Timmy's Journal - 37. Poems For Evan and Hugh

These had me running through a gamut of emotions.. from loneliness, to hope, sadness and back to hope and strength again. Wonderful as usual, tim

Wow. I don't think I could pick a favorite. It's good that I don't need to. I do love the two with rhyming couplets, tim. They work so incredibly well, but so do the first and last. You evoke some incredible images with all four of these, and with the images come emotions. If you are including these in a story, they will make it sing... cheers, my friend... Gary...

I totally agree with Lit, as these poems resembles as a set of emotional flow. And as Gary, me too not gonna say of one as my favorite, cause they all are very good in the way you had written and the way how they make a reader feel.

As I am fond of seashores, the second poem caught my attention anyway. But all the poems are simply presented because of the dainty they hold. I loved each and every poem. A great story.

~Emi.

There is a certain sweet innocence to these poems despite the other emotions evoked. I want to encourage you to write the story. I want to meet the person who pens these words. Yeah, I know it's really you but you meant them as someone else's, another's voice. I want to know that person for you see these words created in me a vague visualization of the poet. I know how I see him but I want to see who he is for you.
Thank you for the encouragement.
And yeah we owe AC thanks for creating a place for us to grow and share as poets and people.

Holy moly! With the first one, I have to say it's nearly impossible for to remember you ever felt uncomfortable with metre. This one sings flawlessly! It's rock solid; well done.

The image in the second one of a poet's words leaving footprints in the sand, just as his physical being does, is an awesome metaphor. I love it.

In the next one, 'does it bleed from high above' is a perfect invocation of organized spiritual belief, and simply following what we've been told. The realization that 'it' is close to hand is beautiful.

The last one is powerful; lots of pyre images. Perhaps also the ritual of a dutiful loved one supposed to toss themselves on the crematorial cinders as well.

Lovely job. I like how you begin a story about a poet with his poetry. I like the way you think.

The four of these trace a tragic arc, yearning, fulfillment, dashed hopes. I feel particularly drawn to numbers two and three; the whisper that it's only love is a magnificent end to three. But I also respond to number two...a love sweet and fair to run strong fingers through my hair...utterly sensuous and evocative. The set of four is a wonderful grouping, and melancholy, too. Bravo, bravissimo, Tim!

Ah tim, you certainly found "some words"

And now, let's not waste them son (as my father would say)
Don't let Evan's story "be ash"

I really hope the story will take off. Actually I think you must tell it now. The four poems individually wrap you with emotion and are very clear but together they speak volumes. Really great tim.

On 06/05/2016 03:29 AM, LitLover said:

These had me running through a gamut of emotions.. from loneliness, to hope, sadness and back to hope and strength again. Wonderful as usual, tim

Thank you Lit! I appreciate you reading them and I'm glad they all had you experiencing different emotions.

Thanks again! xo

On 06/05/2016 03:50 AM, Headstall said:

Wow. I don't think I could pick a favorite. It's good that I don't need to. I do love the two with rhyming couplets, tim. They work so incredibly well, but so do the first and last. You evoke some incredible images with all four of these, and with the images come emotions. If you are including these in a story, they will make it sing... cheers, my friend... Gary...

Thank you Gary for the great comments. I'm glad the poems worked.. I'll have to see where we go from here. Evan is still a mystery to me, I need to do more to flesh him out. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it!

tim xox

On 06/05/2016 04:24 AM, Emi GS said:

I totally agree with Lit, as these poems resembles as a set of emotional flow. And as Gary, me too not gonna say of one as my favorite, cause they all are very good in the way you had written and the way how they make a reader feel.

 

As I am fond of seashores, the second poem caught my attention anyway. But all the poems are simply presented because of the dainty they hold. I loved each and every poem. A great story.

 

~Emi.

Thank you very much Emi! I appreciate your comment and insights. Thank very much for reading my poems,I appreciate it!

On 06/05/2016 04:33 AM, dughlas said:

There is a certain sweet innocence to these poems despite the other emotions evoked. I want to encourage you to write the story. I want to meet the person who pens these words. Yeah, I know it's really you but you meant them as someone else's, another's voice. I want to know that person for you see these words created in me a vague visualization of the poet. I know how I see him but I want to see who he is for you.

