cost over time.

Our life was a mountain to climb,

more so as we left behind youth.

 

Memories we share with our friends,

as we celebrate our union.

We've left no feelings unspoken;

a love we share until time ends.

Thanks to AC for his ongoing support of my poetry attempts!
And to all of you brave souls who choose to read them!
Copyright © 2017 Mikiesboy; All Rights Reserved.
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The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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Mikiesboy
On 01/01/2016 10:42 PM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

 

Love the sentiments of this poem...they ring true and are important to maintain the solidness of two being one.

 

As always, nicely done. :hug:

Thank you Reader. No one's life is perfect, but some people seem to truly want it enough to make it so! Guess that's what love is, thinking of the other person more than yourself. Thank you for reading...tim

Mikiesboy
On 01/01/2016 11:04 PM, dughlas said:

I am so happy you have Michael and that he has you.

 

Your poetry is sweet, beautiful, evocative ... I can close my eyes and see an enjoined pair so full of love, resting at peace, simply content in one another ...

Hi dugh. I hope Michael and I will be this couple one day. We are content I think. Things only get boring if you let them and we still have fun together. Thank you for reading and for your comments, I appreciate them.

 

tim

Mikiesboy
On 01/02/2016 12:42 AM, Parker Owens said:

I am weeping with deep happiness for you as I write this. The beauty of your words, and the depth of their meaning swept over me. What a wonderful way to read into the new year. Thank you, thank you.

Aw, thank you Parker. I'm glad this poem worked for you. I wanted it to be meaningful, a life remembered. Appreciate your comments and support!

 

tim

Mikiesboy
On 01/02/2016 01:03 AM, LitLover said:

Finding a love like you have with Michael (I assume this is about Michael and not just a random poem lol) can be powerful and strengthening. A lovely way to start the New Year.

Well, LL, if I'm honest it's not really all Mike and me. It's a remembrance of a shared life. My vision was a 20th anniversary sort of thing. I'm sure my feelings for Michael are mixed up in here and helped me write it.

 

Thank you for reading and for your comments and support.

 

tim

Mikiesboy
On 01/02/2016 04:48 AM, Defiance19 said:

Such a beautiful ode, to a love that stood the test of time. I feel your words Tim, so very meaningful..

Great job, sir. Thank you for sharing it...

Thank you Def. I worked sooo hard on this. I've been at it for a while .. and I finally sent to AC yesterday and he made suggestions so I went back to work...for hours and multiple changes right up to 30 seconds before I posted it. It's very hard this form, to make it work. Thanks for letting me know it did. I'm just waiting to see what AC thinks...

 

tim

Mikiesboy
On 01/02/2016 08:29 AM, Headstall said:

You stayed within the confines of a challenging form, and still created something beautiful. I loved the whole thing, but your second line is truly exquisite. I see and feel the testament to, and the understanding of what love really is... what it entails. Each line gives credence to the next as you tell a story... well done, tim... cheers... Gary....

Oh Gary, thank you. Like I said before I worked so hard on this one and was sooo worried it wouldn't work as I wanted it to. I think it has. I don't know if I'd ever write another, but I enjoying learning the different forms. The challenges are definitely worth it.

 

Thanks as always for your support Gary. I means a lot.

 

tim xo

AC Benus

I think this poem makes lovely use of the Elegy stanza; it's very personal and vivid too. Tennyson used the confines of the 8-syllable line to paint very vibrant images, and you've done the same here, imo.

 

Your rhymes seem natural and smooth to me. Part of the challenge of this form is making the b-b rhyme seem natural and too funny-sounding. Usually in English, couplets are good for light verse and amusing moments, but in the Elegy they have to carry a serious note. It's hard to do, and you've done it very well.

 

Thanks for posting this, and for working your way through all the poetry prompt challenges!

Mikiesboy
On 01/03/2016 11:27 AM, AC Benus said:

I think this poem makes lovely use of the Elegy stanza; it's very personal and vivid too. Tennyson used the confines of the 8-syllable line to paint very vibrant images, and you've done the same here, imo.

 

Your rhymes seem natural and smooth to me. Part of the challenge of this form is making the b-b rhyme seem natural and too funny-sounding. Usually in English, couplets are good for light verse and amusing moments, but in the Elegy they have to carry a serious note. It's hard to do, and you've done it very well.

 

Thanks for posting this, and for working your way through all the poetry prompt challenges!

Thank you AC. I read this Prompt and thought, wow this is going to be hard and it was. I wrote and re-wrote this piece right up to 30 seconds before I posted it. And again, I appreciate your input and suggestions and especially your encouragement. Thanks again, AC.

 

tim

Doctor Oger

You managed to put the theme into a round, full, continuous unity really elegantly. I think it's already been said, but you also managed a pretty natural flow in your words, which I know is difficult to achieve when you have to stick to a specific number of syllables.
I'm really most impressed at how you managed to write this with the 'Remember' theme throughout, without a wee bit of 'loss' or 'death' or any other hint of 'it's over' anywhere. It's through and through positive and optimistic, with absolutely no resentment towards anything at all. But still there are beginning and ending markers that round the poem off. (The vows long ago and the love until time ends.)
Very nice.

Mikiesboy
On 01/11/2016 04:12 AM, Doctor Oger said:

You managed to put the theme into a round, full, continuous unity really elegantly. I think it's already been said, but you also managed a pretty natural flow in your words, which I know is difficult to achieve when you have to stick to a specific number of syllables.

I'm really most impressed at how you managed to write this with the 'Remember' theme throughout, without a wee bit of 'loss' or 'death' or any other hint of 'it's over' anywhere. It's through and through positive and optimistic, with absolutely no resentment towards anything at all. But still there are beginning and ending markers that round the poem off. (The vows long ago and the love until time ends.)

Very nice.

Sorry I'm late Doctor! Thank you very much for your insightful comments. This one I did spend a lot of time on trying to get it right. I'm glad it worked. Thank you again.

 

tim

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