Thank you for the encouragement.

And yeah we owe AC thanks for creating a place for us to grow and share as poets and people.

Thanks very much dugh. Evan is still a mystery to me and I'm trying to figure out his story. I'll do my best to write it. Thanks for your wonderful comment and for reading these poems.

tim

On 06/05/2016 06:10 AM, Valkyrie said:

I enjoyed these. My sense of the poet is an old soul. Will your story be set in modern times? These poems evoke the sense of the past to me...like 18th or 19th century. I look forward to reading the story of the poet. Definitely intriguing.

Hi Val, thanks for reading these. I think the story if I write it will be in modern times. Not sure I'm up for the research needed for another century.

Thanks again!!

tim

On 06/05/2016 07:53 AM, Kitt said:

Kitt, thank you. A picture is worth a thousand words.. not sure i think it's that much but you know what i mean. Thanks for reading!

On 06/05/2016 11:11 AM, AC Benus said:

Holy moly! With the first one, I have to say it's nearly impossible for to remember you ever felt uncomfortable with metre. This one sings flawlessly! It's rock solid; well done.

 

The image in the second one of a poet's words leaving footprints in the sand, just as his physical being does, is an awesome metaphor. I love it.

 

In the next one, 'does it bleed from high above' is a perfect invocation of organized spiritual belief, and simply following what we've been told. The realization that 'it' is close to hand is beautiful.

 

The last one is powerful; lots of pyre images. Perhaps also the ritual of a dutiful loved one supposed to toss themselves on the crematorial cinders as well.

 

Lovely job. I like how you begin a story about a poet with his poetry. I like the way you think.

Thanks AC, you're poetry prompt work.. thanks for your very kind and insightful comments. And all of your support and help. I'm glad these worked. Still having issues with feeling this story its very much not ready.. gonna try a few of your tricks to see if i can get the fire started!

tim xo

On 06/05/2016 01:38 PM, Parker Owens said:

The four of these trace a tragic arc, yearning, fulfillment, dashed hopes. I feel particularly drawn to numbers two and three; the whisper that it's only love is a magnificent end to three. But I also respond to number two...a love sweet and fair to run strong fingers through my hair...utterly sensuous and evocative. The set of four is a wonderful grouping, and melancholy, too. Bravo, bravissimo, Tim!

Parker, thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed these. I'm looking for my poet.. he's in there somewhere. Thanks again for all of your support!

xoxo tim

On 06/05/2016 02:05 PM, skinnydragon said:

Ah tim, you certainly found "some words"

 

And now, let's not waste them son (as my father would say)

Don't let Evan's story "be ash"

I'll do my best skinny. I hope these aren't all for naught. We'll see. You're dad sounds like a wise man!!

tim xo

On 06/06/2016 10:19 AM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

While I always appreciate your poetry - and this time is no different - what I see most tonight is your dedication.

To Dugh who has officially joined the ranks, to AC who leads the way and to all your compatriots in between. Nice words for them all.

As always, nicely done.

Aw thanks Reader. I mean every word. And that goes for you and everyone who always reads what I write. It means so much to me, I take none of you for granted. Thanks again.

tim xoxo

On 06/06/2016 12:02 PM, Defiance19 said:

I really hope the story will take off. Actually I think you must tell it now. The four poems individually wrap you with emotion and are very clear but together they speak volumes. Really great tim.

No pressure, eh Def? I want to write it, but it's just not there yet. I've started writing but Evan isn't real enough yet. We'll see.. Thanks for reading these!!

tim xo

I am in two minds about these poems. In one breath I see them as a complete set and yet in the other I imagine them at the beginning of a chapter. How about you write the full story so I can decide

On 06/11/2016 12:59 AM, Bucket1 said:

I am in two minds about these poems. In one breath I see them as a complete set and yet in the other I imagine them at the beginning of a chapter. How about you write the full story so I can decide

I need to see him.. I'm working on it B, if fact it's sort of taken over. I need to write his poems and I've written some more but I'm not posting them until the story is done .. i've started an outline and written a couple of thousand words.